KABOOM.

My loving stepson just set off an M80 behind me without my knowledge. I almost dropped my Crackberry. NOT FUNNY.

Where's my Klonopin?

My Mother-In-Law brought the decorations and help set up my 4th of July party. My mom came up, and my stepson and his friends are coming later, along with my neighbor. I hope this goes well, I'm nervous.

Happy 4th of July!

I should be straightening up the house right now, but I'm not. Sometimes I don't understand myself. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane with a smile on my face? Sure! Wrestle a dangerous criminal to the ground and arrest him? Bring it! Stand outside jumping up and down with glee during an intense lightning and thunderstorm with metal all around me? Fun! Chase a dine-and-dasher out of a restaurant parking lot and tackle him in my apron? Awesome! Have family and some people I don't know well over for a BBQ on Independence Day? Take an extra anxiety pill and hide in my office blogging. I'm a whack job. Pure and simple. I make no sense. Death? No problem! Family and friends? HELP ME.

I'm sure you'll hear from me periodically throughout the day. I'll be the one in the corner taking pictures playing with her Crackberry. Social anxiety, yup. I do like blowing stuff up, though, and my neighborhood is always WWIII.

My New Crackberry

Yes, I call my Blackberry phone my "Crackberry" because the ADDICTION IS REAL.

Anyway, my boss told me to "get the hell out of here" at 1:30 today to start the holiday weekend early (he is so awesome), so I promptly left since all I was doing anyway was reading my Crackberry manual and doing setup. (I did SOME work, OK? Hardly anyone was there today.) I now am proficient! I went to get a pedicure and while she was making my feet prettier, I was checking email and surfing my favorite blogs, all the while sitting in a massage chair. It was 45 minutes of Heaven, people.

Yeah, I'm one of THOSE people now. The ones you get annoyed with because all they do is sit there completely entranced in their own private technological world, ignoring everyone around them. I'm sure I will get yelled at soon. I am here to say I UNDERSTAND now. Don't you judge me!

One more thing. I have to tell you about Dave the Verizon Wireless guy. Dave is the awesomest customer service representative that I've ever talked to. EVER. I know Dave now. He is a friend. Usually, I want to cancel service when I talk to customer service, but now that I know Dave is out there, I have hope again. First and foremost, he was cheerful and friendly and funny. THEN, even though I was not eligible for any kind of discount, he GAVE ME ONE ANYWAY because he said his best friend (who has brain cancer) lives about 1 mile from me, and Dave wants to take care of all residents of this town. (Dave is local to me, how often does THAT happen?) So, I made out like a bandit. All the while he was setting up my Crackberry order and answering each and every one of my gazillion questions, we chatted about our lives. We even both lost a parent this year and were talking about that! Dave sounded about 22, but he said he was a very immature 43-year-old. I can appreciate that, because as you are all aware, I act 12. After about an hour, Jim asked me who the hell I was talking to. I said, "Dave", and he said, "Who?", and I said, "Dave. The best Verizon Wireless guy on the planet!" Jim rolled his eyes. After I hung up, I cursed at myself because I forgot to give Dave my blog URL. Damnit! Jim said, "There is someone out there who doesn't go to your blog?" Smartass. I WISH there was only one!

Sorry it is not a good pic, but the phone screen has interference and won't cooperate with my camera. But THERE IT IS IN ALL IT'S GLORY.

Wild Stormy Night

The photo is an actual capture of lightning over the Seattle area not far from where I live. The weather has gone nuts. Completely insane. ALL NIGHT LONG, and still isn't finished this morning. You are probably sick of hearing about it, but seriously, this is the best storm I've ever seen. When I got home last night, the lightning was so intense, it was going off every 3 seconds (I counted) in these big, twisted masses of bolts. EVERYWHERE. There would be 4 or 5 bolts going every which way, lighting up the entire sky and blinding me. Being a crazy, fearless, weirdo, I stood outside for hours watching it. It ended up right over the top of us complete with cracking thunder, wind and heavy rain. The dogs were going apeshit. I seriously thought we were going to get a tornado or something, it was that intense. I've never seen lightning like that, and so often, for so long. Needless to say I was too excited to get much sleep, and I couldn't charge up my Crackberry because I didn't want to fry it. We actually lost power briefly.

I have a headache this morning, probably because of the barometric pressure changes, so I'm not happy about that, but it was worth it. I've got the whole night to myself tonight, so I'm thinking about pampering myself. Pedicure, manicure, nice dinner, and maybe a glass of wine while I get proficient at the Crackberry. I will probably be blogging a lot, because you know I have to practice posting with it. My life is not all that exciting, so you may get bored, but I'll try to be creative.

Hey Juice and Hole, I know our plans tonight tanked, but let me know if you have time for a pedicure or something. That could be social and fun. I know something came up for you guys, I'm just sayin' in case.

My heart is broken.

