Just lock me up and throw away the key.

It is less than a week before I go on a nice vacation, and I'm in a funk. What the hell is wrong with me? I mean, WTF? I'm excited and all that, but all of a sudden, I'm all down. I hate it. I think I am completely and utterly hopeless. I don't even know why I'm blogging this.

What is it with 3 am?

3 am is apparently CrazyDogMama time. Maybe I don't have insomnia, maybe I'm just nocturnal. Like a bat. Almost every single night I wake up at 3 am. There is not a whole lot to do at 3 am. It is so quiet here out in the sticks. I usually just lay here in bed and grab the Crackberry or think, but sometimes I just have to get up. Some say 3 am is the "witching hour" or "dead time", the time when the dark world is supposed to be at its peak. All the weird stuff that has ever happened to ME, has happened in broad daylight, never at 3 am; although it is auspicious that I wake up at 3 am on the dot every night, don't you think?

I've tried counting sheep, but it makes me giggle because my sheep are retarded. Sometimes they try to jump together and run into each other in mid-air, sometimes they are wearing Superman capes and sometimes they trip and fly INTO the fence. I know, just when you thought my blog couldn't get any weirder. I really hate taking sleeping pills. Even when I'm depressed and want to escape the world, when I wake up it feels like someone hit me over the head with a baseball bat. No good.

Too bad some of you don't live closer with the same 3 am problem, we could hang out and do stuff! You know you want to.

He's going to give himself a concussion.

When Louie eats, he bashes his little doghead against the cabinets. I thought I would share.

I now have peeps.

Crackberry.com, it exists. Awesome!

Rough Night

I was all excited thinking about vacation and playing on the computer, but then I got a little sleepy and crawled into bed. It was a rough night from then on, and the morning has been a little sucky too. I'm sorry I can't really explain, but I am temporarily what I call "stalled". If that makes any sense. It is going to be a short day for me so perhaps I'll log on later. Thanks for understanding. Here is a good quote:

“The pain of your past is the preparation for your future. If you ever get that realization, if you ever can lay hold of that revelation, it will change you forever."

9 More Days

Until beach, sand, waves and sunshine! Are you jealous? I need this vacation in a bad way. A very bad way. I hope it goes well, you know my life.

A million billion things to do.

I am going nuts trying to get everything ready for vacation. I forgot how much prep there is when you are going to be gone more than a few days. Errands! Cleaning! Shopping! I will take pics of some of the cute new clothes I got as soon as they arrive. I got some online for a GREAT deal. I got a lavender tank top, a turquoise terrycloth lounger, a black swim dress, and I even got a beach bag! Here are the catalog pics, what do you think?

Driving to Work

Wet hair, classic CrazyDogMama look, thrilled, half asleep. Nothing new.

Phone call at 5 am.

When the phone rings that early, I jump 3 feet in the air. The first thought that enters my head is "OMG, who is dead or in the hospital?" I rubbed the goo out of my eyes so that I could read the caller ID and made out the name "Illinois". Illinois? Not Dave Smith or John Doe, but Illinois. I told Illinois to go to hell and to call back at a decent hour. Besides, I'm waiting for a call from Florida.

Inverted Nipple?

Nothing of interest has happened today. Nothing good, nothing bad. I worked. I had a burrito and a water at Taco Time for lunch for $1.99. I'm going over to my mom's tonight. I'm really tired. I'm not particularly cranky, but I'm not smiley either. Just nothingness. Boring. I may drink a glass of wine at my mom's, which could possibly stimulate a more exciting blog post later.

Juice: I was thinking. I have seen you naked before, and I do not remember any inverted nipple. Is this new, or did I miss it? I may need confirmation. No, I'm not a lesbian.

I'm copying Juice.

I am supposed to list 6 random things about myself. I don't have anything as exciting as Annie's inverted nipple, but I'll give it a shot.

1. I like to play with my dog's ears. When they lay in my lap, I'm constantly fiddling with their ears. It is fuzzy goodness.

2. I HAVE to sleep on my stomach. All sprawled out. I do not delicately lay on my side like a lady should, no, not me.

3. I like the movie Legally Blonde. (Shut it.) The reason I like it is because I love how she is nice to everyone, and everyone likes her or ends up liking her. I want to be like that.

