Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Have you ever noticed?

Change is inevitable, but much of the time the things you WANT to change, don't, and the things you DON'T WANT to change, do?

My alarm is supposed to go off at 6 am. I've been up since 5 am, and not because I am excited to go work. What is wrong with me? Why do I have so much trouble sleeping? When I was a kid, I could sleep anywhere, anytime. My parents were on a bowling league, and I even fell asleep at the bowling alley. It's only been the last couple of years that this sleeping thing has been a problem, and I've been stressed out longer than a couple of years. I can't get certain things off of my mind, yet I can't really concentrate on any one thing for too long. Its maddening! The really strange thing is, I LOVE to sleep. You'd think it would be easy for me since I love it so much. I get all cuddled up in my blankies with the fuzz-butts and I feel safe and warm. I guess I'm good with naps, but the nighttime thing just doesn't work anymore.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Everybody Loves Raymond

I didn't really watch it when it was on the air, but "Everybody Loves Raymond" is a damn funny show. I've been watching reruns and DYING from laughter at some of the scenes. There is some good writing for that show.

Best Moment #1: When Raymond is the only witness to his brother Robert's newest girlfriend eating a fly. You have to watch the whole episode, because the best part is toward the end when Raymond is trying to explain to his wife Debra and brother what he saw. OMG, it's hilarious.

Best Moment #2: (One of the reasons I don't have children.) Ray's wife brought an "unapproved" snack to their daughter's T-ball game and when she was reprimanded, she got mad and refused to bring the right kind of snack next week. Not supporting his wife making a point, Ray sneaks in some "approved snacks" and gives it to the weenie dad when Debra leaves for a moment. The dad is trying to thank Ray and doesn't know Debra doesn't know, and in fear of Debra getting really mad, Ray freaks out. I had to keep rewinding this scene.

Train Tunnels & Ice

*Before I get into this, I have to tell you that I have received a HUGE amount of crap for deleting my "Turn On's" post so quickly, so for the 100th time, I'M SORRY! BOA, I promise to not care about what anyone thinks anymore.

Now, as most of you know, I don't sleep well. I either sleep too much, or don't sleep at all. Well, last night was no exception, but it was the sleep for 2 hours, then wake up for 2 hours, on repeat. During those brief slumber periods, though, I must have hit REM sleep because I had some bizarre dreams. Most of the time people either have nonsensical dreams, or just random subconscious dreams. Me? I have premonition and "vision" dreams, vivid "epic" dreams with plots and development, and ones I call "must be a product of my therapy" or symbolic of emotions dreams. I think the dreams I had last night were the symbolic emotion kind.

"The Train Tunnel Dream"
I was in a train tunnel. It wasn't a very long tunnel, and it smelled like a cow pasture. There were a few others in the tunnel with me, no one I recognized, just random faces. Every few seconds, a really fast train would come flying through the tunnel at a warp speed. Sparks would fly as it cornered the rails on its way out of the tunnel. We would all have to smash ourselves up against the wall each time the train came through to avoid getting run over. Every time I tried to make a run for it to get out of the tunnel, I heard the roaring of the train coming and had to slam up against the wall again. My truck was parked just outside the tunnel, and I was trying to get to it, but was having no luck. The train almost hit the truck every time it cornered, and I would hold my breath because it was my only ticket out of there. As you can imagine I was frustrated and agitated. I was trapped and could see a way out but couldn't quite get there. After many attempts to run or just inch my way along, I finally looked at the other people and said, "Fuck it!", I'm out of here, if I get run over, I get run over. A man standing next to me grabbed my shoulder and said, "WAIT", have patience. I looked over at him and said, "Have you met me? I'm Cheryl, and I have zero patience." He just laughed but held on to my shoulder. I sighed and felt the wind of the damn train go by again. It was LOUD. The man told me that there was a pattern to the trains, and if we could figure it out, then we could escape without harm. Unfortunately, that's all I remember.

"The Ice Dream"
The other dream I remember was a little funny. I had been driving trying to find a place and was a little lost. I was with two other people, a couple. I didn't like them for some reason, and they didn't like me. We stopped at some cafe somewhere for something to eat and we were all drinking sodas; me regular coke, and them diet cokes. I got up to refill mine and they slid their cups over to me so that I could refill theirs too. I was annoyed but picked them up anyway. I went over to the soda dispenser and started getting ice for all of the cups. Ice went EVERYWHERE, and I mean everywhere. It was shooting out all over the floor and piling up. I just kind of stood there watching it happen. The couple were looking at me shaking their heads as if saying "she can't even fill sodas". The ice wouldn't stop, and I just started to crack up.

