Update on Louie

The vet called and said Lou-bear was doing better. They hydrated him and he hasn't lost his bloody bowels for a while. His bloodwork and other tests came back negative, so they gave him a shot of penicillin and will be sending him home with some special food and antibiotics. They still don't know exactly what's wrong, but they are hopeful it will pass. I'm breathing again. I still have the rest of my life to sort out, but I'm breathing. No more death and sickness, please. Thank you.

I need to go home and love on the little guy. I am the only one who REALLY loves him. I'm the dogmama. I think anyone else would have taken his ornery ass to the pound by now. But not me. Not me.

Not Good.

Lou is really sick. He vomited on the way to the vet and pooped blood all over the vet's floor. They don't know what is wrong and are keeping him for observation. The bill is exponentially climbing, and I don't know what they will do when I tell them I can't pay it all today. I'm fucked. In so many ways. I want to cry, and I can't because I'm at work, and I am insanely busy, of course. Then there is this. The one thing in the world I want (and need) most seems far away and out of my reach. I had therapy today and now that I've been seeing her for a while and she knows me well, she is telling me about some tough choices/actions I have to take in my life if I want to get better, or be happy, that are really hard for me. We seemed to have kicked the "I can't lose weight" problem, so I guess she knows what she is doing. I'm sorry Annie, I can't make nacho night, I'm a mess. Next week? I'm so sorry and thank you for the invite, it means a lot. If Louie dies or stays sick, I'm going to lose it. I'm just not strong anymore. To top everything off I just got into an argument with Jim. Nice. This is all just too fucking much.

They want to see Lou right away at the vet.

This is panic face.

Lou is going to the vet at 1:30. I hope my boy is OK. I love him more than I love most people. There is so much other drama right now that this is not good. Sorry I can't talk about the other stuff on my blog. The screaming girl in my "Wordless Wednesday" photo compilation is quite apropos at the moment. Keep me in your thoughts today, I have much on my mind. Life is weird and changing and I'm having trouble handling it. I need my Louie to be OK, I really, really do.

I'm crazy out-of-my-mind worried!

This has been a shit week for me personally so far, and now Louie is sick. Louie is 9 years old and he has NEVER had anything wrong with him. Last night he didn't eat, which has never happened, he usually tries to eat the bowl along with the food. So that was my first freak out. Then, I noticed him pooping a lot. He has pooped 5 times in 24 hours and there is BLOOD IN IT. The vet doesn't open for another 2 hours and I'm going nuts. I love Lou like he is my kid and I'm running low on money. Hopefully they will take payments. What is wrong with my Lou-bear? What happened to my dog?

Wordless Wednesday

I Heart Indy!

Is anyone else excited for the new Indiana Jones movie? I am. "Raiders of the Lost Ark" was my absolute FAVORITE movie as a kid. I went to the theater like, 100 times to see it. I will be in line tomorrow night, baby!

For K.S.

As a comparison. "Bertha Butt" vs. "Ayla".

Decompressing

I thought my eyeball was going to explode earlier. You know those headaches that are right behind your eye? I could barely see out of my right eye. When I get upset, I carry all of my tension in my neck and shoulders, and it KILLS and gives me a monster headache. It has settled down a bit and I'm drinking a huge glass of the best tea on the planet. Aveda tea. I'm not much of tea person, but this stuff just rocks. Drinking caffeine this late won't help my insomnia, but I guess it doesn't matter. I couldn't eat dinner with my headache, but I have no appetite either. Speaking of which, I'm dropping weight like a mo' fo'. Don't worry, though, I eat good. I guess I finally just got the right inspiration. I'm going to go draw a hot bath now. Sweet dreams y'all.

Extremely Important Information

I bought a new lipstick. I almost gave up bothering with lipstick because I end up licking it off and have to keep reapplying it every 10 minutes, but while I've got this whole 'making changes' thing going on, I thought it was important for you all to know about this event. It is called "Electric Spice". Yeah, baby. That's me. I tried very hard to capture the essence of the lipstick (it tastes good!) but no matter what I do, I look like a dork. I also look quite tired. Gah. When I look at this picture, I want to flick my nose. I'm sorry you can't see the color very well. I tried. Big Kiss!

What Moves Me

You probably don't care what moves me, but I'm going to write about it anyway. My blogs go all over the place, don't they? Keeps things interesting.

I am very eclectic when it comes to music. I like just about everything. Rock 'n Roll, Country, Jazz, Alternative, classical, there are even a few rap songs I like. It just depends on my mood. There is a band, though, that has incredible lyrics that really mean something to me. They always have a way of either saying how I'm feeling inside, or express things in a way I can't find the words for. Their songs move me. They are a Christian band called "Jars of Clay". Never heard of them, right? Most people haven't. Well, this may bore you, but if you want to get inside my head, read these lyrics. (They are actually pretty heavy.)