Two of my dear friends are in a bad way. Their last blog posts have me tearing up. I wear my heart on my sleeve and if someone I care about is upset, I don't know what to do. The last thing people want is someone patting them on the back saying it's going to be OK, because I know from experience you just want to punch people in the face. When you are feeling terrible, you are NOT OK and you don't feel like they will EVER be, and you just want to be left alone. I can barely get through each day myself. I know what it feels like to not care whether you live or die, and that life is pointless. Sometimes I don't think I will EVER be happy. EVER. I do understand, but I am still so very sad. Hey, you guys, and you know who you are, just know I'm thinking about you, OK? I'll leave you alone, but I'm here if you need me. For anything.

Crazy like the South

I have lived in the Pacific Northwest since I was about 6 years old, and the weather up here is so vastly different from what it used to be. Tonight, it was like living in the South. My mom and I went to dinner, and it was nice and sunny and bright, about 80 or so degrees. We went inside and as soon as we sat down, it got black and the thunder boomed and it started hailing, then flash flood raining. It was nuts. Then, as quickly as it started, it just stopped. When we left it was sunny and bright again, but I lost my breath when I stepped outside. The humidity was AWFUL. Steam was rising up everywhere and my car windows were all fogged up. We went over to do some shopping at Target (we're big spenders) and it did the same thing. It sounded like the roof was going to come off with how loud the thunder was. When we left the store, it was doing the flash flood raining again so we stood under the store front and waited. Sweat was POURING off of my head into my eyes and ears. So sexy. My hair also frizzed into oblivion, which made me really happy. Anyway, I know that is normal for many of you, but not for us. We don't know how to act. I love storms, so I was all excited. (Except for the humidity, you can have that shit.)

I just got home and my Crackberry came, so I have to go read the manual now and play with my new toy!

This was shared with me today.

Don't know why, but I wanted to post this. You may think it is stupid, but I like it.

The challenge of your life is before you. You have learned well from your failures and from some difficult circumstances. Now you will march forward with integrity of heart and steel for a backbone. Fear will no longer be an issue. Only set your eyes straight ahead without turning to the left or to the right. Gather up all of your courage and lock it into your mind like your crown jewel. A waterfall of boldness will flow over you and this waterfall will continue to flow as long as you keep your strong faith. I will mix with this a strong anointing of Godly wisdom so that you will not only know but you will also understand things as never before. Now, arise and shine.

Internet Apocalypse

Computer no working. Internet no working. CrazyDogMama no working.

Our server was down for the first two hours at work, and no one could do anything. Living in this technological world can sometimes be frightening. I'm so dependent on the internet for sanity. My "Crackberry" is supposed to be arriving today, so now I will REALLY have no life. But CrazyDogMama will have a new toy! As Skwigg calls it, "The Precious".

My hatred for Mosquitos goes to the very core of my soul.

I went for a walk with a friend today at lunch and we stopped at a picnic table in the grass on a trail to rest. I had on a skirt and flip flops. I was attacked by mosquitos. Two bites on my foot, one on my hip and one on each arm. I have tried every remedy known to man to get the ITCHING TO STOP. I have systematically scratched 5 layers of my skin off. At some point I thought rubbing alcohol would be a good idea to put on my OPEN WOUNDS and I went through the roof. Stupidity is fun. I am miserable and quite cranky about it. I eat enough garlic to kill 1000 vampires, so I don't know what the deal is.

You will all be very proud of me!

I am not a crispy critter! I took it easy yesterday and kept going back and forth from the sun to the shade to prevent burning. I kept myself completely soaked with the hose all day and got some nice color. I am just a tad red on my arms, but not bad at all. I haven't worked on getting a tan for several years trying to save my skin, but I really want one this year.

I have a booked schedule again this week. July is going to be nuts since I'm taking the first two weeks of August off. I haven't taken two weeks off in a row for like, 10 years. More info on that later.

Bain De Soleil

I just slathered my body up with Bain De Soleil. It smells so good and brings back smell-memories of my childhood Summers in California. I'm going to go out under the fireball now to become a good-smelling lobster in approximately 10 minutes. I have the hose out and will be periodically dumping it over my head. Whatever works, right?

Beautiful Starry Night

So, my relatively new awesome friend Hole is moving to California. What a turd-ball! I have actually thought about moving there myself, there is a big empty paid-for house with a pool in an affluent area that could become my oasis. My grandparent's house. I could handle the heat with air conditioning and a pool. I already have other friends down there, and Hole and I would only be a couple of miles apart. What do think girl? I have to finish my job contract, but your 9-month goal is about that timing. Juice will kill us.

It's supposed to be even hotter today than it was yesterday, and since I live in the mountains away from ocean, it will probably be at least 100 today. And the exciting part? Thunder and lightning storms predicted tonight! Last night was beautiful, though. I woke up in the middle of the night and went out on my back patio. The warm night air was delicious, and the stars! WOW! The sky was crystal clear and with no impact from city lights, and there are no big trees around my house, so it was an amazing sight! Thousands of beautiful stars. I could pick out many of the constellations. It was quiet, too.