I need a dream interpreter!

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Another MEME.

Aren't you guys sick of these yet?

Like you don't know enough about me already. Some of my readers don't have blogs and I never get to tag them with these things and therefore don't get to know anything. I don't know how many of these I can even answer right now, but I'll give it a shot.

1. Favorite Person - I like Hole's answer: My Soulmate. It's a weird term, though, do you think those really exist, or is it just your special someone that you connect with?
2. Favorite Food - Steak.
3. Quirks about you - OMG. You tell me. I am one big quirk.
4. How would the person who loves you most describe you in ten words or less? I don't know. I hope it would be good things.
5. Any regrets in life? - Yup.
6. Favorite charity/cause - The CrazyDogMama charity/cause. We like donations, compliments and comments.
7. Favorite Blog - I don't have just one. I love all my peeps.
8. Something you can't get enough of - Um, let's not go there.
9. Worst job you ever had - Bookkeeper for "Cucina Cucina". My boss was a dickhead and when I went up against him for harassment, he fired me, and no one would listen to me. Fuckers.
10. What job would you pay NOT to have - I don't know.
11. If you could be a fly on the wall anywhere, where would it be? - I can't say.
12. Bible verse? There are lots of them.
13. Guilty pleasure - Massages and iced mochas.
14. Got any confessions? - Yeah, like I'm going to tell you.
15. If you had $1000 to spend on YOURSELF, what would you spend it on? - Right now? Either a new laptop or a plane ticket out of town.
16. Favorite thing about your house - My red wall.
17. Least favorite thing - I'm assuming about my house? It is too small. If you turn around, you run into yourself.
18. One thing you are bad at - Getting what I want.
19. If you could change one thing about your current circumstances, what would it be? - I'm not talking about that.
20. Who would you like to meet someday? - Some of my readers. Yogagirl (we almost got to!), KS, Otter.
21. What makes you feel sexy? - When people make me feel good about myself.
22. Who is your real-life hero? - All of our soldiers.
23. What is the hardest part of your job? - When I have nearly impossible deadlines.
24. When are you most relaxed? - I'm never relaxed.
25. What stresses you out? - Everything.
26. What can you NOT live without - Love, sex, food.
27. Do you agree or disagree with the recent article that reported that blogs are authored by narcissists? - Who cares. I'm a narcissist! Cool!
28. Why do you blog? - I like the attention and I love to write.
29. Who are you tagging? - All my readers that have not done so already, with blogs or not.

Chaos

I have been pulling out my hair since 6 am this morning. I'm having computer/internet problems and I don't handle that well. I haven't done anything but sit in my office like a crazed animal. I think there is a big outage or problem somewhere because many of the sites I frequent are "down". I need to eat, I need to bathe, I need to comb my hair, I need to get out of my T-shirt and underwear. AAHH! Help me!

You want a picture of me crazed out? It's not pretty. Regarding your "Knights in Shining Armor" comment, Hole? Mine needs to come equipped with excellent computer skills and the ability to woo me away from the computer. LOL.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

The eyes are the window to the soul.

I bought some blue eyeliner. Try to hold back your enthusiasm. I have been using either reddish-brown or black for about 15 years now and I was at Macy's and thought, hey, blue! I've got blue eyes, what the hell. I've decided that I can't really tell the difference. Perhaps I just can't see that well anymore. Well, at any case, here are my eyeballs. Wrinkles, imperfections, and all. The 10-megapixel camera really picks up those details. Gah.

Have I gone soft?

Nah, I'm still feisty, passionate and playful, don't you worry. I was just embarrassed a little. Sometimes when I express myself, I think it makes some people uncomfortable. They don't quite know what to think. Oh well, too bad for them. I have to go marinate my chicken now - I'm putting together a big spread.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Maybe I should have left the poll up longer.

Sorry y'all.

My intention was not to be crude or unladylike or anything like that, and I certainly didn't want to "scare" anyone. I do that enough on a regular basis. LOL. (I thought my answers were nice and normal!) I just wanted to be fun and different. If you still want to play, please comment your "turn-ons" for me, anonymously if you prefer. Juice, you can repost your witty comment here, I would be honored.

You have to forgive me; I am going through a very hard time in my life. My therapy has become very intense and I'm just trying to embrace life a little. I haven't been able to do that in a long time.

My fans are clearly not ready for my polls.

Went and saw "The Strangers". I liked its intensity and fear-factor, but there were some holes in the plot, you know, the victims making dumb choices. Fun to go see, not too much gore, more "the killer is right behind you creeping around" kind of stuff. There were way too many teenagers in the audience, which of course irritates me to no end. They were surprisingly quiet during the movie (for the most part), I think because the movie has a lot of "intense silence".

