Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Innovation

So apparently we don't have a lid for this pan.  LOL.  My mom, so clever.


Speaking of clever, I'm not so much.  I got a call from Corporate today, and I spoke with a manager who asked me to take the lead on a project.  OK, sure, no problem.  They want me to reconfigure our entire change process to make it more efficient.  Sure!  Just let me start messing with the coding for our 3 million dollar software!  Piece of cake!  Holy fucking shit.  Are you KIDDING me?  I'm the one that crashes it weekly, don't they know?  I knew there was going to be a catch to that atomic raise they gave me.  Fuuuuck.  Goodbye, life, nice knowing you.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Those damn birds again!

The Kindle Fire rocks.  However, don't let the $199 price tag fool you.  After you buy the leather case, a new state-of-the-art router, start using the one touch "buy" button for apps, kindle books and other little goodies...your bank account is down roughly $500.  Bah!

I had an awesome evening with fam & friends eating pizza, drinking lemon drop martini's and playing cards (Disney UNO - it has "evil" cards!!).  My friend Lisa and I stayed up past everyone else watching 'Everybody Loves Raymond' reruns, then she fell asleep and I played the new Angry Birds 2012 seasons "Year of the Dragon" and OMG the next thing I knew it was 3 am. This did not help my wrist at all. (see post below.)  I need the new ABA group therapy - Angry Birds Anonymous, where everyone sits arounds twitching in withdrawl making grunting hitler pig noises.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

OUCH

Leave it to me to injure myself.  My wrist is unhappy.  It hurts so bad I can hardly stand it.  I don't even know for sure how I did it, and I don't know yet what is wrong with it.  The doctor thinks I probably damaged a tendon, but it feels broken to me and ACHES.  X-rays won't be ready until next week and they won't give me painkillers!  (Time for a new doctor)  I have to wear this damn thing for 4 weeks.  I can't do any friggin' thing.  Driving hurts.  Sleeping hurts.  Drinking a beverage hurts.  Typing hurts. Changing channels on the remote hurts. You should see my hair.

Andy, my boss, yelled at me on Friday (he is so awesome, I love him) because I wouldn't go home.  Before lunch he said "You need to go home and stop trying to type with a broken wrist.  For God's sake you are typing with your body at a 35 degree angle because of that thing!  I'm going to lunch.  If you aren't gone by the time I get back...oh forget it, I know you'll still be here.  I don't know why I bother..."(mumble, mumble, mumble and waving his hands in the air as he walks out the door...)  An hour later he walks in back from lunch, sees me, shakes his head and says "Of course you are still here...", goes in his office and shuts the door.  LOL

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

A spending spree for me! Because Christmas is over.

I decided to purchase 13 items off of my Amazon wish list on a whim.  I *LOVE* that I can do that!  There are still 45 items being wished for on there, so I wasn't ridiculous about it or anything.  Among those 13 items is a Kindle Fire, Black Gel Eyeliner, and a couple of Blu-Ray DVD's.

Black Gel Eyeliner...

...so I can do "cat eyes" like this!

New Kindle Fire!  Funness!

DVD to add to my horror collection.

So weird, yet so awesome!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Old Days and Nowadays

My mother bought a few old movies.  I've never really enjoyed old movies before, and never took the time to watch any of them, but she insisted so I gave in.  We just watched "Bell, Book and Candle" with James Stewart, Kim Novac and Jack Lemmon.  OK, I admit it, I enjoyed it.  Actors of old are a little dramatic, but it works.

But what really struck me was how romance was so different.  I get so sick of watching movies where two people meet and they are in bed in 5 minutes, then it doesn't work out and they meet another, and then more sex in 5 minutes.  It bugs me.  I guess I don't belong in this era, huh?  Everyone I know has given in to the current times, but seriously, if I slept with every guy I dated...well...GOOD GOD, GROSS!  But being old fashioned gets you nowhere, let me tell you.  I guess that is why I'm flying solo.  Sex is great, don't get me wrong, but how it is thrown around so carelessly now just makes me ill.  I can't tell you how many times I've met a guy and they would ask me how big my boobs are or how I felt about anal sex on the first frigging phone call.  I mean, COME ON.  Call me nutty, but I just hung up.  But it's not just guys - if you won't do it, be assured there is a woman not 20 feet from you who will.  I can't, or should I say won't, compete with that.

In the last two years of dating, I've met only one man who was sincerely respectful.  Joe.  I wish it would of worked out because he really was quite chivalrous, and I have to tell you that his behavior was more of a turn-on to me than anything else.  Oh well.  I'm off to watch another sappy old movie, 'The Ghost and Mrs. Muir'.  LOL

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Alcatraz!

"LOST" was the best series on Television, EVER.  The same producers (J.J. Abrams' Bad Robot) have now come out with "Alcatraz" - which started last night, and it has Hurley in it!  It was a 2-hour premier and I am totally hooked already.  I recommend!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Hot damn, I done did good!!

