8 More Things

You want nice? From ME? Normally I would just tell anyone who says I'm too "negative" to fuck off and die, BUT I just drank an iced mocha so I'm feeling cooperative and, well, maybe a little cheeky. It was requested I re-do my "8 Things" post with "nice" things.

I used to post all of my info on earthquakes and the coming nuclear meltdown we are going to experience, but I stopped doing that because people just want nice. Although I can understand this (sort of), this isn't my personality. If I started talking about the wonderfulness that is my life, those close to me would conduct an intervention to get me off the crack. I'm just not a glass-is-half-full kind of girl. I'm the girl who looks at the glass and says, "hmm, not only is that glass 1/2 gone, but will it be enough to sustain me in a total martial law lockdown?" Yeah. Nice is boring to me. It's not that I don't think I'm blessed. I KNOW I am. I live in the greatest country in the world, I have a nice home, I have a loyal and romantic husband with a great sense of humor, I have 2 cute fuzballs and great job. I thank God every night for what I have. Do I have problems? Well, DUH. of course. Many things in the USA are totally fucked up, you did read about the baby who got punched in the stomach to death by its father the other day, right? You know we are at war, right? I have almost LOST my nice home more times than I care to count, and I'm about the most financially unstable person I know. My husband can be a complete dick from the word 'go' on certain occasions, and don't even get me started on the two little fuzzy fuckers I own and where they pee and poop and who they try to bite. My job? Yeah, it's awesome, but don't think I don't have days where I want to jam a pen into my eye, or my co-worker's eye.

So, what I'm trying to say is that there are good things, and there are bad things. I haven't been sent to the looney bin yet, and I haven't gone postal, so I MUST be somewhat happy. Right? Right. Yes, I am. Just for the sake of argument though, and to satisfy some of my loyal readers, I will post 8 nice things. Just for you. Nobody faint, K?

1. We BBQ'd some exceptionally tasty food last night, and I brought some of the leftovers to work for lunch. It was so good; I'm thinking about eating right now at 9:07 am.

2. The camera we just bought (or should I say went into hock for) was a "surprise" happy Thursday gift from my hubby (who, yes, IS quite handsome) just because he loves me. He knows I'm not a diamond girl, he gets me toys!

3. My boss came to me at noon last Friday and said this, "You have been working so hard, why don't you start your weekend early and go and enjoy the sun the rest of the day!" I wanted to kiss him and hug him.

4. I will be celebrating 13 years of marriage on August 27th.

5. The other day one of my co-workers, who is also my friend, told me that she is so glad we met and really enjoys having someone to "rant" with about life, and to workout with and have lunch with. She is a total sweetheart, and our lives are so similar it is crazy. She doesn't judge me, nor do I her, we just enjoy each other's company and appreciate the complete honesty we feel comfortable sharing. We believe the same things religion-wise, so we are always on the same page about things, and it is so great!

6. Nothing bounced in my bank account today. Hooray!

7. I have NO PLANS for this weekend and I'm so happy about it! I think I will stay in my PJ's and veg-out in front of the TV, and sleep, and eat and generally slack off. Life is good!

8. I have a mini vacation coming up at the end of August. Just a week off, but I love time off to do nothing or whatever I want.

There! Happy?

8 Things

Colleen tagged me and I don't even really get what the tag is except that I have to write about 8 things. So, whatever, here goes.

1. I went on a grandma hike on Saturday and the grandmas were passing my out-of-shape ass. Sad. I did take some pics, though, that I will bestow on you after my 8 things.

2. I cleaned my stove today. I'm way too fucking exciting, I know.

3. My phone battery only lasts for a day before I have to recharge it again. This pisses me off because it is ALWAYS beeping at me for low batteries. Is it just me?

4. I haven't wanted to blog lately, been in a mega-funk. I need some motivation, people. Help me now.

5. Jim's truck died. I don't mean it broke down, I mean it DIED. DEAD. KAPUT. The diagnostic said this: Transmission gone. Clutch gone. Brakes gone. Fuel pump gone. Tires bald. Electrical system gone. So, we have a new truck. Well, not a new truck, but you know, we couldn't afford to pay for repairs to the old one, so we just bought one that worked. Its a 2004 F150. Its pretty (I'm sorry Jim, I mean it's bad ass) but I'm freaked because we are poor and vehicle payments scare me. Again, help me now. Oh, and Jim actually put a stepping stool in the truck so I can get into it. Seriously, I jumped to get in it and fell back out.

