My disinterest in food is over.

WAY over. I'm STARVING. I have a meeting to go to, and my stomach is going to rumble the whole time, I know it. Lunch time is lonely. I miss my friends. I did meet a new friend yesterday (at work), but I don't know if we are at the "go out to lunch" stage yet. Sigh. Maybe I'll blog during lunch. About stupid stuff. Because my life is stupid. And boring.

Dream of a better future.

I hate phone arguing, don't you? Anyway, I'm trying to relax and dream of a better future, even if it's a pipe dream. I'm listening to my sexy new "Jazz from the Wine Bar" CD and having a nice glass of wine. I tried to get Lou-dog to dance with me, but he's a terrible lead. Maggie is just laying on her pillow looking at us like we're nuts. Which we are. Hope you are all having a nice evening.

Why We Suck

A couple of things here. It took me 8 hours to nurse an eggnog latte. I KNOW! Maybe aliens abducted me and did something to me when I wasn't paying attention?

Then there's Denis Leary's new book, "Why We Suck", a title he stole from me. I love Denis Leary. I am meandering about in Costco, my favorite place to shop and hang out.

Why do we suck? Because we are fallen creatures who wander around confused and lost. I think I need to get a Costco hot dog now.

Calmer?

OK I'm a little calmer this morning except for parking issues. Sorry, I just need to vent once in a while because my patience is not what it used to be, especially on certain issues. When stupid things keep rearing their ugly heads and prevent progress on other things it frustrates me to no end. But enough of that. A new day, an eggnog latte.

I hope I'm doing good at my new job. It's hard to know sometimes. But whatever. I'm not sure anything matters right now anyway.

Anywhere but here.

Crap on a cracker. I just got into a huge firefight with someone over something I am sick of trying to resolve. I just want it to be done already. Never to be dealt with again. I am so tired of it. I'm sorry I can't get into details because it is a private matter that concerns other people, but I've had it. I'm fed up and tired. I really need my old company to sell so I'll have enough money (stocks) to get the hell out of here. I don't even CARE where it is I go anymore. Anywhere but here. I'm so damn angry right now I can barely type. Please don't ask me about it, I don't want to talk about it. I just wanted to vent the only way I have to vent.

For me, words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.

Well, what would a morning post be without my big mug on it? That is my lovely office view, and also how very thrilled I am today. I'm trying to think of something to look forward to. ANYTHING. I've lost my appetite and all interest in food completely the last couple of days. Something is VERY, VERY wrong. SCARY wrong.

I'm a bit distracted because my mind is wandering onto things better left to myself, but sometimes thinking of certain things can put a smile on my face, and other times thinking of the very same thing can bring me to tears. Isn't that strange?

I'll leave you with these.

"The best way to live is by not knowing what will happen to you at the end of the day.". -Donald Barthelme

"For me, words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.". -Ingrid Bengis

Blackberry Storm

NEED. NOW. The new Blackberry Storm.

Parking Ticket

I'm restless, and torqued.

I got a mother-effing parking ticket. My wheel was like ONE inch into the yellow. Piss poor. I've got money falling out of my butt, too, so this was perfect.

I can't think of anything to eat, so screw it, I won't eat at all.

I used to love the holidays, now I'm just sad.

Aren't you glad you read my blog tonight? I'm sure I made you feel all warm inside.

Ulcer

Traffic gives me an ulcer.

My new hours.

It is entirely too early to be driving to work. My new hours are going to take some getting used to. It's the kind of early where I have to wonder if I'm wearing underwear & matching socks. Where's the coffee?

Almost bliss.

Big Bang Theory, Peppermint Crunch Junior Mints, and the realest (yes, realest) smelling Christmas candle ever made. Almost bliss, except for the fact that Louie is rubbing his butt on the floor. STOP. IT.

I have a window!

All in all, it was a pretty nice day. They are very casual and laid back here, and I even had a good laugh. I am very excited that I not only have a window (I've never had a window), but I can OPEN the window! How fun is that? It's the little things. A big breeze came in today, though, and blew everything off my desk. LOL.  I'll have to watch that.

The work is going to be a cakewalk, I just have to figure out what the people want. That's always harder than the paperwork details. I'm used to much more complicated systems, so I have to tone it down a bit and keep it simple. Anyway, I'm pooped and it's time to plant my ass on the couch and feed my pie hole. Did I mention that I have a WINDOW? LOL.

The New Contract Job

So far so good. Here is my new home, and me taking office pictures ALREADY. Lots of reading today and learning new systems. Exciting stuff. Do you see the window? I'm not in a windowless cubical anymore! I can see the outside! I am so excited! Everyone has been very welcoming and accommodating. I think I will fit in here just fine.

Here I go!

Let's hope I'm not late for my first day, I have a long commute. In the dark. Send me smart vibes. (So, I don't do anything stupid.) I am nervous and jittery; it's been a long time since I've had to do this. I'm so grateful I was able to score a job right away, but I hope I made the right decision, you know?

Alone

I'm feeling alone and anxious right now. What are y'all doing on this fine Sunday night? Talk to me.

Paintings and Guns

I bought a painting print from a friend online, and had it matted and framed. I think it turned out really nice.

Also, just making sure I'm protected and ready for home defense. A girl can't be too careful these days with all the crazies out there and what's going on in the world. Not to mention how far out I live. One must have a clean and well-maintained weapon. FYI, I'm probably not the house you want to break into, or the girl you want to mug. You see, my definition of "gun control" is using both hands. I'm a pretty good shot, too.

I start my new job tomorrow.

Here are all the thoughts/emotions I am having about it:

1. I'm nervous.
2. I don't wanna. I've decided working is BS.
3. I have to prove myself all over again and quite frankly I'm tired.
4. I hope all the people are cool, I am less patient in my old age.
5. I wonder if I'm up for any more challenges.
6. I'm feeling shy and introverted right now.
7. I'm still wondering about my future and how long it will be before things change even more. I feel it coming, I'm still in sort of a limbo stage.
8. I miss some of my old co-worker friends and fear I won't have as much daily freedom.
9. I know it will be lonely for a while until I make new friends, which is hard when you are feeling tired and introverted.
10. Shit, I have to go back to work.

I should be feeling excited and blessed and that there are all these new opportunities, but it's not happening at the moment. Maybe it will change. My mom's friend Cathy perfectly defined when a woman says she's FINE:

Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional

So, I guess I'm fine. ;-)

Good Signs

Going Out

Guess who's going out for dinner? *Wink*

The newest saga with the dog bed.

So last night as I was preparing for bed, Louie got in his little bed and PISSED IN IT. Then he went under my vanity table and curled up and went to sleep. He wouldn't go back in his bed of course because it was wet with piss. He was marking it obviously, so Maggie wouldn't get in it, but will he ever use it again? Because I can't take it back now! Damn dog. Does this happen to anyone else, or just me? I am so not the dog whisperer. I'm more like the dog screamer.