8 Things

Colleen tagged me and I don't even really get what the tag is except that I have to write about 8 things. So, whatever, here goes.

1. I went on a grandma hike on Saturday and the grandmas were passing my out-of-shape ass. Sad. I did take some pics, though, that I will bestow on you after my 8 things.

2. I cleaned my stove today. I'm way too fucking exciting, I know.

3. My phone battery only lasts for a day before I have to recharge it again. This pisses me off because it is ALWAYS beeping at me for low batteries. Is it just me?

4. I haven't wanted to blog lately, been in a mega-funk. I need some motivation, people. Help me now.

5. Jim's truck died. I don't mean it broke down, I mean it DIED. DEAD. KAPUT. The diagnostic said this: Transmission gone. Clutch gone. Brakes gone. Fuel pump gone. Tires bald. Electrical system gone. So, we have a new truck. Well, not a new truck, but you know, we couldn't afford to pay for repairs to the old one, so we just bought one that worked. Its a 2004 F150. Its pretty (I'm sorry Jim, I mean it's bad ass) but I'm freaked because we are poor and vehicle payments scare me. Again, help me now. Oh, and Jim actually put a stepping stool in the truck so I can get into it. Seriously, I jumped to get in it and fell back out.

6. I have a headache in my eye.

7. It's midnight on Sunday and I'm not tired. Damn it!

8. Lou-dog is snoring and farting at the same time right now. Much like Jim. I'm a lucky girl.

How is that for 8 things? We went day-tripping at Deception Falls and here is what we saw:

Backyard BBQ

It's get-even time with the pictures ANNIE.

Um, well, we had a BBQ yesterday at our abode with our good friends Matt n' Annie (Juice) and Amy. I am hung over as I type, so don't expect some intellectual shit, ok? Annie posted some, um, interesting pics of the evening, so I thought I would share as well.

#1 The gang all normal at around 6 pm enjoying some wine and appetizers. Matt was tending to little baby Ben, who is UBER cute and such a good baby! We were the loud obnoxious ones; the kid was quiet and happy.

#2 The girls with just a little bit more wine.

#3 A lot more wine. Amy and Annie singing along to the 'Grease' soundtrack.

#4 Matt and Juice at the end of the evening.

110 frigging degrees.

That's how hot it is supposed to be tomorrow at my house. They say Seattle will be around 100, and we're always about 10 degrees hotter out where we are. Today is 90-something and I want to die. At least I get to work in an air-conditioned office, poor Jim is in a non-air-conditioned shop with a metal roof. Sunny side-up Jim.

Tonight, I will be sitting outside in the shade dousing myself with the hose while drinking a beer. Maybe I'll take a pic with my NEW camera! I got a Canon professional DSLR! Oh, I had 5 days off for the 4th of July. I will post about that soon, k?

More backyard pictures!

Jim has done the awesomest job ever on our backyard. It only took us 8 years to plant anything in our backyard, but HEY, it's hard.

#1 My pretty rose garden. Just pray that I don't kill them, mmmkay?

#2 Gardener Jim, A.K.A. my lawn boy.

#3 My most excellent Japanese Red Maple! Her name is Hilda.

#4 Pearl, the other Maple.

#5 My bush corner.

#6 More herbs! I made linguini tonight with basil, tomatoes, white wine, olive oil, lemon thyme and garlic. It was quite good.

#7 My new dining room table. I have a big girl table now!

#8 It's Hella Good! The label says so!

#9 I had to include a picture of Lou, well, just because.

Pablo and the Holy Water

First of all, this has GOT to be the BEST title for a movie EVER, "Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death". It wins, and YES, I rented it. Haven't watched it yet, though.

Second, I did watch "Black Snake Moan", which was a really good flick. Both Christina Ricci and Samuel Jackson did a great job, and (hold onto yourselves) Justin Timberlake can actually act. Who knew? Anyway, I recommend it.

Third, we now call Louie "Pablo" and here's why:

Background: Louie is our fuzzy little Cairn Terrier with an attitude the size of Asia. Most of the time he is a cuddle-bug who makes me laugh. In the morning when I'm getting ready for work, he goes and lays in his crate because he knows I'll be leaving soon. This has been our routine for 8 years. When I actually go to leave, I shut the door to his crate so that he doesn't destroy my house while I'm gone. This has never been a problem in the past, he just sleeps until I get home. HOWEVER, in the last 6 months, he has decided that the shutting of his crate door sucks big donkey dick, and he starts barking and snap-growling when I start to shut it. This is NOT acceptable behavior, and I won't have it, but I had no idea how to stop him from doing it. Jim finally decided to try spritzing him with "Bitter Apple" when he starts the snap-growling, and it worked! The damn dog shut right up, then proceeded to smack his lips and dramatically hack. (It doesn't hurt the dog, it is made for dogs, they just don't like it.) We now call it "Holy Water" for our possessed dog. As Jim described this process to me on the phone, this was how the conversation went:

Jim: It works great! In fact, it was kind of funny.

Me: Cool! We should associate the act of spraying him with a command of some sort so that he will stop doing it when we just say the word. You know, use the "Pablo's Dogs" theory.

Jim: Pablo's Dogs?

Me: Yeah, you know, the theory everyone learned in Psychology class with the salivating dogs?

Jim: That's "Pavlov's Dogs", dear heart.

Me: *Started laughing so hard that I almost had to pull the car over*

Me, the next morning: "Come on Pablo, it's time for your holy water."

This is what happens when I tell them I want to take nice pictures.

