Saturday, June 28, 2008
Nappy Time and Sweaty Time
I don't sleep well at night as you know if you've spent any time reading my blog, but I am an excellent napper. I am the nap champ. Anytime, anywhere. I think my insomnia comes from working swing shift a large chunk of my life, which is also probably why I'm a night owl too. Today I took a nap because it is literally HELL here today. It's like 90 something outside and 100+ in my house. I have an air conditioner in my bedroom, so that is definitely where you want to be on a day like this. I would go outside, but my pasty white ass would burn into oblivion. I may need to go tanning to get a base first. I also need a pool. Anybody got a pool that I could come swim in? It's HOT! I will bring the margaritas! I'm sweating like a pig in my little office here, blogging for your pleasure. Or whatever happens to you when you read my blog.
Nothing like waking up with asthma.
I have seasonal asthma and let me tell you how much it sucks. It really, really sucks. I'm allergic to something this time of year (who knows what) and I woke up unable to get a breath fully in, which makes me panic, then cough my head off. Then I have to take a panic pill while running around the house throwing things around trying to find my inhaler. It's neat. I actually haven't had an attack for about 3 years now, so my inhaler was expired. I also didn't know what day it was when I woke up, and there has been no drinking or sleeping pills, just loss of brain. I didn't know whether or not I had to go to work, or if I could go back to bed. It was 4 am and I had to really think about it. When I realized it was Saturday, I was all "YES!".
I'm settled down now, but I can't get back to sleep. This, I think, is an advantage to having a blog. It gives you something to do. There was something else I was going to talk about, but I can't remember now so I'll have to come back later. Perhaps my brain will return then.
I'm settled down now, but I can't get back to sleep. This, I think, is an advantage to having a blog. It gives you something to do. There was something else I was going to talk about, but I can't remember now so I'll have to come back later. Perhaps my brain will return then.
Friday, June 27, 2008
YouTube Sucks
I posted a funny video to brighten your day, but YouTube took it down for violating its policies. What policy is that, exactly? Too funny? If you saw it, great, but if not, it sucks to be you.
Goals and Good Times
I think it's good for the soul to think of the good times in your life, and of course be constantly making new memories! Life is short, and I know I 've spent way too much of mine dwelling on stupid stuff.
When I was out to lunch with my boss and some other co-workers yesterday, we were talking about some of the crazy stuff we'd done. I brought up that I've always wanted to go white water rafting, and my boss told some very exciting and insanely funny stories of some of his rafting trips. Not only was it hysterical (he is a great storyteller), but I thought to myself, why haven't I done that yet? I can afford it. It made me think that I'm letting a part of my life slip away by just making excuses as to why I'm not doing the things I want to do. So, I am making a goals list. I'm spending more time with friends, too. Little changes, big changes, I'm putting them all on a little anal-retentive spreadsheet. Ha. Is that weird? I got the idea from a former co-worker who is an engineer.
Good times. We've all had them. Some that come to mind for me at the moment:
Snow skiing at Crystal! Sometimes I would go by myself and just sail down a straightaway going about 40 mph with my arms lifted up yelling WOOO! The beauty, the thrill. Very exhilarating! Then there were the times when I would go with friends, and we would have the BEST time! (Annie!) People must have thought we were out of our minds, but we didn't care. You know the kind of laughter where you stomach cramps up? Yeah, that is great.
I remember spending long summers being somewhat 'bohemian-like', waiting tables 5 hours a night and then spending all night and all day with my coworkers and other friends taking advantage of every single spare moment of time we had, living it up, spending all the tips I had just made. We even had fun at work.
There are way too many to write here, but it's good to reflect and put things in perspective. Just because I'm getting older, doesn't mean there isn't a lot of good left of life! Perhaps the VERY BEST times are yet to come!
