I need a vacation from my own head.

For the quick update, I am going to cut and paste what I wrote on Facebook because I am too lazy to rewrite it.

Monday's procedure went well, but after I woke up, I suffered from a migraine so bad I wanted to slit my own wrists. Then, the next day I came down with a severe respiratory infection that has had me bedridden most of the week. It sounds like I swallowed a chainsaw. I am going back to work tomorrow because I can't spend one more minute at home inside my own head. I thought about a lot of stuff, and that's really dangerous.

Now here is the part I don't put on Facebook where people who actually know me go. I like the anonymity of my blog sometimes. I think only two or three people in my real life actually come here, and I'm not even sure about that anymore.

I came close to rescuing a really cute puppy, but my mom made the point I'm not home enough. (Although I have been lately). It's true, I like dogs better than people, I'm going to end up the old dog lady, I'm telling you. I can't believe how much I still miss Lou. You don't get over it. People are generally mean, disrespectful and untrustworthy. Dogs, well, aren't. They actually seem to give a shit. Yeah, they pee on the floor and bark at paper, but they don't mess with you. Maggie didn't leave my side this week while I laid in bed dying and crying. She is laying at my feet right now.

I have that confused, dazed thing going on again. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. It's kind of chronic. Oh, and it sucks too. I'm hopeless. Utterly fucking hopeless. I'm sick of the positive shit right now so you're going to have to deal with that.

A New Era?

I know I haven't been blogging daily like you are all used to, so I'm sorry for that. I'm working things out in my head right now and changing some things in my life. Again. I'm shifting my priorities. It has become apparent to me that I walk my own road. I'm not sure of the reasons why, but that is how it is.

I am still involved with John to a point, but our time together is sparse, and I don't know what the future holds for us, if there is a future. I care for him very much, but like I said, I'm walking a strangely narrow road right now. I have been asked out by some other men recently, but I have turned them all down.

I go in for an upper GI endoscopy on Monday. It turns out I do not have Gastroparesis, but something is wrong, so they need to do some searching. Not fun. I'm not supposed to take any ibuprofen or aspirin for 4 days before the procedure, and of course I have a pounding headache today. Joy.

I'm hoping for a quiet weekend.

Cairn Terrors

I finally, at last, found someone who totally understands what it is like to own a Cairn Terrier.

Cairn Terrier Index Page (ddgnevada.com)

If after perusing all these Cairn Terrier related issues and you still think you might be right for a Cairn, I would obtain one final opinion from a disinterested third party, otherwise known as a 'Sanity Check'.

Even if you do not own a Cairn, you will enjoy Dan's stories. They are really, REALLY funny, and SO true. One minute you can't imagine loving a dog more, and the next minute you want to kill them. Total obnoxious brats. Anyway, trust me on this one and read if you are any kind of a dog lover at all.

Stuff and Things

1.  I did not get laid off, but many did and the workload is going to be INSANE.

2.  The doctor thinks I may have "Gastroparesis" which is why I get "sick" so often. Neat. I see a specialist next week.

3.  I was recommended to do a 3-day juice cleanse to detox my system.

4.  I am very frustrated with John, and I don't know what to do. Don't have time to worry about it.

5.  I kept seeing a white line appear and disappear on my ceiling that drove me nuts. Couldn't figure out where it was coming from or what it was, and one night stood on top of my bed and yelled at it. Don't tell anyone, they will lock me up and throw away the key.

That is all for now.

Great Quotes

“Throw your heart over the fence and the rest will follow.”

-Norman Vincent Peale

“Don’t count the days, make the days count.”

-Muhammad Ali

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”

-Abraham Lincoln

If you’re going through Hell, keep going.

-Winston Churchill

“Any guy can love a thousand girls, but only a rare guy can love one girl in a thousand ways.”

-Anonymous

Kids, Disneyland Meetups and My Exhausted Ass

VERY busy weekend, OMG. The kids (I have 3 now you know, Bill, Erica and Robby, who call me "Mama Cheryl".) came over Friday night, Sat, and Sun. I took them to see Apollo 18, they ate me out of house and home (bottomless pits!) and we swam and watched horror movies. Really good to see them, but poor grandma followed after us cleaning most of the time. LOL. She says they like coming to see me because I am "one of them".

Today I had my second "meetup" at Disneyland. The people are great. This meetup thing was at the advice of my new therapist, she wants me getting out and making friends instead of stressing and hanging out in my own head. We met for lunch at the Blue Bayou, then did all our favorite rides. I am getting *really* spoiled with my new friends, I don't have to wait in ANY lines! Someone always has either a VIP Card or a Guest Assistance Pass (for handicaps/illnesses) which gets us right to the front of the line every time. I don't think I can go back to being a normal visitor!!

I am beat.  I have to go back to work to relax!

Me and John

OK so its hard to take cell phone pics when you're drinking. Sue me.

DMV Hell

Did I tell you about the whole mess I had with the California DMV? Where I had to go back, like, 8 times and wait 3 hours because each time some stupid little thing was wrong. Like, for instance my birth certificate says one thing and my old driver's license said another thing and I may have burned my marriage license and my divorce paperwork said I was going back to my maiden name, and so on and so forth. So, then once they MADE me change back to my maiden name and gave me my license, they spelled my name wrong, and I had to go through the WHOLE FUCKING PROCESS AGAIN. It took me 20 minutes to explain to the English-is-my-second-fucking-language government worker that they spelled it CHERLY instead of CHERYL. He did not see the problem. It was like talking to someone who had just smoked an entire joint. THEN, I had to go and RE-DO and re-pay-for my registration to be done in my maiden name because dumb me got that done first before they had a cow that I couldn't prove I had been married.

So, now that I have to change 60 million things into my new name with less than zero time to do it, I figured I would go next to the Social Security office. Fuckers. I had a 5-minute wait, ALL my paperwork, and GUESS WHAT? "I'm sorry, but you need either the original or a certified copy of your divorce paperwork." FUUUUUUCK! The original got lost somehow in the move to California that I had a whole 3 weeks to do, and everything was chaos. So, I had to call my lawyer who has to call the court and now I will have to wait another 3 weeks. And then I will owe my lawyer more money, and they charge like, 50 dollars a minute.

Everything in my life is this way. I will tell you what. I'm keeping this name. If I ever get remarried, (stop laughing), I hope he is an understanding guy because I'M NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!