OK, just one more thing before I go.

I was checking my stats a few minutes ago, and I looked at how people are finding me. Someone googled "Cheryl naked snow pics". OK, who is trying to find naked snow pics of me? Not gonna happen people. That is too freaking cold. LOL!

A Tribute to Our 10th!

Remember I was telling you that on August 27th, we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary? Well, here is a little glimpse of that day:



Jim looks so young! He has had a goatee now, forever, so when I look at this it makes me giggle! We didn't end up going ANYWHERE or doing ANYTHING to celebrate. It's bad, I know, but we are saving up for our next Disneyland Trip! 2005 is Disneyland's 50th Anniversary you know!!! Can't wait for the new Space Mountain. I'm seriously jonesing for a trip.

Tantalizing Teas

As you know, I am a hopeless coffee addict, but the time has come for me to drink more tea. In the past I was what you would call a "tea-hater". Well, I'm really trying to become an adult (scary!) and I decided to give the whole tea thing a whirl. Turns out I kinda like it. Go figure. Maybe I should try a brussels sprout one of these days, huh? Anyway, here are some teas that made my A-list recently:

My favorite: Aveda Comforting Tea - It has the BEST sweet aftertaste!

My other favorite: Ginger Yogi Tea. - A mucho-spicy Delight! Good for the tummy.

She's No Lady

My 12-year-old stepson was over this weekend, and he announced the reasons why he cannot practice any of his wrestling moves on the female members of his family:

"Grandma is too old."
"Janet is just a little girl."
"My mom is a lady."
AND...
"Cheryl would just kick my ass."

Good to know where I stand, I suppose. LOL!

I did it! I did it!

I had my first SOY iced mocha today! They're good! After a WHOLE WEEK of no mochas, this was ecstasy in a cup. Oh, and there was no big, fat, hairy spider in it. For a moment there, I thought I was going to save money at the coffee store. Damn.

Late

So, I woke up at 6 am this morning. I am supposed to be up at 5 am. Whoopsie! Called work to say I slept through my alarm. Went back to bed. (You have to make the whole late thing worth it, you know?) Got up at 7 am. Took a shower. Drove to work and got there by 9 am. Something is telling me I need a vacation. My give-a-shit meter seems to be broken. I do take my job seriously, (stop laughing) and am glad to have it, but something is wrong with me lately. Usually, I am the kind of person who will BOLT out of bed and run around in circles when I have discovered that I'm late. When I was little, I used to sleep-walk and my mom would find me in the bathroom at around 2am getting ready for school. When she asked me what in the holy hell I was doing, I would reply "Getting ready. Don't want to be late!". I'm surprised I didn't get strapped to the bed after doing that, like, 6 or 7 times. Now, 15 years later, if I get up at 2 am, it's because I've had too much to drink and need to hurl.

Lou-tude and Magapuke

I totally forgot to tell you about what has been going on with the dogs. My husband, a.k.a. dumbass, decided to go on a "treat" spree. He brought home every flippin' thing you can think of. Dog bones filled with peanut butter, these nasty knee-bone jobs that reek, and pig ears. GROSS. I never feed the hounds this kind of sludge. You may be thinking: "What a sweet, sweet man to do that!" NO. No. Get over that. In less than 24 hours, Louie has growled at me twice when I tried to move his peanut butter bone out the way, (when stepped on, these bones draw blood) and Maggie has puked and crapped EVERYWHERE. In her crate, outside, on the carpet, on herself. She likes to roll on it too. Ironically, Louie has not tried to hump her. (He is usually *incessantly* doing that.) When I came home last night from a nice visit to the gym that ended in a 15-minute sprawl in the hot tub, Maggie of course wanted to greet mama. No bath had been given yet. BLECK.

A Quick Update

I'm still getting all the pics together that I've taken lately to put on the blog. I know I've been promising. Be patient, kiddies. On the nutrition side, this is the latest:

Monday and Tuesday have been non-headache, non-bloating and normal bowel days. I haven't thrown up ONCE!!! You were just waiting to hear that, right? I'm just giddy about it. (It doesn't take much.) I wouldn't say I'm fully "alert" yet - the fatigue still has its claws in me, but it has improved. I was actually in a good mood the WHOLE DAY yesterday. Not just an hour here, and an hour there. Usually it goes like this: Waking up: grumpy as hell. Driving to work: falling asleep. Getting to work: nervous and hoping no one notices I'm late. Actually doing work: REALLY cranky. Lunch: Decent mood as long as I remembered to bring food. Getting off work: Ecstatic. Driving home: Pissed beyond all belief at the amount of traffic. Getting home: Depends on what Jim is doing.

Eats for today have gone as so:

1) Smoothie with fresh blueberries, rice protein powder, vanilla soy milk, packet of Splenda.

2) Green tea and a Zone Bar. (I'm not actually supposed to be eating the Zone Bars, but I'm NOT wasting those expensive little fuckers.)

3) 4oz. of lean beef marinated in red wine, garlic and Worcestershire sauce with grilled green, red, yellow and orange peppers, and onion. Emer'gen C (mixed berry-flavored) energy powder to go in my water.

4) Black organic coffee, Zone Bar and multivitamin.

Planning to have:

5) 4oz lean beef (same as above) with black beans and fruit salsa.

6) "Muscle Milk" protein shake mixed with organic soy milk.

Did I mention that I'm not supposed to have chicken, shrimp or pork? What the hell is THAT about, you ask? Something about the "lectins" in them I'm supposedly "sensitive" to. So, for meat, my choices are: Lean beef, lamb, veal, venison, fresh fish (no shellfish) and turkey.

I've done it. I've become one of "those" people. You know, the EARTH MUFFINS you see in the health food stores and in the organic section of the supermarket? Next thing you know I'll be growing out my armpit hair and wearing Birkenstocks. Ok, I'm not growing out my armpit hair...but Birkenstocks ARE comfortable.

Oh, and for those of you who were wondering: My blood type is B+, NOT O+. Got the results last Friday. Was that a "quick" update??

For all you girlie-girls out there.

My very good friend is a ceramic artist, and I am decorating my newly painted (yet, not FINISHED) kitchen and family room with some of her stuff! I thought I would help her out and plug her website on my blog. It is all reasonably priced and very unique - not to mention she'll do custom work for you. As you know, I am a big fan of the "Sweet Potato Queens" books, and there are tons of "Queen" type designs such as: "Don't bother the Queen", "Queen of the Kitchen", etc. (You can also come up with your own sayings.) Her custom clocks are also fabulous - I am currently saving up for a dog clock! :-D Appropriate for me, no? Anyways, check out her site - Angelheart Designs. If you order something, tell her Crazydogmama sent you - you just might get a discount! I'll post some pictures of the stuff I've bought as soon as I am finished recharging my frigging camera batteries. They always run out JUST when I need them.

Bare with me.

As you can see, I am redecorating my blog. I was sick of the old one. Somehow, I have erased all of my "links" coding, and since I am coding-retarded, it could take a while to get them back up. *sigh* Nothing is ever easy. Thanks to all of you who have complimented the new look. I have much work to do, and I'll be damned if I don't want an iced mocha right now. Hrmph.

Oh, and what is happening to my fellow bloggers? Dooce has checked herself into a psych ward, and Diablo is quitting her blog! No one else is allowed to go anywhere, damn it! What will I do at work? Actually WORK? Bah!

Oh the Agony

This was the magic week that I went to see a Naturopath. She talked with me for about an hour and a half. (What doctor does THAT anymore?) We figured out what was wrong with me. (I know, I know, that is quite a job.) After 2 Godforsaken hours of blood-giving, it turns out I have an intolerance to dairy, eggs, wheat and gluten. Who knew? I was very excited to discover that I didn't need to throw up all the time and play the guessing game "What will my bowels do today?". Then there are the headaches, ringing ears, hives and chronic fatigue - the list goes on and on. Then, it hit me. No more iced mochas, no more bread, no more egg-white omelets. I can't even have Whey protein shakes anymore - they have dairy! Mother of hell. (As quoted from Skwigg) I will be substituting all of those things with soy milk, gluten-free bread products and the like, but really, what a HUGE pain in the freakin' ass. Oh, and did I tell you about DETOXING? Yeah, it's fun folks, let me tell you. I took the day off work today because of it. I called my boss this morning and said, "I won't be coming in today because I'm coming down off iced mochas."

Things that make you wanna hurl.

So, I was listening to the radio today driving into work and this caller comes on and tells us about her recent Starbucks incident. She ordered a latte, and when she took a sip, she felt this "chunk" of stuff in her mouth. She spit it out onto a napkin and IT WAS A BIG, FAT HAIRY SPIDER. OH. MY. GOD. She went on to say that she showed the spider clump to the barista, who in turn gave her "two weeks of free coffee". Um, I don't think so folks, Me? First, I would have hurled all over the joint. Then, I would have screamed and jumped around the store cussing. THEN, when they offered me the two weeks of coffee I would have said, "Yeah, like I ever want ANYTHING from here again! I'm suing for like, a gozillion dollars! Cuz you have to admit, that is much more traumatic and damaging then say, like, spilling hot coffee on yourself at McDonald's and getting 4 million dollars. Am I right, or am I right? God, I want to spew right now thinking about it. Gack!

I don't even know where to start.

Bad news: I'm on day #8 without a day off - have 6 more to go. Brain is mush. Got a headache. Neck hurts, shoulders hurt, eyes won't stay open. Need coffee. Need massage. Need chocolate. Painting STILL not done.

Good news: Going to quit one of my restaurant jobs today. The Italian one. The new owners scare me. I found out about them swearing at, and frightening a friend of mine that is a representative for "Entertainment". You know, the big book with all the restaurant and hotel coupons? (Buy one, get one free kind of thing.) They made her cry and now I want to make THEM cry. She is actually contemplating filing a police report. I hope she does.