When I was out to lunch with my boss and some other co-workers yesterday, we were talking about some of the crazy stuff we'd done. I brought up that I've always wanted to go white water rafting, and my boss told some very exciting and insanely funny stories of some of his rafting trips. Not only was it hysterical (he is a great storyteller), but I thought to myself, why haven't I done that yet? I can afford it. It made me think that I'm letting a part of my life slip away by just making excuses as to why I'm not doing the things I want to do. So, I am making a goals list. I'm spending more time with friends, too. Little changes, big changes, I'm putting them all on a little anal-retentive spreadsheet. Ha. Is that weird? I got the idea from a former co-worker who is an engineer.
Good times. We've all had them. Some that come to mind for me at the moment:
Snow skiing at Crystal! Sometimes I would go by myself and just sail down a straightaway going about 40 mph with my arms lifted up yelling WOOO! The beauty, the thrill. Very exhilarating! Then there were the times when I would go with friends, and we would have the BEST time! (Annie!) People must have thought we were out of our minds, but we didn't care. You know the kind of laughter where you stomach cramps up? Yeah, that is great.
I remember spending long summers being somewhat 'bohemian-like', waiting tables 5 hours a night and then spending all night and all day with my coworkers and other friends taking advantage of every single spare moment of time we had, living it up, spending all the tips I had just made. We even had fun at work.
There are way too many to write here, but it's good to reflect and put things in perspective. Just because I'm getting older, doesn't mean there isn't a lot of good left of life! Perhaps the VERY BEST times are yet to come!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Chicken without a head.
Yesterday I stayed late at work getting ready for an implant case this Saturday which involved paperwork and editing GALORE, then went home and crashed. Today, appointments all over the place, taking boss out to lunch for his birthday, getting more paperwork done, doing errands and then dinner with mom. Lately I've been meeting/talking with friends, blogging/emailing (or trying to) and generally running around like a motherflippin' chicken without a head. I don't even have kids! I don't see how you all do it, I barely have time to brush my hair in the morning. But you know, some of this stuff I'm enjoying. I saw a friend the other day I hadn't seen in almost a year, and it was really cool hanging out and reconnecting. Of course, I heart the internet too; blogging and reading blogs is my favorite.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The earth has come off of its axis!
My coffee girl QUIT! She is moving to Georgia. BAH! Georgia sucks! I was just talking about her the other day, and I find out this morning she is leaving me! I do not like change unless it benefits me in some way. She is the only one who not only knows what I order (since I can't remember), but she mixes it right. This is VERY important. People who do not live in Seattle may not understand the concept of proper coffee making. I am very distraught.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
I'm doing my research and catching up on current events this morning. If you don't want to hear it, go away. I'm not in the mood for whining. Perhaps I will post something later for the rest of you, but for the few out there that I know follow my research, here are some important places to go for news about the current state of union and its seriousness. You're welcome.
seekingalpha.com
marketwatch.com
atimes.com
culturechange.org
Monday, June 23, 2008
Sexy Badger?
Someone sent me a badger's profile and thought it resembled me perfectly. Gee, thanks. LOL!
Then I got to thinking, do I really like SPF36 ("Sugar Plum Fairy", and 36 is my age) for my prison bitch name or should I go with Sexy Badger? I think we need a vote. Below you will find the badger profile. The parts in bold, I agree with.
The Badger
Badgers are generally pleasant, solitary animals who are mainly active at night. They tend to be inactive during the winter months. They are not true hibernators but spend much of the winter in cycles of torpor that usually last about 29 hours. (Torpor: a state of motor and mental inactivity with a partial suspension of sensibility.) If threatened, they attack explosively with hissing, growling and biting. They love to eat and do so voraciously.
Badgers are known as fierce, independent creatures with almost legendary courage bordering on lunacy. Having had to literally claw themselves a place in the world, badgers are known for their tenacity and cunning. While the badgers are fond of taking on all comers, and even their own, when their misty highlands are threatened, their true mettle comes to light. Few truly like the badgers, but the wise respect them.
Then I got to thinking, do I really like SPF36 ("Sugar Plum Fairy", and 36 is my age) for my prison bitch name or should I go with Sexy Badger? I think we need a vote. Below you will find the badger profile. The parts in bold, I agree with.
