Lou-tude and Magapuke

I totally forgot to tell you about what has been going on with the dogs. My husband, a.k.a. dumbass, decided to go on a "treat" spree. He brought home every flippin' thing you can think of. Dog bones filled with peanut butter, these nasty knee-bone jobs that reek, and pig ears. GROSS. I never feed the hounds this kind of sludge. You may be thinking: "What a sweet, sweet man to do that!" NO. No. Get over that. In less than 24 hours, Louie has growled at me twice when I tried to move his peanut butter bone out the way, (when stepped on, these bones draw blood) and Maggie has puked and crapped EVERYWHERE. In her crate, outside, on the carpet, on herself. She likes to roll on it too. Ironically, Louie has not tried to hump her. (He is usually *incessantly* doing that.) When I came home last night from a nice visit to the gym that ended in a 15-minute sprawl in the hot tub, Maggie of course wanted to greet mama. No bath had been given yet. BLECK.

A Quick Update

I'm still getting all the pics together that I've taken lately to put on the blog. I know I've been promising. Be patient, kiddies. On the nutrition side, this is the latest:

Monday and Tuesday have been non-headache, non-bloating and normal bowel days. I haven't thrown up ONCE!!! You were just waiting to hear that, right? I'm just giddy about it. (It doesn't take much.) I wouldn't say I'm fully "alert" yet - the fatigue still has its claws in me, but it has improved. I was actually in a good mood the WHOLE DAY yesterday. Not just an hour here, and an hour there. Usually it goes like this: Waking up: grumpy as hell. Driving to work: falling asleep. Getting to work: nervous and hoping no one notices I'm late. Actually doing work: REALLY cranky. Lunch: Decent mood as long as I remembered to bring food. Getting off work: Ecstatic. Driving home: Pissed beyond all belief at the amount of traffic. Getting home: Depends on what Jim is doing.

Eats for today have gone as so:

1) Smoothie with fresh blueberries, rice protein powder, vanilla soy milk, packet of Splenda.

2) Green tea and a Zone Bar. (I'm not actually supposed to be eating the Zone Bars, but I'm NOT wasting those expensive little fuckers.)

3) 4oz. of lean beef marinated in red wine, garlic and Worcestershire sauce with grilled green, red, yellow and orange peppers, and onion. Emer'gen C (mixed berry-flavored) energy powder to go in my water.

4) Black organic coffee, Zone Bar and multivitamin.

Planning to have:

5) 4oz lean beef (same as above) with black beans and fruit salsa.

6) "Muscle Milk" protein shake mixed with organic soy milk.

Did I mention that I'm not supposed to have chicken, shrimp or pork? What the hell is THAT about, you ask? Something about the "lectins" in them I'm supposedly "sensitive" to. So, for meat, my choices are: Lean beef, lamb, veal, venison, fresh fish (no shellfish) and turkey.

I've done it. I've become one of "those" people. You know, the EARTH MUFFINS you see in the health food stores and in the organic section of the supermarket? Next thing you know I'll be growing out my armpit hair and wearing Birkenstocks. Ok, I'm not growing out my armpit hair...but Birkenstocks ARE comfortable.

Oh, and for those of you who were wondering: My blood type is B+, NOT O+. Got the results last Friday. Was that a "quick" update??

For all you girlie-girls out there.

My very good friend is a ceramic artist, and I am decorating my newly painted (yet, not FINISHED) kitchen and family room with some of her stuff! I thought I would help her out and plug her website on my blog. It is all reasonably priced and very unique - not to mention she'll do custom work for you. As you know, I am a big fan of the "Sweet Potato Queens" books, and there are tons of "Queen" type designs such as: "Don't bother the Queen", "Queen of the Kitchen", etc. (You can also come up with your own sayings.) Her custom clocks are also fabulous - I am currently saving up for a dog clock! :-D Appropriate for me, no? Anyways, check out her site - Angelheart Designs. If you order something, tell her Crazydogmama sent you - you just might get a discount! I'll post some pictures of the stuff I've bought as soon as I am finished recharging my frigging camera batteries. They always run out JUST when I need them.

Bare with me.