New project: Going to write a book!! It will be called "CrazyDogMama Tails" or something like that. I am going to compile a bunch of my lunatic dog stories, add pictures, and put it together like a collection. I want to include cameo appearances from my fellow dogmamas (or papas) online if they are willing to and WANT to contribute. Take your funniest fuzbutt story, add a picture, and send it to me! I get the mula, you get the fame! :-D I have to put together some sort of "waiver" for you, but we'll worry about that later. This is a really fun little project, but I have no idea if it will ever get published. I may get no mula. They may just put me in the looney bin. (Even though I already live in one. Hehe.) Everyone who contributes will get a free copy of the finished product, published or not, and I will include a special thanks in the intro. I'll be working on this in my SPARE time. Ha!

Most exciting thing this weekend: Seeing "Exorcist: The Beginning" with my stepson. The movie was so-so, a little too "Hollywood" for me, but my stepson was absolutely hysterical. He is 12. He watched the first one a few months ago after begging his dad to let him, and it scared the crap out him. He wanted to see this one, so we went to a matinee on Saturday. The whole way through the movie he had his hands over his ears - not his eyes - his ears. When he got up to go to the bathroom, he STILL had his hands over his ears walking down the aisle. It took everything we had not to bust up! I could see other people in the theatre smiling too. He thought the movie was "SO COOL!" however he slept with the light on in his bedroom all night. It was worth it just to see the dramatics.

There were some interesting previews, "The Saw" and "Constantine". I'll be seeing those. I love previews.

A Few Tidbits

So, I come home last night to a husband who was trying to finish up the red paint. He spent most of the night cleaning up the red paint off the carpet. Yes, it looks like someone bled to death in my front room. Sigh.

I am a little weary thinking about the fact that I will be working all 7 days this week. I am dreaming of a day off. No, not a Cancun vacation, just a damn day off.

It will be our 10th Anniversary on the 27th and we are supposed to go to a beautiful place on the Olympic Peninsula called Crescent Lake. Jim wants to golf and take in the sights, and I'm like, "Does the room have a bed? A jacuzzi? Food? I want to sleep and eat."

Are you feeling sorry for me yet? That is the point of this post. I want some sympathy, damn it.

No more stinking pills.

I got up one morning last week and decided that I was not going to take any more damn pills. NONE. I am probably the most medicated person you know. But not anymore. Don't worry, I am seeing a Naturopath next week to make sure I won't die. I want to only do natural supplements from now on. I have been feeling quite bizarre lately and decided that all the medication in my body was finally deciding to rebel against me. Ironically, I feel much better this week. No more freaky sweating, dizziness or vomiting for no reason. Yay! :) I have thyroid issues that I'm convinced are caused by other medication I'm taking. I wouldn't be surprised if going all-natural cures all my ailments. I guess we'll find out. If I suddenly start sounding normal, please tell me.

Bath Time, Revisited

Have I mentioned before what an ordeal it is to give Louie and Maggie a bath? Holy Shit-O-Rama. They were stinky last night, so I decided to wash them. The first obstacle is getting them into the bathroom. You know, "the chase" because they know. Maggie peed in the hallway. Louie ran and hid. It took about 15 minutes for both Jim and I to get them in there. Then, there was dog fighting over who got to hide behind the toilet. I started with Lou. He is a doll during the washing, but when you get to the brushing and drying, it is much like you are ripping his limbs off slowly. He gets pissy when you brush his butt. VERY pissy. Then, there is Maggie. She is a TOTAL. FRIGGING. NIGHTMARE. the whole time. When I clipped her nails, she wailed so loudly that Louie jumped into the bathtub to seek cover. It was completely hilarious when he peeked around the shower curtain to make sure everyone was still alive. When it was over, the bathroom looked like WWIII, and I had dog hair in my nose, in my mouth and in my eyes. I was soaked from head to toe and sweating. Louie immediately peed on the floor for revenge. AND, for the finale, when I woke up this morning, Maggie had crapped in her crate and laid in it. I am not kidding. She hasn't done that since she was a puppy. I don't know what made her do that, but it will be bath time revisited tonight. Lucky me. No more Mrs. Nice CrazyDogMama.

I wanna be happy.

It seems like I have been pissed, grumpy and irritated for two weeks straight. I decided to look at some doggie pictures to cheer myself up. Hope it gives you a smile too.

"Daaaahhling, won't you fetch me a martini?



I love it when dogs lay with their back feet sticking out behind them!

All better now

OK, DH called and asked if "I was still mad at him". I said yes. He said he was sorry and wanted to make nice. Reluctantly, I said OK. But I'm not making dinner.

Big Fight

I went to bed mad. Not a good idea. My bad. I am so pissed at my DH that I could spit. I won't go into the details cuz that would be TMI, but you must know that Crazydogmama has daggers in her eyes today. I am stubborn, so is he. We don't fight that often - but we when we do - look out. We are in the kind of fight where I don't want to go home so that he will worry about me and comply with all my wishes and apologize endlessly. I won't actually do it, but I damn well thought about it. I also thought about taking the day off (without telling him) and going to Enchanted Village to ride roller coasters and eat lots of fattening food - dragging a co-worker along of course so I have somebody to vent to. Also not going to happen. Fuck, I'm pissed. I can't even think straight. I obviously can't write when I'm angry, either. Really, we should just talk it out. But I don't wanna. I wanna yell, scream and throw things. Maybe stomp my feet a little and cry.

Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

OK, I'm not necessarily a big country music fan, but the new "Big and Rich" song is way fun! A little sexist, but fun. Very catchy.

I can't believe its August already. Next thing you know, they will be showing Christmas commercials, and I probably still won't be done with the frigging painting. Got a little farther this weekend but let me tell you how much of a pain in the ass painting "cranberry" is. It is probably going to take 4, count em', FOUR coats. Help me NOW. Geez. Went and saw the "Village" this weekend, and if you walked into my house, you would be saying, "My God, the BAD color, it attracts them!!" I liked the movie by the way, a typical twist-at-the-end Shyamalan movie. and that's all I have to say about that.

Update

Sorry for all the confusion you guys, it's the old Italian restaurant I work at with the new owners that is my problem, not the cute little French Bistro I just started working at. It's hard to keep all of my jobs straight, I know. Anyway, went down there, they are open. Got my $$. Yelled. They said they didn't have my phone number. LAME. I know they have my #, they've called me before.  I was a little crabby with them.  It could have been worse for them. Good thing I'm not on my period.

I'm pissed.

I got the night off last night. The sign was still up, and the door was locked. Someone DID change the date, though. Now it says open 7/29. Yeah, we'll see. Nice of them to fucking let me know, huh?  I work my day job just around the corner, so it wasn't that bad, but if I had driven in from my house AN HOUR AWAY, I would have thrown a major fit. I'm talking stomping feet and mega cussing here, people. I'm going to go over on my lunch break again and see what is going on. They may get a piece of my mind, but I really need all my pieces. Maybe I'll just throw a piece of my mind at them, then go pick it back up.

Closed for Maintenance

So, I go to the restaurant on my lunch break from my office job to pick up my tip-check. Two kitchen guys are sitting in front of the door waiting for someone to let them in. The restaurant opens at 11 am, and it is 11:15. Hmm. So, I go back at 11:40. There is a sign up (don't know if it was there before) that says: "Due too maintinence, we will be closed until 11am 7/28/04." with spelling mistakes and all. Another hmm. It IS 7/28/04, and it is after 11 am. Does someone not know what day it is, or is something wrong?  No one in the restaurant. No one answering the phone. I am supposed to work tonight, but I'm thinking I might get the night off. Weird, I tell you. No one notified me or told me anything, and I just worked on Monday!  I'm just shaking my head. Oh, and that reminds me, my headache is FINALLY fricking gone. I slept from 1:30 pm yesterday to 5 am this morning. Yep, that did it!  I'm hungry.

Grumpy

I'm grumpy, broke and have been getting a lot of headaches lately. My house will never again be organized (at least that is how it feels) and I'm working, like, 70 hours or something crazy like that this week. I'll write more later when I'm feeling human.

Me and my comments.

I took a co-worker friend out to lunch today for her belated birthday, and after gorging ourselves on buffalo burgers with gorgonzola cheese, we got in her nice clean car.  As she was backing up, she had to suddenly slam on her brakes because there was a steady stream of road-raged traffic behind us. The conversation went as such:

 
Her (in all seriousness): "Hey, you should go out there and stop traffic."

 
Me: "Yeah, I could so totally DO that!"

Long pause, then we both busted up into laughter.

A couple more things.

About the picture in the post below.  First, this is probably the only picture of me taken as a child with clothes on.  I was naked-child.  No matter where we were, or what we were doing, I was taking my clothes off and running around naked. Things haven't changed much; except I pretty much keep my nakedness at home because I have fat now. Everyone better hope I don't get all ripped and skinny.

Second, I wish my hair was still THAT. BLONDE.  I spend untold thousands on keeping my hair blonde.  Its maddening.

Third, HEY MOM - HOW COME THERE ISN'T ANYTHING IN MY FREAKIN' EASTER BASKET???  HUH?  HUH?

I haven't painted all week. My house just remains a complete disaster that we have dug a maze through so we can move around.  There is a chair in the hallway that we haven't moved - we just squeeze past it.  How sad is that?

There are no words to describe how much I don't want to be at work today.  It is supposed to be in the 90's this weekend in Seattle, which means it will be in the 100's at my house.  I have no air conditioning.  I will be very grumpy.

Guess Who?

Yeah, its baby CrazyDogMama.  My mom likes to send me these photos over email.  Does it look like I'm holding my breath, or is it just me?  What a goofball.  

Need a good laugh?

I found a blog (Out of Character), and I laughed like I haven't laughed in a long time. This statement alone made me choke on my spit:
 
"I paid $400.65 for a doggie door that The Jake won't use. Well, to be fair he'll use it if I hold it open. Which is something, I guess. Because that's what I had in mind when I wrote the check; a contraption that would cost fat cash, destroy my door, and not dissuade my dog from crapping in the dining room. Awesome."

Look who has comments!

Okay kids, play nice now.

