Absolute Perfection

It is 78 degrees out with a delicious breeze. I'm sitting at the umbrella table drinking a fuzzy martini, reading. Jim is mowing the lawn (this works, huh ladies?) The dogs are rolling in the grass. I love it when they do that because it means they're happy.

CrazyDogMama's Fuzzy Martini: 1 part vodka, 1 part peach schnapps, 3 parts fresh OJ with pulp. Shaken, not stirred! YUM.

Can't you just hear it, copa, copacabana...

People Amaze Me

All week there have been warnings NOT to swim in the rivers this weekend because we were to have record breaking temperatures that would melt the huge snowpack we had this year and spill into the rivers making them extremely dangerous. So, what do people do? Swim in the rivers. Put their kids in the rivers. What is WRONG with everybody? I just finished watching the news where they were reporting on the many deaths that occurred yesterday while our temps went into the 90's and all the heart-stopping cold, fast-moving rivers are now flooding. DUH. This is where I'm glad I'm not a cop anymore because pulling bodies out of the river on a Sunday would just piss me off. I don't think I've ever written about my law enforcement days, have I?

I want a new prison bitch name.

This blog has been entirely too serious and depressing lately, so I'm going to get over myself and go with this.

Hot Hole and Juicy Ass (my awesome girly friends 'Hole' and 'Juice') have great prison bitch names and mine is supposed to be "Busty Lips". What the hell kind of name is that? For short, 'Busty?' 'Lips?' Gay. You all have to help me with this because it is of the utmost importance. Some of you may resist this process because you might think you are proper and nice and stuff, but you aren't. You are as ridiculous as the rest of us, you just have to let your inner freak out. Trust me, everyone should have a prison bitch name. I'm open to all ideas. CrazyDogMama is NOT a prison bitch name. Just so you know.

Jim came in while I was typing this. His idea is "Busty Scoops", "Scoops" for short. I have never heard breasts referred to as "Scoops" before, but I guess you learn something new every day. Let's hear it peeps, come on.

Vets, Pedicures and Warmness

Woo! It's hot out there! I had to get up before God this morning to take the damn dogs to the vet for their annuals. Let me tell you what an ordeal THAT was. I do not have normal dogs. Nothing about my life can be normal. They are complete maniac freaks. I think the vet is really glad to see us go. The dogs are healthy, but I need a valium now. Oh, and when did it start costing $250 for the vet?? I will be living in a box soon.

However, I did manage to scrape up some fundage for a pedicure. Pedicures rock. They are orgasmic. I'm sure you all know this, but I thought it must be mentioned. My footses are all purdy now! It's funny, Jim HATES feet, and I mean HATES. He says I'm really lucky that I have "cute little feet". LOL. Yes, lucky me. I should probably be doing something in the nice weather instead of blogging, huh? I'll get right on that.

A Great Drive Home

Once I get out of traffic-nightmare-Redmond, my drive home can be quite nice. It is 84 degrees out today and I decided to take all the back roads home so that I could chill. You know, because I really NEED to chill. There is hardly any traffic on them because you only really know about them if you are a local to the boonies like I am.

I opened all my windows, put my sunglasses on, let out my ponytail and let my hair fly up through the sunroof. (It's always a mess anyways.) I didn't turn on the radio and I turned my phone off. One of the backroads I took is SO GORGEOUS. It is probably where the serial killers bury all their bodies, but it is breathtaking, nonetheless. It is a winding road with lots of overhanging trees and shrubbery, and it follows the river. I loved the silence and the warm air. It gave me a chance to just think and fantasize and relax. I should really do this more often. I love to drive when I don't have to deal with stupidity and traffic. If I had taken my camera with me, I think I would have pulled over and snapped a few shots. Oh well. Next time. It's time to relax on the back patio with a beverage now. Who cares if I am on all cold medicines known to man?

Back at Work

After a nice fever of 101 and sleeping all day, I'm back at work. I'm feeling a little better today, the fever broke and now I just feel like a mac truck hit me. I'm sure I look like a million bucks today, too. On top of all of that, I started my period. (Time for all my male readers to cringe.)

Anyway, at least its Friday and I got my stimulus check today. Hooray! Sorry economy, I'm paying bills with it. I have no choice. Well, I guess buying some clothes qualifies, right? I'm leaving early today because I can. It's slow, I've been sick and what better excuses are there? Perhaps sitting in the sun will make me feel better.