As you can see, I am redecorating my blog. I was sick of the old one. Somehow, I have erased all of my "links" coding, and since I am coding-retarded, it could take a while to get them back up. *sigh* Nothing is ever easy. Thanks to all of you who have complimented the new look. I have much work to do, and I'll be damned if I don't want an iced mocha right now. Hrmph.

Oh, and what is happening to my fellow bloggers? Dooce has checked herself into a psych ward, and Diablo is quitting her blog! No one else is allowed to go anywhere, damn it! What will I do at work? Actually WORK? Bah!

Oh the Agony

This was the magic week that I went to see a Naturopath. She talked with me for about an hour and a half. (What doctor does THAT anymore?) We figured out what was wrong with me. (I know, I know, that is quite a job.) After 2 Godforsaken hours of blood-giving, it turns out I have an intolerance to dairy, eggs, wheat and gluten. Who knew? I was very excited to discover that I didn't need to throw up all the time and play the guessing game "What will my bowels do today?". Then there are the headaches, ringing ears, hives and chronic fatigue - the list goes on and on. Then, it hit me. No more iced mochas, no more bread, no more egg-white omelets. I can't even have Whey protein shakes anymore - they have dairy! Mother of hell. (As quoted from Skwigg) I will be substituting all of those things with soy milk, gluten-free bread products and the like, but really, what a HUGE pain in the freakin' ass. Oh, and did I tell you about DETOXING? Yeah, it's fun folks, let me tell you. I took the day off work today because of it. I called my boss this morning and said, "I won't be coming in today because I'm coming down off iced mochas."

Things that make you wanna hurl.

So, I was listening to the radio today driving into work and this caller comes on and tells us about her recent Starbucks incident. She ordered a latte, and when she took a sip, she felt this "chunk" of stuff in her mouth. She spit it out onto a napkin and IT WAS A BIG, FAT HAIRY SPIDER. OH. MY. GOD. She went on to say that she showed the spider clump to the barista, who in turn gave her "two weeks of free coffee". Um, I don't think so folks, Me? First, I would have hurled all over the joint. Then, I would have screamed and jumped around the store cussing. THEN, when they offered me the two weeks of coffee I would have said, "Yeah, like I ever want ANYTHING from here again! I'm suing for like, a gozillion dollars! Cuz you have to admit, that is much more traumatic and damaging then say, like, spilling hot coffee on yourself at McDonald's and getting 4 million dollars. Am I right, or am I right? God, I want to spew right now thinking about it. Gack!

I don't even know where to start.

Bad news: I'm on day #8 without a day off - have 6 more to go. Brain is mush. Got a headache. Neck hurts, shoulders hurt, eyes won't stay open. Need coffee. Need massage. Need chocolate. Painting STILL not done.

Good news: Going to quit one of my restaurant jobs today. The Italian one. The new owners scare me. I found out about them swearing at, and frightening a friend of mine that is a representative for "Entertainment". You know, the big book with all the restaurant and hotel coupons? (Buy one, get one free kind of thing.) They made her cry and now I want to make THEM cry. She is actually contemplating filing a police report. I hope she does.

New project: Going to write a book!! It will be called "CrazyDogMama Tails" or something like that. I am going to compile a bunch of my lunatic dog stories, add pictures, and put it together like a collection. I want to include cameo appearances from my fellow dogmamas (or papas) online if they are willing to and WANT to contribute. Take your funniest fuzbutt story, add a picture, and send it to me! I get the mula, you get the fame! :-D I have to put together some sort of "waiver" for you, but we'll worry about that later. This is a really fun little project, but I have no idea if it will ever get published. I may get no mula. They may just put me in the looney bin. (Even though I already live in one. Hehe.) Everyone who contributes will get a free copy of the finished product, published or not, and I will include a special thanks in the intro. I'll be working on this in my SPARE time. Ha!

Most exciting thing this weekend: Seeing "Exorcist: The Beginning" with my stepson. The movie was so-so, a little too "Hollywood" for me, but my stepson was absolutely hysterical. He is 12. He watched the first one a few months ago after begging his dad to let him, and it scared the crap out him. He wanted to see this one, so we went to a matinee on Saturday. The whole way through the movie he had his hands over his ears - not his eyes - his ears. When he got up to go to the bathroom, he STILL had his hands over his ears walking down the aisle. It took everything we had not to bust up! I could see other people in the theatre smiling too. He thought the movie was "SO COOL!" however he slept with the light on in his bedroom all night. It was worth it just to see the dramatics.