Since it was based on true events, that made it more disturbing, otherwise it would have been so-so. None of you care, huh?

NOTE: During the previews, a teenager behind us was confused on why Sarah Jessica Parker of Sex and the City is so popular, because she has a "horse face". HAHA! Sorry girls, I couldn't even sit through one episode of that garbage, to me it should be called "Whores in the City".

The Death Shirt

Would anyone care if I stopped posting? I need a hug. Maybe I can get BOA and Big Pissy to come on over and discuss the LOST finale with me, and anyone else that watches it. (I know you are out there! All of you lurkers need to speak up!) They FINALLY answered some questions, I was thrilled. There are 200 unanswered ones, but still. The space-time continuum thing is still a little confusing, but we know who is in the coffin now. And what about Jin? We saw that flash-forward that didn't make any sense. Well, now we wait until January. ARG.

I also miss Jack Bauer. I'm so not happy that "24" is not on this year because of the stupid strike. Don't you all think we need a "David Palmer" for president? Egads, is it just me that fears for this country right now? I HATE talking politics on my blog because it just invites heated arguments and hate mail and all the things that make we want to hide, but I just can't stand ANY of the candidates. I'm sorry if you love one of them, but I just don't see good things. I guess I don't see good things in any politician these days. I did like Reagan. OK, enough of that.

I'm going to go see "The Strangers" tonight come hell or high water. I've been seeing so many movies lately. Before the last few weeks, it had been like a year since I went to the movies. Do any of you know anything about "Poultrygeist"? Yes, that's POULTY, not POLTER. OMG, Google it. You will die.

I am also wearing the "death shirt" today. I am not a superstitious person, but this is ridiculous. The last 3 times I wore this shirt, someone died. Including my dad and father inlaw. I was never going to wear it again, but it was the only thing clean. PLEASE DON'T DIE TODAY, OK?

I'm all over the place on this blog entry today, sorry. Too much coffee, I guess.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Iron Man

My company surprised us with "Iron Man" tickets today (the movie). Just got back. Not usually my type of thing, but I was impressed! It was pretty good. It was most definitely better than working. What did you all do today?

Life is too short.

I had a really good time last night with my friends. When I got home it was a little weird, but I'll save that for later.

You wouldn't think that coming to realizations that "life is too short" would be difficult, but some of us struggle with that. I have lots of life to live, and I intend on getting right on that! I must stop being so bunged up about things. No, Cheryl was not abducted by aliens, it's really me, hi!

I'm not sure yet, but I just got wind that my company may be doing something fun this afternoon. I'm liking the sound of that.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

More fun nights out, please!

We dished. I had wine. Probably too much. I could be drunk blogging. I went back to work briefly to sober up for a few minutes since it's an hour drive home. (Hence the blogging.) I will probably regret posting these pics tomorrow, but this is my recommendation to you of what to do when you are sobering up at 9:30 pm at your cubical in a building by yourself. I am feeling pretty darn good right now, and not just because of the wine. It was really great to talk to my girly friends. I think I might be getting somewhere with my inner turmoil, all I needed was time to assess, time in therapy, time with friends and a little alcohol. It's not all that simple really, it takes (and will take) time to make big changes, and even some small ones, but sometimes this little light goes on above your head. Then you feel free and hopeful again and people suddenly look at you and say, "Good for you!"



Better Late than Never!

OK, so it's been a little more than an hour, I got busy at work. Now I'm trying to scarf down lunch of curry chicken soup and popcorn. Is that weird? Don't answer that.

The positive part of the post is this: I get to have drinks/apps with some girly friends tonight, and just got word that we can go a little earlier and make happy hour! I don't get out often, so I get excited about the little things. I hear wine and antipasto calling my name.

Last night, I got to spend the evening by myself, picked myself up a personal pizza and curled up with my buddy the internet and watched a little TV. I think there was something wrong with the pizza, though, because it came back up. I won't be eating pizza for a while. TMI? Sorry. You're the dummy that reads this blog. That's all I've got. For now.

A Little Melancholy

You should be used to this by now. I'm feeling like my life is in "limbo". Have you ever felt that way? Waiting, like a spring ready to be sprung. Not going backward, but not going forward either. Fear of the unknown? Waiting for the planets to be aligned correctly? I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing, or what to do next sometimes. It's like nothing is changing on the outside, but there are big ones happening on the inside. I'm missing my dad today, too. I wish I could talk to him, get his advice on some things. Go out to our favorite Thai food joint that my mom refused to go to, and just talk about everything. He was always so worried about me, yet proud of me at the same time. He would tell me to pull my head out of my ass. (LOL!), but in a loving way, though. This time last year we were fishing, and it was so sweet. He had shown me over a million times how to put my fishing pole together (rigging) based on the terrain of the water, but I just could never get it right. So, he would do it for me. Then I would catch all the fish and he would spend the day getting them off the hook for me instead of watching his own pole. I miss him so much.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

This is how my day is going.