Wordless Thursday Night

Sick

The weather people, starting yesterday, said 80's! For the next 4 days! So, what happens? I get sick. Perfect. I am just now coming out of my NyQuil coma. My head is pounding, I have a fever, my body aches and I generally want to die. There is nothing to eat in this damn house, and I actually have an appetite. We have peanut butter and jelly, but no bread. Neat. Jim is at his mom's. I'm sitting here wrapped up in a blanket looking out at the sunshine. This sucks.

Another Vivid Dream

This is an odd, but curious one. Thought I would share because I know how you all come running to your computers every day wondering what the crazy broad has to say next.

I was standing still, far away, but looking out between two different scenes. To my left it was night, a dark and foreboding city with lightning and thunder. When the lightning struck, it lit everything up for a second, but would then go dark again. When it lit up it was a fantastic sight and it was hard to pull my eyes away, well, because you know how I feel about storms, but I was tentative about it. To my right it was day, very bright and sunny and warm with this beautiful light-colored sand. When the sun would catch it just right, the sand would sparkle. I could not tell if the sand was a vast desert, or if it was leading to a beach because there was a hill, and I couldn't see over the hill. The sand was so pretty, but at the same time it seemed sad, empty and barren except for the sparkles. Like it was waiting for me to come running into it and bury my toes into it. Again, though, I was tentative because I couldn't see over the hill.

I kept standing there, looking back and forth, but here is the really cool part of the dream. I was wearing a new red dress. The wind was blowing, and my dress was swooshing around. I was barefoot, though, no sexy Italian stilettos. My toes were painted red to match the dress, however. Details are always important. LOL.

So, what do you think about that, huh? Pretty bizarre, right?

Then I laughed really, really hard.

I've been a little in the dumps lately. This is where you all collectively say, "NOOOOO, really? We didn't even notice!"

We were trying to watch sitcoms tonight and I was apparently in a zombie-like state staring at the wall. Jim kept asking me what was wrong, and I just said I don't want to watch this, I'm cranky and bored. So, trying to cheer me up, he flipped through the guide and found "Mega Disasters". "Here, honey." he said, "This should cheer you up." I gave him the stink eye, but smiled because it was pretty funny.

I got up to go to the kitchen and get water, and he followed me. I told him to say something nice to me. He thought for a minute and decided to sing me the very happy and cheerful "My Favorite Things" song, except it came out like this, "Snow drops on kittens, and mittens on something." I looked up confused and blinking and said, "What the hell are snow drops?" Then we both erupted into hysterics. I don't know why, but it just struck me really funny. My stomach actually hurt afterwards because there was a moment where I couldn't breathe from laughing. I guess you had to be there, but truly, it was that funny.

Ramblings

I was going to title this post "Ticking Timebomb Tuesday", but I thought you may be tired of me telling you that one of these days everyone is going to know exactly how I feel about everything. Whether you want to know or not. I have all these emotions bubbling around inside and I'm trying to be a mature, healthy adult about it, but you just never know when I'm going to tell you how full of shit you are and that I'm moving to Jamaica leaving everything behind except my laptop, favorite pair of flip flops, and sunglasses, (you know, the important things in life) where I will live in a hut, walk around naked all day long, swim under waterfalls, go ziplining and live happily ever after. If you only knew how close I am. Reality is what you make it. Everyone has been getting on my case lately, so forgive me.

On a different note, I have been watching a really cool new series. Well, I don't know how new it is, but it's called "A Haunting" and it's on the Discovery Channel. (You know you're getting old when all you mostly watch is animal planet, the Discovery Channel and the History Channel.) It's about true tales of the paranormal. It's quite creepy and if these people really are telling the truth, well DAMN. Anyway, if the subject interests you, I highly recommend it. It is WAY better than Ghost hunters or Paranormal State, both of which bore and irritate the hell out of me.

So, that is all I can think of for the moment. Maybe you'll hear from me later today. Oh, and by the way, the death toll from yesterday's earthquake in China is up to 20K now. How terrible.

Bad News

If you are squeamish, don't watch the news tonight.

A 7.9 magnitude earthquake in China has killed 9000+ people so far, and there has been a huge tornado outbreak in the US. Yikes. So awful.

Worried about my neighbor.

Fun dresses and shoes aside, there are more serious things going on. My neighbor, the one that so graciously fixed our fence on Halloween when the stupid kids kicked it down, tried to commit suicide twice, but was unsuccessful. THANK GOD. He mailed a suicide letter to someone, and they called us to go check on him. He wouldn't respond to anyone, not even us, and so they ended up having the cops do a well check. He went to a hospital for eight days and is now back. I feel so bad and helpless. Jim left him notes and messages saying if he needed to talk to call him, and that we cared. He is so young, and although he has had a rough time, I am praying so hard that he does not do anything like that. He is such a nice guy, and a good neighbor. It breaks my heart because I know what it feels like to be in that kind of despair. I would never take my own life, but I understand pain.