There were some interesting previews, "The Saw" and "Constantine". I'll be seeing those. I love previews.

A Few Tidbits

So, I come home last night to a husband who was trying to finish up the red paint. He spent most of the night cleaning up the red paint off the carpet. Yes, it looks like someone bled to death in my front room. Sigh.

I am a little weary thinking about the fact that I will be working all 7 days this week. I am dreaming of a day off. No, not a Cancun vacation, just a damn day off.

It will be our 10th Anniversary on the 27th and we are supposed to go to a beautiful place on the Olympic Peninsula called Crescent Lake. Jim wants to golf and take in the sights, and I'm like, "Does the room have a bed? A jacuzzi? Food? I want to sleep and eat."

Are you feeling sorry for me yet? That is the point of this post. I want some sympathy, damn it.

No more stinking pills.

I got up one morning last week and decided that I was not going to take any more damn pills. NONE. I am probably the most medicated person you know. But not anymore. Don't worry, I am seeing a Naturopath next week to make sure I won't die. I want to only do natural supplements from now on. I have been feeling quite bizarre lately and decided that all the medication in my body was finally deciding to rebel against me. Ironically, I feel much better this week. No more freaky sweating, dizziness or vomiting for no reason. Yay! :) I have thyroid issues that I'm convinced are caused by other medication I'm taking. I wouldn't be surprised if going all-natural cures all my ailments. I guess we'll find out. If I suddenly start sounding normal, please tell me.

Bath Time, Revisited

Have I mentioned before what an ordeal it is to give Louie and Maggie a bath? Holy Shit-O-Rama. They were stinky last night, so I decided to wash them. The first obstacle is getting them into the bathroom. You know, "the chase" because they know. Maggie peed in the hallway. Louie ran and hid. It took about 15 minutes for both Jim and I to get them in there. Then, there was dog fighting over who got to hide behind the toilet. I started with Lou. He is a doll during the washing, but when you get to the brushing and drying, it is much like you are ripping his limbs off slowly. He gets pissy when you brush his butt. VERY pissy. Then, there is Maggie. She is a TOTAL. FRIGGING. NIGHTMARE. the whole time. When I clipped her nails, she wailed so loudly that Louie jumped into the bathtub to seek cover. It was completely hilarious when he peeked around the shower curtain to make sure everyone was still alive. When it was over, the bathroom looked like WWIII, and I had dog hair in my nose, in my mouth and in my eyes. I was soaked from head to toe and sweating. Louie immediately peed on the floor for revenge. AND, for the finale, when I woke up this morning, Maggie had crapped in her crate and laid in it. I am not kidding. She hasn't done that since she was a puppy. I don't know what made her do that, but it will be bath time revisited tonight. Lucky me. No more Mrs. Nice CrazyDogMama.

I wanna be happy.

It seems like I have been pissed, grumpy and irritated for two weeks straight. I decided to look at some doggie pictures to cheer myself up. Hope it gives you a smile too.

"Daaaahhling, won't you fetch me a martini?



I love it when dogs lay with their back feet sticking out behind them!

All better now

OK, DH called and asked if "I was still mad at him". I said yes. He said he was sorry and wanted to make nice. Reluctantly, I said OK. But I'm not making dinner.

Big Fight

I went to bed mad. Not a good idea. My bad. I am so pissed at my DH that I could spit. I won't go into the details cuz that would be TMI, but you must know that Crazydogmama has daggers in her eyes today. I am stubborn, so is he. We don't fight that often - but we when we do - look out. We are in the kind of fight where I don't want to go home so that he will worry about me and comply with all my wishes and apologize endlessly. I won't actually do it, but I damn well thought about it. I also thought about taking the day off (without telling him) and going to Enchanted Village to ride roller coasters and eat lots of fattening food - dragging a co-worker along of course so I have somebody to vent to. Also not going to happen. Fuck, I'm pissed. I can't even think straight. I obviously can't write when I'm angry, either. Really, we should just talk it out. But I don't wanna. I wanna yell, scream and throw things. Maybe stomp my feet a little and cry.

Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

OK, I'm not necessarily a big country music fan, but the new "Big and Rich" song is way fun! A little sexist, but fun. Very catchy.

I can't believe its August already. Next thing you know, they will be showing Christmas commercials, and I probably still won't be done with the frigging painting. Got a little farther this weekend but let me tell you how much of a pain in the ass painting "cranberry" is. It is probably going to take 4, count em', FOUR coats. Help me NOW. Geez. Went and saw the "Village" this weekend, and if you walked into my house, you would be saying, "My God, the BAD color, it attracts them!!" I liked the movie by the way, a typical twist-at-the-end Shyamalan movie. and that's all I have to say about that.

Update

Sorry for all the confusion you guys, it's the old Italian restaurant I work at with the new owners that is my problem, not the cute little French Bistro I just started working at. It's hard to keep all of my jobs straight, I know. Anyway, went down there, they are open. Got my $$. Yelled. They said they didn't have my phone number. LAME. I know they have my #, they've called me before.  I was a little crabby with them.  It could have been worse for them. Good thing I'm not on my period.

I'm pissed.

I got the night off last night. The sign was still up, and the door was locked. Someone DID change the date, though. Now it says open 7/29. Yeah, we'll see. Nice of them to fucking let me know, huh?  I work my day job just around the corner, so it wasn't that bad, but if I had driven in from my house AN HOUR AWAY, I would have thrown a major fit. I'm talking stomping feet and mega cussing here, people. I'm going to go over on my lunch break again and see what is going on. They may get a piece of my mind, but I really need all my pieces. Maybe I'll just throw a piece of my mind at them, then go pick it back up.

Closed for Maintenance

So, I go to the restaurant on my lunch break from my office job to pick up my tip-check. Two kitchen guys are sitting in front of the door waiting for someone to let them in. The restaurant opens at 11 am, and it is 11:15. Hmm. So, I go back at 11:40. There is a sign up (don't know if it was there before) that says: "Due too maintinence, we will be closed until 11am 7/28/04." with spelling mistakes and all. Another hmm. It IS 7/28/04, and it is after 11 am. Does someone not know what day it is, or is something wrong?  No one in the restaurant. No one answering the phone. I am supposed to work tonight, but I'm thinking I might get the night off. Weird, I tell you. No one notified me or told me anything, and I just worked on Monday!  I'm just shaking my head. Oh, and that reminds me, my headache is FINALLY fricking gone. I slept from 1:30 pm yesterday to 5 am this morning. Yep, that did it!  I'm hungry.

Grumpy

I'm grumpy, broke and have been getting a lot of headaches lately. My house will never again be organized (at least that is how it feels) and I'm working, like, 70 hours or something crazy like that this week. I'll write more later when I'm feeling human.

Me and my comments.

I took a co-worker friend out to lunch today for her belated birthday, and after gorging ourselves on buffalo burgers with gorgonzola cheese, we got in her nice clean car.  As she was backing up, she had to suddenly slam on her brakes because there was a steady stream of road-raged traffic behind us. The conversation went as such:

 
Her (in all seriousness): "Hey, you should go out there and stop traffic."

 
Me: "Yeah, I could so totally DO that!"

Long pause, then we both busted up into laughter.

A couple more things.

About the picture in the post below.  First, this is probably the only picture of me taken as a child with clothes on.  I was naked-child.  No matter where we were, or what we were doing, I was taking my clothes off and running around naked. Things haven't changed much; except I pretty much keep my nakedness at home because I have fat now. Everyone better hope I don't get all ripped and skinny.

Second, I wish my hair was still THAT. BLONDE.  I spend untold thousands on keeping my hair blonde.  Its maddening.

Third, HEY MOM - HOW COME THERE ISN'T ANYTHING IN MY FREAKIN' EASTER BASKET???  HUH?  HUH?

I haven't painted all week. My house just remains a complete disaster that we have dug a maze through so we can move around.  There is a chair in the hallway that we haven't moved - we just squeeze past it.  How sad is that?

There are no words to describe how much I don't want to be at work today.  It is supposed to be in the 90's this weekend in Seattle, which means it will be in the 100's at my house.  I have no air conditioning.  I will be very grumpy.