Monday Blues

I'm even listening to the blues. Ever heard of Candy Dulfer? ("Lily was Here" is really good.) No one my age has. I'm sure all my friends will be making fun of my eclectic taste in music at any moment, but nevertheless that's what I'm listening to this morning. A little jazz and some blues. I listen to music that goes with my mood. It could be AC/DC, it could be Country, it could be Jazz, or it could be the Blues. Whatever I'm feeling, I like everything. I'm also listening to "When the Lights Go Out" by The Black Keys. It's sexy music to me. Go figure. When I put together my photography site, I think I will use the Black Keys song as the background music, most of my photography has a "dark" element to it, so it would fit.

Herb Garden Project

I got (a little bit) of lead out. I kicked myself in the butt and decided to beautify my herb garden. It needed A LOT of help. I have been neglecting it. I am by no means a gardener, AT ALL. In fact, I am quite the black thumb. However, God as my witness, I'm trying to get better. I do love to cook with fresh herbs, and I inherited my dad's herbs, so I want to preserve them. I completely replanted my bowl in the stand with cilantro and dill, and also replanted and resoiled some parsley and chives. I just cut back and pruned the rest. I even scrubbed all of the pots and cedar planters! I killed the little tree that I got when my dad died, but my mom gave me hers, and I have actually kept it alive! And it's GROWING! So anyway, it took me a few hours, and I destroyed my French manicure, but I got some great before and after shots. I'm proud of myself! I also took a picture of my new bamboo plant. Love it!

I've literally been in bed ALL day.

There is something wrong with me. Who does that? I got up to pee. Let the dogs out. But then I just go right back to bed. I just don't want to deal with anyone or anything. I'm not hungry. I still have a mess to clean up from Friday. Don't want to. Which isn't like me, I can't stand a mess. I'm forcing myself to get up right now. I'm forcing myself to blog. I had nightmares, so it wasn't restful sleep. I guess I should be thankful I got some sleep instead of the insomnia craziness. OK, that's all I've got in me.

It's going around.

I went and helped a friend today, and she is in bad shape like many of the rest of us. I just don't know what is happening, everywhere I turn, someone is going through hell. I got two more emails from friends in "dark places". I am feeling dark myself. I think I took too many anxiety pills yesterday. Someone could have blown up the house and I wouldn't have cared. Being numb is NOT good, though. However, sometimes feeling hopeless is just too much. I came home and collapsed, and I haven't even eaten. The friend I went and helped is feeling very overwhelmed, and I am feeling much the same way with all that is in front of me. The sad leading the sad is worse than the blind leading the blind. It is weird when you are in a funk, no matter how many people you have around you, you still feel alone. I know some of you guys out there are feeling that right now. Intense aloneness. I have no wisdom at the moment.

Sleeping Beauties. I'm so evil.

It's over, and I survived.

Except now I have 4 teenagers crashed out in my living room for the night.

They are watching my horror movies and eating my potato chips. It's kind of funny, you have to step over bodies no matter which way you go. (My house is a whopping 1100 square feet.) Here are a bunch of pics from the day. The dogs were more entertaining than the fireworks. You'll see why.

KABOOM.

My loving stepson just set off an M80 behind me without my knowledge. I almost dropped my Crackberry. NOT FUNNY.

Where's my Klonopin?

My Mother-In-Law brought the decorations and help set up my 4th of July party. My mom came up, and my stepson and his friends are coming later, along with my neighbor. I hope this goes well, I'm nervous.

Happy 4th of July!

I should be straightening up the house right now, but I'm not. Sometimes I don't understand myself. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane with a smile on my face? Sure! Wrestle a dangerous criminal to the ground and arrest him? Bring it! Stand outside jumping up and down with glee during an intense lightning and thunderstorm with metal all around me? Fun! Chase a dine-and-dasher out of a restaurant parking lot and tackle him in my apron? Awesome! Have family and some people I don't know well over for a BBQ on Independence Day? Take an extra anxiety pill and hide in my office blogging. I'm a whack job. Pure and simple. I make no sense. Death? No problem! Family and friends? HELP ME.

I'm sure you'll hear from me periodically throughout the day. I'll be the one in the corner taking pictures playing with her Crackberry. Social anxiety, yup. I do like blowing stuff up, though, and my neighborhood is always WWIII.

My New Crackberry

Yes, I call my Blackberry phone my "Crackberry" because the ADDICTION IS REAL.