Nappy Time and Sweaty Time

I don't sleep well at night as you know if you've spent any time reading my blog, but I am an excellent napper. I am the nap champ. Anytime, anywhere. I think my insomnia comes from working swing shift a large chunk of my life, which is also probably why I'm a night owl too. Today I took a nap because it is literally HELL here today. It's like 90 something outside and 100+ in my house. I have an air conditioner in my bedroom, so that is definitely where you want to be on a day like this. I would go outside, but my pasty white ass would burn into oblivion. I may need to go tanning to get a base first. I also need a pool. Anybody got a pool that I could come swim in? It's HOT! I will bring the margaritas! I'm sweating like a pig in my little office here, blogging for your pleasure. Or whatever happens to you when you read my blog.

Nothing like waking up with asthma.

I have seasonal asthma and let me tell you how much it sucks. It really, really sucks. I'm allergic to something this time of year (who knows what) and I woke up unable to get a breath fully in, which makes me panic, then cough my head off. Then I have to take a panic pill while running around the house throwing things around trying to find my inhaler. It's neat. I actually haven't had an attack for about 3 years now, so my inhaler was expired. I also didn't know what day it was when I woke up, and there has been no drinking or sleeping pills, just loss of brain. I didn't know whether or not I had to go to work, or if I could go back to bed. It was 4 am and I had to really think about it. When I realized it was Saturday, I was all "YES!".

I'm settled down now, but I can't get back to sleep. This, I think, is an advantage to having a blog. It gives you something to do. There was something else I was going to talk about, but I can't remember now so I'll have to come back later. Perhaps my brain will return then.

YouTube Sucks

I posted a funny video to brighten your day, but YouTube took it down for violating its policies. What policy is that, exactly? Too funny? If you saw it, great, but if not, it sucks to be you.

Goals and Good Times

I think it's good for the soul to think of the good times in your life, and of course be constantly making new memories! Life is short, and I know I 've spent way too much of mine dwelling on stupid stuff.

When I was out to lunch with my boss and some other co-workers yesterday, we were talking about some of the crazy stuff we'd done. I brought up that I've always wanted to go white water rafting, and my boss told some very exciting and insanely funny stories of some of his rafting trips. Not only was it hysterical (he is a great storyteller), but I thought to myself, why haven't I done that yet? I can afford it. It made me think that I'm letting a part of my life slip away by just making excuses as to why I'm not doing the things I want to do. So, I am making a goals list. I'm spending more time with friends, too. Little changes, big changes, I'm putting them all on a little anal-retentive spreadsheet. Ha. Is that weird? I got the idea from a former co-worker who is an engineer.

Good times. We've all had them. Some that come to mind for me at the moment:

Snow skiing at Crystal! Sometimes I would go by myself and just sail down a straightaway going about 40 mph with my arms lifted up yelling WOOO! The beauty, the thrill. Very exhilarating! Then there were the times when I would go with friends, and we would have the BEST time! (Annie!) People must have thought we were out of our minds, but we didn't care. You know the kind of laughter where you stomach cramps up? Yeah, that is great.

I remember spending long summers being somewhat 'bohemian-like', waiting tables 5 hours a night and then spending all night and all day with my coworkers and other friends taking advantage of every single spare moment of time we had, living it up, spending all the tips I had just made. We even had fun at work.

There are way too many to write here, but it's good to reflect and put things in perspective. Just because I'm getting older, doesn't mean there isn't a lot of good left of life! Perhaps the VERY BEST times are yet to come!

Chicken without a head.

Yesterday I stayed late at work getting ready for an implant case this Saturday which involved paperwork and editing GALORE, then went home and crashed. Today, appointments all over the place, taking boss out to lunch for his birthday, getting more paperwork done, doing errands and then dinner with mom. Lately I've been meeting/talking with friends, blogging/emailing (or trying to) and generally running around like a motherflippin' chicken without a head. I don't even have kids! I don't see how you all do it, I barely have time to brush my hair in the morning. But you know, some of this stuff I'm enjoying. I saw a friend the other day I hadn't seen in almost a year, and it was really cool hanging out and reconnecting. Of course, I heart the internet too; blogging and reading blogs is my favorite.

The earth has come off of its axis!

My coffee girl QUIT! She is moving to Georgia. BAH! Georgia sucks! I was just talking about her the other day, and I find out this morning she is leaving me! I do not like change unless it benefits me in some way. She is the only one who not only knows what I order (since I can't remember), but she mixes it right. This is VERY important. People who do not live in Seattle may not understand the concept of proper coffee making. I am very distraught.

If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

I'm doing my research and catching up on current events this morning. If you don't want to hear it, go away. I'm not in the mood for whining. Perhaps I will post something later for the rest of you, but for the few out there that I know follow my research, here are some important places to go for news about the current state of union and its seriousness. You're welcome.

seekingalpha.com

marketwatch.com

atimes.com

culturechange.org