Yes, another BBQ in my back yard. You would think we lived out there. Well, we do. We are not exciting people, you see. Jim got a new BBQ for Father's Day. A big boy BBQ! He wanted steak. I got a little planter pot for my herbs (not for Father's Day, just because I'm so cool), which currently consists of only chives because I killed the basil, cilantro and dill. Oops. So, here is a little photo entourage of the silly and somewhat psychotic little life that I live:

#1 Jim and Bill presenting "Esther". I name everything, even the BBQ.

#2 My lovely chives.

#3 Did I mention my stepson was in drama?

#4 Checking to make sure it's still there, I guess.

#5 Can you taste it?

#6 Trying to explain these two? Forget it.

#7 It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time, apparently.

#8 Peanut Butter Jelly Time is getting out of hand.

#9 Photoshoots wear them out.

Fat Mama's Knock You Naked Margarita Mix

I know I've talked about this before, but it deserves a second post. I just wanted to let you all know that I will be stocking up on it for the summer.

Best shizzle EVER.

Get it here. If the link is broken just go to Amazon.

Held at Gunpoint

My husband held me at gunpoint and made me eat Ding Dongs.

I found a very interesting article. Although I attribute my weight more to my Hostess habit, I think this author has some valid points. Give it a read, and don't judge until you are all the way through it.

"The Biggest Threat to Amercia" by Chuck Norris

South Park

Funniest South Park episode EVER: Evolution explained: Monkeys having butt sex with retarded fish frogs.

So how was my weekend you ask? I had a garage sale. I did make over $200 though, so there was that. We pretty much did nothing else and I'm tired as hell today.

It's not a ho down, it's a hose down!

It was hella hot this weekend, and especially humid yesterday. Hubby and I got out the hose and tortured the dogs.

#1 Louie giving me the stink-eye as he gets sprayed.

#2 Louie appreciating the cool down and rolling in the grass for maximum smelliness.

#3 Wet Maggie who closely resembles a fruit bat.

#4 Nothing like an ice-cold beer in the sweltering heat.

#5 Our BBQ'd ribs, mmm, meat.

#6 My weekend project was painting and organizing my pantry. It was so not fun, but I did an awesome job, no? Don't judge me for the stupid products I have in there.

Here fishy, fishy fishy.

Finally, the long Memorial Day weekend! I took Friday off to make it 4 days off and went fishing with my parents. Here is what happened.

My mom caught 2 trout, my dad caught 2 trout and everyone on the fricking dock caught fish EXCEPT ME. I got lots of bites, but none on the hook. DAMN IT.

I got stung on the NECK by a humming-bird-sized Bumble fucking Bee. I'm allergic to wasps, so thank God it wasn't a wasp, but STILL. Now you all know I am a complete spaz, so you can just imagine the dance I did when this monster kept dive-bombing me and landed on my neck. I broke my chair. At that point of no fish, a stung neck and a broken chair it was time to go home and regroup. Seriously. WTF?

This is the tacklebox I got when I was like 10 or something. I do know how to catch fish for anyone who might want to be a smartass commentor.

I put pictures of my mom & dad fishing on my flickr account, but I doubt I will be able to keep them there because I will be threatened with bodily harm. So, go look quick before I get beat up.

As for the rest of my weekend, we did nothing on Saturday, went to my parent's house for barbecued teriyaki chicken on Sunday (Yum!) and basked in the sun on the back porch on Monday. Not real exciting, but better than working. I'll be looking forward to reading all your guys' blogs, for I am sure you can top this.

Sometimes I get bored.

The brightest and prettiest rainbow I've ever seen. The picture doesn't do it justice. Where the hell is my pot o' gold? Hiding behind my hair on Monday Morning. Don't let the beast out.

Plays and Presents

It took me awhile to download the pictures from my camera, so you are getting some belated picture updates. The first picture is my stepson (left) with his friends on the night of his play "Aladdin". He was fabulous. The second picture is the presents my hubby and stepson got me for Mother's Day; some tulips (my favorite!), some chocolates and a basket with girl stuff in it. (Candles, wine, and bath stuff.) This is all you are getting right now because I have the need to go bake a chocolate cake. Buh-bye!

I've got a fever, and the prescription is, MORE COWBELL.

Just a little something for all you SNL fans out there. I saw that clip the other night and it just makes me giggle every time.

Here is what is going on in my life:

#1 I got my hair foiled! I'm very blonde again!

#2 I am a total LOST junkie, "4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42". We're about halfway through the second season where Shannon was just shot by Anna Lucia, a.k.a. Rambo girl. I am in love with Sawyer. Isn't everyone? Jack is too metro. Sayid is pretty hot too, actually. I have changed my mind about Jin, he is less of a dickwad now.

#3 I am trying out some dinners from "Month of Meals", they look really good, and surprisingly they are pretty inexpensive! I'm picking them up tonight.

#4 My mom is on the hunt for a new puppy! So fun!

#5 I did many squats/lunges/calf-raises on Monday and my legs have ceased to work. I say "OW" every other step when walking. My coworkers think this is funny.

#6 Apparently, I throw things in my sleep.

#7 I am having a much needed "girl's night" tomorrow night, but I thought it was last Thursday and showed up at my friend's house. Good thing she wasn't home. Who is retarded? That would be me.

Questions you were asking yourself 3 years ago.

1. WTF is that big thing in the jungle?
2. What on earth did she DO?
3. How the hell do that many people survive a plane crash?
4. Who the fuck is the guy in the suit who keeps appearing and then disappearing?
5. Why do I want to punch the ditzy blonde so badly?
6. Why does the cute guy who looks like Viggo Mortensen have such a 'tude?
7. Is the old guy just a bit off, or is it me?
8. Why was the dog hiding?
9. When is the Asian chick going to get all up in her husband's grill about being such a fucker?