I am one of those neat-freaks.

Recently inspired by Yogagirl's post of her newly organized bookshelf, I decided to post some pictures of what I do for FUN. I like to help people clean and organize their homes. I can't do the fancy stuff like on "Clean Sweep" (my favorite show), but my neighbors seem to worship me anyways. I work for rubber stamps. I clean, they give me rubber stamps for use in my scrapbooks. I really enjoy organizing other people's shit. I don't know why. I think I need to find a way to make money at this.
 
Here are some pics of some recent work I did (which is still in progress), for those of you who still aren't convinced I'm crazy.

Lou Story

Usually, Maggie sleeps in the bed with us and doesn't budge from her little spot no matter what. We try to get Louie to sleep on the bed also, but he is Mr. Grumpy and gets all flustered if a foot moves. He most always jumps down onto the floor beside the bed and sleeps there if our bedroom door is closed, or if it is open, he goes into his crate. Last night, we decided to crate them for bedtime because it was extremely humid, and we didn't need any extra fur in the bed. However, Jim forgot to lock Louie's crate when he sent him in there. Just as I was about to doze off, I hear a 'thud' and the bedroom door squeaking open.  Just before I had a heart attack, I heard the little tinkling of Louie's collar. (A dogmama can always identify dogs by the sound of their collar.) He curled up next to my side of the bed and went to sleep. I was so happy! I thought he only did that when we forced him! He actually likes sleeping in the same room with us! What do you know! CrazyDogMama went to sleep with a smile on her face, feeling loved. It's the little things.

Wanna get freaked out?

As I've said before, you have to take everything you read on the internet with a grain of salt, BUT, what if it has some amount of truth to it? I've researched a little on "official" government websites, and there just may be a reason to be concerned about some things.

You may be wondering if I've lost my mind completely. Well, maybe, but over the last 4 months or so I've been experiencing a "feeling" I can't explain and have never felt before. It is sort of an unsettling feeling that something big is imminent. What I mean by "big" is, possible earth changes or social unrest/war escalation. You might think it is just because of the war in Iraq, etc., but truly, it has nothing to do with that. It's weird dreams, weird feelings and a general feeling that something is wrong. It is driving me batshit, actually. I've never been interested in this kind of information before, and I can't explain the way I feel. My husband keeps rolling his eyes at me and says I watch too many silly movies. I feel like an idiot about it, but I can't help it. It's a really STRONG feeling. I am not scared at all, I don't get that way, but it definitely makes me want to be in the know.

On a positive note, it looks like we might actually get the painting done by the weekend! Woohoo!

Miss Me?

I have avoided my computer for a whole week. This hasn't happened in like, EVER. Usually when I'm on vacation my husband has to pry me away from uninterrupted internet time. Not this time. I got this wild hair up my ass to PAINT THE INSIDE OF MY HOUSE. Somebody needed to warn me that this is quite possibly the STUPIDEST FUCKING THING TO DO ON VACATION. I have never cussed as much as I cussed last week....and we aren't even finished yet! I have rounded corners and texture. Making a straight line is harder than Chinese arithmetic. The dogs have been hiding from me, which is probably a good thing because little doggie nose-prints in the paint would probably not be as cute and funny as it would normally be. Everything in my house is in the middle of the living room. It smells like paint and dust. I didn't realize how much cleaning is involved when you paint. It is quite possible that I have ruined my nails. FOREVER. Eating take-out every night because your kitchen looks like WWIII, gets old quick. My knees will never recover, and I can't wear shorts because of the severe bruising. It (of course) is going to be 80+ degrees today. My neck hurts. If anyone comes into my house and says "you missed a spot" I will probably kill them. Dead. I will post before and after pics if we EVER finish.

Other than that, we had a fun little 4th of July bash. We barbecued with friends and family, drank, and did the pyromania thing. Jim had not shot off fireworks for about 10 years, and so, it was quite terrifying. A tip: When you light off mortars, unravel the fuse completely. Jim did not do this. He put the ball in the tube, lit it, and then BOOM! Shrapnel EVERYWHERE, in EVERY DIRECTION. He completely destroyed the tube. There was screaming, then silence. Then laughing. Someone said, "I think you did that wrong." DERRRRRR. Have another beer, honey. No one was hurt, but we won't live that one down for sure.

MAG-ATTACK!

The dogs are really funny when they play in the back yard. Maggie will huddle like a cheetah getting ready to attack, then BOOM! She surprise-plows Louie. He freaks out EVERY time. The fireworks have started here, and Maggie is on the bark-and-run-around-like-a-freak routine already. She is such a little spazoid.

Normal or Not?

After reading Skwigg's latest blog entry, I started thinking about my own body image and relationship with food. I am not quite sure if I have (or have had) a disorder or not. I've been thin, I've been fat, I've been in-between. I've been a lazy couch potato, and I've been an athlete. Did I gain weight after marriage? Of course. I don't think I gained because I got "comfortable", but more because my life became extremely stressful and chaotic and went from obstacle courses at the Police Academy to sitting in front of a computer all day. I couldn't afford a gym at that time and didn't handle ANY kind of domestic dispute with ease. My marriage started off pretty rough, but I never thought for one second "Oh, I got a man, so who cares anymore." I used to care what people thought of me, but anymore I'm like "You don't like my body? Bite me, I don't like your face." I really just don't care what anyone else thinks. I want to be healthy and pretty for hubby, but he doesn't exactly spend a whole lot of time worrying about his gut. But I don't care about that, either. I like to tease him lovingly and kiss his fat, as he does mine.

I think it would be much fun to "strut my stuff" around with a very ripped, tan bod, but I'm not going to starve myself for it. I'm just going to keep plugging away at my muscle-building and healthy eating. I still smoke, so my health is at stake. It would be stupid to be all thin, and still hack up lung cheese. I have good weeks, and bad weeks, and in the end, I'm still just running the race with all the other gym rats. I had to find a "fun" way to it, just like Skwigg did with her martial arts. The same routine everyday bores me to DEATH. For me, I am experimenting with different classes (yoga, Aeroflex, etc.) and meeting fun people. I'm trying to get a friend of mine to split time with me and my personal trainer, to make it cheaper and that much more fun. We are both sarcastic and feisty, and it would just be a blast. I am also going to be swimming, hiking and finding fun things to do this summer. If I have a mocha for breakfast, oh well, I'll have a protein shake for breakfast tomorrow. Life is short, people, don't waste it worrying about every little calorie. Do your best to be healthy, get help if you need it. I've had therapy, a personal trainer, a nutritionist, you name it. Every one of those things was beneficial in some way and has helped me. EDUCATION! The more you know, the better.

My philosophy about self-image is this: Nothing will ever be good enough. You will never be perfect. It's just like money, you can never have too much, and even if you are a billionaire, you still want more and fight like hell to keep it. Find a happy medium and celebrate what life has to offer, because before you know it your teeth will falling out and your boobs will be dragging on the floor. When you are 90, do want to be showing everyone how good you "used to look" in pictures while secretly miserable because you aren't that way anymore, or having tea and crumpets in the garden laughing with your friends talking about how great your life has been?

A couple days of eats this week:

1. Iced mocha WITH WHIPCREAM! Vitamins.
2. Banana and some lean Canadian bacon
3. Grilled chicken with a little teriyaki, 1/4 cup brown rice, small romaine salad with vinegar
4. Ostrich stick, and protein shake
5. Grilled vegetable medley with flax oil, seasoned lean beef
6. Zone bar

1. Piece of wheat toast with peanut butter, protein shake. Vitamins
2. Ostrich stick, banana
3. Egg white omelet with green, yellow and orange peppers, onion, tomato and flax oil. Berries.
4. Zone bar
5. Seasoned chicken breast, small potato, salad with lite dressing and fat free croutons and veggies.
6. 6 oz of crab meat mixed with fat-free mayo and diced veggies over a piece of wheat toast. Same salad as previous meal. Iced mocha for dessert.

I have absolutely no idea how many calories that is, or what my protein/carb/fat ratio is. I worked out hard for 60 minutes at the gyms the first, and 75 minutes the second. I feel great. I got over my cold pretty quickly. I still have a ton a weight I want to lose, but ONE day at a time, baby! ;-)

Oh, I forgot.

I got a new part-time restaurant job. It is the CUTEST PLACE EVER. A little French bistro called the "Country Garden Bistro" owned and run by the sweetest couple.

Come on, VACATION!

I'm going on vacation next week, and damn, it can't get here fast enough. This morning, I am sitting here staring at my computer screen like it is going to do something spectacular. It's not doing anything, and neither am I. Updating my blog, checking my email and drinking coffee is the only thing I have accomplished so far in my first hour. Oh, and I went to the bathroom. Geez.

I took an "Aeroflex" class last night at the new gym. It kicked my ass. 75 minutes of low impact cardio with 10lb weights. It doesn't sound like it would kick a BFLer's ass, but it did. After the 5 billionth squat and 6 billionth lunge, I thought I was going to pass out. Its very sad when you start sweating in the warmup phase. I'll be doing this twice a week.

Does anyone else have trouble with saunas? I can't breathe, then I panic and run out. People stare. It's just too hot! Are there really any benefits, or is it just supposed to be a relaxing thing? I don't get it.

Cough, sneeze, hack and wince.

Well, it looks like I've caught the bug that everyone else seems to have, just in time for the weekend. Lucky me. Wouldn't you know it? I join an expensive gym, then work two double-shifts in a row and get sick. There goes the first week.

My throat is absolutely killing me. I hope it's not strep. I seem to get that every year for some reason. I'm going to work a few more hours, then head home for the bed. I hate leaving stuff half finished, plus I want to infect all the people that have pissed me off this week. Muwahaha! (Evil laugh) Oops, the evil laugh made me feel like I am gonna puke. Snot does that to me. Gross.

CrazyDogMama in trouble, whoops.

I got a little "talking-to" last night about my "attitude". Hehe. That statement right there probably makes my audience howl in laughter.