6. I have a headache in my eye.

7. It's midnight on Sunday and I'm not tired. Damn it!

8. Lou-dog is snoring and farting at the same time right now. Much like Jim. I'm a lucky girl.

How is that for 8 things? We went day-tripping at Deception Falls and here is what we saw:

Backyard BBQ

It's get-even time with the pictures ANNIE.

Um, well, we had a BBQ yesterday at our abode with our good friends Matt n' Annie (Juice) and Amy. I am hung over as I type, so don't expect some intellectual shit, ok? Annie posted some, um, interesting pics of the evening, so I thought I would share as well.

#1 The gang all normal at around 6 pm enjoying some wine and appetizers. Matt was tending to little baby Ben, who is UBER cute and such a good baby! We were the loud obnoxious ones; the kid was quiet and happy.

#2 The girls with just a little bit more wine.

#3 A lot more wine. Amy and Annie singing along to the 'Grease' soundtrack.

#4 Matt and Juice at the end of the evening.

110 frigging degrees.

That's how hot it is supposed to be tomorrow at my house. They say Seattle will be around 100, and we're always about 10 degrees hotter out where we are. Today is 90-something and I want to die. At least I get to work in an air-conditioned office, poor Jim is in a non-air-conditioned shop with a metal roof. Sunny side-up Jim.

Tonight, I will be sitting outside in the shade dousing myself with the hose while drinking a beer. Maybe I'll take a pic with my NEW camera! I got a Canon professional DSLR! Oh, I had 5 days off for the 4th of July. I will post about that soon, k?

More backyard pictures!

Jim has done the awesomest job ever on our backyard. It only took us 8 years to plant anything in our backyard, but HEY, it's hard.

#1 My pretty rose garden. Just pray that I don't kill them, mmmkay?

#2 Gardener Jim, A.K.A. my lawn boy.

#3 My most excellent Japanese Red Maple! Her name is Hilda.

#4 Pearl, the other Maple.

#5 My bush corner.

#6 More herbs! I made linguini tonight with basil, tomatoes, white wine, olive oil, lemon thyme and garlic. It was quite good.

#7 My new dining room table. I have a big girl table now!

#8 It's Hella Good! The label says so!

#9 I had to include a picture of Lou, well, just because.

Pablo and the Holy Water

First of all, this has GOT to be the BEST title for a movie EVER, "Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death". It wins, and YES, I rented it. Haven't watched it yet, though.

Second, I did watch "Black Snake Moan", which was a really good flick. Both Christina Ricci and Samuel Jackson did a great job, and (hold onto yourselves) Justin Timberlake can actually act. Who knew? Anyway, I recommend it.

Third, we now call Louie "Pablo" and here's why:

Background: Louie is our fuzzy little Cairn Terrier with an attitude the size of Asia. Most of the time he is a cuddle-bug who makes me laugh. In the morning when I'm getting ready for work, he goes and lays in his crate because he knows I'll be leaving soon. This has been our routine for 8 years. When I actually go to leave, I shut the door to his crate so that he doesn't destroy my house while I'm gone. This has never been a problem in the past, he just sleeps until I get home. HOWEVER, in the last 6 months, he has decided that the shutting of his crate door sucks big donkey dick, and he starts barking and snap-growling when I start to shut it. This is NOT acceptable behavior, and I won't have it, but I had no idea how to stop him from doing it. Jim finally decided to try spritzing him with "Bitter Apple" when he starts the snap-growling, and it worked! The damn dog shut right up, then proceeded to smack his lips and dramatically hack. (It doesn't hurt the dog, it is made for dogs, they just don't like it.) We now call it "Holy Water" for our possessed dog. As Jim described this process to me on the phone, this was how the conversation went:

Jim: It works great! In fact, it was kind of funny.