YES, I am finally watching LOST. I love it! I can't believe I waited this long to see it. I have watched the first 4 episodes and going to watch more tonight. DO NOT RUIN IT FOR ME, if you tell me spoilers, I will hunt you down and let my dogs eat you.

What Cheryl Needs.

This is a funny Meme from Annie. What you do is google your name + "needs", then write down what comes up, so I did. Cheryl needs lots of things.

1. Cheryl needs to write some functions to figure out how that happened. (Um, what? Sure. I write functions all the time.)

2. Cheryl needs to stop sending me dirty emails. (Yeah, baby, I'm so bad!)

3. Cheryl needs to have an affair. (NO, Cheryl doesn't! Ha! She would get kicked in the twat for that one.)

4. Cheryl needs a good slap. (Yes, she certainly does. Probably for the dirty emails. LOL.)

My God.

This is terrible.

Greensburg, Kansas - F5 Tornado damage, aerial view.

Microwave Massacre

Yes, I actually rented this movie. I haven't watched it yet, but I'm betting that I will like it based on this blurb I found on badmovies.org:

Things I Learned From "Microwave Massacre":

1. Every movie should begin with drum music and a girl's breasts flopping around.
2. A three pound crab is pretty frightening.
3. Food shouldn't match your furniture.
4. Guys like girls with large breasts for their personality.
5. If you don't like what's for dinner, get a mouthful of water and spit it into the food.
6. Girls: Your marriage is in trouble if the hubby throws a fit then urinates in the living room.
7. People stay fresh longer in aluminum foil.
8. Two things not to say when picking up a girl: "You're not used to being on your feet." and "You look a lot better in the dark."
9. Everyone keeps a hatchet in the kitchen.
10. Never dress like a chicken around cannibals.
11. Doctors use syringes as darts.
12. Vibrators make good gardening tools. (You heard me right, and there is no way in Hell I'm explaining.)

ROFLMAO!

Hangin' with my Peeps.

I crack myself up.

Irritated

For the horrific price of $100, we can both get our gas tanks filled! OMG. Gas prices SUCK. How in the hell are we supposed to pay this? It keeps going up! I used to be able to fill my tank for $13. The world is coming to an end.

Oh, and its National "Take your damn kids to work" day, and my work HONORS this. I get to work with a bunch of screaming brats today. Can you say MONGOLIAN CLUSTER FUCK? I knew you could.

Thinking Blogger Award

I was awarded a Thinking Blogger Award by Annie, can you believe it? THINKING? ME? BA-HA!! Wasn't aware I did that. Especially here at the CDM bloggery. Nevertheless, she said some incredibly wonderful things about me, and I am eternally grateful. She is the sweetest and funniest girl I've ever met, and I'm honored to be her friend. We were inseparable at one time and have some seriously great memories. We don't see each other much now because we live a bit far and she has a new baby who is SO CUTE YOU WANT TO CHEW ON HIS LITTLE TOES that keeps her busy, but when we do have a chance to get together, it is like no time has passed at all.

How this works:

1. If (and only if) you are tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote.

I would put Annie's blog as my first Thinking Blogger Award, but I probably can't do that since she's already gotten one and that would be breaking the rules, but just so she knows I would pick her, and OMG this is a major run-on sentence so whatever.

OK, here goes:

1. BOA (Broke and Angry) - Always a treat to read. He is very passionate about illegal aliens and Wells Fargo. All around a nice whiner that will make you laugh. Also, newly married, which makes him a prime target for us old married folks to tease and give stupid advice to!

2. Yogagirl - She is great! She is a yoga instructor and knows everything about yoga. She is inspiring and funny and also a sweetheart, one of the very first blogs I read, and we bonded nicely because she has a really cute fuzzy doggie! She is also quite possibly the best decorator EVER.

3. Otter - This Southern belle is HYSTERICAL. Not only does she write well, she, like, KNOWS PHYSICS and shit! She was my very first commentor. She also has a cute little baby boy and is a jewelry maker, knitter and cook extraordinaire!

4. Skwigg - Skwigg is AWESOME. If you want to lose weight or become a ninja fighter, she's your girl! Seriously! I would not want to piss Skwigg off. She is also funny and real and a super interesting person. Even if you aren't into fitness, she will keep you entertained with her 3 crazy dogs. She is definitely an honorary CrazyDogMama!

5. Spank Your Inner Moppet - Colleen! Not only a great writer, but witty and sweet! She cracks me up too, and you guessed it! A cute doggie! She will also kick your ass ninja-style.

Well, I have to say, it was very difficult to pick only 5. There are so many of you that I would put up there! Basically, if you are on my links list, I wanted to nominate you. I love you all! You all keep me continually inspired to blog!

HERE IS SOME MORE CONTENT FOR THIS POST, AS IF IT WASN'T LONG ENOUGH ALREADY:

I was also tagged to do an "interview", and Annie over at "yerdoingitwrong" asked me these questions, so now I'm going to answer them. If someone wants me to interview them, let me know! Don't expect me to do it quickly, though, because I'm a lazy ass.

1.) You've been married a long damn time. What three pieces of advice would you give to someone just starting their journey?