The Badger
Badgers are generally pleasant, solitary animals who are mainly active at night. They tend to be inactive during the winter months. They are not true hibernators but spend much of the winter in cycles of torpor that usually last about 29 hours. (Torpor: a state of motor and mental inactivity with a partial suspension of sensibility.) If threatened, they attack explosively with hissing, growling and biting. They love to eat and do so voraciously.
Badgers are known as fierce, independent creatures with almost legendary courage bordering on lunacy. Having had to literally claw themselves a place in the world, badgers are known for their tenacity and cunning. While the badgers are fond of taking on all comers, and even their own, when their misty highlands are threatened, their true mettle comes to light. Few truly like the badgers, but the wise respect them.
Sundays are weird.
You'd think because Sunday is a weekend day that I would love it, but not really. Lately I've been getting up really early, like 4 am or so, and I don't know what to do with myself. Do I have breakfast? Do I surf the internet? Blah. I always end up staying up for a couple of hours, then going back to bed and just lay there thinking about stuff. I was really tired from Saturday, you know all the sitting in the sun watching somebody do a garage sale wears you out, but nevertheless, I was pooped. I was supposed to go back to the garage sale again on Sunday, but I just didn't feel up to it. I didn't mean to be a flake, but I felt a little grumpy and no one likes that.
In other news, I'm still losing weight, just not quite as rapidly, it always slows down after the first few weeks, but that is normal and healthy. I LOVE the program I'm using. It is SUPER easy, and it works like a charm for me. It is the kind of program I feel I can do the rest of my life without feeling like I'm on a "diet". Because everyone knows "diets" don't work and you have to change your lifestyle. I used to do Body for Life, which is an awesome program, but it is really restrictive, and I find myself not staying consistent with it because you have to eat, like, 7 meals per day and workout 6 days a week, which means all you are ever doing is thinking about food and exercise, and I'm sorry, there is WAY more to life. Different things work for different people though, and I think I've finally found what works for me.
"EAT STOP EAT" is what I've adopted into my life. (You can find the link to their website on my sidebar.) The concept is controversial with some because you "fast" twice a week, but honestly, I've never felt so good. I think I'm ridding my body of toxins, and when you are fasting, you have this INCREDIBLE amount of energy for some reason. I can vacuum the house in 5 minutes flat! The popular theory is that you lose muscle when you fast, but you actually don't if you are weight training at least 3 times a week. I have been doing this for 2 months now and have dropped 25 pounds without losing ANY muscle. I measured my fat/muscle ratio Friday and I've lost fat, but no muscle! I adore weightlifting, too, so it is easy for me to do that Mon, Wed, Fri at my lunch break with some friends. We do some cardio occasionally too, but I prefer to get outside and walk/run or hike for that. The treadmill just makes me want to kill myself.
The basic principles are you eat like a normal person the other 5 days, of course trying to incorporate mostly healthy stuff, but there is nothing saying you can't have a couple pieces of pizza or McDonald's in moderation. It is all about balance and LIKING what you eat, rather than trying to shove gross protein shakes and flavorless chicken breasts down your throat all the time. Which gets old FAST. Let me tell you. I generally have coffee when I wake up on workdays (regular omelets and such on the weekend), then a light lunch, sometimes tuna and veggies or a sandwich/soup (or sometimes frozen burritos), then a nice lean meat/veggie dinner. For example, I had lamb chops and asparagus Saturday night and tonight I'm having lemon pepper pork loin and a veggie medley. I drink an assload of water, I always have. After a vigorous workout, I will head to either "Jamba Juice" or "Emerald City Smoothie" to get my fruit in.
My fasting days are so easy, too. After eating dinner on say, Monday night, I won't eat again until Tuesday night dinner. That way, 8 hours of my fast is spent sleeping, and I still have coffee in the morning because I drink it black. The rest of my work is not interrupted, I just drink my water and have plain tea or coffee. My tummy has stopped rumbling and like I said, the energy is incredible. I get more work done and I don't stress over what to bring for lunch. (Also a money saver.) So anyway, that is what I'm doing and its working. I do not feel deprived or stressed about it. If I screw up a fast day, I just make it different day. Gotta like flexibility.
