Things that make you wanna hurl.

So, I was listening to the radio today driving into work and this caller comes on and tells us about her recent Starbucks incident. She ordered a latte, and when she took a sip, she felt this "chunk" of stuff in her mouth. She spit it out onto a napkin and IT WAS A BIG, FAT HAIRY SPIDER. OH. MY. GOD. She went on to say that she showed the spider clump to the barista, who in turn gave her "two weeks of free coffee". Um, I don't think so folks, Me? First, I would have hurled all over the joint. Then, I would have screamed and jumped around the store cussing. THEN, when they offered me the two weeks of coffee I would have said, "Yeah, like I ever want ANYTHING from here again! I'm suing for like, a gozillion dollars! Cuz you have to admit, that is much more traumatic and damaging then say, like, spilling hot coffee on yourself at McDonald's and getting 4 million dollars. Am I right, or am I right? God, I want to spew right now thinking about it. Gack!

I don't even know where to start.

Bad news: I'm on day #8 without a day off - have 6 more to go. Brain is mush. Got a headache. Neck hurts, shoulders hurt, eyes won't stay open. Need coffee. Need massage. Need chocolate. Painting STILL not done.

Good news: Going to quit one of my restaurant jobs today. The Italian one. The new owners scare me. I found out about them swearing at, and frightening a friend of mine that is a representative for "Entertainment". You know, the big book with all the restaurant and hotel coupons? (Buy one, get one free kind of thing.) They made her cry and now I want to make THEM cry. She is actually contemplating filing a police report. I hope she does.

New project: Going to write a book!! It will be called "CrazyDogMama Tails" or something like that. I am going to compile a bunch of my lunatic dog stories, add pictures, and put it together like a collection. I want to include cameo appearances from my fellow dogmamas (or papas) online if they are willing to and WANT to contribute. Take your funniest fuzbutt story, add a picture, and send it to me! I get the mula, you get the fame! :-D I have to put together some sort of "waiver" for you, but we'll worry about that later. This is a really fun little project, but I have no idea if it will ever get published. I may get no mula. They may just put me in the looney bin. (Even though I already live in one. Hehe.) Everyone who contributes will get a free copy of the finished product, published or not, and I will include a special thanks in the intro. I'll be working on this in my SPARE time. Ha!

Most exciting thing this weekend: Seeing "Exorcist: The Beginning" with my stepson. The movie was so-so, a little too "Hollywood" for me, but my stepson was absolutely hysterical. He is 12. He watched the first one a few months ago after begging his dad to let him, and it scared the crap out him. He wanted to see this one, so we went to a matinee on Saturday. The whole way through the movie he had his hands over his ears - not his eyes - his ears. When he got up to go to the bathroom, he STILL had his hands over his ears walking down the aisle. It took everything we had not to bust up! I could see other people in the theatre smiling too. He thought the movie was "SO COOL!" however he slept with the light on in his bedroom all night. It was worth it just to see the dramatics.

There were some interesting previews, "The Saw" and "Constantine". I'll be seeing those. I love previews.

A Few Tidbits

So, I come home last night to a husband who was trying to finish up the red paint. He spent most of the night cleaning up the red paint off the carpet. Yes, it looks like someone bled to death in my front room. Sigh.

I am a little weary thinking about the fact that I will be working all 7 days this week. I am dreaming of a day off. No, not a Cancun vacation, just a damn day off.

It will be our 10th Anniversary on the 27th and we are supposed to go to a beautiful place on the Olympic Peninsula called Crescent Lake. Jim wants to golf and take in the sights, and I'm like, "Does the room have a bed? A jacuzzi? Food? I want to sleep and eat."

Are you feeling sorry for me yet? That is the point of this post. I want some sympathy, damn it.

No more stinking pills.

I got up one morning last week and decided that I was not going to take any more damn pills. NONE. I am probably the most medicated person you know. But not anymore. Don't worry, I am seeing a Naturopath next week to make sure I won't die. I want to only do natural supplements from now on. I have been feeling quite bizarre lately and decided that all the medication in my body was finally deciding to rebel against me. Ironically, I feel much better this week. No more freaky sweating, dizziness or vomiting for no reason. Yay! :) I have thyroid issues that I'm convinced are caused by other medication I'm taking. I wouldn't be surprised if going all-natural cures all my ailments. I guess we'll find out. If I suddenly start sounding normal, please tell me.