Wow. I have been married a long time. Almost 13 years. Crap. I guess my first piece of advice would be to let the little things go. Don't get all amped up over dumb shit. Two, um, when you fight (and you know you will) don't bring up crap from the past, stick to topic. If you don't, every little thing you have ever done will bite you in the ass. Three, enjoy each other. Make sure you take advantage of all the things you like about your spouse. If you like movies, watch a lot of movies together, if you like to talk, chat it up, if you like theme parks, go! Be best friends.

2.) If you could spend a month anywhere and money was not an issue, where would you go and why?

Hmm. I guess I would travel Europe with my hubby. Germany, Italy, France, those places. He has been there and has always wanted to take me. I have been NO WHERE. Seriously. I've been to like, 3 fucking states. That are close by. I need some culture. Although, laying on the beach drinking margaritas in Bora Bora for a month doesn't sound bad either.

3.) If your life were going to be made into a movie what actors/actresses would play the following roles and why?

You: Some batshit crazy blonde. Maybe the role Kelly Lynch played in "Warm Summer Rain". No explanation needs to be given, right? (Great flick, by the way. A CrazyDogMama favorite.)
Jim: Kevin Costner. Jim's sense of humor reminds me of Kevin in the movie Bull Durham. Plus, he's handsome!
Your mom: Sally Fields. She looked like her in her younger days, and she is short and sassy like that.
Your dad: This one is hard. Dan Akroyd? I don't know why. Maybe because he is a big silly guy?
Jim's son: He kind of reminds me of Zach Braff from "Scrubs", but cooler.

4.) Tell us about your best drunk moment.

BEST drunk moment, or STUPIDEST drunk moment? I'll go with stupid. I drank 9 double rum and cokes in a small dive bar when I first met Jim. I then proceeded to tell some guys in the bar that Jim could kick their ass. Collectively. We left running, and I drove down the wrong side of the road. When we got to Jim's place, I fell on my face in the middle of the street. Then, I puked on his carpet, and he had to call my dad (who he had never met) and tell him I was passed out drunk on his couch. Jim's mother managed the apartment complex we were in (Jim's apartment) and before she met me, had to replace the carpet in that apartment because of my really lovely puke. One of my shining moments, don't you think?

5.) Describe your perfect day.

I win, inherit or find millions of dollars. Then, do whatever the hell I want!

FEAST

OK y'all, I just possibly watched the best horror movie on the planet. I have a new favorite, and it may even surpass Texas Chainsaw Massacre, if that is even possible.

Jim and I had "Horror Fest" starting Friday night. (It was Friday the 13th, you know!) We rented 6 horror movies and had popcorn and candy.

"Feast" is FUCKING AWESOME. I mean it. It has everything, a generous amount of gore, appropriate suspense, a good story, and the most hilarious script EVER. Even the monsters are good, even if a little cheesy. I was never bored, and I think in one part I laughed so hard I peed a little. It was obvious that it was the director's intention for you to laugh. The director takes every horror movie cliche and fucks with it. At first, I thought, "OK, this is corny", but as it progresses, the corniness is absolute perfection because you need the comic relief. The rest of the movie is like OMG did that just happen? When's the last time you could say that about a horror movie? I've been so disappointed with horror movies in the last 10 years or so. Every now and then one comes out that I like, but I'm never so "wowed" that I'm clapping at the end. I'm buying this movie. Seriously, if you are a horror fan, you'll love it.

As for the other 5 movies I rented? Meh.

"Unrest" - It was OK. Slow start. Pretty good rental.
"See no Evil" - Lacking. A couple of good kill scenes.
"Hard Candy" - Good acting, decent movie, but I wouldn't buy it.
"Pulse" - Stupid.
"The Pumpkin Karver" - I wanted to rip my own eyeballs out. I was laughing, but it wasn't the director's intention.

Strangers watching me sleep.

I woke up every 2 hours last night. Which is nothing new. I'm not particularly stressed or anything, I just have sleeping issues. I can fall asleep in 8 nanoseconds, but then I keep waking up. I actually went to see a specialist on Tuesday about this and he wants me to go to a sleep clinic so they can figure out what's going on with me. Great. Strangers watching me sleep. That should be neat.

I don't know what else to say. I've really got blogger's block. I could like, take a picture of my hand or something, but I'm not sure that would captivate you.

Oh, just watched the episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" where Ray's mom creates an abstract sculpture that looks exactly like a vagina. It was pretty freakin' funny. Would you buy it?

Date Night & Freaky Weather

Well, I'm being hounded to post, but I don't know what to say, so here's goes nothing. Hubby and I went to dinner and a movie last night. I unhinged my jaw and ate a Bonzai Burger at the Red Robin, then we went to see "The Reaping". We liked it, although it's getting horrible reviews. It wasn't scary, but it was an interesting story line, and I love Hillary Swank. I am totally dragging ass today now, though. That is all the excitement. Truly. I have no idea what we're doing this weekend, except I know we are going to Jim's parent's house for Easter dinner. Oh, here is something, it supposed to be 80 degrees today. Yeah. 4 days ago, it snowed 4 inches, now its 80. WTF? I need to go do some work, so later dudes.

Um, it's April, right?

We woke up to almost 4 inches of snow this morning. SNOW. It was close to 70 degrees all last week, now its fricking snowing. My town is the only one that seemed to get dumped on because we have our own private convergence zone here, but still. I want to BBQ and shit right now, not snowshoe.

I ended up only having 2 (albeit LARGE) margaritas on Friday, but I woke up at 3 am needing Aleve for my pounding head. I'm getting old, just can't party like I used to. Saturday, we rented "Turistas", which was OK, nothing special. They only had ONE scene where some girl was getting her organs stolen, so I felt jipped. Then, I went and bought a firewire cable so that I could download my camcorder videos to my computer. That pretty much took up the rest of the weekend. Not a whole lot of excitement, but like I said, I'm getting old. It just doesn't take much to entertain me anymore.