I'm thinking about getting my nails done again. It is somewhat of a pain in the rectal region, but I do feel pretty and "finished" when I do it.
In other news, I'm still losing weight, just not quite as rapidly, it always slows down after the first few weeks, but that is normal and healthy. I LOVE the program I'm using. It is SUPER easy, and it works like a charm for me. It is the kind of program I feel I can do the rest of my life without feeling like I'm on a "diet". Because everyone knows "diets" don't work and you have to change your lifestyle. I used to do Body for Life, which is an awesome program, but it is really restrictive, and I find myself not staying consistent with it because you have to eat, like, 7 meals per day and workout 6 days a week, which means all you are ever doing is thinking about food and exercise, and I'm sorry, there is WAY more to life. Different things work for different people though, and I think I've finally found what works for me.
"EAT STOP EAT" is what I've adopted into my life. (You can find the link to their website on my sidebar.) The concept is controversial with some because you "fast" twice a week, but honestly, I've never felt so good. I think I'm ridding my body of toxins, and when you are fasting, you have this INCREDIBLE amount of energy for some reason. I can vacuum the house in 5 minutes flat! The popular theory is that you lose muscle when you fast, but you actually don't if you are weight training at least 3 times a week. I have been doing this for 2 months now and have dropped 25 pounds without losing ANY muscle. I measured my fat/muscle ratio Friday and I've lost fat, but no muscle! I adore weightlifting, too, so it is easy for me to do that Mon, Wed, Fri at my lunch break with some friends. We do some cardio occasionally too, but I prefer to get outside and walk/run or hike for that. The treadmill just makes me want to kill myself.
The basic principles are you eat like a normal person the other 5 days, of course trying to incorporate mostly healthy stuff, but there is nothing saying you can't have a couple pieces of pizza or McDonald's in moderation. It is all about balance and LIKING what you eat, rather than trying to shove gross protein shakes and flavorless chicken breasts down your throat all the time. Which gets old FAST. Let me tell you. I generally have coffee when I wake up on workdays (regular omelets and such on the weekend), then a light lunch, sometimes tuna and veggies or a sandwich/soup (or sometimes frozen burritos), then a nice lean meat/veggie dinner. For example, I had lamb chops and asparagus Saturday night and tonight I'm having lemon pepper pork loin and a veggie medley. I drink an assload of water, I always have. After a vigorous workout, I will head to either "Jamba Juice" or "Emerald City Smoothie" to get my fruit in.
My fasting days are so easy, too. After eating dinner on say, Monday night, I won't eat again until Tuesday night dinner. That way, 8 hours of my fast is spent sleeping, and I still have coffee in the morning because I drink it black. The rest of my work is not interrupted, I just drink my water and have plain tea or coffee. My tummy has stopped rumbling and like I said, the energy is incredible. I get more work done and I don't stress over what to bring for lunch. (Also a money saver.) So anyway, that is what I'm doing and its working. I do not feel deprived or stressed about it. If I screw up a fast day, I just make it different day. Gotta like flexibility.
I'm thinking about getting my nails done again. It is somewhat of a pain in the rectal region, but I do feel pretty and "finished" when I do it.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Helping People
I helped a friend do some packing and have a garage sale today. By help I mean I mostly sat on the couch for sale in her driveway and got sunburnt. I now have a nice farmer's tan and possibly some racoon eyes from wearing sunglasses. Sweet.
I meant to do a post today, or actually yesterday now that it is after midnight, but I was actually busy doing something besides wandering around the house talking to the voices in my head. I have no good material at the moment.
I meant to do a post today, or actually yesterday now that it is after midnight, but I was actually busy doing something besides wandering around the house talking to the voices in my head. I have no good material at the moment.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Losers.
Losers.
Sappy Mail
You know those emails you usually just delete because they are sappy and ridiculous? I almost deleted this one, but decided to look at it because it was quotes, and you know how I love good quotes. I actually really liked it and thought I would share. I will not accompany this with pictures of angels or unicorns or babies or hearts or anything that will make you want to vomit. I promise.
"There is only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved."
-George Sand 1804-1876, French Novelist
"Women wish to be loved not because they are pretty, or good, or well bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves."
