Tuesday, August 07, 2012

OK, here's the deal...

My mom is sick.  Very, very sick.  There isn't a whole lot of time left.  I have had to take over everything and take care of her.  I am working from home a lot and trying to keep it together the best I can.  It isn't easy.  I am sad and overwhelmed to the point of collapse.  I am going to be utterly alone.

I had to break it off with John because he is never around (I see him maybe once a month with a text or two in between?) and I am not going to be his "good-enough-for-now" girl while he looks for something better online. He still has all his online dating profiles active, and I deserve more.  I care about him, but I'm not doing this anymore on HIS terms.  He has treated me well and I know he cares for me too, but I had to put on my big girl panties and grow a pair.  Maybe he will realize I am worth it, and maybe he will just let me go, but I am done waiting around.  I think he is worried about me right now because of the situation with my mom, and he has contacted me several times to make sure I'm alright, but I am staying strong.  It was hard to do, but here is the reality: he wants to keep his options open...well, he can.  I just won't be one of those options.  I can't change him and he can't change me.  I'm not needy, nor desperate, and I do just fine on my own, so be it.

My trainer is Krzysztof Soszynski, the UFC fighter.  He is ripping me to shreds!  He makes me run, then box, then kickbox, then do pushups, then run again, then I get to swing a sledge hammer down onto a monster tire.  That's the fun part.  :-)  My stamina is getting better, but when I come home, I collapse.  I am drenched in sweat, red-faced and can hardly move.  He looks scary, but he is super sweet.  He texts me two or three times a day to make sure I am eating what I'm supposed to and feeling ok.



So that's where I'm at.  My life is still a mess.

1 comment:

Nicole said...

So sorry to hear about your mom! :( Your training sounds super awesome!!