Jack-a-Ritas

Instead of champagne, I decided on Friday night margaritas. Yeah, baby! So, I go to the liquor store on the way home to get some tequila. For some reason I grab a bottle of Jack Daniels, then a lime at the register. Don't ask, because I just don't know. I then tell the cashier that I've been promoted and I'm going to have some margarita fun, again, don't ask. He smiles, looks at the Jack Daniels and the lime, then back up at me and says, "Congratulations." I skip out the door, and about 1/2 way home I realize that I am a gigantic retard. Jack-a-ritas? Oops. When I get home and tell Jim what I did, he laughs and offers to go exchange the Jack for Jose. Derr. In a big way. The guy at the liquor store must be thinking, "What the hell did she get promoted to, executive ditch digging?" Anyway, Mr. Cuervo and I are having a nice love affair tonight. I may be puking later.

Good News!

I just got a big promotion at work! It includes many more dollars! Wheee! I am so excited.

Oh, and by the way, I know I haven't been posting regularly, but if I don't start getting more than 2 readers a day, I'm shutting down this show. So, tell your friends and family to read. Now, shoo, because I hear a bottle of champagne calling my name.

The traffic guy is NOT my friend, but Cherry NyQuil IS.

So, not only have I been surviving on Cherry NyQuil for the past 7 days, but the radio traffic guy totally dis'd me. Yes, that's right. Let me share this special story with you.

We had a few days of hard rain, and that always means some sort of flooding in the rural area I live in. The other morning on the way to work, I ran into some crazy dead-stopped traffic. After an hour and a half of wanting to bash my head into my steering wheel, I found out that one of the bridges on my commute was closed due to flooding, and traffic was being re-routed and that was why it was so backed up. I got to work really late and hacking my head off because my NyQuil was wearing off. The next day was the same traffic mess, but I left a little early to try and avoid some of it. I was listening to my favorite talk radio station and the traffic report came on. The traffic guy said that some people had called in and were wondering why traffic was so bad in this area, and he responded that he had no idea and hadn't heard anything but would look into it. I knew! I knew and the traffic guy didn't! I don't know why this excited me, but I decided to be a good citizen and call the radio station so that my co-commuters would understand why they were frustrated and stressed. I'm just that kind of gal. The radio guy answered, and I explained the situation. He was very appreciative for my call and said he would relay the info to the traffic guy. He even asked my name so that I could get full credit. I told him.

All proud of myself, I turned the radio back on and awaited the next traffic update. Sure enough, the first thing he said was "We have received an answer to the traffic problems in blah-blah area from our nice caller Cheryl". He went on telling the whole Seattle area exactly what I told him and kept thanking Cheryl for the information. Wow! I felt like a celebrity! But, oh no, no, that 15 minutes of fame would not last. They give the traffic update every 10 minutes, and of course since I wanted to keep hearing my name on the radio, I kept listening. In the very next update, the dude says this, "Well, we took the chopper over blah-blah bridge, and it appears to be open, and traffic is flowing nicely, so I'm not sure what was going on there, but there really is no problem so never mind that last report." WHAT THE FUCK?

I had JUST passed two big orange signs that said the bridge was closed, and I was still stuck in traffic! Oh, wait a minute.

There goes a D.O.T. worker and he is TAKING THE SIGN DOWN. It was a total conspiracy against me. They opened the bridge not 5 minutes after I called. NO! I look like a fool! An idiot! A prank caller! But I was just trying to help!

I wanted to call back and tell them I wasn't crazy, but then I started thinking that they probably have caller ID and would yell at me or not let me call anymore, or report me as a stalker or something, so I didn't. I just sat there. I cussed out my radio and turned it off. That'll show 'em! I won't listen to them for the whole rest of the day! Screw the radio! Screw the commuters! Screw everybody! I told Jim about my public embarrassment, but he just laughed at me. A lot. Then it hit me. I need to get a life.

My throat is KILLING ME.

I can barely swallow. I've been super sick since Thursday night. My throat hurts so bad right now that I can't sleep, and now it's 2:30 in the morning. Everybody is snoring and I'm walking around whining and bitching and no one can hear me! Bah! I just ate some ice cream, and although it tasted great, it didn't help my throat much. I'm going to go try and find something to watch on T., but my hopes are not high. This blows.

Who are you?

OMG, I'm sick of these, but I was tagged, so whatever. I erased the repeats and stuff I've answered before.

Who are you? CrazyDogMama!