I decided to tell my boss he was "doing-it-wrong". Apparently, this is not a good idea. Challenging authority is one of my strengths. I just don't have it in me to kiss-ass.

I took the plunge.

I did it. I joined a conventional gym. My old gym was primarily serious and/or professional bodybuilders and only had free weights and a few treadmills/stairmasters. It was also cheap. After my membership expired, it just so happened that this big pretty gym opened up very close to my house. (The old gym is next to my work an hour away.) I took the tour last night - hot tubs, saunas, big yoga rooms, TVs attached to the cardio equipment - WOW. Now, you are probably thinking, why is this such a big deal for you? It is a big deal because I hate the whole "meat market" and women-who-look-like-they-don't-eat kind of gyms. I sweat, I grunt, I don't wear thong spandex. We're talking sweats and a t-shirt here, people. I don't do my hair. I don't wear makeup. What's the point when you are doing HIIT?? They are putting in a pool soon, too, so I am excited about that. I LOVE to swim. I'm sure I will get *those* looks from all the girlie-girls, and probably the guys too. The pretty boys always act like you are intruding on their turf. Well, they can just get over it. Make way, here comes CRAZYDOGMAMA!!!

Spinning

Ugh. Too much Tequila last night. Almost got sick. Slept on the couch. What a tard. Not good this morning. Poor Jim was expecting his Father's Day gift last night, (if you know what I mean) but me got lit. Oops. Any additional movement would have sent me hurling.

I have only ingested an iced mocha and a zone bar so far today. Not great, but I don't want to push it. I'm going to TRY to eat a whole wheat, black bean and chicken burrito for lunch. I may leave out the salsa. Hehe. I have an appointment with the new gym I may join, today. It is very pretty. I just have to do a little bartering. If they want my business, which you know they do since they are new, they will give me what I want. I hope. They have a hot tub in each locker room, along with a sauna. The pool goes in next year. They also have Yoga classes, yay! I hope I can afford it.

Dog Thoughts

I got this really cute email awhile back, and even though you may have already read it, I thought that it was WAY appropriate for my blog:

Things I MUST remember as a dog:

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.

4. I must shake rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

5. I will not eat the cat's food, before they eat it - or after they throw it up.

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

7. I will not throw up in the car.

8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.

10. I will not eat anymore Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom and dad's laps.

18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.

20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

21. I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom and then have string hanging out of my butt.

22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option just after getting a bath.

23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "hello".

24. I will not hump on any person's leg, just because I thought it was a good idea.

25. I will not fart in my owner's face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.

26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

27. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply, and just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean its cleaner.

28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.

30. The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

Dog Vogue

OK, I've been alerted to the "lack of doggie pictures" lately. I don't want anyone to go thru withdrawal, so here ya go:

Here are the fuzzy freaks in my car. We were a little early for our vet appointment, so I decided to snap some shots of them. They were just a little uptight at this point, but that is really nothing new. Every time someone walked by, I was trampled and deafened.

OK, Stephanie, I'll play.

1. Spell your name backwards: lyrehc. Haha! Like in a song, baby!

2. Where do you live? Bumfuck, Washington.

3. Describe yourself in three words: Crazy, intense, sarcastic. (What were you expecting?)

4. What is the latest you've ever stayed up? Oh, come on! Who hasn't stayed up all night? I've stayed up for about 48 hours - that's the most.

5. If you could murder someone and get away with it, who and for what reason? I believe in the Judeo-Christian ethics of "Thou shalt not kill" but I would defend myself without hesitation.

6. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be? Duh! Many dogs.

Do you like...?

7. ...incense? Kinda - depends on why you are using it. *snicker*.

8. ...hot wax? Never thought about it.

9. ...candles? Yup.

10. ...the taste of blood? No-I'm not a friggin' vampire. I like the smell of gas, though.

Describe your...

11. ...wallet: Big black leather girl-wallet. Lots of plastic in it. *sigh* Gotta cut those up.

12. ...hairbrush: Huge.

13. ...toothbrush: Yellow and white - from the dentist.

14. ...jewelry worn daily: Wedding ring, 30th birthday diamond ring. Sometimes other stuff.

15. ...pillowcase: Cream with a green plant-like pattern

16. ...duvet cover: I have a comforter that matches my pillowcase.

17. ...coffee cup: Whatever Starbucks gives me when I order...

18. ...sunglasses: Ralph Lauren. You saw in pic in one of my earlier posts.

19. ...underwear: I like big, comfy undees or I go commando.

20. ...shoes: The expensive kind. I like black leather. I don't wear shoes at home.

21. ...handbag: The biggest, cheapest black one I could find at Target. I'm not a purse-whore.

22. ...favourite top: My Texas Chainsaw Massacre T-shirt.

23. ...favourite trousers: Levi's.

24. ...perfume: Beautiful - Estee Lauder.

25. ...CD in stereo right now: Hoobastank - Reason.

26. ...tattoos: A heart with rose piercing through it - with Jim's name at the bottom. It's on my right ankle.

30. ...piercings: Just one in each ear. I'm not into pain of any kind.

27. ..what you're wearing: Lime green cotton shirt, black pants, black leather shoes.

28. ...hair: Dirty blonde with platinum highlights. Naturally curly, but I straighten it too.

What/Who is/are...

29. ...in your mouth: Saliva.

30. ...in your head: Not much.

31. ...you wishing for? That they let me off work early tonight at the restaurant.

32. ...after this? I gotta go to work when I get off work. Yeah, it sucks.

33. ...you talking to? Just singing to the radio.

34. ...you eating? Just drinking water.

35. ...next to you? Computer, water bottle, hand lotion, and a bunch of work I should be doing.

36. ...the person you wish you could be with right now? My hubby of course.

37. ...your worst enemy? Bread? No, wait, mochas.

38. ...do you adore? Family (hubby, parents, stepson, dogs)

Care to play?

Thunder, Lightning and the Barbecue

Last night we decided we wanted to barbecue some chicken while my parents were visiting. Just as Jim lit the coals, BOOM! Big thunder and pretty lightning bolts. Louie started whining and pacing, and Maggie barked and ran around the back yard trying to "get" the thunder. (She's fearless, Louie is a pussy.) The weird thing is, we get maybe one or two storms like this a year, and we have had, like, twelve in the last month. Washington has also had about 6 tornados in the past few weeks, and we usually only experience maybe ONE per year. The weather has just gone all frigging wacky here. It's bizarre I tell you! Just bizarre! Anyway, we continued barbecuing (yeah, we like to play with metal things while is it storming) and then it decided to deluge on us. Crap. Finished the chicken in the oven. While sitting down at dinner, everyone commented on the fact that I was sweating profusely. I don't deal with humidity well. All in all, it was an exciting dinner. Oh, and I have a fabulous new read! It went great with the weather.

Fat Doggies!

So, Friday was a big day for Lou & Mags. They were groomed in the morning, and then got their annual exams and shots in the afternoon. They are healthy and pretty EXCEPT that they are both 4 pounds overweight! Yikes! The vet was concerned and told me to put them on a diet right away. I am worried, but I have to be honest, inflicting a diet on someone else is curiously satisfying.

OK, so I can't read, OR keep plants alive.

After reading the "hoax" article again, and then watching the news tonight, it turns out that the hoax part was just a guy that said he discovered the meteor on the ground or something, not the meteor itself. The news talked about it, but didn't have any good pics of it. Oh well, I was ready for a good cover-up conspiracy. ;-)

The REAL conspiracy here is the fact that plants won't stay alive for me. I just can't do it. Silk. It has to be silk plants from now on.

Now its a hoax?

There are reports now that this "meteor" was a hoax. WTF? First of all, then what the hell was the booming and flashing and fireball-with-tail-seeing that everyone is talking about? Did they imagine it? Were they lying? Are all the radio call-ins and pictures part of the hoax? Second of all, why in the hell would anyone do a "meteor hoax"? Seems kinda stupid to me. What is going on here?

Meteor!

Boom, Boom, Flash! A meteor plummets over Puget Sound this morning at 2:40 am - exciting! I didn't get to see it (or hear it) myself, but I live out in the boonies. Lots of people are reporting sonic booms and light flashes that lit up the sky like daytime. A trucker also reporting seeing a "tail" on the thing that was green and yellow. I like to monitor the sky (see my post from last week) so this will be a fun day of internetting. I know, I'm a freak. :)

What's your song?

That is, what is you and your hunny's song? Ours is "Fields of Gold" by Sting. Just heard it on the radio and was wondering what other's songs are.

Ahhhh...

...all refreshed after 5 days off. I'm ready for the stress to begin again. I did much sleeping (and unfortunately eating) over the holiday weekend. Time to get back to the gym today and back to chicken and veggies. Exciting. It rained and stormed all 5 days, so I didn't feel bad about being such a sloth. My new goal is to exercise twice a day, 5 days a week. Intense, of course. Weightlifting or cardio at lunch break, and yoga when I get home at night. 6 days a week is just unrealistic for me with my work schedule. Now that I have cut out being a scrapbook consultant, and only working at the restaurant twice a week, I think I might be able to manage this without keeling over. I've been just a wee bit lax over the last few months and my muscles feel all mushy and stuff. No good! Sooo, root for me! Email me everyday and say "Did you do your workout today CrazyDogMama?" It would be so much easier if I had someone poking me with a stick everyday saying "GO! GO!" Literally. I'm such a slacker.

Somebody wake me when it's over.

Holy crap I'm tired today. I almost fell asleep driving to work this morning. It was so bad that I actually had to slap myself! No kidding! The guy sitting at the stoplight next to me was probably laughing his ass off. I had the window down, the heat off and the radio blaring. It didn't help. I feel like someone has drugged me or something. I don't recall ever feeling this tired. It may be because this is my third double-shift in a row and I'm getting old, but I think my iron levels might be low too. I'm contemplating taking tomorrow off so that I can have a 5-day weekend (I don't usually work on Fridays unless its overtime), but I am so behind that I don't know if it will get approved. Writing in my blog is helping, I know. Anyway, that's the excitement for this week so far. It took two weeks for the makeup I ordered to come, so I have been eyelinerless and liplinerless for 3 days. I have come to the realization that those things are as necessary as air in my life. Being blonde from birth (mostly) I have pretty light features. When not accented, I look invisible. Almost albino. It's very scary.