-Henri Frederic Amiel 1821-1881, Swiss Philosopher, Poet, Critic
"A burning desire is the greatest motivator of every human action."
-Paul J. Meyer American Businessman, Author, Motivator
"I honestly believed I would make it. I had the desire. A lot of people have the ability, but they don't put forth the effort."
-Joe Carter 1960-, American Baseball Player
"Live the life you've dreamed."
-Henry David Thoreau
"The wilder and more incredible your desire, the more willing and prompter God is in fulfilling it, if you will have it so.''
-Coventry Patmore 1823-1896, British Poet
"Desire is the essence of a man."
-Baruch (Benedict de) Spinoza 1632-1677, Dutch Philosopher and Theologian
"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense." (Love this one!)
-Steve Landesberg
"There is only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved."
-George Sand 1804-1876, French Novelist
"Women wish to be loved not because they are pretty, or good, or well bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves."
-Henri Frederic Amiel 1821-1881, Swiss Philosopher, Poet, Critic
"A burning desire is the greatest motivator of every human action."
-Paul J. Meyer American Businessman, Author, Motivator
"I honestly believed I would make it. I had the desire. A lot of people have the ability, but they don't put forth the effort."
-Joe Carter 1960-, American Baseball Player
"Live the life you've dreamed."
-Henry David Thoreau
"The wilder and more incredible your desire, the more willing and prompter God is in fulfilling it, if you will have it so.''
-Coventry Patmore 1823-1896, British Poet
"Desire is the essence of a man."
-Baruch (Benedict de) Spinoza 1632-1677, Dutch Philosopher and Theologian
"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense." (Love this one!)
-Steve Landesberg
The best part of waking up is NOT Folgers in your cup.
Folgers tastes like dirt. It's dirt coffee. I have no problems admitting that I am a coffee snob. It has to be GOOD gourmet coffee/espresso, or nothing. Also, the best part of waking up is, nothing. It's usually the time where reality hits me, and, well, my reality kind of bites right now. But anyway, back to my snobbery. (Is that a word? It is now.) The one redeeming thing about the morning for me is rolling up to my favorite coffee stand where the girl (Amy) knows exactly what I want, I don't have to say anything! It's awesome. This morning, however, there was a new girl working. Oh no! What do I order? I can't remember! The girl asked me what I would like, and I just stared at her like a deer caught in the headlights. "I don't know!" I had to think about it for a minute and finally got it out. It doesn't taste the same, though, and I'm all pissy about it.
The snob thing also applies to food. I like gourmet food. Good food. Expensive food. I love to cook it, eat it and take pictures of it. Yes, I do eat junk food too, especially lately, but I'm even picky about that. For instance, my frozen burritos. They have to be a certain brand and can only be bean and cheese. The thought of eating a frozen burrito with mystery meat in it grosses me out. I also have to have a certain type of taco sauce with it or forget it. I'm the same way with macaroni and cheese. It MUST be Kraft DELUXE or nothing. If you try to give me that crap with powdered cheese, you will be surgically removing it from your rectum later. Don't even get me started with pizza. They closed down my beloved pizza place where I live and now I'm stuck with Dominos or Paoli's. Yuck. The sauce sucks, the crust sucks, it just sucks. I used to like Godfather's pizza, but they closed them all. I hate most all pizza places now and always regret spending the ridiculous $25 to get one. Papa Murphy's bake your own is the only halfway decent one I can tolerate right now.
I know, high maintenance. I'm definitely high Maintenace about this. Other things, not as much. I just like what I like and want what I want. I could care less what brand my pants are. As long as they are not on inside out.
This is the current cookbook I have my eyeballs on. A master Italian chef I used to work for said, "If you can master your sauces, you can make a table taste good."