Anyway, my boss told me to "get the hell out of here" at 1:30 today to start the holiday weekend early (he is so awesome), so I promptly left since all I was doing anyway was reading my Crackberry manual and doing setup. (I did SOME work, OK? Hardly anyone was there today.) I now am proficient! I went to get a pedicure and while she was making my feet prettier, I was checking email and surfing my favorite blogs, all the while sitting in a massage chair. It was 45 minutes of Heaven, people.

Yeah, I'm one of THOSE people now. The ones you get annoyed with because all they do is sit there completely entranced in their own private technological world, ignoring everyone around them. I'm sure I will get yelled at soon. I am here to say I UNDERSTAND now. Don't you judge me!

One more thing. I have to tell you about Dave the Verizon Wireless guy. Dave is the awesomest customer service representative that I've ever talked to. EVER. I know Dave now. He is a friend. Usually, I want to cancel service when I talk to customer service, but now that I know Dave is out there, I have hope again. First and foremost, he was cheerful and friendly and funny. THEN, even though I was not eligible for any kind of discount, he GAVE ME ONE ANYWAY because he said his best friend (who has brain cancer) lives about 1 mile from me, and Dave wants to take care of all residents of this town. (Dave is local to me, how often does THAT happen?) So, I made out like a bandit. All the while he was setting up my Crackberry order and answering each and every one of my gazillion questions, we chatted about our lives. We even both lost a parent this year and were talking about that! Dave sounded about 22, but he said he was a very immature 43-year-old. I can appreciate that, because as you are all aware, I act 12. After about an hour, Jim asked me who the hell I was talking to. I said, "Dave", and he said, "Who?", and I said, "Dave. The best Verizon Wireless guy on the planet!" Jim rolled his eyes. After I hung up, I cursed at myself because I forgot to give Dave my blog URL. Damnit! Jim said, "There is someone out there who doesn't go to your blog?" Smartass. I WISH there was only one!

Sorry it is not a good pic, but the phone screen has interference and won't cooperate with my camera. But THERE IT IS IN ALL IT'S GLORY.

Wild Stormy Night

The photo is an actual capture of lightning over the Seattle area not far from where I live. The weather has gone nuts. Completely insane. ALL NIGHT LONG, and still isn't finished this morning. You are probably sick of hearing about it, but seriously, this is the best storm I've ever seen. When I got home last night, the lightning was so intense, it was going off every 3 seconds (I counted) in these big, twisted masses of bolts. EVERYWHERE. There would be 4 or 5 bolts going every which way, lighting up the entire sky and blinding me. Being a crazy, fearless, weirdo, I stood outside for hours watching it. It ended up right over the top of us complete with cracking thunder, wind and heavy rain. The dogs were going apeshit. I seriously thought we were going to get a tornado or something, it was that intense. I've never seen lightning like that, and so often, for so long. Needless to say I was too excited to get much sleep, and I couldn't charge up my Crackberry because I didn't want to fry it. We actually lost power briefly.

I have a headache this morning, probably because of the barometric pressure changes, so I'm not happy about that, but it was worth it. I've got the whole night to myself tonight, so I'm thinking about pampering myself. Pedicure, manicure, nice dinner, and maybe a glass of wine while I get proficient at the Crackberry. I will probably be blogging a lot, because you know I have to practice posting with it. My life is not all that exciting, so you may get bored, but I'll try to be creative.

Hey Juice and Hole, I know our plans tonight tanked, but let me know if you have time for a pedicure or something. That could be social and fun. I know something came up for you guys, I'm just sayin' in case.

My heart is broken.

Two of my dear friends are in a bad way. Their last blog posts have me tearing up. I wear my heart on my sleeve and if someone I care about is upset, I don't know what to do. The last thing people want is someone patting them on the back saying it's going to be OK, because I know from experience you just want to punch people in the face. When you are feeling terrible, you are NOT OK and you don't feel like they will EVER be, and you just want to be left alone. I can barely get through each day myself. I know what it feels like to not care whether you live or die, and that life is pointless. Sometimes I don't think I will EVER be happy. EVER. I do understand, but I am still so very sad. Hey, you guys, and you know who you are, just know I'm thinking about you, OK? I'll leave you alone, but I'm here if you need me. For anything.

Crazy like the South

I have lived in the Pacific Northwest since I was about 6 years old, and the weather up here is so vastly different from what it used to be. Tonight, it was like living in the South. My mom and I went to dinner, and it was nice and sunny and bright, about 80 or so degrees. We went inside and as soon as we sat down, it got black and the thunder boomed and it started hailing, then flash flood raining. It was nuts. Then, as quickly as it started, it just stopped. When we left it was sunny and bright again, but I lost my breath when I stepped outside. The humidity was AWFUL. Steam was rising up everywhere and my car windows were all fogged up. We went over to do some shopping at Target (we're big spenders) and it did the same thing. It sounded like the roof was going to come off with how loud the thunder was. When we left the store, it was doing the flash flood raining again so we stood under the store front and waited. Sweat was POURING off of my head into my eyes and ears. So sexy. My hair also frizzed into oblivion, which made me really happy. Anyway, I know that is normal for many of you, but not for us. We don't know how to act. I love storms, so I was all excited. (Except for the humidity, you can have that shit.)

