I'll leave a candle burning for you.

There has been much loss in my life. Not just the death of family members, but other things in my life that I cannot discuss here. There has also been a loss of myself, in some ways. I'm leaving a candle burning for hope. I'm leaving a light on in the darkness to show the way; my own little light that hasn't quite completely burned out yet. I'll leave a candle burning for you, too.

A Surf & Turf Feast!

I'm feeling better now and ready for a feast! Here's my scampi and steak. I make the scampi with lemon, crushed garlic, butter, pepper and parmesan. Easy!

I did a little cleaning and FINALLY unpacked my suitcase. LOL. I've been a little unmotivated. Just a tad. I never used to be this way, I used to be on the ball about everything. Guess I just have a bad attitude anymore. Oh well.

Migraine Hell

It has been an especially lovely morning. I woke up with a migraine from HELL. I don't get them often, but when I do, they make me sick to my stomach and I can't see. I am just now getting over it and finally have an appetite. I didn't get home until 9:30 pm last night, so cooking my nice meal was just not happening that late. I'll be having steak and scampi tonight! Yay! I love me some good food. My mom is coming over, so I know she will like that.

I'm still in the doghouse for those of you who have been asking. I'll write more later, gotta straighten up the house for company.

My life told in cell phone pics.

The pictures tell the tale of my errands and my life. Grab some popcorn.

First, we have angry CrazyDogMama. Why is she angry? Well, some people are deliberately mean, and I don't like that. The picture kind of makes me giggle though, I look like I want to knife someone.

Second is how close I got to park in front of Costco. That is unprecedented for me and cured the anger for about 45 seconds.

Third, I bought my first "book on CD" because I haven't had time to read, but I sure do drive a lot. This book "The Shack" came very highly recommended to me by several people.

There you have it. I actually am doing a late dinner tonight and I may take a pic. Just so you know.

Ready for the Weekend

I can't tell you how much GLEE I have now that this sucky week is over. Gah. I was the very last one to leave work today. Everyone left early, wasn't that nice of them? HA. Shit rolls downhill as you know.

Anyway, off to get my broken nail fixed, run some errands and fight the start of holiday weekend traffic. Sound like fun? Is anyone doing anything fun this weekend? I'll be cleaning. Joy.

Organizer

My "organizer". Does it not make you cringe? It makes me nuts. I have some serious cleaning and organizing to do this weekend. Hole, will you come clean my fridge? I'll make it worth your effort. I heard you are really good at it!

I need these.

Surfing Lessons?

I dreamed about a new life last night, and my brain apparently thinks I'm still 20. I dreamed that I decided to take surfing lessons. Um, YEAH, RIGHT. I tried that once. Disaster. I liked the hanging out with buff bronze surfer dudes, but again, YEAH, RIGHT. I would like to hang out at the beach, though.

Never give up.

I'm beat. Relaxing at my mom's house for a few minutes after picking her up from the airport and badgering her about the house. I'm not giving up!

"Plan A" and "Plan B"

So, remember I told you about needing a big change in my life, or I will go insane? Here are the ideas. "Plan A" is moving into my grandparent's house in Cali (sort of an early inheritance) instead of selling it, as long as my mom approves, which I don't know if she does yet. This is my first choice because I'd love to keep the home in the family (I grew up there), I love the pool and the area, it's close to Disneyland and the ocean, and of course it's paid for. It needs remodeling, but not having a mortgage would rock my world! I also have friends and some family there I don't know very well and there are a ton of jobs in my industry just down the street. I'm needing a warmer climate, and I'm already used to earthquakes.

If my mom doesn't like that idea, there is now a "Plan B". Florida is out because of hurricanes, and I don't like Nevada or Arizona, they don't have enough job opportunity for me. So, after some research that I actually did long ago, San Antonio, Texas could be Plan B. It is too far inland for much hurricane damage; it rarely gets tornados or earthquakes, and it is a pretty area with housing I can afford. I was looking online at realtor.com, and for double the house plus a pool, I can get a cheaper mortgage than I am paying up here living in a tiny house in the boonies that doesn't even have a fireplace. The climate is definitely warm, the "River Walk" is cool, and they have a Six Flags. There are also many jobs in my industry in the surrounding areas. I've never been to Texas, but I've been told San Antonio is one of the nicest areas if I'm going to live in Texas. There is a con, though. I will be best friends with the Orkin man. ME NO LIKE BUGS. Especially spiders.

So that's it in a nutshell. I want to move, and I hope Plan A works out, but I'm putting together some backup plans.