Here is where I get to brag a little about myself, which is rare.

Ever since I was promoted to management and relocated down to California by my company to be part of the build-out of our new plant in Seal Beach, my workload has been, well, INSANE.  Not only has there been a ton to do, but it had to be done with impossible deadlines, minimal staff and with dead-on accuracy.  It was a lot of pressure over a long span of time.  Not only have I managed to double my salary in two years, but I just received special recognition AND reward by executive management for going above and beyond the call of duty.

When called into the Director's office, I was FLOORED at the reward and fumbled for words.  I'm surprised I didn't burst out in tears.  I really just wasn't expecting that.  I've always kind of felt like this easily replaceable peon, but I was just told that our commercialization here could "not have been done without me".  Well, I don't know about that, but I have to say it sure felt good to hear it!  The Director kept saying things like "Yes, we DID notice all those late nights, weekends and holidays you worked, and yes we DID get personal feedback sent to us from many individuals from all the different sites saying how much they appreciated your help, flexibility and attitude.  You are well liked and sought out over your counterparts."

I am kind of in a stupor about it.  I should probably snap out of it and get to work before they take it all back.  :-D

Friday, January 13, 2012

Motherly Advice

It is ex-fucking-hausting having two goddamned mothers.

Biological (Bio) Mom: You need to call the doctor.
Godmother (not fairy): You really should call the doctor.
Bio Mom: Have you called the doctor yet?
Godmother: Call the doctor on your lunch break.
Bio Mom: Don't forget to call the doctor.
Godmother: Why haven't you called the doctor?
Bio Mom: You really need to tell the doctor you aren't taking those pills anymore.
Godmother: Let me know what the doctor says.
Bio Mom:  When are you going to call the doctor?
Godmother: Did you get the link I sent you?  Show it to the doctor.
Bio Mom:  Why don't you schedule a Saturday appt.?
Bio Mom:  You haven't called the doctor, HAVE YOU?!?

Me:  Shut up!  Both of you!  The more ya'll bug me, the more I don't wanna call the doctor.  Leave me ALONE.

Bio Mom (on the phone with Godmother):  She just said the more we bug her, the longer she will take to call the doctor.  She says she hates doctors - they don't help - they just tell her to lose more weight and quit smoking.  I know!  Well it's her fucking life if she wants to be that way.

Me to the blogosphere:  Help me, please.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

AMEN, Frank Kaiser!

"One of the perks of dufferdom is an increased capacity to appreciate people. Friends. Spouses. And, for me, women. All women.

When I was 20, I had eyes only for girls my age. Any woman over 30 was ancient, over 40 invisible. Today, now in my 70s, I still appreciate the 20-year-old for her youthful looks, vigor, and (occasional) sweet innocence.  But, I equally enjoy women of my own age and beyond, and every age in between. I've learned that each has its own special wonders, attractions, magic and beauty. As I grow in age, I value mature ladies most of all. Here are just a few of the reasons senior men sing the praises of older women:

-An older woman knows how to smile with such brightness and truth, old men stagger.

-An older woman will never ask out of the blue, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.

-An older woman has been around long enough to know who she is, what she wants, and from whom. By the age of 50, few women are wishy-washy. About anything. Thank God!

And yes, once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart!

-Her libido's stronger.

-Her fear of pregnancy's gone.

-Her appreciation of experienced lovemaking is honed and reciprocal.

-And she's lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her daughter could never dream of. (Young men, you have something to look forward to!)

-Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off that you are a jerk if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, fearing that you might think worse of her. An older woman doesn't give a damn.

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“If the Lord made anything better than a woman, He kept it for Himself.” — Jerry Lee Lewis

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-An older, single woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and "long-term commitments." Can't relate? Can't commit? She could care less. The last thing she needs in her life is another whiny, dependent lover!

-Older women are sublime. They seldom contemplate having a shouting match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive dinner. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

-Most older women cook well. They care about cleanliness. They're generous with praise, often undeserved.

-An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A young woman often snarls with distrust when "her guy" is with other women. Older women couldn't care less.

-Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. Like your mother, they always know.

Yes, we geezers praise older women for a multitude of reasons. These are but a few.  Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe of 75 there's a bald, paunchy relic with his yellow pants belted at his armpits making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize for my fellow geezers. That men are genetically inferior is no secret. Count your blessings that we die off at a far younger age, leaving you the best part of your lives to enjoy and appreciate the exquisite woman you've become. Without the distraction of some demanding old coot clinging and whining his way into your serenity."

-Frank Kaiser

Monday, January 09, 2012

Books and Big Rings

After finishing "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" in 3 days, I am now on a reading kick.  I like the escape into other people's messed up lives; rather than dwelling on my own.  Here is the current lineup:

The second book in the series...a given that it will be awesome.