1) First of all, how old are you? 35.
2) Do you believe in reincarnation? Nope.
3) If you found out your best friend was gay/lesbian, what would you do? Nothing.
4) Do you consider yourself a good listener? Sure.
5) Would you rather be short or tall? Short
6) Would you consider your relationship with your parents bad, okay, good? Good, but could be better.
7) Do you like to dance? Only when I am by myself.
8) Are you shy to ask someone out? I have never asked anyone out, the guy had to ask. It's old fashioned, not shyness.
9) Do you like to talk on the phone? Not really. I like to talk to my husband on my way home from work, though.
10) Would you rather go on a walk or watch tv? TV
11) Do you think boys or girls have it easier? Guys.
12) If you had a round-trip ride in any time machine, where would you go? To my early 20's.
13) If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? Spy on people.
14) Do you like Adidas, Nike, Fila, or Reebok [or any other brand]? I guess I like Nike.
15) If you could change your name, what would it be? My name is fine.
16) If you were in a theater and someone was crying, would you laugh? No, that's mean.
17) What's the hardest thing about growing up? Marriage
18) What little unknown talents do you possess? I'm not telling.
19) Would you eat a bowl of live crickets for $40,000? No.
20) If this Saturday, you could do ANYTHING you wanted, what would you do? Go to Disneyland.
21) What's the worst word(s) you know? I don't know, but I'm sure I use them every day.
22) Have you ever wanted to run away? Daily.
23) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? No, unless my dogs count. They are stuffed full of food, poo, pee and mischief.
24) If you were stranded on a deserted island with one person, who would it be? Superman.
25) What is your favorite gum? Cinnamon.
26) How do you eat an Oreo? Dip in milk, shove in mouth.
27) Do you eat chicken fingers with a fork? I do not eat chicken fingers.
28) Do you eat the stems of broccoli? Yes.
29) If you could do anything to the person you hated most what would it be? I don't hate anyone.

DOB: 11-12-71
Sex: Female
Height : 5'4"
Hair Color: Blonde-brown
Eye Color: blue
Location: Sultan, WA
School: Bachelor of Arts UW
Pets: 2 dogs and a husband
Dream Job: Photographer
Fav Subject: Art
Fav Sport: Gymnastics
Least Fav: Basketball
Fave Month: November
Fav Toothpaste: Mentadent

All is well in the dog food department.

I have received mail from concerned folks about the pet food recall going on, and if Lou and Mags were OK. They are great, I buy "Natural Balance" dog food. I tried to switch them to cheaper food awhile back, but they wouldn't have it. I'm so glad! If I had been feeding them the recall food, I would be in full-on panic mode right now.

I know I suck, you don't have to tell me.

I have no excuse for not blogging, I just haven't wanted to lately. BUT, because I love you all so much, I'll blog just for you today. Last Friday my company left early at 1pm to go bowling for a little corporate competition. It was a hoot, especially the open bar part. Double rum and coke and double margarita on the rocks if you must know. I got high girl's score at 151! I didn't know I had it in me. After that (with the alcohol in me), Jim and I went to dinner at his ex-wife's house. I KNOW. We were there to discuss how to discipline the kid who has been getting in trouble lately. It went fine, nothing really juicy to report.

Then, all day Saturday and Sunday, we cleaned. We dusted, vacuumed, did laundry & dishes and generally were a very boring married couple. And you wonder why I haven't been blogging? Blah. Nothing exciting happening. That is all. That is all I can think of to write. I'm eating a banana right now, I'm tired, and really nothing to say.

These are the lies.

#2 - I never had to draw my gun as a cop.
#6 - I started smoking when I was 19, not 17.
#8 - I've only driven up to 90 mph.
#10 - I've only been in one fight. It was with a girl named Shara in Jr. High. I kicked her ass.

I guess the skydiving thing is kind of iffy. My knees are shot and I'm too fat, but I guess if I were totally fit and trim and someone else paid for it, I MIGHT, and I say MIGHT do it again. Probably not, though, I'm getting old. My hay-day is over, I'm afraid. It was great fun, though, when I did it, and I have some amazing pics. I jumped 7 times.

Slacker

I know I've been a total slacker, I just haven't been in the blogging mood. You know what I mean? I've been in the "don't-get-up-from-the-couch-unless-you-have-to" kind of mood.

It snowed again last week, and we got 9 inches. It melted the next day, but still. It is supposed to be 60 degrees tomorrow. The wackiness continues. Everyone has been sick at work, one by one, so the work has been piling up, and lo and behold I'm actually trying to change my eating habits AGAIN. I'm trying to do BFL-style eating, but really small portions every two hours or so. For me, this means being constantly hungry for about two weeks (until I get used to it) even though I'm constantly eating. Having a half of a sandwich just makes my stomach angry. It's all like, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Anyway, I got tagged to do this stupid lie detector thingy. I am supposed to list off a bunch of things about myself and you are supposed to determine whether or not each item is true or false. So here goes, I guess.

1. I once vomited creamed corn all over the dinner table because my mom forced me to eat it.

2. I drew my gun only once when I was a cop.

3. My hair turned naturally curly overnight when I was 24.

4. I won't eat meatloaf.

5. I have had premonition dreams.

6. I started smoking when I was 17.

7. I threw a paper airplane at a corvette when I was young, and the guy slammed on his brakes and ran after me screaming obscenities.

8. I have driven a car at over 100mph.

9. I will never jump out of an airplane again, voluntarily.

10. I've been in many fights.

Let me hear those guesses people, which ones are false?

Shows

First, I woke up this morning thinking it was Thursday. After wanting to cry NOOO when I found out it's not, instead I accidentally ripped the drawstring out of my pants, never to return. EVER. Have you ever re-threaded a drawstring? Yeah, I didn't think so. There will be no comments about me wearing pants to work that have a drawstring. NONE.

Second, I never write about the shows I watch and I'm going to do that today. One of my favorite new shows is "The Class". I wasn't sure I was going to like it, but it's really growing on me. Richie Velch (the nerdy character who is dating Lina) absolutely slays me. I'm also sort of liking "Rules of Engagement", but mainly because "Putty" from Seinfeld is in it and he makes me giggle just looking at his squinty little eyes. "Medium" entertains me, and I still love "Jericho", even though I think people would be running around pulling their hair out and feeding on the dead by now in real life. "Heroes" is cool, but I'm getting impatient with it, and of course "Two and a Half Men" is still good. I hate to admit that I'm getting a little bored with "Earl" and "How I Met Your Mother". Oh, and how could I forget, I love "Men in Trees". I know it's a chick-y soap opera, but I don't care. At least I don't watch reality shows. Ha! That's it, that is all I watch.