4. I cannot name all the Presidents and I don't care. I could learn it quickly because I have a photographic memory, but I don't want to. History was my least favorite subject in school, but I am constantly reading current events.

5. I hate wearing turtlenecks, I feel like I am going to choke.

6. I get irritated beyond belief if someone turns off or changes a song before it completely finishes.

The countdown and other stuff.

TWELVE days, people, TWELVE days until I am on vacation! Pray a meteor doesn’t hit or something before I go, I feel like I’ve been crawling around in the desert and now I’m getting close to the oasis; dehydrated and moaning. Dang, I won’t know how to act on vacation.

Question for Juice (or anyone who might know): How do you post pics on Blogger with your Blackberry? If I take pics with my phone, I can access them, and it says, “uploading pic”, but it never actually does. FRUSTRATING. I may just have to wait to post pics until I get back. I don’t have that kind of patience. If anyone has the magic, let me know.

About this morning’s post: Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t recognize my own face. It is really strange. How I see myself without the mirror is different than the actual reflection. I like the me in my head better. I’ve changed a lot in the last 10 years, physically, mentally and emotionally. You could say it is natural maturation, but it’s more than that. It is more like a complete metamorphosis, or at least it feels like it. Everything I said I wouldn’t let happen, happened, even down to having a “desk job”. I remember telling myself I would never sit at a damn desk all day! HA. I also said I would never get fat, I would never get married young, blah, blah, blah. It goes to show you, you just CANNOT predict these things. But now that I’m here, now what? Anyway, I’m going all over the place with this post. I need to collect my thoughts and re-group.

Mirror Mirror

Do you ever look in the mirror and say, "What happened to you?". If you don't, consider yourself very, very lucky. I am thankful for my life, don't get me wrong, but nothing has really turned out the way I thought it would. There are good things in my life, and there are bad, but mostly I'm asking myself, how did I get here?

Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

No more garage sales. I'm done. Made some good money, but I can't sit and swat flies anymore. People are just strange, some of the things they say while shopping in a garage sale crack me up. Louie complained about the altered feeding schedule. FYI, no more ghost activity as of yet.

Um...

I heard someone call my name. No one was there. Then, the bathroom light came on. BY ITSELF. I think I need to stop watching "A Haunting" every week, and/or get some sleep. Or get my Bible out. Either I'm going completely insane, or some crazy shit just happened. Shut up. I know what you're thinking. I can hear from here. If anything else freaky happens, I'm moving. End of story.

Garage Sale

Garage sales are lots of work. I sat a lot, but I had to be chatty, and that to me is exhausting. All my neighbors decided to come over and camp out and talk my ear off, and honestly, I'm not much for small talk. I'm way too intense for small talk. I do it to be nice, but I don't really enjoy it. I'm so tired I can't even nap. I tried, but I just laid there with my eyeballs open. Now I'm hungry.

All my pics today are boring. Strangers don't seem to appreciate their picture taken. Go figure. I did take some nice pics the other day, but I'm too tired to upload them right now. I have to do this all over again tomorrow. Hope I do as well as I did today, I made some bank!

First weirdo of the day.

I'm having a garage sale, and this guy drove his car by, screeched to a halt, RAN over to the recliner for sale, pushed on the arm rests twice and RAN back to his car and drove away.

WTF? He was too quick in his little flip flops to get a picture of him, sorry Hole. I was way too mesmerized by the whole thing. LOL!

Flirting at the Sultan Bakery

So, I have to tell you about dinner last night. I'll shorten the story because I don't feel like typing that much, but here goes. My mom was there and is crazy like me, and loud because she needs a hearing aid. (I'm not allowed to post pics of her, I promised, but I'm going to talk about her, and she can't do anything about it.) The first thing that happened was I was feeling cheeky, and that usually presents a story. We were at the Sultan Bakery, and you have to go up to the counter and order dinner, then sit down and wait for them to bring it to you. (Real fancy-like.) I was in line behind a guy by himself, about my age, maybe older. He ordered a big platter meal and two cokes. Because of the two cokes, the cashier thought we were together and said, "Together on the ticket?" I piped up with "Oh no, we're not together." Then the cheekiness kicked in and I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "Unless you want to be." He looked at me, smiled and then turned 4 sheets of red and stuttered. (I love it when men do that. LOL) He said, "Oh, um, that would be great, but my wife would probably get mad." I giggled and told him I was just messing with him and that my husband would be pissy about it too. He laughed. (Shut up, I can't help it.)

