Friday, September 30, 2011

I need a vacation from my head

For the quick update, I am going to cut and paste what I wrote on Facebook because I am too lazy to rewrite it.

Monday's procedure went well, but after I woke up, I suffered from a migraine so bad I wanted to slit my own wrists. Then, the next day I came down with a severe respiratory infection that has had me bedridden most of the week. It sounds like I swallowed a chainsaw. I am going back to work tomorrow because I can't spend one more minute at home inside my own head. I thought about a lot of stuff, and that's really dangerous.

Now here is the part I don't put on Facebook where people who actually know me go.  I like the anonymity of my blog sometimes.  I think only two or three people in my real life actually come here, and I'm not even sure about that anymore.

I came close to rescuing a really cute puppy, but my mom made the point I'm not home enough.  (Although I have been lately).  It's true, I like dogs better than people - I'm going to end up the old dog lady, I'm telling you.  I can't believe how much I still miss Lou.  You don't get over it.  People are generally mean, disrespectful and untrustworthy.  Dogs...well...aren't.  They actually seem to give a shit.  Yeah, they pee on the floor and bark at paper, but they don't mess with you.  Maggie didn't leave my side this week while I laid in bed dying and crying.  She is laying at my feet right now.

I have that confused, dazed thing going on again.  I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going.  It's kinda chronic.  Oh, and it sucks too.  I'm hopeless.  Utterly fucking hopeless.  I'm sick of the positive shit right now so you're going to have to deal with that.

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