"Frail"

Convinced of my deception
I've always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would

A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be…
I would be...
I would be...

Blessed are the shallow
Depth they'll never find
Seemed to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide

Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be…
I would be...
I would be...FRAIL

“I need you”

Strangely out of place
There's a light filling this room
Where none would follow before
I can't deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt
Away my pride
Do I want shelter from the rain
Or the rain to wash me way?

I need you, I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for

I might sound like a fool
But I think I felt you moving
Closer to me
Face to the ground
To hide the fatal cut
I fight the weight
I feel you lift me up
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away

I need you, I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you, I need you
(All I'm living for)
I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for
All I'm living for
You're all I'm living for

Face to the ground
To hide the fatal cut
I fight the weight
Feel you lift me up
Can't deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt away
My pride

Only had a second to spare
But all the time in the world
To know you're there
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away

I need you, I need you, I need you
(All I'm living for)
I need you, I need you, I need you
(All I'm living for)
& I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for
All I'm living for
All I'm living for
All I'm living for
You're all I'm living for

“The Eleventh Hour”

Trace the shape of my heart,
till it becomes more familiar to your eyes
I've been lost without you,
cold without your love
It's taken days and nights to realize

Rescue me from hanging on this line
I won't give up on giving you a chance to blow my mind
Let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by
I'll find you when I think I'm out of time

Take the place of my heart,
till I become a stranger to my life
I've been down without you,
wrong without your love
In time will I be what you're thinking of?

Rescue me from hanging on this line
I won't give up on giving you a chance to blow my mind
Let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by
I'll find you when I think I'm out of time

I've been wrong without you,
cold without your love
In time will I be what you're thinking of?

“Flood”

Rain, rain on my face
It hasn't stopped raining for days
My world is a flood
Slowly I become one with the mud

But if I can't swim after forty days
and my mind is crushed by the thrashing waves
Lift me up so high that I cannot fall
Lift me up
Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again

Downpour on my soul
Splashing in the ocean, I'm losing control
Dark sky all around
I can't feel my feet touching the ground

Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me

Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again

Absolute Perfection

It is 78 degrees out with a delicious breeze. I'm sitting at the umbrella table drinking a fuzzy martini, reading. Jim is mowing the lawn (this works, huh ladies?) The dogs are rolling in the grass. I love it when they do that because it means they're happy.

CrazyDogMama's Fuzzy Martini: 1 part vodka, 1 part peach schnapps, 3 parts fresh OJ with pulp. Shaken, not stirred! YUM.

Can't you just hear it, copa, copacabana...

People Amaze Me

All week there have been warnings NOT to swim in the rivers this weekend because we were to have record breaking temperatures that would melt the huge snowpack we had this year and spill into the rivers making them extremely dangerous. So, what do people do? Swim in the rivers. Put their kids in the rivers. What is WRONG with everybody? I just finished watching the news where they were reporting on the many deaths that occurred yesterday while our temps went into the 90's and all the heart-stopping cold, fast-moving rivers are now flooding. DUH. This is where I'm glad I'm not a cop anymore because pulling bodies out of the river on a Sunday would just piss me off. I don't think I've ever written about my law enforcement days, have I?

I want a new prison bitch name.

This blog has been entirely too serious and depressing lately, so I'm going to get over myself and go with this.

Hot Hole and Juicy Ass (my awesome girly friends 'Hole' and 'Juice') have great prison bitch names and mine is supposed to be "Busty Lips". What the hell kind of name is that? For short, 'Busty?' 'Lips?' Gay. You all have to help me with this because it is of the utmost importance. Some of you may resist this process because you might think you are proper and nice and stuff, but you aren't. You are as ridiculous as the rest of us, you just have to let your inner freak out. Trust me, everyone should have a prison bitch name. I'm open to all ideas. CrazyDogMama is NOT a prison bitch name. Just so you know.

Jim came in while I was typing this. His idea is "Busty Scoops", "Scoops" for short. I have never heard breasts referred to as "Scoops" before, but I guess you learn something new every day. Let's hear it peeps, come on.

Vets, Pedicures and Warmness

Woo! It's hot out there! I had to get up before God this morning to take the damn dogs to the vet for their annuals. Let me tell you what an ordeal THAT was. I do not have normal dogs. Nothing about my life can be normal. They are complete maniac freaks. I think the vet is really glad to see us go. The dogs are healthy, but I need a valium now. Oh, and when did it start costing $250 for the vet?? I will be living in a box soon.