Bath Time, Revisited

Have I mentioned before what an ordeal it is to give Louie and Maggie a bath? Holy Shit-O-Rama. They were stinky last night, so I decided to wash them. The first obstacle is getting them into the bathroom. You know, "the chase" because they know. Maggie peed in the hallway. Louie ran and hid. It took about 15 minutes for both Jim and I to get them in there. Then, there was dog fighting over who got to hide behind the toilet. I started with Lou. He is a doll during the washing, but when you get to the brushing and drying, it is much like you are ripping his limbs off slowly. He gets pissy when you brush his butt. VERY pissy. Then, there is Maggie. She is a TOTAL. FRIGGING. NIGHTMARE. the whole time. When I clipped her nails, she wailed so loudly that Louie jumped into the bathtub to seek cover. It was completely hilarious when he peeked around the shower curtain to make sure everyone was still alive. When it was over, the bathroom looked like WWIII, and I had dog hair in my nose, in my mouth and in my eyes. I was soaked from head to toe and sweating. Louie immediately peed on the floor for revenge. AND, for the finale, when I woke up this morning, Maggie had crapped in her crate and laid in it. I am not kidding. She hasn't done that since she was a puppy. I don't know what made her do that, but it will be bath time revisited tonight. Lucky me. No more Mrs. Nice CrazyDogMama.

I wanna be happy.

It seems like I have been pissed, grumpy and irritated for two weeks straight. I decided to look at some doggie pictures to cheer myself up. Hope it gives you a smile too.

"Daaaahhling, won't you fetch me a martini?



I love it when dogs lay with their back feet sticking out behind them!

All better now

OK, DH called and asked if "I was still mad at him". I said yes. He said he was sorry and wanted to make nice. Reluctantly, I said OK. But I'm not making dinner.

Big Fight

I went to bed mad. Not a good idea. My bad. I am so pissed at my DH that I could spit. I won't go into the details cuz that would be TMI, but you must know that Crazydogmama has daggers in her eyes today. I am stubborn, so is he. We don't fight that often - but we when we do - look out. We are in the kind of fight where I don't want to go home so that he will worry about me and comply with all my wishes and apologize endlessly. I won't actually do it, but I damn well thought about it. I also thought about taking the day off (without telling him) and going to Enchanted Village to ride roller coasters and eat lots of fattening food - dragging a co-worker along of course so I have somebody to vent to. Also not going to happen. Fuck, I'm pissed. I can't even think straight. I obviously can't write when I'm angry, either. Really, we should just talk it out. But I don't wanna. I wanna yell, scream and throw things. Maybe stomp my feet a little and cry.

Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

OK, I'm not necessarily a big country music fan, but the new "Big and Rich" song is way fun! A little sexist, but fun. Very catchy.

I can't believe its August already. Next thing you know, they will be showing Christmas commercials, and I probably still won't be done with the frigging painting. Got a little farther this weekend but let me tell you how much of a pain in the ass painting "cranberry" is. It is probably going to take 4, count em', FOUR coats. Help me NOW. Geez. Went and saw the "Village" this weekend, and if you walked into my house, you would be saying, "My God, the BAD color, it attracts them!!" I liked the movie by the way, a typical twist-at-the-end Shyamalan movie. and that's all I have to say about that.

Update

Sorry for all the confusion you guys, it's the old Italian restaurant I work at with the new owners that is my problem, not the cute little French Bistro I just started working at. It's hard to keep all of my jobs straight, I know. Anyway, went down there, they are open. Got my $$. Yelled. They said they didn't have my phone number. LAME. I know they have my #, they've called me before.  I was a little crabby with them.  It could have been worse for them. Good thing I'm not on my period.

I'm pissed.

I got the night off last night. The sign was still up, and the door was locked. Someone DID change the date, though. Now it says open 7/29. Yeah, we'll see. Nice of them to fucking let me know, huh?  I work my day job just around the corner, so it wasn't that bad, but if I had driven in from my house AN HOUR AWAY, I would have thrown a major fit. I'm talking stomping feet and mega cussing here, people. I'm going to go over on my lunch break again and see what is going on. They may get a piece of my mind, but I really need all my pieces. Maybe I'll just throw a piece of my mind at them, then go pick it back up.