Me: Cool! We should associate the act of spraying him with a command of some sort so that he will stop doing it when we just say the word. You know, use the "Pablo's Dogs" theory.

Jim: Pablo's Dogs?

Me: Yeah, you know, the theory everyone learned in Psychology class with the salivating dogs?

Jim: That's "Pavlov's Dogs", dear heart.

Me: *Started laughing so hard that I almost had to pull the car over*

Me, the next morning: "Come on Pablo, it's time for your holy water."

This is what happens when I tell them I want to take nice pictures.

Yes, another BBQ in my back yard. You would think we lived out there. Well, we do. We are not exciting people, you see. Jim got a new BBQ for Father's Day. A big boy BBQ! He wanted steak. I got a little planter pot for my herbs (not for Father's Day, just because I'm so cool), which currently consists of only chives because I killed the basil, cilantro and dill. Oops. So, here is a little photo entourage of the silly and somewhat psychotic little life that I live:

#1 Jim and Bill presenting "Esther". I name everything, even the BBQ.

#2 My lovely chives.

#3 Did I mention my stepson was in drama?

#4 Checking to make sure it's still there, I guess.

#5 Can you taste it?

#6 Trying to explain these two? Forget it.

#7 It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time, apparently.

#8 Peanut Butter Jelly Time is getting out of hand.

#9 Photoshoots wear them out.

Fat Mama's Knock You Naked Margarita Mix

I know I've talked about this before, but it deserves a second post. I just wanted to let you all know that I will be stocking up on it for the summer.

Best shizzle EVER.

Get it here. If the link is broken just go to Amazon.

Held at Gunpoint

My husband held me at gunpoint and made me eat Ding Dongs.

I found a very interesting article. Although I attribute my weight more to my Hostess habit, I think this author has some valid points. Give it a read, and don't judge until you are all the way through it.

"The Biggest Threat to Amercia" by Chuck Norris

South Park

Funniest South Park episode EVER: Evolution explained: Monkeys having butt sex with retarded fish frogs.

So how was my weekend you ask? I had a garage sale. I did make over $200 though, so there was that. We pretty much did nothing else and I'm tired as hell today.

It's not a ho down, it's a hose down!

It was hella hot this weekend, and especially humid yesterday. Hubby and I got out the hose and tortured the dogs.

#1 Louie giving me the stink-eye as he gets sprayed.

#2 Louie appreciating the cool down and rolling in the grass for maximum smelliness.

#3 Wet Maggie who closely resembles a fruit bat.

#4 Nothing like an ice-cold beer in the sweltering heat.

#5 Our BBQ'd ribs, mmm, meat.

#6 My weekend project was painting and organizing my pantry. It was so not fun, but I did an awesome job, no? Don't judge me for the stupid products I have in there.

Here fishy, fishy fishy.

Finally, the long Memorial Day weekend! I took Friday off to make it 4 days off and went fishing with my parents. Here is what happened.

My mom caught 2 trout, my dad caught 2 trout and everyone on the fricking dock caught fish EXCEPT ME. I got lots of bites, but none on the hook. DAMN IT.

I got stung on the NECK by a humming-bird-sized Bumble fucking Bee. I'm allergic to wasps, so thank God it wasn't a wasp, but STILL. Now you all know I am a complete spaz, so you can just imagine the dance I did when this monster kept dive-bombing me and landed on my neck. I broke my chair. At that point of no fish, a stung neck and a broken chair it was time to go home and regroup. Seriously. WTF?

This is the tacklebox I got when I was like 10 or something. I do know how to catch fish for anyone who might want to be a smartass commentor.

I put pictures of my mom & dad fishing on my flickr account, but I doubt I will be able to keep them there because I will be threatened with bodily harm. So, go look quick before I get beat up.

As for the rest of my weekend, we did nothing on Saturday, went to my parent's house for barbecued teriyaki chicken on Sunday (Yum!) and basked in the sun on the back porch on Monday. Not real exciting, but better than working. I'll be looking forward to reading all your guys' blogs, for I am sure you can top this.

Sometimes I get bored.

The brightest and prettiest rainbow I've ever seen. The picture doesn't do it justice. Where the hell is my pot o' gold? Hiding behind my hair on Monday Morning. Don't let the beast out.