The snob thing also applies to food. I like gourmet food. Good food. Expensive food. I love to cook it, eat it and take pictures of it. Yes, I do eat junk food too, especially lately, but I'm even picky about that. For instance, my frozen burritos. They have to be a certain brand and can only be bean and cheese. The thought of eating a frozen burrito with mystery meat in it grosses me out. I also have to have a certain type of taco sauce with it or forget it. I'm the same way with macaroni and cheese. It MUST be Kraft DELUXE or nothing. If you try to give me that crap with powdered cheese, you will be surgically removing it from your rectum later. Don't even get me started with pizza. They closed down my beloved pizza place where I live and now I'm stuck with Dominos or Paoli's. Yuck. The sauce sucks, the crust sucks, it just sucks. I used to like Godfather's pizza, but they closed them all. I hate most all pizza places now and always regret spending the ridiculous $25 to get one. Papa Murphy's bake your own is the only halfway decent one I can tolerate right now.
I know, high maintenance. I'm definitely high Maintenace about this. Other things, not as much. I just like what I like and want what I want. I could care less what brand my pants are. As long as they are not on inside out.
This is the current cookbook I have my eyeballs on. A master Italian chef I used to work for said, "If you can master your sauces, you can make a table taste good."
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Exciting News?
No, you will have to go to another blog for that. PSYCH. I have been rather boring lately. Last night, I came from work, plopped on the couch for yet another frozen burrito and attempted to watch TV, but really just stared at the screen and the wall because I can't concentrate on anything. I have the motivation of a slug right now. My mom brought me back some Christmas decorations from my grandma's house, and they are still sitting in my living room; so, it looks at though I am celebrating Christmas in June.
I fell asleep on the couch until 3 a.m., and then did the drunk walk down the hallway bumping into the walls going to the bedroom. (No alcohol has been consumed by me since my glass of champagne in the bubble bath, I was just half asleep.) I got another couple of hours of sleep but woke up sideways on the bed. I have no idea, but I apparently did some "Linda Blair" moves because the dogs were nowhere to be found. They stayed in the living room.
It was FREEZING in the house this morning, so I went into the laundry room to dry some underwear (since I had no clean ones) which made the laundry room warm, so I stayed in there to get dressed. Have I told you about my sexy underwear? I haven't? Well, you are in for a treat. I have granny underwear with little martini glasses on them.
So now, here I sit at work, beginning my day blogging. Someone here reads my blog, but I can't figure out who it is, so if you are reading this, "Hi!" and if you don't nark on me for blogging, I'll buy you a coffee.
I am going over to my mom's again today and I'm going to drag her out bowling for the evening. Whether she likes it or not. She used to be in a league, so she will kick my butt, but there is little to do in this town and I need to get out. Don't expect pictures, though, because she will threaten me with bodily harm, then follow through with the bodily harm if I post any pictures of her on the internet. I tell her it's OK, but she doesn't buy it. You see, I welcome stalkers. Come stalk me! I need some excitement! If you get out of hand, I'll just shoot you. Your eyes will roll to the back of your head from boredom, though, I'm sure of it. If you're lucky, you might catch a glimpse of my martini underwear.
OH MY GOD. You are not going to believe I am telling the truth, but I am. I really, really am. I just discovered that I am wearing my pants INSIDE OUT. I am NOT KIDDING. They are black, so it's hard to tell, but I am seriously losing it, people. This is a first. Without drinking. I am mortified. MORTIFIED. Perhaps I shouldn't get dressed in the laundry room anymore. LOL!
I fell asleep on the couch until 3 a.m., and then did the drunk walk down the hallway bumping into the walls going to the bedroom. (No alcohol has been consumed by me since my glass of champagne in the bubble bath, I was just half asleep.) I got another couple of hours of sleep but woke up sideways on the bed. I have no idea, but I apparently did some "Linda Blair" moves because the dogs were nowhere to be found. They stayed in the living room.
It was FREEZING in the house this morning, so I went into the laundry room to dry some underwear (since I had no clean ones) which made the laundry room warm, so I stayed in there to get dressed. Have I told you about my sexy underwear? I haven't? Well, you are in for a treat. I have granny underwear with little martini glasses on them.
So now, here I sit at work, beginning my day blogging. Someone here reads my blog, but I can't figure out who it is, so if you are reading this, "Hi!" and if you don't nark on me for blogging, I'll buy you a coffee.