Closed for Maintenance

So, I go to the restaurant on my lunch break from my office job to pick up my tip-check. Two kitchen guys are sitting in front of the door waiting for someone to let them in. The restaurant opens at 11 am, and it is 11:15. Hmm. So, I go back at 11:40. There is a sign up (don't know if it was there before) that says: "Due too maintinence, we will be closed until 11am 7/28/04." with spelling mistakes and all. Another hmm. It IS 7/28/04, and it is after 11 am. Does someone not know what day it is, or is something wrong?  No one in the restaurant. No one answering the phone. I am supposed to work tonight, but I'm thinking I might get the night off. Weird, I tell you. No one notified me or told me anything, and I just worked on Monday!  I'm just shaking my head. Oh, and that reminds me, my headache is FINALLY fricking gone. I slept from 1:30 pm yesterday to 5 am this morning. Yep, that did it!  I'm hungry.

Grumpy

I'm grumpy, broke and have been getting a lot of headaches lately. My house will never again be organized (at least that is how it feels) and I'm working, like, 70 hours or something crazy like that this week. I'll write more later when I'm feeling human.

Me and my comments.

I took a co-worker friend out to lunch today for her belated birthday, and after gorging ourselves on buffalo burgers with gorgonzola cheese, we got in her nice clean car.  As she was backing up, she had to suddenly slam on her brakes because there was a steady stream of road-raged traffic behind us. The conversation went as such:

 
Her (in all seriousness): "Hey, you should go out there and stop traffic."

 
Me: "Yeah, I could so totally DO that!"

Long pause, then we both busted up into laughter.

A couple more things.

About the picture in the post below.  First, this is probably the only picture of me taken as a child with clothes on.  I was naked-child.  No matter where we were, or what we were doing, I was taking my clothes off and running around naked. Things haven't changed much; except I pretty much keep my nakedness at home because I have fat now. Everyone better hope I don't get all ripped and skinny.

Second, I wish my hair was still THAT. BLONDE.  I spend untold thousands on keeping my hair blonde.  Its maddening.

Third, HEY MOM - HOW COME THERE ISN'T ANYTHING IN MY FREAKIN' EASTER BASKET???  HUH?  HUH?

I haven't painted all week. My house just remains a complete disaster that we have dug a maze through so we can move around.  There is a chair in the hallway that we haven't moved - we just squeeze past it.  How sad is that?

There are no words to describe how much I don't want to be at work today.  It is supposed to be in the 90's this weekend in Seattle, which means it will be in the 100's at my house.  I have no air conditioning.  I will be very grumpy.

Guess Who?

Yeah, its baby CrazyDogMama.  My mom likes to send me these photos over email.  Does it look like I'm holding my breath, or is it just me?  What a goofball.  

Need a good laugh?

I found a blog (Out of Character), and I laughed like I haven't laughed in a long time. This statement alone made me choke on my spit:
 
"I paid $400.65 for a doggie door that The Jake won't use. Well, to be fair he'll use it if I hold it open. Which is something, I guess. Because that's what I had in mind when I wrote the check; a contraption that would cost fat cash, destroy my door, and not dissuade my dog from crapping in the dining room. Awesome."

Look who has comments!

Okay kids, play nice now.

I am one of those neat-freaks.

Recently inspired by Yogagirl's post of her newly organized bookshelf, I decided to post some pictures of what I do for FUN. I like to help people clean and organize their homes. I can't do the fancy stuff like on "Clean Sweep" (my favorite show), but my neighbors seem to worship me anyways. I work for rubber stamps. I clean, they give me rubber stamps for use in my scrapbooks. I really enjoy organizing other people's shit. I don't know why. I think I need to find a way to make money at this.
 
Here are some pics of some recent work I did (which is still in progress), for those of you who still aren't convinced I'm crazy.

Lou Story

Usually, Maggie sleeps in the bed with us and doesn't budge from her little spot no matter what. We try to get Louie to sleep on the bed also, but he is Mr. Grumpy and gets all flustered if a foot moves. He most always jumps down onto the floor beside the bed and sleeps there if our bedroom door is closed, or if it is open, he goes into his crate. Last night, we decided to crate them for bedtime because it was extremely humid, and we didn't need any extra fur in the bed. However, Jim forgot to lock Louie's crate when he sent him in there. Just as I was about to doze off, I hear a 'thud' and the bedroom door squeaking open.  Just before I had a heart attack, I heard the little tinkling of Louie's collar. (A dogmama can always identify dogs by the sound of their collar.) He curled up next to my side of the bed and went to sleep. I was so happy! I thought he only did that when we forced him! He actually likes sleeping in the same room with us! What do you know! CrazyDogMama went to sleep with a smile on her face, feeling loved. It's the little things.