I just got home and my Crackberry came, so I have to go read the manual now and play with my new toy!

This was shared with me today.

Don't know why, but I wanted to post this. You may think it is stupid, but I like it.

The challenge of your life is before you. You have learned well from your failures and from some difficult circumstances. Now you will march forward with integrity of heart and steel for a backbone. Fear will no longer be an issue. Only set your eyes straight ahead without turning to the left or to the right. Gather up all of your courage and lock it into your mind like your crown jewel. A waterfall of boldness will flow over you and this waterfall will continue to flow as long as you keep your strong faith. I will mix with this a strong anointing of Godly wisdom so that you will not only know but you will also understand things as never before. Now, arise and shine.

Internet Apocalypse

Computer no working. Internet no working. CrazyDogMama no working.

Our server was down for the first two hours at work, and no one could do anything. Living in this technological world can sometimes be frightening. I'm so dependent on the internet for sanity. My "Crackberry" is supposed to be arriving today, so now I will REALLY have no life. But CrazyDogMama will have a new toy! As Skwigg calls it, "The Precious".

My hatred for Mosquitos goes to the very core of my soul.

I went for a walk with a friend today at lunch and we stopped at a picnic table in the grass on a trail to rest. I had on a skirt and flip flops. I was attacked by mosquitos. Two bites on my foot, one on my hip and one on each arm. I have tried every remedy known to man to get the ITCHING TO STOP. I have systematically scratched 5 layers of my skin off. At some point I thought rubbing alcohol would be a good idea to put on my OPEN WOUNDS and I went through the roof. Stupidity is fun. I am miserable and quite cranky about it. I eat enough garlic to kill 1000 vampires, so I don't know what the deal is.

You will all be very proud of me!

I am not a crispy critter! I took it easy yesterday and kept going back and forth from the sun to the shade to prevent burning. I kept myself completely soaked with the hose all day and got some nice color. I am just a tad red on my arms, but not bad at all. I haven't worked on getting a tan for several years trying to save my skin, but I really want one this year.

I have a booked schedule again this week. July is going to be nuts since I'm taking the first two weeks of August off. I haven't taken two weeks off in a row for like, 10 years. More info on that later.

Bain De Soleil

I just slathered my body up with Bain De Soleil. It smells so good and brings back smell-memories of my childhood Summers in California. I'm going to go out under the fireball now to become a good-smelling lobster in approximately 10 minutes. I have the hose out and will be periodically dumping it over my head. Whatever works, right?

Beautiful Starry Night

So, my relatively new awesome friend Hole is moving to California. What a turd-ball! I have actually thought about moving there myself, there is a big empty paid-for house with a pool in an affluent area that could become my oasis. My grandparent's house. I could handle the heat with air conditioning and a pool. I already have other friends down there, and Hole and I would only be a couple of miles apart. What do think girl? I have to finish my job contract, but your 9-month goal is about that timing. Juice will kill us.

It's supposed to be even hotter today than it was yesterday, and since I live in the mountains away from ocean, it will probably be at least 100 today. And the exciting part? Thunder and lightning storms predicted tonight! Last night was beautiful, though. I woke up in the middle of the night and went out on my back patio. The warm night air was delicious, and the stars! WOW! The sky was crystal clear and with no impact from city lights, and there are no big trees around my house, so it was an amazing sight! Thousands of beautiful stars. I could pick out many of the constellations. It was quiet, too.

Nappy Time and Sweaty Time

I don't sleep well at night as you know if you've spent any time reading my blog, but I am an excellent napper. I am the nap champ. Anytime, anywhere. I think my insomnia comes from working swing shift a large chunk of my life, which is also probably why I'm a night owl too. Today I took a nap because it is literally HELL here today. It's like 90 something outside and 100+ in my house. I have an air conditioner in my bedroom, so that is definitely where you want to be on a day like this. I would go outside, but my pasty white ass would burn into oblivion. I may need to go tanning to get a base first. I also need a pool. Anybody got a pool that I could come swim in? It's HOT! I will bring the margaritas! I'm sweating like a pig in my little office here, blogging for your pleasure. Or whatever happens to you when you read my blog.