I can't help but laugh at these things. First, one of my co-workers is REALLY mad at me. I just gave him back a gigantic package of complicated engineering drawings because I found errors. He asked me if we could "let it slide this once?". I said no. (Hey! It's my job!) I didn't get promoted because I "let things slide". Several engineers around his cubical were rolling in laughter because they know it will take him forever to fix it.

Second, my skirt is really long, and when I roll around in my chair from one side of my cubical to the next, the skirt gets caught in the wheels and yanks it off my hips. OOPS. I'm paranoid it's going to rip and then what will I do? I have it hiked up around my thighs right now and I'm hoping to God no one comes up behind me without my knowledge. I'm just a complete mess, aren't I?

It's a blog-a-thon today. I'm feeling chatty.

This brings me back.

Our company gave out iPods a few years ago to all the employees, so everyone has iTunes on their computer and we "share" our music. I was looking through someone's selection and found "Angel" by Aerosmith. LOL! I remember being a teenager wanting a guy to feel that way about me so bad. Isn't that funny? Rockers trying to do love songs cracks me up, but still. Silly, huh? Ah, youth.

Mysterious Peasant Girl

Back at the cubical for a fun-filled day of engineering drawings, a therapy session and traffic. Good times. I'm wearing my relatively new "peasant skirt" today and people always remark on it. They say things like, "Pretty colors!" or "Look at you!". It's nice, of course, but it's funny to me. I'm usually wearing black pants, so it is noticeable when I change it up, I guess. I was going to take a pic of my lovely bruise, but it's a little too "revealing", so I decided against it. I took a pic of my skirt instead. I feel like Holly Hobbie or Laura Ingalls or something. Hehe. One other thing. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but my bra is DRIVING ME CRAZY. It's itchy and I want to just yank it off! I hate it when they are pokey. I probably shouldn't go braless at work though.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Scary after 9 pm.

At least it will be a short week having Monday off. Other than doing some stretching this morning, I have been a complete sloth today. I'm hungry, but everything that sounds good, we don't have. I don't want to go out because it is scary in this town after 9 at night, especially if you bathe and have all of your teeth. (I live in a very small mountain town and there are some scary locals.) I watched "Black Snake Moan" again (I like that movie) and spent a good chunk of the afternoon trying to fix my computer. OMG how frustrating that can be! But what do you know? I ACTUALLY fixed it! I am in utter shock. I actually figured it out! I was panicking because my computer is my life blood. If I can't check my email, blog, surf the internet and fiddle with my photos, I will lose my mind. I am so proud of myself.

I'm not feeling tired at all. I feel a "Sleepless in Seattle" night coming on.

Fakin' the Funk to Facilitate the Fraud

Caveman wants to know what this means, and he is the ONLY one who gave me a suggestion on what to write, so kudos to you KS! The rest of you are buttmunches.

I have to warn you, this is really deep. LOL. I didn't come up with it. Jim said it one day and I just looked at him and said, "What?". It sounded funny to me. Stringing all the "F's" together like that. He had a friend in the Army that was African American, and he said, "Fakin' the Funk" all the time as to mean "Trying to be cool while actually being cheesy or dorky." (That fits me, huh?) Jim later added "to Facilitate the Fraud" to mean "to cover up all the bullshit".

I have always thought that in keeping a blog, you could just be anyone you wanted to be and talk about life in exactly what manner you wanted. You know, make yourself sound so great! I thought that it would be the perfect title phrase because most blogs are full of fluff and stupid crap. (It also makes people scrunch up their face and say, "What?", which is funny.) Now, while my blog is definitely full of stupid crap, unfortunately for me, I have been known to spill my guts and am honest like an idiot. No, I don't reveal my entire life, because there are other people's feelings to consider, but I have a hard time being fake or phony. On the internet it is hard to know who a 'real' person is. But from me, what you see (or hear) is pretty much what you get.

So, no, I'm far from a gangster. (LOL, I can't believe you actually said that!) I'm just a dorky white girl who can't even be fake enough to be someone great on a blog.

It's funny to me that you think I'm mysterious. Is that the only mystery for you, or is there something else that puzzles you? I guess I should take it as a compliment, don't girls want to be mysterious? I don't even know. I think YOU are the mysterious one, KS.