I am going over to my mom's again today and I'm going to drag her out bowling for the evening. Whether she likes it or not. She used to be in a league, so she will kick my butt, but there is little to do in this town and I need to get out. Don't expect pictures, though, because she will threaten me with bodily harm, then follow through with the bodily harm if I post any pictures of her on the internet. I tell her it's OK, but she doesn't buy it. You see, I welcome stalkers. Come stalk me! I need some excitement! If you get out of hand, I'll just shoot you. Your eyes will roll to the back of your head from boredom, though, I'm sure of it. If you're lucky, you might catch a glimpse of my martini underwear.
OH MY GOD. You are not going to believe I am telling the truth, but I am. I really, really am. I just discovered that I am wearing my pants INSIDE OUT. I am NOT KIDDING. They are black, so it's hard to tell, but I am seriously losing it, people. This is a first. Without drinking. I am mortified. MORTIFIED. Perhaps I shouldn't get dressed in the laundry room anymore. LOL!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Autopilot & iTunes
Right now, I'm tuning everyone out listening to iTunes with my headphones on. I have a load of tedious paperwork and data entry to do, and my brain will be mush I'm sure, by noon. I don't have to think too much about those activities, so the music helps with the monotony. I'm listening to the soundtrack from "Lost in Translation". I decided I liked it after watching it a week or so ago and downloaded some songs. I especially like "Girls" by "Death in Vegas" and "Just Like Honey" by "The Jesus and Mary Chain". Are you sick of my stupid selfies, yet?
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
An Odd Stop
I took my mom out for dinner tonight right after work, and it was really nice. I wasn't having a meltdown this time, and we got to talk, just the two of us. I mean really talk. We have a bond now that is stronger than it ever was before, and it is so sweet. I'm not afraid to tell her things anymore and I can really be myself. We went to one of her favorite Mexican food places where they serve the best sangria. (She really missed her sangria in California.) I'm completely stuffed, and I don't think I'll eat for a week.
On the drive home, I had an overwhelming feeling to stop by the river. There is a big river that runs through the town I live in, and I don't think I've been down to it for years. I kept thinking, "Why do I have this weird feeling to stop? It's 8:30 at damn night!" It was still daylight, but still, very strange. So, all by myself, I drove down the unpaved, rocky hill into this little picnic area parking lot. I sat in the SUV for a few minutes feeling a little dumb, then all of a sudden, I felt like I wanted to get out and walk down to the bank of the river. So, I did. In clogs. Nothing special happened, really, I just stood there, staring at the river. So beautiful, and so quiet. There was no one else there, just me. I just watched the rushing water. I don't know how long I stood there, maybe 10 minutes or so. I drove home in silence. I walked into the house, which was also oddly quiet. So, there you have it, my little detour home. I have no idea, I guess I'm just a weirdo. Now I'm blogging about it.
On the drive home, I had an overwhelming feeling to stop by the river. There is a big river that runs through the town I live in, and I don't think I've been down to it for years. I kept thinking, "Why do I have this weird feeling to stop? It's 8:30 at damn night!" It was still daylight, but still, very strange. So, all by myself, I drove down the unpaved, rocky hill into this little picnic area parking lot. I sat in the SUV for a few minutes feeling a little dumb, then all of a sudden, I felt like I wanted to get out and walk down to the bank of the river. So, I did. In clogs. Nothing special happened, really, I just stood there, staring at the river. So beautiful, and so quiet. There was no one else there, just me. I just watched the rushing water. I don't know how long I stood there, maybe 10 minutes or so. I drove home in silence. I walked into the house, which was also oddly quiet. So, there you have it, my little detour home. I have no idea, I guess I'm just a weirdo. Now I'm blogging about it.
Special Agent CrazyDogMama
So, I officially reached the "too old" point on May 12 to be recruited into the FBI. Which I was seriously considering. No one knew. So, mom, you can breathe now. Back in college I was approached by a recruiter that wanted to send me to Quantico ASAP; they wanted to yank me out only two years into college, then send me back to finish. (Having a bachelor's degree is required for employment.) I didn't take it because I wasn't ready to leave everything and everyone I knew behind. I interned for the local sheriff's department instead, in the fraud unit, then went on to the academy after that. A part of me regrets not taking the opportunity, but then again, it obviously wasn't meant to be. There is something else, I think, that is awaiting me. Something very interesting.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Um, these are good!