OK, then I went and sat down after having my fun. The conversation over dinner was pretty funny. Since the guy from the counter decided to sit right next to us, he heard every word. (Super.) He even interjected into the conversation several times. He had a good sense of humor, and you have to remember this is a small town and everyone talks to everyone.

After we left and got into the car, this is the conversation my mother and I had:

Mom: That guy was flirting with you.
Me: No, he wasn't, I embarrassed him at the counter.
Mom: So? He was flirting with you.
Me: He is married mom, and knows I am too, he wasn't flirting, I just broke the ice and you and I were acting like maniacs.
Mom: (laughing) That doesn't change the fact that he was flirting with you.
Me: OMG, mom, will you stop with that? It's SULTAN, everybody talks.
Mom: No, they don't, he couldn't take his eyes off of you.
Me: (shaking my head) I spilled Au Jus sauce all down the front of me, of course he was looking at me, I'm a freak.
Mom: That's not the reason he was looking at you. Did you notice he was finished with his dinner long before us and still sat there?
Me: We're not talking about this anymore.
Mom: Oh look, here he comes!
Me: MOTHER!
Mom: (laughing)

Mood: Stable

For now. I have been having major anxiety about some stuff this week, and today is the first day I feel OK. I've hurled my dinner up the last 4 nights in a row because of it, and it is just ridiculous. (I'm not bulimic, I'm not pregnant, and I don't have the flu. It's anxiety) So, I'm STARVING, but a little afraid to eat. I'm going to try a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and see how I do with that.

I got off work early today, YAY! I have a super exciting weekend planned of making money by selling my stuff, but hey, sitting around playing on the internet doesn't actually sound that bad. Maybe I'll take some pictures of the weirdos that come by. We get some doozies around here, let me tell you.

Rollercoaster Life

Have you been on CrazyDogMama’s rollercoaster of life lately? That would go something like this:

Monday: “I’m happy and excited and life is going to be great!”.

Tuesday: “Life sucks so bad, someone gut me and let me bleed to death.”

Wednesday: “Fuck everything.”

Thursday: “Things are OK and shaping up.”

Friday: “I’m crazy and angry and depressed and stressed out.”

Saturday: “No one loves me.”

Sunday: “I took my meds on time today, and meds are awesome.”

Some say I’m negative and cynical and need to try to be happier. You THINK? DUH. Who is happy? I mean REALLY, REALLY happy? With no ups and downs. NO ONE. Me? I am just able (and do) admit that things aren't going the way I want them to. Not that I expect everything to go my way. We are all searching for something. I have my own search. Now, there are some who are happier than others, just like some are richer than others, but I’m not all that uncommon, really. I may sound pissy for 6 months in a row, I may not. You just never know with me right now. So just bear with me and when something cool happens, I’ll let you know. I will also let you know when everything is falling apart, which has essentially been the last year for me. Some big stuff has happened, yes, but I also keep having these little setbacks and disappointments that are frustrating and depressing.

It takes a special kind of person to bond with me and understand me, I don't expect to be the most popular blogger by any means. They have to be a tough-skinned, passionate, intense and honest person. They also have to have a good sense of dark, sarcastic humor. There are very few of those kinds of people out there, I’ve found. I think I’m worth it, though. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for those I love.

HOWEVER, don’t piss me off.

Other things going on? I got my eyes dilated today, which is always a treat. So, if this post makes no sense, or is typed funny, you’ll know why. I have hyperopia (farsightedness). I had to get new glasses because I am way blinder now. They are similar to my old ones, but nevertheless will permit a new photo op when they come in. They are more burgundy than red-red. I can tell you are thrilled. I always think it is funny when they have you write out a check after dilation. I CAN’T SEE, PEOPLE!

Also, the roof of my mouth hurts. Doritos?