Plays and Presents

It took me awhile to download the pictures from my camera, so you are getting some belated picture updates. The first picture is my stepson (left) with his friends on the night of his play "Aladdin". He was fabulous. The second picture is the presents my hubby and stepson got me for Mother's Day; some tulips (my favorite!), some chocolates and a basket with girl stuff in it. (Candles, wine, and bath stuff.) This is all you are getting right now because I have the need to go bake a chocolate cake. Buh-bye!

I've got a fever, and the prescription is, MORE COWBELL.

Just a little something for all you SNL fans out there. I saw that clip the other night and it just makes me giggle every time.

Here is what is going on in my life:

#1 I got my hair foiled! I'm very blonde again!

#2 I am a total LOST junkie, "4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42". We're about halfway through the second season where Shannon was just shot by Anna Lucia, a.k.a. Rambo girl. I am in love with Sawyer. Isn't everyone? Jack is too metro. Sayid is pretty hot too, actually. I have changed my mind about Jin, he is less of a dickwad now.

#3 I am trying out some dinners from "Month of Meals", they look really good, and surprisingly they are pretty inexpensive! I'm picking them up tonight.

#4 My mom is on the hunt for a new puppy! So fun!

#5 I did many squats/lunges/calf-raises on Monday and my legs have ceased to work. I say "OW" every other step when walking. My coworkers think this is funny.

#6 Apparently, I throw things in my sleep.

#7 I am having a much needed "girl's night" tomorrow night, but I thought it was last Thursday and showed up at my friend's house. Good thing she wasn't home. Who is retarded? That would be me.

Questions you were asking yourself 3 years ago.

1. WTF is that big thing in the jungle?
2. What on earth did she DO?
3. How the hell do that many people survive a plane crash?
4. Who the fuck is the guy in the suit who keeps appearing and then disappearing?
5. Why do I want to punch the ditzy blonde so badly?
6. Why does the cute guy who looks like Viggo Mortensen have such a 'tude?
7. Is the old guy just a bit off, or is it me?
8. Why was the dog hiding?
9. When is the Asian chick going to get all up in her husband's grill about being such a fucker?

YES, I am finally watching LOST. I love it! I can't believe I waited this long to see it. I have watched the first 4 episodes and going to watch more tonight. DO NOT RUIN IT FOR ME, if you tell me spoilers, I will hunt you down and let my dogs eat you.

What Cheryl Needs.

This is a funny Meme from Annie. What you do is google your name + "needs", then write down what comes up, so I did. Cheryl needs lots of things.

1. Cheryl needs to write some functions to figure out how that happened. (Um, what? Sure. I write functions all the time.)

2. Cheryl needs to stop sending me dirty emails. (Yeah, baby, I'm so bad!)

3. Cheryl needs to have an affair. (NO, Cheryl doesn't! Ha! She would get kicked in the twat for that one.)

4. Cheryl needs a good slap. (Yes, she certainly does. Probably for the dirty emails. LOL.)

My God.

This is terrible.

Greensburg, Kansas - F5 Tornado damage, aerial view.

Microwave Massacre

Yes, I actually rented this movie. I haven't watched it yet, but I'm betting that I will like it based on this blurb I found on badmovies.org:

Things I Learned From "Microwave Massacre":

1. Every movie should begin with drum music and a girl's breasts flopping around.
2. A three pound crab is pretty frightening.
3. Food shouldn't match your furniture.
4. Guys like girls with large breasts for their personality.
5. If you don't like what's for dinner, get a mouthful of water and spit it into the food.
6. Girls: Your marriage is in trouble if the hubby throws a fit then urinates in the living room.
7. People stay fresh longer in aluminum foil.
8. Two things not to say when picking up a girl: "You're not used to being on your feet." and "You look a lot better in the dark."
9. Everyone keeps a hatchet in the kitchen.
10. Never dress like a chicken around cannibals.
11. Doctors use syringes as darts.
12. Vibrators make good gardening tools. (You heard me right, and there is no way in Hell I'm explaining.)

ROFLMAO!

Hangin' with my Peeps.

I crack myself up.