Asteroids, Comets and General Conspiracy Theories

OK, I have to admit something to you all. I love searching for info about disaster predictions, dreams, visions and prophecies. Over the years, I have found a few very amusing sources. I take everything with a grain of salt of course, but I love this stuff as much as Skwigg loves ninja fighting. I've yet to have any visions of my own. Bummer. If I ever do though, you can bet your booty you'll see it right here on this blog! ;-)

My latest obsession is with the 3 comet/asteroid hit that is supposedly imminent. Sources seem to have the June - September 2004 window going on.

My favorite predictor is quite a fellow. It is most likely a big hoax, but it is amusing to read, nonetheless.

Is anyone still questioning the "Crazy" in CrazyDogMama"? Hehe.

P.S. If this blog disappears suddenly, run!

Why I don't want (and shouldn't have) kids.

Note: I don't hate all kids, I just don't want any. I love my stepson, we get along great. He is going to teach me more about web page design. I get asked all the time if I am planning to have kids. When I reply no, I get a ration of crap on how it would be different if it was my own, I need to contribute to society, it would make me less self-centered, etc. Contribute to society? Bah! and who wants to be less self-centered? That's no fun at all.

When I get home from my 10–16-hour workdays, all I want to do is have a drink and fall asleep. I don't make dinner, I don't do laundry, I really don't do anything. I like it that way. (I do give Lou & mags all the belly scratching they want.)

If the kid was bad, or if I wanted to go see a movie, I would want to put it in a crate. Society tends to frown on this. Plus, I would need a bigger crate.

I swear a lot.

I don't think babies are cute. I am afraid of them. My first instinct is to pet them. I run and hide (literally) when friends of mine have babies and want me to "see" them.

I spend a lot of time naked when I am at home.

I would have more pictures of the dogs than the kid in my wallet. My stepson has just recently come to terms with my dog obsession. It took 12 years.

It's all about me.

I didn't like kids when I WAS a kid. What makes you think I'd like them now?

I am politically incorrect. Could you see me at a PTA meeting?

Kids slow me down at Disneyland.

I don't really like cartoons or kiddie movies.

When I want to take a nap, I TAKE A NAP.

When asked by a kid if they can have chocolate milk, or candy instead of dinner, or Mountain Dew instead of water or milk, I say "sure". I lead by example, and I don't like confrontation.

Giving birth has been compared to kidney stones. I've had kidney stones. That's enough.

EVERY SINGLE MOM I KNOW is absolutely thrilled when they get a day "without the kids". They are downright giddy about it. That really makes me go hmmmmmm.

There is something wrong with me.

I just bought a rubber stamp that says, "I kiss my dog on the lips".

Oops.

My husband is going to kill me. I was so in a hurry this morning (and half asleep) that I took Jim's keys instead of mine. Usually, it wouldn't be that big of deal since we have duplicate keys on our keyrings, BUT my set of keys were in my purse. Yep, that's right - I have both sets today. We have never made any extra keys to leave in the house, being the total irresponsible idiots that we are. We live about a 1/2 mile from Jim's work, but I'm not sure how thrilled he is going to be about walking. Crap. I am an hour away. I just left a message because he sleeps until 11 am. I'll have to give him a backrub or something.

Eyedrops Suck.

Did you ever watch that episode of Friends where Rachel freaks out and gets pinned down on the floor because she can't give herself (or let anyone else give her) eyedrops? That's me, totally. It freaks me out to let anything touch my eyes. I could never wear contacts. It was interesting last night when I was trying to give myself eyedrops for my pink eye. I close my eye JUST as the drop falls. The drop runs down my face like a tear. Damn. I try again. Same thing. I try holding my eye open. I freak out and drop the eye dropper-thingee in the sink, let out a shriek, then start cussing myself out. The dogs bark at me when I shriek. I gotta figure out how to tell the doctor I need another prescription because it takes almost the whole bottle to give myself one dose. I am supposed to do this 4 times a day for a week. Yeah, right. Just take my eye out now and save the hassle.

Pink Eye!

That's right, folks! CrazyDogMama has Pink Eye! Yucky! I'm quarantined at the moment while my eye produces goo. At first I thought it was allergies, but then two of my co-workers were sent home with it, so I decided to go to the doctor. Yup, got it. Can't go to the restaurant tonight (bummer! Hehe.) It kinda feels like I have an eyelash stuck in my eye, or like when I have eye-crusties from hell. I am supposed to go to a "Passion Party" tomorrow night, but I'm not sure if anyone will want me touching the sex toys. Ha!

TV Blues

There is nothing on TV that I want to watch. Sigh. Since Friends has ended, I think I've turned the TV on once. I loathe, LOATHE reality shows. Now, before you start spitting on your computer screen at me, I don't loathe the people that WATCH them, just the shows themselves. They really irritate me for some reason. American Idol, Survivor, all of them. It is just way too frustrating for me to watch. I seem to have the opposite opinion of the general public, so the whole voting thing just sends me into a fit. I know that Friends is "mainstream", but it really just cracks me up. I own all the seasons that have been released so far. Pathetic, huh? I guess I'm just stuck with Netflix for now since I'm a movie-junkie. Whatever you do, DON'T rent Elvira's Haunted Hills, it's really lame. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, however, rocks. :) Maybe I should be Elvira this year for Halloween?

Mocha Madness & Riding in Cars with Dogs

So, on Mother's Day I decided to take the dogoids with me to my mom's house. (Jim went to his mom's house by himself; we didn't have enough time to do both sets of parents together.) As you know, riding in the car is not the calmest experience with Louie and Maggie. DumbAssDogMama decided that because her head was pounding from a headache, some caffeine was in order, so I stopped at one of those drive-thru espresso stands. Once I put on the emergency break, (this is the queue for the dogs to launch) Louie dives for the window on my side, right across my lap. Pushing the fur away from my face trying to get Louie off of me, I manage to spurt out "Could I get an iced mocha with whip, please?" The girl in the coffee box was holding back laughter, I could tell. Maggie then starts her ear-piercing "Oh my GOD a NEW person" squeal. As I am trying to dig money out of my purse, I am yelling at the dogs to sit, get down, shut up, sit and stay, none of which is working. The barista girl hands me my mocha, and I put it in my cup-holder telling the dogs to "stay out of it". She also hands me 2 Milkbones. (What a sweetheart.) Thinking the dogs are now occupied with the treats, I hand her my money. I TURN AWAY FOR ONE SECOND and BOOM! There is Louie face-down in my mocha. I scream "NO! NO! NOOOOOO!" That's MAMA'S MOCHA!" Louie raises his fuzzy little head and reveals his whip-creamed nose. He has on his little doggie smile, and it looks like he is ready to shave. The barista girl is now busting up. I just give up.

Fun Stuff on a Stupid Day

I stole this idea.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:

"Or try multigrain, oat and bran, rye, or whole wheat breads." This is from my lunch-time purchase of The South Beach Diet Cookbook. I'm getting sick of my Eating for Life Cookbook. Is it OK to drink a mocha Frappuccino while glancing through a diet cookbook?

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?

My other purchase of "Burt's Bees Body Lotion". It smells just like the coconut oil I used to wear to the beach. MMMMMM.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

The news. Boooooring.

4. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is.

2:45 pm.

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?

2:49 pm. I am at work, whadya expect?

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Machinery. I work at a manufacturing plant.

7. When did you last step outside? what were you doing?

Lunchtime. I went to the bookstore, the bank, got a Frappuccino and bought a bra. What do YOU do on your lunch break?

8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at?

I was catching up on my favorite bloggers.

9. What are you wearing?

A rusty orange colored V-neck cotton shirt, black slacks and black leather shoes.

10. Did you dream last night?

Yes, I remembered it when I woke up, but I can't remember now. They have been quite interesting lately - I should write them down.

11. When did you last laugh?

When my husband called me on my lunch break. I was at the drive-thru at the bank, and I had just put on my new Burt's Bees hand lotion. I was making a deposit. I told my husband to hold on while I sent it through. The teller was chatty and asked me if I had just been tanning because she could smell coconuts. I exclaimed "Oh my God - you can smell my hand lotion through those tube thingees? She busted up laughing and so did my husband. She said "No, I can smell it on your checks." My husband said to me: "I love you. You make me laugh." I realized what a bonehead I sounded like and started laughing and couldn't stop.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

A clock. A calendar. An inspirational picture. My office sucks.

13. Seen anything weird lately?

I see something weird about every 10 minutes. The last thing I saw was someone washing a plastic fork in the kitchen sink. Aren't you supposed to throw those things away?

14. Last movie you saw?

10.5. Lame. But I do love disaster movies. Can't wait for "The Day After Tomorrow".

15. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?

A completely restored black 1967 RS SS Camaro. No, actually, FIRST I'd probably buy some Ibuprofen from the bump I got on my head from falling over from shock.

16. Tell me something about you that I don't know.

I can barf on queue. Talented, aren't I?

17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

That question makes my brain hurt. I don't freakin' know.

18. Do you like to dance?

Yes, but not in public. I like to dance naked in front of the dogs. They seem to enjoy it.

19. George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?

I don't 100% agree with everything he has done, but generally, I am a supporter. It is a good thing I am not President because I would have just nuked Iraq. I went to an AC/DC concert back in 91' - and they were selling "Fuck Iraq" t-shirts. I should have bought one.

20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

A total accident. I would name her either Ellie (short for Elsie which was my grandma's name) or Riley.

21. Same question for a boy

Wyatt. That was my maiden name.

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Yes. But I like America, so I wouldn't stay there long.

Twilight Zone Tower of Terror!