This one caught my eye at Costco on Saturday -- a woman who has isolated herself, and also there are dogs in it.  Perfect.  Can't go wrong with that, and it gets high reviews to boot.

I get a bazillion magazines and catalogs in the mail because my preferred shopping method is online.  (Shopping is way better while done in jammies, coffee in hand and dogs at feet.  No getting dressed, no driving and no getting annoyed with crowds.)  I saw this (real) sapphire ring and decided I needed it for my middle finger.  It looks like a man's ring in the picture, but it isn't.






Thursday, January 05, 2012

All my shows...

Yeah.  I watch a lot of TV.  I have zero energy when I get home from work like most people, so I plop my butt down in the recliner and zone out.  I also have no life to speak of at the moment, so there ya go. 

The newest show in my arsenal is "Rizzoli and Isles".  It is this cheesy little cop show that is totally inaccurate, but I love Rizzoli - a smart ass female detective.  If I would have stayed in that line of work, I would totally be her, except I'm not tall, skinny or brunette.  I usually don't like those kind of shows, but this one stuck for some reason.  My mom got me hooked on "Bones", too.  The rest of my DVR consists of "Big Bang Theory" (I heart Sheldon), "Two and a Half Men" -- and even though it was technically a better show when Charlie was in it, Ashton is growing on me, I have to admit.  He is much more lovable.  In real life I cannot abide a stupid man, but it works in a sitcom.

Then there are my beloved HBO series.  "Enlightened", "True Blood" and "The Big C".  Oh, and let's not forget the history, discovery, animal planet and other such channels.  Gotta watch me some mega disasters, UFO sitings, paranormal stuff and scary, elusive creature entertainment.  Armageddon week is over, though.  Bah!  :-(

When my DVR is empty, I watch movies.  Nothing else was on, so I watched "Soul Surfer" the other night.  Surprisingly, it was a really good flick.  I actually felt quite inspired and all warm and fuzzy at the end.  Not typical emotions for me.  Usually I'm balling, annoyed and flipping off the TV screen by the end of a sappy film.  I think I'm perimenopausal, so that really just doesn't help.

I'm sick of typing now, so bye.

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

What sucks worse than going back to work?

Getting 2 hours of sleep before having to go back to work.  I am naturally a night owl, so if I have more than 4 days off in a row, I get all turned around.  So, for instance, my new hours became: go to bed at 4 am and wake up at noon.  Oftentimes those hours also included a nap around 3 pm.  Yes, really.  I had to wake up at 7 am today, and it is now 2:30 pm.  I want to die, pure and simple.  I've had two espressos and an energy shot, and it is still an effort to sit up in my chair.  When someone asks me a question, I have a delayed response of about 3 minutes.

I got a brochure in the mail for my local community college and they are now offering cheap classes for non-students.  I am going to take a journalism class, a digital photography class and an Adobe Photoshop class - all for about $150 plus materials.  I need to fill my life with more than work -- sleep -- eat.

Speaking of eating, it is time for my snack.  An Ostrim stick.

Favorite blogger statement of 2011, regarding the yearly OB visit:  "So then came the fun part, you know, when the doctor inserts a car jack into your vagina."  -Dooce

Favorite realization of 2011:  I can say VAGINA whenever I want with NO consequences!!!  Oh, didn't I tell you about almost getting disowned by my former in-laws?  Yeah, I said "Vagina" on Easter.  You seriously wouldn't believe what was discussed at our holiday dinner table this year!  Oh wait, yes you would.  VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA!

I cannot follow a thought all the way through at the moment, so that is why this post goes all over the place like I took too big of a hit off a joint.

Sunday, January 01, 2012

2012!

Well, here we are - 2012!  What will this year bring?  It is my first post of the new year and I am happy to report that I am feeling pretty good.  I drank entirely too much coffee last night so that I could ring in the new year at midnight, but the coffee lasted a little longer than intended and I didn't fall asleep until 4 am.  Bah!  It is time to take the Christmas decorations down, do my laundry, program my new universal remote and my new state-of-the-art GPS.  I also change out my picture frames with my favorite pics from the year now as a tradition.

I wished all my friends and family a Happy New Year and took Mags for a quick car ride up to the store.  I tried one of those small 5-hour energy drinks, and WEEEEE they work!  I'm all shaky like I had 15 cups of coffee.  My mom is making me her best dish tonight - roast with potatoes and carrots.  I love how she carmelizes the carrots and the potatoes have the roast juice all over them.  Yum!  I don't go back to work until Tuesday, but I saved all the un-fun tasks I need to do at home for today and tomorrow.  What was I thinking?  Starting out the New Year with chores.  Hrmph!  I need to re-think this next time.

Well I hear my mama-san getting the Christmas boxes out -- guess that means it is time to get going.  Happy New Year to you all!  Hope this is your best year yet!

xoxo - Crazydogmama