Happy F-ing V-Day

I don't really celebrate Valentines because something bad happened to me a long time ago on this day, but from the sounds of it, there are lots of you out there that think this Hallmark Holiday is a pooper. When working in the restaurant business for such a long time, it never failed to amaze me how much people will spend on an overrated dinner and flowers. It is wall to wall people and noise, and it's funny how no one ever really looks that happy. Occasionally you'll see two newlyweds or new lovers or something holding hands over the table and gazing into each other's eyes, but rarely, and they are truly annoying anyway.

My hubby bought me Captain Crunch WITH crunch berries. Now THAT'S romantic. I had a gigantic bowl of it this morning.

I was blind, now I see.

I have new glasses. I am a total and complete nerd now. They are RED. Like Blood. As you can see. Also, they have bling! I didn't see the bling when I picked them out, but here I am.

NEVER ask, "What are those MEME thingees?"

I was suckered. There are SO MANY QUESTIONS, it's like an interrogation! Kill me now.

1. Height? 5'4" Does anyone really care?
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? No. You can smoke heroin?
3. Do you own a gun? Yes
4. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No
5. What do you think of hot dogs? Yum
6. What's your favorite Christmas song? Carol of the Bells
7. Can you do pushups? Yes
8. Is your bathroom clean? Not at the moment.
9. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Anniversary ring.
10. Do you like painkillers? Love them.
11. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Boobs.
12. Do you have A.D.D.? No
13. Middle Name? Lyn
14. Name 3 thoughts at this moment? I'm hungry, I want to go home, Mongolian Grill sounds good.
15. Name the last 3 things you have bought? Mocha, cigarettes, gas.
16. Current worry? Bills.
17. Current hate? My stomach.
18. Favorite place to be? In water.
19. How did you bring in the New Year? Taking pictures at home.
20. Where would you like to go? Bora Bora.
21. Do you own slippers? Yes.
22. What shirt are you wearing? Maroon shirt.
23. Do you burn or tan? Tan.
24. Favorite color(s)? Red & purple.
25. Would you be a pirate? Are you asking? OK.
26. What songs do you sing in the shower? Sweet Child o' Mine by Guns and Roses.
27. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Monsters, specifically mutated bears.
28. Best bed sheets as a child? Fresh out of the dryer.
29. Worst injury you've ever had? Kidney stones.
30. How many TVs do you have in your house? Four.
31. Who is your loudest friend? Marianne.
32. Who is your most silent friend? Jenny.
33. Does someone have a crush on you? I doubt it.
34. Do u wish on shooting stars? Nope.
35. What is your favorite book? Watchers by Dean Koontz.
36. What is your favorite candy? Reses Peanut Butter Cups.
37. What song do/did you want played at your wedding? I don't think there was music.
38. What were you doing @ 12 AM last night? Trying to sleep.
39. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Fuck, I have to get up.
40. Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work? Can’t say that I have.
41. What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone you've dated? 7 years
42. Ever been in a car wreck? I’ve hit 3 deer and a dog, does that count?
43. Were you popular in high school? I don’t think so, I don't know.
44. Have you ever been on a blind date? No.
45. Are looks important? Yeah, somewhat.
46. Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more? Of course.
47. By what age would you like to be married? Already married.
48. Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your view of them? Sometimes.
49. Have you ever made a mistake? No, I’m perfect. Gimme a break.
50. Are you a good tipper? I’m really good, I was a waitress.
51. What's the most you have spent for a haircut? 60$ for a cut, much, much more for coloring.
52. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Not that I remember.
53. Have you ever peed in public? Yes.
54. What song do you want played at your funeral? No funeral for me, just cremate me and go party.
55. What would your last meal be before getting executed? Pizza, warm chocolate chips cookies.
56. Beatles or Stones? STONES.
57. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who? Only one?
58. Beer, wine or hard liquor? Liquor.
59. Do you have any phobias? Claustrophobia and Arachnophobia.
60. What are your plans for the future? I don’t know.
61. Do you walk around the house naked? All the time.
62. If you were an animal, what would you be? Wolf.
63. Hair color you like on someone you're dating? Anything but red.
64. Would you rather be blind or deaf? Neither. But if I HAD to choose, I guess deaf.
65. Do you have any special talents? Yeah, baby.
66. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house? Release the hounds.
67. Do you like horror or comedy? Both, but horror is my favorite.
68. Are you missing anyone? No, I think everyone is here.
69. If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do? No idea, don't think like that.
70. Where do you want to live when you are old? Somewhere with a pool.
71. Who is the person you can count on the most? God.
72. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be? None.
73. What did you dream last night? That my parachute didn’t open correctly. I have dream issues.
74. Are you named after anyone? Some chick my mom went to school with, she liked her name.
75. Have you ever been arrested? No, but I’ve arrested people.
76. Would you ever get plastic surgery? Depends.
77. Have you ever caught a fish? Lots.
78. Family member you most resemble: My dad.
79. Do you own your own Bible? Several.
80. Do you clean up nice? Yeah, but sometimes I clean up mean.
81. When was the last time you tripped and fell? 30 minutes ago?
82. Where was the last place you slept besides your home? Parent’s house.
83. What are you listening to right now? Coworker chatter.
84. Have you ever started an uncontrollable fire? No, unless in the heart of my men counts, LOL!
85. Ever run out of gas on the road? No. Which is amazing.
86. What would you rather do, rake the leaves, or mow the lawn? I don’t do yard work.
87. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Pictures.
88. How many kids do you want? Zero.
89. Type of music you dislike most? Bubblegum Pop.
90. Are you registered to vote? Yes.
91. Do you have cable? Yes, that’s like asking if I have oxygen.
92. Ever prank call anybody? Sure.
93. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? I’ve been skydiving, I won’t be bungee jumping.
94. Do you have a garden? No, unless my little herb garden in my kitchen window counts.
95. What's your favorite comic strip? Calvin and Hobbs.
96. Bath or Shower? Shower with something to sit on.
97. Best pizza toppings? Pepperoni, green pepper, jalapeños and pineapple.
98. Popcorn or Peanuts? Peanuts.
99. Orange Juice or apple juice? Orange Juice.
100. Chocolate Bar? Yes, please.
101. When was the last time you ate a homegrown tomato? I don’t know.
102. Ever order anything from an infomercial? No.
103. Sprite or 7-Up? Sprite.
104. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work/school? Yes, work.
105. Ever thrown up in public? Yup.
106. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? When I was 12, true love, now? Money.
107. Believe in love at first sight? Not really.
108. What do you think about most? Damn bills.
109. Favorite form of travel? Private jet.
110. Something purple within 5 feet of you: Writing on my wall calendar.
111. The sexiest item of clothing you own: See-through thong underwear that I never wear.
112. Is your hair long enough to chew on? Yes.
113. Least favorite color? Yellow.
114. Ever have Dippin' Dots? No.
115. Ever play an instrument? Piano.
116. Ever been to a palm reader? No.
117. Last Pez dispenser you purchased? Don’t like Pez.
118. Did you have a good weekend? It was OK.
119. How is today going for you? So-so.