OOHH, I need to go on THAT new ride! I haven't been to the Disneyland Resort since Christmas of 2001. That is WAY.TOO.LONG. for me!!! I am a complete Disneyland junkie. I am waiting for the new Space Mountain to open up in 2005 before I book a trip. That is my favorite ride, and it would just be too sad to go if I couldn't make that my first (and last) ride. Its tradition, and you don't monkey with tradition. Still, though, I want to go bad. I feel like just getting in the car and going. I hate being an adult. All this responsibility shit sucks.

Wet Dog Contest

Hee-hee, Maggie loves to play in the lake, but she flips out during bath time. Jim has to do it because I can't keep her still. This past bath time event was too funny for words. While Maggie was thrashing around in the bathtub, Louie, who if you recall hides behind the toilet when I say "bath", jumped INTO the bathtub to rescue Maggie! Now THAT'S love!! I am not going to talk about the fact that Louie had already received his grooming beforehand, and so got completely messed up doing that. Ahh, the joys of being a dogmama.

Look at that tongue! Is that the doggie equivalent of flipping me off?

Bees and Neighbors

It is quite difficult to find the motivation to blog when things are so completely uneventful. There are days when I could write a novel about the drama that is my life, then there are days when all I have to say is feh. This is one of those days. The most exciting thing about this weekend so far is that I had my last scrapbooking workshop for a while. We had pizza and mudslides (Mmmm.) and got drunk on the mudslides. We got nothing accomplished; it was basically just a bunch of women sitting around drinking and bitching with pictures laid out in front of them. The dogs have been romping in the grass with all the sunny weather, but we have a major wasp problem this year, so mostly I run in and out of the house making sure the dogs don't get stung. There is much yelling, "Stop eating grass, there could be a bee in there! Stop rolling, there might be a bee under you! Get away from the bees!" I guess you could say I'm a little overprotective. I, myself, am terrified of bees. I am very allergic to them, and of course have never purchased a bee kit. My husband calls me "Dances with Bees".

Speaking of yelling, I just thought of something funny. My beloved neighbors (huh.) have decided to build a gigantic monstrosity in their backyard, probably specifically to annoy me. It is this big cedar swing set/playset for their little beasts. I found out that the wife (who I refer to as Skeletor because she looks just like him. Can you say ugly skinny?) is thinking of starting a daycare at her home. Apparently, God hates me. Can you imagine CrazyDogMama living next to a frigging daycare? Help me now. Anyways, the other day Skeletor and some other stupid woman had 5 kids back there playing and I, of course, was yelling at the dogs to watch out for bees. I said something like "Get your fuzzy little asses in here!" Two kids started crying, and the other three looked at me like they were "Godsend" children. The two adults glared. I hope they all get stung. Here is a picture of the damn thing:

Bones and Funnel Clouds

What a day. Yesterday it was all nice and warm and everyone was happy. Today, not so much. I woke up with a headache and called work to tell them I would be late. I got there at 10 am. (I start at 6:30 am). I always get headaches when the weather can't make up its mind. It is 20 degrees cooler today than yesterday. Then, there was a thunder and lightning storm with claps of thunder so loud I dove under my desk. The building I work in is mostly glass, so it freaks me out. (You should have seen me in 2001 when we had a 6+ earthquake.) Driving home, my mom calls my cell phone. I can't find my frigging phone. I'm throwing shit all over my car while driving trying to find my phone because I absolutely can't stand not answering a ringing phone, or at least checking the caller ID. She tells me to watch out for lightning bolts and funnel clouds. Apparently, the news said it is wreaking havoc on the freeway drivers. Super, mom. Now I'm worried about the dogs. I decided to stop and get them some bones to chew on in case they are scared. Now my house smells like hooves. Yum.

Puppies and Sunshine

Good morning all, here I sit at my desk eating a chonga bagel and drinking an iced mocha. No low carbs here! OK, so my diet sucks right now. I spent the whole day yesterday CLEANING. I am sorer from that, than from my workout. Getting on my hands and knees and scrubbing just kicks my ass. The dogs are even exhausted from following me back and forth. There's nothing like having little doggie tongues licking your toes when you are scrubbing the bathroom floor. I also gave them both a bath, which is an event in and of itself. I end up wetter than the dogs, and the amount of hair that gets all over the bathroom could make a whole new dog. (Hence the bathroom cleaning.) They are serious pains-in-the-ass. But at least they smell good now!!!! Hey, let's all congratulate Nichole on her new puppy Kipper! May she have all the best puppy breath!

It's going to be 80 degrees here today, and I'm just not ready. I like sunshine, don't get me wrong, but I have no summer clothes and I am pasty-white. I could blind small children and animals with my whiteness. Guess I better get on that, huh?

Hangin' Around

I really had to think about my last picture post. What in the holy hell was Louie doing? I went into the bedroom and found that he somehow got tangled up in the hanger I use for my "restaurant uniform" that had fallen to the ground. It made more sense at that point because I usually spill oogobs of pasta sauce on myself while working. Louie is a nutjob when it comes to human-food. He will do anything. I have caught him strattling the recliner and the end table trying to get to a candy wrapper. Anyway, I am figuring that he was going for the lick-mama's-uniform routine and somehow managed to get stuck in the hanger. Then, when he couldn't figure out how to get out of it, and all the pasta sauce on my shirt had been consumed, he decided he was still hungry and moseyed on down to his food bowl. It was at that point that I saw him. Luckily, I had my camera sitting out. Do my dogs get into the trash? No. Do my dogs chew on slippers? No. Do my dogs get tangled up in hangers? Yes! Never a dull moment with Cairn terriers.

Really?

Trying to figure out what is going on here.

The Crazy Restaurant Biz

So, last week I was seconds away from being fired for my attitude, and then last night I'm getting begged to stay. The restaurant biz is psycho. I guess the best plan of action is be your confident self, be ethical, and don't take any shit from anyone. At some point they will respect you, usually. My life is one of these "I have no idea what is going to happen from one moment to the next" kind of lives.

Speaking of which, Louie peed on the bed again. That damn dog. Every now and then we have these frigging dominance issues. Its maddening. Ooohh - I gotta go - work is getting busy. I'll be back.

Louie no like swimming.

Tidbits

There is absolutely nothing exciting going on. The best I can do is this: I am looking for a new part-time restaurant job because my new bosses are irritating me. It is not good to irritate CRAZYDOGMAMA. I have been working, then going home and going straight to bed. I keep having these crazy dreams that I can remember in freaky detail. They haunt me all day long. What does THIS mean? Lou and Mags have been pretty lazy the last few days - they aren't exciting either. Well, I guess boring is better than bad, huh? As soon as something remotely interesting happens, I'll let you know.

Gotta Tell Ya

That song "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak just makes me want to take all my clothes off and dance around my office. That's probably not a good idea, though.

The Future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.

Well, not really, but it has been unusually warm here in ol' Sultan. Apparently, it was 90 degrees on Easter! Wow! We don't usually get above 70 in April. Took some more pics. Extreme silliness here. I broke out the shades and snapped a shot of the view from my driveway. I don't feel like working today, so I'm playing with my blog. I'm going to get so fired someday.





OK, just SHUT UP about the BAD makeup job on my forehead. Leave me alone.

It's Monday, AGAIN.

Well, after a whirlwind week, Monday is rearing its ugly head at me. Hopefully, with only working two shifts at the restaurant this week, I will be able to relax a bit. I also need to get back to the gym and clean up my eating. We did eggs benedict (surprise!) and mimosas for Easter brunch, thanks Yogagirl for the idea! I cooked a ham on Saturday afternoon with scalloped potatoes, asparagus and this really good Italian bread from Costco. I had French silk chocolate pie and Easter candy afterward. I ate an entire plate of tortellini in a tomato cream sauce Saturday night. Can you say HOLY CRAP? I ate like a hell-cow! (Thanks, Skwigg, for coining that term.) Oh, and let's not forget all the Oreos I ate on Friday, yikes. I am feeling a little bloated this morning, but I do have 3 dozen brightly colored hard-boiled eggs to consume. I figure if I take the yokes out of every other one, I'll be set for healthy snacks for a while.

I made my stepson watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake this weekend. (I make everyone watch it.) I know it is not what you would call a good "Easter" movie, but oh well. He liked it, but he did say "Oh, SICK!" a lot. Hee-hee.

The weather was fabulous this weekend, I did a little picture-taking. Here is my cherry tree blooming in my front yard. Can you find the bee?

Recovering

I finally got some sleep last night. It was only 6 hours, but that is 6 hours more than I got the night before. I look like death warmed-over. When my alarm went off this morning, the dogs didn't even move. (If mama doesn't sleep, dogs don't sleep.) When I got up to pee, Louie lifted his head up (with all of his fur mashed on one side of his head, so cute) and looked at me like, "Have fun at work, I'm going back to sleep." and *thud* down went the little fuzzy head. I took a shower and came into the bedroom to get dressed where the dogs were STILL on the bed. At that point I made them get up and go potty.

The restaurant nightmare is still looming, but last night was fairly mellow. I guess I'm just going to wait and see what happens. I'm in no mood to look for another job, and you never know, it might turn out OK. I am probably going to cut my shifts down from four a week, to two a week. It is possible that will make me more gooder.

Oh, gotta go, time to take a Vivarin.

Not doing so good.

Last week sucked. Job security is over with my second job. I am a little stress ball right now because I depend on my second income. Needless to say, I'm not eating well, either. In fact, I'm hardly eating at all. This is NOT good. I'm going to royally screw up my metabolism if I'm not careful.

I called in mentally ill today from my office job. Crazydogmama is having panic attacks. My day job is not secure either, money is tight there and I'm worried about layoffs.

OK, enough of the drama, I'm putting up some puppy pictures of Louie just for fun. Let's all wish Yogagirl happy puppy shopping!

Oh, the JOY!

I get to buy the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003" on DVD today! The bummer is I have to work a double shift, so if I actually want to WATCH it, I have to give up sleep. I might just do that. Every now and then its OK. There's nothing like watching a chainsaw-wielding madman while curled up on the couch with your fuzbutts!