"Rockstar Roasted Coffee Latte"
Somebody save me from myself.
"When Ignorance is Bliss, Somebody Save Me from Myself" - Jars of Clay
It's an interesting quote/lyric, I think. I'm not going to write my interpretation or what it means to me but leave that to you. You might think it is intriguing or insightful, or you may just think it is ridiculous and makes no sense. It's up to you. That is the beauty of lyrics, poems, quotes, books, and basically everything communicated, it is subject to interpretation. Sometimes I find something that really speaks to me for whatever reason. This is what got me thinking today.
I had a major meltdown yesterday, which was really fun, and I felt so bad for doing that when it was the first time I had seen my mom in so long. She worries about me, and she is dealing with major stuff herself. I kept apologizing, which she didn't understand, but I wanted her to know that I wasn't trying to upset her, that my emotions were just on overload. I'm calmer today, although my eyes look like somebody punched me in them. They are all puffy and swollen. I hate that. Coming to work sometimes helps get my mind off of things. I am forced to deal with the world, and responsibilities.
In my younger days, especially when I was in Law Enforcement, I had the ability to be "robotic" with my emotions. I could turn them off with the snap of my fingers. Completely disengage from emotion all together whenever I wanted to. For some reason, I lost that ability somewhere along the road. It wasn't that I didn't have emotions, I could just control them. I would simply say to myself, "I'll cry about that later, or I'll get angry about that tomorrow." Just shove those pesky feelings aside. I can still maintain absolute control in a crisis, but on an everyday level, if I feel sad, I'm sad, if I feel irritated, I'm irritated. No hiding it. Weird, huh?
I had Eggo waffles for breakfast from the company kitchen this morning. My eating has been less than stellar this last week. I haven't cooked, just been eating crap. Macaroni and cheese, frozen burritos, waffles, etc., or not eating at all. I'm thinking I need some vegetables and lean meat soon because I was doing so well, and now I feel like a big pile of poo. No wonder, my brain is fuzzy from all the junk food.
It's an interesting quote/lyric, I think. I'm not going to write my interpretation or what it means to me but leave that to you. You might think it is intriguing or insightful, or you may just think it is ridiculous and makes no sense. It's up to you. That is the beauty of lyrics, poems, quotes, books, and basically everything communicated, it is subject to interpretation. Sometimes I find something that really speaks to me for whatever reason. This is what got me thinking today.
I had a major meltdown yesterday, which was really fun, and I felt so bad for doing that when it was the first time I had seen my mom in so long. She worries about me, and she is dealing with major stuff herself. I kept apologizing, which she didn't understand, but I wanted her to know that I wasn't trying to upset her, that my emotions were just on overload. I'm calmer today, although my eyes look like somebody punched me in them. They are all puffy and swollen. I hate that. Coming to work sometimes helps get my mind off of things. I am forced to deal with the world, and responsibilities.
In my younger days, especially when I was in Law Enforcement, I had the ability to be "robotic" with my emotions. I could turn them off with the snap of my fingers. Completely disengage from emotion all together whenever I wanted to. For some reason, I lost that ability somewhere along the road. It wasn't that I didn't have emotions, I could just control them. I would simply say to myself, "I'll cry about that later, or I'll get angry about that tomorrow." Just shove those pesky feelings aside. I can still maintain absolute control in a crisis, but on an everyday level, if I feel sad, I'm sad, if I feel irritated, I'm irritated. No hiding it. Weird, huh?
I had Eggo waffles for breakfast from the company kitchen this morning. My eating has been less than stellar this last week. I haven't cooked, just been eating crap. Macaroni and cheese, frozen burritos, waffles, etc., or not eating at all. I'm thinking I need some vegetables and lean meat soon because I was doing so well, and now I feel like a big pile of poo. No wonder, my brain is fuzzy from all the junk food.
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