I'll never learn.

Y'all wanted training stories, well I have one tonight. As you may know, I am stubborn and pig-headed, and rarely do what I'm told. K (that's what I call my trainer) must say a hundred times a session, "Just let me know if u need to rest". I could be bleeding out of my eyes, and I wouldn't admit I needed a break. I paid for that tonight and I think K worked me too hard on purpose to teach me a lesson. I kept going until I could barely stand up, then I hurled. It was mostly just dry heaves, but when you have boxing gloves on you can't wipe your mouth or open the bathroom door. I think K felt bad because he kept apologizing. LOL. I got up ready to get back to it but he said we should probably call it a night. Bah!

OK, here's the deal.

My mom is sick. Very, very sick. There isn't a whole lot of time left. I have had to take over everything and take care of her. I am working from home a lot and trying to keep it together the best I can. It isn't easy. I am sad and overwhelmed to the point of collapse. I am going to be utterly alone.

I had to break it off with John because he is never around. (I see him maybe once a month with a text or two in between.) I am not going to be his "good-enough-for-now" girl while he looks for something better online. He still has all his online dating profiles active, and I deserve more. I care about him, but I'm not doing this anymore on HIS terms. He has treated me well and I know he cares for me too, but I had to put on my big girl panties and grow a pair. Maybe he will realize I am worth it, and maybe he will just let me go, but I am done waiting around. I think he is worried about me right now because of the situation with my mom, and he has contacted me several times to make sure I'm alright, but I am staying strong. It was hard to do, but the reality is he wants to keep his options 'open'. Well, he can. I just won't be one of those options. I can't change him, and he can't change me. I'm not needy, nor desperate, and I do just fine on my own, so be it.

My trainer is Krzysztof Soszynski, the UFC fighter. He is ripping me to shreds! He makes me run, then box, then kickbox, then do pushups, then run again, then I get to swing a sledgehammer down onto a monster tire. That's the fun part. :-)  My stamina is getting better, but when I come home, I collapse. I am drenched in sweat, red-faced and can hardly move. He looks scary, but he is super sweet.  He texts me two or three times a day to make sure I am eating what I'm supposed to and feeling OK.

So that's where I'm at. My life is still a mess.