I am the kind of person that...

...eats all of their candy before the actual movie starts.

...can keep a secret.

...thinks everyone in Hollywood needs to be bitch-slapped.

...could never stand "Madonna".

...prefers to sleep without sheets on the bed.

...turns on the air conditioner in the bedroom even when it is snowing outside.

...starts to eat their "to go" order in the car before getting home to use a plate and utensils.

...thinks organized sports are a waste of time.

...would rather pet a dog than hold a baby.

...drinks milk with pizza.

...won't argue unless I know I am right (I won't argue about opinion-based statements).

...likes cooked vegetables but not raw ones.

...won't eat a dessert that has fruit or nuts in it.

...believes in true love.

...would go into a burning house to get a dog and a scrapbook.

...can get up at 4am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to scrapbook at camp after 3 hours of sleep but has to have 3 shots of espresso and 2 "No-Doz" to function at work after 8 hours of sleep.

...gets REALLY irritated when people spell "lose" with two "O's" (loose).

...would rather eat gourmet food than "down-home cooking".

...hates to talk on the phone.

...walks around the house naked.

...can't wear turtle necks because they are claustrophobic.

...sees the glass as "filled halfway" rather than "half empty" or "half full".

What is it with McDonalds?

It's not that I was there AGAIN, but it's that I had another encounter with a fuckwad! My husband put a bumper sticker on my car that identifies our political stance. At approximately 6 am this morning I was driving to work to do some overtime. I was hungry and thirsty. I was barely awake. The 6 shots of espresso I had already consumed just wasn't enough. I decided to stop by Micky-D's. I was not blocking any lane this time. As I prepared to give my order into the magic box, I hear, "What a fucking loser!" screamed at the top of Mr. Big-Truck's lungs behind me. (What IS it with big trucks?) I really didn't know he was speaking to me at first. I was just thinking "Dude, you're harshing my buzz yelling like that." I drove forward. Again, I hear, "You stupid fuck, what a waste of a vote!" Now I'm thinking, "What the hell is wrong with everyone?" Is it really necessary to be this much of dick this early in the morning? Do you really think what you're saying to me is going to make me think anything except that you are a loudmouth retard? I didn't hang out my window and give him a piece of my mind this time. I let it go. I was giggling a little, though, at the sheer stupidity of it all. He kept riding my bumper really close, and shaking his head as if he was impatient. I kept thinking "OH PLEEEEEZ hit me, that would be so freaking hilarious."

So far, that is my excitement for the day. I thought I would share.

What is wrong with me?

Remember that weight loss/muscle gain "competition" that I was doing with an unnamable person? Well, I'm losing. I'M LOSING. CRAP! I just can't seem to stick with anything except eating chocolate. Doing that on a regular basis is no problem. I am starting to think that competition doesn't motivate me. It actually scares the hell out of me. I start out with the kick-butt attitude, then I end up wanting to sit in the corner and cry until I can't see out of my eyes and snot is dripping down onto my shirt. I guess, though, if I could figure out how to make this all easy. I would be a billionaire and then some. I may have to take a break from my trainer because I am feeling the need to pay more towards some of my bills. I love training, but it is very expensive, and I have written down a whole notebook of workouts that I could use on my hiatus. I also don't know how much longer I can be a scrapbook consultant. I am not selling as much as I need to be. OK, I know it sounds like I am this pathetic giver-upper, but actually the doctor says I need to CHILL, and cut some things out in order to have more relax time. *Sigh* I'm not good at relaxing. Jim thinks I am a freak when I start cleaning the house at 10 pm and won't stop.

Louie and Mags are good little listeners. While sitting on the toilet this morning, I explained my life's dilemmas to them. They cocked their heads and moved their ears back and forth. When about halfway through, Louie started licking my leg as if to say, "I'm sorry mama, but PLEASE SHUT UP NOW AND LET US OUT!"

I'm Baaack

OK, so I took a few days off from blogging, but I'm back now. Things have been utterly chaotic to say the least. I went to scrapbook camp last weekend, and when I came back, I had, like, a bazillion emails to answer. That took about 2 days. Then yesterday I had to work a crazy/busy double shift from 6 am to 11 pm. I have to work another double shift today, too. I AM Dawn of the Dead. (I haven't seen that movie yet, by the way, but it's on my list when I have a spare 2 hours, ha!) Last night at the restaurant, I chatted with a couple of my customers. Somehow or another the name of my blog came up. They seemed very interested in reading it. (If you are reading, hello!) It is a crazy, crazy world, isn't it?

The COOLEST thing happened to me today. You remember that my husband works nights, well, he got up with me this morning, gave me a backrub, THEN fixed me breakfast! Do I have the BEST HUSBAND EVER or what? OMIGOD, I feel so lucky! So, even in the midst of chaos, I am truly blessed. OK, I'm getting entirely too warm and fuzzy here. For all you jealous people out there who are rolling your eyes right now, I will leave you with this: I work 70 motherfucking hours a week, then clean and scrub the house on the weekends. Bite me.

Guerilla Art and Lateness

There is a great article by Keri Smith. It is about Guerilla Art, and it is from March 2008. What a most excellent idea! It is about leaving anonymous art in public places. I love crazy little ideas like that. I would do it, then hang around to get digital pics of people's expressions. That is the "sneaky moto" in me. "Sneaky moto" is a term I learned from an instructor at the police academy. He used to say it all the time, and it cracked me up.

I was an hour late to work today. When I woke up, my alarm was going off, but I looked at the clock and it was an hour later than it was *supposed* to be. The alarm was set right, so I must have slept through the first hour of it going off. Yikes. I must have been tired. I flew out of bed and started running down the hallway to call my boss. He wasn't there yet, but I left this half-asleep, freaky little message. I'm sure he thought I must have been drinking the night before based on my message. I then came to my senses, slowed down and took my time. Who really cares? I waltzed right in, and no one said anything. I hope it doesn't affect the raise I'm supposed to get.

NERD ALERT, or FREAK ALERT? You decide!

When I was a young girl, I got my first start on computers playing Text Adventures by Scott Adams. Did any of you do this? OH. MY. GOD. These were the SHIT. I had a Texas Instruments Computer, and to save a game I had to use an actual audio tape! I even remember the code was "CS1"! Ha! I spent many an hour playing these text adventures. I think the Pirate Adventure and Ghost Town were my favorites. My mom also played these games, and her and I spent a HUGE portion of our life completely consumed by them. My artistic mother even drew very detailed MAPS and stuff! She still has them! I can remember getting stuck in Ghost Town, so I *mailed* a letter to Scott Adams asking for help. It took about 2 months to get a reply, but he sent me the hint I needed! Can you imagine having to wait 2 months for ONE hint? Too funny. We used to pay something like 40$ for each game. They are still fun, even though the games they have out now are insanely better. I don't play computer games anymore, although you may find me goofing around with the PlayStation every now and then, while eating Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries. CAUTION: You may become addicted.

YOHO! (That's a hint!) ;-)

It's a Wonderful Life

You think that until the weekend is over.

 
You know it's going to be an interesting week when you wake up and think to yourself, "How in the hell am I going to get through this week?" I need to shake things up a bit in my mundane, routine-oriented workweeks. We celebrated my stepson's Birthday this weekend when he came over, and also my father-in-law's birthday. I had to work that night at the restaurant, so we ate steak and birthday cake at 2:30 in the afternoon. I cleaned the house furiously before they all came over, and it is now a mess again. ALREADY. I also have mushrooms growing in my carpet. Yes, I said MUSHROOMS. We have a leak in one of our radiant heaters (we think) and black mold is growing just above the baseboard in my office, along with some mushrooms sprouting up where the carpet and the baseboard meet. It is really lovely. I am completely freaked out because people keep telling me how serious this is. Jim is going to have to rip a hole in the wall and scrub with bleach. That will be nice. Then, if we are lucky, we will find the leak and fix it. We have no money right now, so we have to figure this out ourselves. I am also reacting badly to the mold. (I am allergic to EVERYTHING.) I woke up last week with my eyes swollen shut, I am constantly sneezing and biting my tongue while I sneeze (OUCH!) and I itch everywhere. I am worried that one of the dogs is going to die from mushroom poisoning. If it is not one thing, it is another.

Attitude Adjustment

Louie and I had a talk. We discussed him being a butthole. I told him that I didn't want him to be a butthole anymore. He said OK.

Sometimes you don't want to know what is going on.

I have been spending an OBSCENE amount of time online reading about what is going on in the world. You might say I'm "catching up on world events". I have been seriously isolated from the news lately, or maybe I've just been putting my head in the sand. Well, not anymore. I think everyone needs to know what is going on. I don't like the typical "media bias", so I look to all different kinds of sources for my info. I think if you are going to vote, you should have ALL the facts. From some of the idiots I've talked to recently, I'm starting to think you should have to take some sort of test before voting. Anyway, I must say, HOLY CRAP. The more I read, the more I just shake my head.

Ta-Ta for now.

Crazydogmama's Review of YogaFit!

OK, so after many months of corresponding with Yogagirl (see link to right), she finally convinced me to try YogaFit. I have always been "anti-yoga" and actually used to make fun of people who did yoga. It wasn't that I didn't think it was difficult, or a good workout, it was mainly the "nirvana-like" talking/chanting thing that turned me off. If you liked yoga, I didn't think less of you or anything, but I may have thought you were weird. ;-) I'm one to talk, huh? Hehe.

Nichole (Yogagirl) is a YogaFit instructor who is very fit and toned, who has successfully completed a BFL challenge (I'm jealous) and is quite a cool lady! With these things in mind, it opened MY mind to YogaFit.

YogaFit Basics DVD - taught by Beth Shaw

-Beth Shaw is a soft-spoken YogaFit instructor who truly makes it all look easy. It ain't. Trust me on this. I can do 20-30 squat reps with 30lb+ dumbbells, but I can't hold a "Sun Goddess" pose for more than a minute without wanting to DIE.