Shoes & Dresses

Found an even cuter black dress that I want in addition to the diva red dress. I'm going to need places to wear these. Those shoes! So sexy with jeans, and I love the ankle straps on the other ones.

Which One?

I haven't talked about this lately, but I've dropped almost 20 pounds in the last month or so. I have a way to go yet, but I'm determined! I've thrown donuts across the room and posted skinny pics for myself. I've just gotten sick of the way things are, and I'm making some life changes. This is one of them. Now, with that, is going to have to be some new clothes-buying because things are starting not to fit. I also have nothing pretty to wear. Not that I have anywhere to go to warrant such fancy things, but you just never know. Never say never, right? Right.

I'm going to buy one of these dresses (unless you tell me they suck) a couple of sizes too small so that I will keep going until they fit. They are pricey, so it will motivate me because I hate wasting money. So, tell me, which one do you like better?

An anomaly wrapped in an enigma.

My husband says I am an anomaly wrapped in an enigma. Um, thanks hon, I think.

Anomaly: An irregularity, a misproportion, or something that is strange or unusual. In particular, as used in the sciences, it means deviation from the common rule, i.e. in the experimental sciences it means difference from the norm or average of a given quantity.

Enigma: Mystery, something that baffles understanding and cannot be explained; something or someone that is mysterious or puzzling.

I don't think it is any secret that I'm a little off. I'm OK with that. Normal is boring. Some people like me just the way I am, some don't. Just because nature's fury fascinates me, doesn't mean I WANT bad things to happen. Jim rolls his eyes at me a lot when I talk about it and says, "You can't wait to survive a 10.0 can you?" (Um, NO.) Many people stick their heads in the sand, or their fingers in their ears and say "la, la, la", but not me. Perhaps I missed my calling as a scientist or storm chaser. LOL. Did you know that there are vacations you can book to ride with storm chasers? So, see, I'm not the only one!

Truth

What is it to you? Are you looking for it? Have you found it? How do you know when you've found it? Do you care? Would you die for it? What would you die for? (If anything.)

I am a truth-seeker. I want to know what is real, and what is not real. In everything. I am tenacious and diligent about it. I get frustrated, and I certainly don't always like it. I'm sure this comes out in my writing. Yes, I have found some truths, and I am still searching for others. I can tell you this much, there is much truth in the statement "Seek and ye shall find".

Drunk with Power

They gave me superpowers at work. I really like it! Apparently when I get frustrated and angry, I scare people. Go figure. I now have the ability to see any and all files that anyone in the company has opened on their computer AND the ability to CLOSE THOSE FILES AT WILL so that I can do with them what I need to. Let me tell you how much fun it was running around the building trying to figure out who had stuff open or waiting to get an email response back. It stopped me in my tracks to get things done. I can sit here now and do my evil cackle and say, "Delete! delete! delete! I've shut you down!" So much fun.

Confession

Due to popular demand via comments/email, I confess there may have been a little more to the dream. (I love all the comments lately, btw, keep them coming! It makes me feel special.)

Should I come clean? I'm already blushing as I type. Yes, I had an erotic, steamy love dream the other night, and I'm kicking myself for not taking a sleeping pill! I still remember every detail, which is rare! (Yeah, it was THAT good.) I actually told my therapist about it, and she had some interesting insights, which is not exactly what I was expecting her to say. It's a little embarrassing, but I guess that ship has sailed on this blog.

It was very passionate. I could hear the ocean waves crashing against the shore, and I could feel the sunshine on my body. How does a dream get that real? The champagne and strawberries made for a good time too. OK, that's enough for right now. I need some water. Maybe something stronger.

Morning Massacre

So, I'm in the shower, leaning up against the wall sleeping. The water is as hot as it will go. I'm not sure how long I was like that, but I'm sure it was more than a few minutes. I suddenly have a coppery metal taste in my mouth. I open my eyes and HOLY CRAP! Blood EVERYWHERE. All down the front of me, dripping onto my feet! There is even some on the wall! My nose has been gushing blood for God only knows how long. I freak. How much blood did I lose? DAMN! I cleaned myself (and the wall) up and got out, and of course all I have are big, white fluffy towels. So now, here I sit blogging about it totally naked with a towel wrapped around my head swami-style and Kleenex stuffed up my nose. As Annie would say, "HAWT!"