However, I did manage to scrape up some fundage for a pedicure. Pedicures rock. They are orgasmic. I'm sure you all know this, but I thought it must be mentioned. My footses are all purdy now! It's funny, Jim HATES feet, and I mean HATES. He says I'm really lucky that I have "cute little feet". LOL. Yes, lucky me. I should probably be doing something in the nice weather instead of blogging, huh? I'll get right on that.

A Great Drive Home

Once I get out of traffic-nightmare-Redmond, my drive home can be quite nice. It is 84 degrees out today and I decided to take all the back roads home so that I could chill. You know, because I really NEED to chill. There is hardly any traffic on them because you only really know about them if you are a local to the boonies like I am.

I opened all my windows, put my sunglasses on, let out my ponytail and let my hair fly up through the sunroof. (It's always a mess anyways.) I didn't turn on the radio and I turned my phone off. One of the backroads I took is SO GORGEOUS. It is probably where the serial killers bury all their bodies, but it is breathtaking, nonetheless. It is a winding road with lots of overhanging trees and shrubbery, and it follows the river. I loved the silence and the warm air. It gave me a chance to just think and fantasize and relax. I should really do this more often. I love to drive when I don't have to deal with stupidity and traffic. If I had taken my camera with me, I think I would have pulled over and snapped a few shots. Oh well. Next time. It's time to relax on the back patio with a beverage now. Who cares if I am on all cold medicines known to man?

Back at Work

After a nice fever of 101 and sleeping all day, I'm back at work. I'm feeling a little better today, the fever broke and now I just feel like a mac truck hit me. I'm sure I look like a million bucks today, too. On top of all of that, I started my period. (Time for all my male readers to cringe.)

Anyway, at least its Friday and I got my stimulus check today. Hooray! Sorry economy, I'm paying bills with it. I have no choice. Well, I guess buying some clothes qualifies, right? I'm leaving early today because I can. It's slow, I've been sick and what better excuses are there? Perhaps sitting in the sun will make me feel better.

Wordless Thursday Night

Sick

The weather people, starting yesterday, said 80's! For the next 4 days! So, what happens? I get sick. Perfect. I am just now coming out of my NyQuil coma. My head is pounding, I have a fever, my body aches and I generally want to die. There is nothing to eat in this damn house, and I actually have an appetite. We have peanut butter and jelly, but no bread. Neat. Jim is at his mom's. I'm sitting here wrapped up in a blanket looking out at the sunshine. This sucks.

Another Vivid Dream

This is an odd, but curious one. Thought I would share because I know how you all come running to your computers every day wondering what the crazy broad has to say next.

I was standing still, far away, but looking out between two different scenes. To my left it was night, a dark and foreboding city with lightning and thunder. When the lightning struck, it lit everything up for a second, but would then go dark again. When it lit up it was a fantastic sight and it was hard to pull my eyes away, well, because you know how I feel about storms, but I was tentative about it. To my right it was day, very bright and sunny and warm with this beautiful light-colored sand. When the sun would catch it just right, the sand would sparkle. I could not tell if the sand was a vast desert, or if it was leading to a beach because there was a hill, and I couldn't see over the hill. The sand was so pretty, but at the same time it seemed sad, empty and barren except for the sparkles. Like it was waiting for me to come running into it and bury my toes into it. Again, though, I was tentative because I couldn't see over the hill.

I kept standing there, looking back and forth, but here is the really cool part of the dream. I was wearing a new red dress. The wind was blowing, and my dress was swooshing around. I was barefoot, though, no sexy Italian stilettos. My toes were painted red to match the dress, however. Details are always important. LOL.

So, what do you think about that, huh? Pretty bizarre, right?

Then I laughed really, really hard.

I've been a little in the dumps lately. This is where you all collectively say, "NOOOOO, really? We didn't even notice!"

We were trying to watch sitcoms tonight and I was apparently in a zombie-like state staring at the wall. Jim kept asking me what was wrong, and I just said I don't want to watch this, I'm cranky and bored. So, trying to cheer me up, he flipped through the guide and found "Mega Disasters". "Here, honey." he said, "This should cheer you up." I gave him the stink eye, but smiled because it was pretty funny.

I got up to go to the kitchen and get water, and he followed me. I told him to say something nice to me. He thought for a minute and decided to sing me the very happy and cheerful "My Favorite Things" song, except it came out like this, "Snow drops on kittens, and mittens on something." I looked up confused and blinking and said, "What the hell are snow drops?" Then we both erupted into hysterics. I don't know why, but it just struck me really funny. My stomach actually hurt afterwards because there was a moment where I couldn't breathe from laughing. I guess you had to be there, but truly, it was that funny.