Spider Monkey on Crack

Good morning? UG. I woke up late. Have you ever seen a spider monkey on crack? That was me this morning. I need to figure out how to not be running ALL DAY LONG EVERY DAY. I don't even have kids! OMG can you imagine? LOL. I have to work late again I'm sure, then run to pick my mom up from the airport. I've got her dog with me right now and we're flying down the highway (I won't say how fast) to get her home then me to work. Funny how I had time to stop for coffee, though. HA. (That's how I'm blogging, sitting in line.)

Rack of Lamb in Mongolian Sauce

OK, hunger won out. Here is the rack of lamb (BBQ'd) in my homemade Mongolian sauce with lots of steamed asparagus. There was also salad with tomato, zucchini, green onion, radishes, blue cheese and garlic croutons in a balsamic vinaigrette that I didn't take a picture of. OMG, it was so good! Are you jealous?

Worst Wife in the World

Mother of all hell!

I wasn't prepared for my wedding anniversary tonight and feel like crap about it. With my grandfather dying yesterday, running around nuts trying to help my mother with funeral arrangements, airline reservations, and work exploding into chaos where I have to be there late and can't even find the time to pee, I spaced it until yesterday and couldn't really do anything worthwhile to prepare. Maybe I'm the worst wife in the world, or maybe I'm losing it, I don't know, but I do feel like shit. Jim got me a really nice gift and I thought I would just postpone things until the weekend, but I think he's upset. I guess I deserve it.

We got into it (over non-related topics), but the lamb dinner may be shot in the ass. I'm having cognac for dinner at the moment. Fuck. Somebody kill me. I can't do anything right anymore.

Booze Snob

Busy, Busy today. I'll update more a little later, having lamb chops for dinner and I will of course be taking a pic of the masterpiece. I will also be having after-dinner cognac again, because I think that is my new thing. Look at me all sophisticated! Probably moving towards alcoholism, but whatever. I'm already a food snob and a coffee snob, so why not a booze snob too?

Summer is officially over.

I think summer is officially over here. It's been cold, rainy and dark the last 4 mornings. I'm keeping the tan, damnit. What happened to Indian Summers? Did we even have a Summer? I was over so quick, I think I blinked and missed it. Washington.

I do love Fall, though. It's actually my favorite season. I just kind of feel like we skipped a season, that's all, and I don't like feeling jipped. Maybe I'm just still in California mode in my head and don't want to let it go, I don't know. I'll stop complaining now.

Remy Martin

Here's to you, Papaw! My grandpa LOVED Remy Martin VSOP Cognac. It was his absolute favorite. So, I decided to get some, and now I'm toasting to him, to all the wonderful memories we had together. He made my summer visits to California so special. He was a special man. He was not my biological grandfather, but I could not have picked out a better one. I hope he is resting in peace, he was a good husband, a good father, a good grandfather and a good man.

I love you, Papaw.

My grandpa died today. I have very little family left. I got the call at work from my very distressed mom who is still in California. I am extremely sad, as I was very close to my grandpa when I was young. Usually, I can maintain composure until I can get to the bathroom corner, but when someone else is crying, I start crying. Immediately.

So, there I was blubbering at my desk. I'm sure everyone thinks I am an emotional trainwreck after the year I've had. No one knows what to say to me anymore. Of course, our seriously critical crunch-time started today at work, so I had to stay. It's probably best I keep busy right now anyway.

I love you Papaw. You were the best grandpa in the world. Rest in Peace.

What I miss most about vacation.

You know what I miss most about vacation (besides everything)? Taking my time. Waking up and going out on the little balcony from the bedroom to watch the sun come up, taking my time getting ready and trying different hairstyles, making breakfast, lounging on the patio at night not worrying about how much sleep I'm going to get, that sort of thing. Not being in a rush for everything.

This morning? Alarm almost makes me fall out of bed, which makes the dogs cough-bark, which makes me scream shut up for 15 minutes while I'm running off of 3 hours sleep on the hunt for a clean pair of underwear. I run out the door with wet hair, starving. Grab a coffee at my favorite stand, vibrating my leg wildly in impatience at the car in front of me who is ordering what seems like 50 coffees, while I blog and check my emails on the Crackberry.

Happy Tuesday. :-)

Dog Coughing

I think my poor dogs caught my cough. They are hacking their furry little heads off! Is that possible? It sounds so pathetic; I feel so bad. The vet said to not worry, but I am anyways. Poor little things.

No cavities!

Thunder and lightning storms are fun to watch, but they do nothing for traffic. Dentist appointments suck too. Ouch! But still no cavities, Hooray!