-You can't smoke a cigarette while doing yoga. (Yes, my dumbass tried.)

-I thought I was flexible until I tried YogaFit.

-Don't start at an advanced level. Start with the basics, you'll thank yourself later.

-I really like the music they played. It was catchy, yet soothing. It actually motivated me to keep going.

-Do YogaFit ALONE the first time you do it. You do not want someone (especially a guy) to walk in on you while doing the "dead bug" pose. You also don't want someone to see you fall over, giggle, or cuss. You are not as coordinated as you think you are.

-YogaFit is a good workout, even if you do "Body for Life" type workouts. I was sore the next day.

-It is fun! I liked it! I get bored easily with the same old workouts.

-It is challenging, but I have a desire to improve!

-Beth does not focus too much on the "religious" aspects of Yoga. She does say "find your center" a lot, during which MY brain says, "You can't MISS my center."

-Don't eat right before doing YogaFit.

-Beth has very big feet.

Overall impression: I'm hooked!

Changing my Routine

Well, Jim is working swing shift now, so I am all by my lonesome at night except the nights I work at the restaurant. I don't mind, really, because much of the time I am in a world all by myself anyhow. I just won't feel so guilty now for staying on the internet all night and ignoring my husband. Although I love my husband, and love spending time with him, it will be a treat to have the place to myself. I can watch whatever I want on TV, eat whatever I want (this could be dangerous) for dinner, and hog the recliner. OR, I could take the time and do extra workouts, get cleaning done and work on my writing. NAH.

Fitness Update

There is a reason why I have not talked about my fitness progress lately. There hasn't been any! I have kept off the 10 pounds I initially lost when I started my BFL challenge in January, but sadly, I have not gone any further. I have been slacking bigtime lately. McDonalds here, a mocha there, and my trip to the gym at lunch has more often resulted in sleeping in my car instead over the last week. Can you say burn-out? Don't get me wrong, I won't lay on the ground after falling off the wagon very long, but I've been feeling a bit tired lately. My doctor says, "Something has got to go." I am burning the candle at too many ends. The problem is, if I'm not busy, I feel anxious. Instead of feeling invigorated after I work out, I feel like taking a nap. Not good. So, I am going to take it easy this weekend. No stamping, no scrapping, no nothing. Last Friday when my trainer wanted me to do some push-ups, I couldn't. I had this intense pain in my left shoulder! The doctor says it is tendonitis, but I don't know. I'm freaked! I want to get an MRI, but I have to get a "recommendation" from my doctor, or my insurance won't pay for it. You know what I think would cure ALL of my problems? An expense-free trip to the Bahamas! Yeah! Hey, I can dream, can't I?

Oh, I almost forgot. I have been eating EGGS BENEDICT at least once a day. I'm craving it! What's that about? I'm not pregnant or anything, but I can't get enough of it! I'm trying to figure out if I can somehow make it with eggbeaters, lean Canadian bacon, and some kind of healthy hollandaise sauce? I use whole wheat English muffins already. If anyone has a recipe.

The Passion of the Christ

I may lose a bunch of my readers today, but really, I don't care. I am unbelievably sick of society. Complain, bitch, moan. There is a constant need for the public to have some sort of 'controversy' about something. It's like they have nothing better to do but scream about something that someone else is doing. Get a life.

I loved this movie. Yes, it is true, I have a very strong faith in Jesus Christ, but even if I didn't, I would like this movie. Any director that can create a certain mood or invoke certain feelings in the audience gets my vote. No one got up to go to the bathroom, and you could hear a pin drop when it was over. I was moved to the point of tears, I was horrified, and NO, it never crossed my mind to hate Jewish people. I think it is absurd to call this movie "antisemitic". This movie simply tells a story that has already been told. And the violence? Well, duh! If you are squeamish, why in the hell would you go to a movie that doesn't hide the fact that it is about a CRUCIFIXION? If you can't handle blood, would you go see the Texas Chainsaw Massacre? NO. If a movie has a black person as the bad guy, does that make the movie anti-African American? NO. I applaud Mel Gibson for making this movie. We need more people in the world with some balls!

There are many so-called "Christian" people, programs and books out there that make me sick. They totally miss the point. I do not think I'm better than anyone else. Personally, I think we are all screwed. I am not exactly a great witness for Christ. I mean, read my blog for crying out loud. I am as messed up as anyone. Anyway, my point here is, go see the movie if you aren't weak in the stomach. Its good! It really is.

It's a Conspiracy

I don't know what is happening this week, but everyone is out to irritate me, and it just can't ALL be me. I worked at the restaurant last night (just mere hours after the "McDonald's incident", mind you.) Every single customer I had informed me that they were on the Atkins diet, and then of course gave me their special orders from hell. (Newsflash: Waitresses really hate special orders, folks. Just order what is on the damn menu.) "Yes, I am on the Atkin's Diet (like I care) and I would like the Halibut special, but with no veggies and no potatoes, but could I substitute with extra sauce? Does the sauce have any carbohydrates? Do you have something you can give me besides this basket of bread? Could I have water without lemon?" I really just wanted to tell them "How about I just bring you some plain fish, a stick of butter, some bacon grease and our new low-carb beer?" That will be really good for you, you'll be guaranteed to lose lots of weight and then die of a heart attack from clogged arteries." But instead, I just have to smile and say, "Why yes, we would be happy to accommodate your requests." It physically hurts me to say nothing. The Atkin's diet came out, what, like in the 70's? Hardly anyone noticed it then, but Mr. Atkins DIES, and all of sudden everyone is like "Hey! Let's do the Deadman's Diet". Weird. Fricking weird.

Crazydogmama VS. Fuckwad at McDonalds

Sorry for all the cussing lately, but I just can't help it.

A little background first. I am a good driver. I know everyone says that, but really, I am. I got 100% on my driving test at the police academy (which isn't easy), and my car insurance is really low because of my AWESOME record. I am a dumb blonde when it comes to some things, but driving is not one of them. I am also slow to anger. Usually.

So, I decide to go to McDonald's today for lunch. (I know, I know, shut up) It is a McDonald's that I have never been to before, and they have this weird 2-lane drive-thru thing going on. I decide to give it a try, and when I go around the corner to get into one of the lanes, I turn too sharp, and the front of my car is partially blocking the second lane. I try to back up, but someone (of course) is right on my ass, and I can't. I'm stuck for the moment. I just wait, figuring I won't be blocking more than a second or two because the cars are moving fairly quickly through the line. So here comes Mr. big-brand-new black truck. (An extension of his penis, no doub.t.) He honks his horn at me. I throw my hands up. (You know, the gesture that indicates there is nothing I can do and I'm sorry?) He doesn't get it. He sticks his big fat ugly head out the window and yells, "You're blocking my lane!" I, annoyed already, sarcastically yell back, "Yeah, I did it to piss you off. Is it working?" He gets all pissy, shakes his head and yells again, "There is a REASON why they have two lanes idiot! Learn how to drive!" Insanely agitated CrazyDogMama sticks half of her body out the window and yells "Bite me, motherfucker!" The lane moves ahead. I order a whole lot more food than I had originally anticipated.

Dog Fight!

Poor Louie is having a bad week. I was working, so I didn't see what ACTUALLY happened, but here is the recap I got from my husband:

Ring...Ring...Ring...
Jim: "Hell, Helloo?"
Me: "What's wrong?"
Jim: "Holy Shit, you are NOT going to believe what just happened here!"
Me: "What? What happened?"
Jim: "Maggie just kicked the shit out of Louie!"
Me: "What?" (I have said "what" in every sentence so far.)
Jim: "I went to the bathroom, and Maggie followed me happily wagging her tail. Louie apparently went into Maggie's crate after she followed me and grabbed one of her toys. He came trotting along into the bathroom too. Maggie took one look at Louie with her toy in his mouth and FREAKED OUT ON HIM! She jumped on him, tore a bunch of his hair out, and snapped a bunch at him. There was much yelping and growling! They looked like the two dogs fighting at the beginning of "The Exorcist"!"
Me: "Oh my God! Is there blood? Are they OK?"
Jim: " I checked them out, they seem OK. I put them in their crates. I vacuumed up all the dog hair."
Me: "What are we gonna do with those two?"
Jim: " I don't know, I was scared. I am scared to piss off any of the women in this house."

Haven't felt like blogging.

Just kinda moody lately. I got the whole weekend off from the restaurant, so you would think that I would be perky from a nice relaxing weekend. Nope. My neurotic little self feels guilty for not making money, especially during such a stressful financial time for us. I just don't know how to relax anymore. However, I could not bring myself to be productive at work yesterday. Today is better, but my tummy is growling, and my nose feels like it has logs in it. I'm trying to figure out how to find that light at the end of the tunnel, everything about the future looks so bleak sometimes. I feel like a rat in a wheel. I GO! GO! GO! but really get nothing accomplished. Am I cheering you up yet?

Louie and I are still going round-and-round. Maybe we need therapy, or maybe I just need a vacation.

Beside Myself

What does one do when their favorite fitness magazines cease publication? EAS has stopped Muscle Media and Energy magazines. I don't like all the regular fitness mags, all those skinny, undefined women, or the hulk-women who scare the bejeezus out me. My trainer, who has a fabulous new sudo-website, recommended Oxygen to me, so I will be subscribing to that, I guess.

Not only am I dealing with that, but I still have the "Louie Situation". I decided to ignore him, not even LOOK at him last night, to see what would happen. He is being such a little butthole. He didn't seem to care, except when I went to bed without saying goodnight, he looked a little pathetic. Ears down, tail down. It just crushed me. Dogs are complicated. You have to know how to deal with them, and it is NOT, I repeat, NOT like dealing with humans. There is the whole dominance thing. I am going to call the behaviorist I worked with previously to see if there is something I can do to get him to listen better. He is a good dog, mind you, just extremely stubborn and MOODY. You have to be careful how you deal with them, or they'll walk all over you!

Bummed in Sultan.