120. Any plans for tonight? TV.
121. Ever given someone a full-body oil massage? I’ve given a partial body oil massage.
122. What shampoo do you use? Aveda Sap Moss.

OMG, I'm finally done.

Body Parts and Recipes

That sounds wrong, doesn't it? HA!

Anyways, I have a tattoo. It is fading, but I have one. I got it right before I got married 13+ years ago, and my mom saw it for the first time while I was trying on wedding dresses. It didn't go well. (Hi, Mom!) She has since gotten over it, but I wanted to show the internet my blasphemy.

It is very difficult to photograph an ankle tattoo with your cell phone, let me just tell you. It is a rose piercing a heart, and "Jim" in cursive. I had it designed, so it is an original. Jim got one for me, too. It is a huge bouquet of roses with a "Cheryl" banner across the stems.

I also took a picture of my tongue. I have no idea why. OK! Now, aren't you hungry? Recipes have been requested from me for the former food pics. I am seriously lazy, so I will only do one right now.

Gorgonzola Pasta (serves 3-4)

1. Boil 1 package of penne pasta until al dente, sprinkling a bit of salt in the water.

2. You can either grill your own chicken breasts (2), or you can be lazy like me and buy the pre-grilled ones, and just warm them up and cut them up into bite sized pieces.

3. In a separate pan, sauté 1 tablespoon of minced garlic with a little bit of olive oil until it browns.

4. Add 1 cup of heavy whipping cream, 1/4 cup of white wine, and 1 Boullion cube (mixed with a little bit of hot water) to the browned garlic and reduce (simmer) for about 10-15 minutes. Once you start to see it boil just a little, reduce heat a tad, and add 1/2 cup of crumbled gorgonzola cheese, and grated parmesan to taste. Add some red pepper flakes and cracked pepper to taste. Simmer for another 6-7 minutes until everything is thoroughly blended and thickened up. Add the grilled chicken and stir.

5. Add a little butter (real butter) to the pasta once it is drained and stir. Dump the pasta in the sauté pan and toss with the sauce for a minute or so. Serve the pasta on a plate (not a bowl) and sprinkle chopped hazelnuts and parsley on top. YUMMY.

NOTE: Buy the best quality you can of the cheeses, it does make a difference.

All of the things I cook are simple stupid to make. I am not a chef by any means. I got most of my ideas from working in upscale restaurants for 17 years. Bon Appetite!

Why I don't lose weight.

I love to cook. I love to eat. End of story. Here are a few of my recent dishes. I've been in a gourmet mood lately and the husband is loving it. He does think I'm certifiable though, for taking pictures of my food. Who needs those stinking expensive restaurants!

#1 This is a CrazyDogMama favorite. Penne pasta with chicken in a gorgonzola cream sauce topped with diced hazelnuts and parsley.

#2 Crab cakes in a vodka tomato cream sauce accompanied by a small tenderloin steak and baked golden potato with chives, bacon and sour cream. Yeah, no calories in this dish.

#3 Stuffed pork tenderloin in a red wine demiglace. Super yummy.

#4 Alcoholic dessert anyone? This is a German spiced wine, pretty cheap, but a 10 on the yum-yum scale. Just heat on the stove and serve with a cinnamon stick. (That's Louie in the background, he motors around the kitchen when I'm cooking.)

#5 The wine in a pretty cup.

OK, enough with the white shit already.

I am looking painfully out of my work window at the big-ass snowflakes falling on the already frozen snow. It is not that bad here (yet), but we still have a good 6 to 8 inches where I live, and I can just imagine how my commute home is going to go. *Sigh* I love the snow when I can romp and play in it, but a 6-hour commute with idiot drivers isn't my idea of a good time.