Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I've been multi-tasking all day. Working on VPN, doing laundry, supervising TV guy, ordered a pizza, ran the dish washer and kept the dogs at bay. Everyone keeps calling me, so the phone has been ringing off the hook too. SHEESH.
I really thought I knew what busy was, but lately I have learned a whole new kind of crazy/insane.
My big boy is 11 (77 in dog years)! He is my grumpy little old man. LOL
I will be covering my old ankle Tattoo with something simple like this:
Looks like I have a pretty good chance of getting my big promotion and moving. Most likely to California, but I haven't ruled out Dallas if I don't get this one. I would have no mortgage and a pool in California, though! Wow, life is really changing...kind of weird. I had this idea of what my life was going to be like once...I'll never make that mistake again! I should know within a month or so.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
I've been listening to music tonight - no TV. Just daydreaming and relaxing. Got caught up on some of my personal computer work, too.
So I'm getting my tattoo changed. Finally. I'm not looking forward to the pain though, it HURTS. It is right on the ankle bone, so it is a big OUCH. I'm going to make the appointment tomorrow. It's time.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
My mom and I were talking and we are finding that we are enjoying doing what we want, going where we want, talking to who we want, buying what we want, watching what we want and seeing who we want! Just being who we are! I like it. I'm finding out a lot about myself - it is interesting. The future looks bright and exciting!
Enjoying the moment, the present. Anyone wanna join me?? I am never going to put myself down again! I'm awesome! LOL.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Remember that "Loverboy" (love that headband!) song from the 80's? LOL! I have it in my head..
So I'm at work waiting for people to get things to me so I can edit them. Taking a little lunch break to blog in order to appease my readers. There are so many things happening right now (can't talk in detail yet...) and my head is spinning. My life could be in for another major change - a really positive one I think. Regarding my career, I'm meeting with someone next week to discuss a possible transfer/promotion; which would be out of state. I will talk more about it once I know more - don't want to jump the gun here. I have decisions to ponder, people to talk to and arrangements to make, but it is all very exciting. These things take time of course, so nothing is going to happen quickly - but I am optimistic and excited nonetheless.
For the month of May I am going to concentrate on getting some repairs done on the house and finish the painting. These things need to be done whether I stay or go - so no time like the present. I haven't been on anymore dates or been talking online to anyone seriously - I'm taking a break from it and concentrating on other things. I occasionally get emails and hello's, but that is about it. The one guy I recently went on a date with keeps in touch, but we haven't discussed another date yet. I've been sick and super busy though, so that is probably why. I'm still holding out for my fairy tale though...haha. That happens, right? PFFFT!
A month and a half until my 2 week vacation! Woohoo! Oh, that's another thing...if this move happens for me, I will have enough money to start doing some of the traveling I've always wanted to do! Wouldn't that be COOL? Well, I think so. :-) I've certainly paid my dues!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
First, a reader of mine now has her own blog - so let's hear it for "A Green Guitar"! (See link to right) There is also a link on her site that I have been stalking called "June Bug on a String" - great site also! In fact, I am now inspired to read this book because...well...it will be obvious why:
"Divorce is never easy, and fortysomething Nikki finds herself unwillingly thrust into a major identity crisis. She was happy being a housewife and mother in an upscale neighborhood of Colorado Springs and thought all was well until her husband takes off, and the family house blows up. As she slowly comes out of the fog of divorce, Nikki realizes she needs a job and a place to live, then has to face the clash with her old way of life: her fancy friends can't understand her waitress job: they eat in restaurants, they don't work in them. Nikki veers away from her now strained relationships, makes new friends, and enters the world of dating. As Nikki tries to find herself, her old dream of making perfume as a business instead of a hobby infuses her with purpose, but is she willing to take a risk? With great insight Samuel explores the many problems facing newly divorced women and offers hope and inspiration in the form of one gutsy heroine. Patty EngelmannCopyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved "
The part that says "...and the family house blows up" just made me laugh. That seems so appropriate to me at this point in my life. Now, I wasn't a housewife, mother (except my stepson) or "upscale" by ANY means, but the starting over and taking risks inspires me. I am currently in the middle of going in a completely new direction. I am applying for positions at my company's new sites; which are all out of state. We will see what happens...
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Did some work remotely on my lap top today cuz I just didn't want to drive in. I pulled the Friday night and Saturday night shifts (and I'm on salary), so they can deal with it. I also mowed the front lawn and picked some weeds. My body hates me right now. The stupid lawn mower is a huge pain in the ass. The grass gets all mucked up in it, and then it dies. I empty the bag and have to clean it out about every 20 steps. It's maddening! THEN it takes approximately 15 minutes to get the damn thing restarted. My neighbor felt sorry for me and came and helped. I was close to tears after I ran out of cuss words. LOL Got it done, though, and yay me! The picture of me is right before I started mowing. Yes, I mow in pig tails. That has to be the dumbest picture of me ever, but oh well. I'm starting to show my age. Shit.
The other pictures are of 1. my diet food that I had tonight (marsala chicken, green beans and carrots) and the dinner I had last night of spicy shrimp with my mom at our favorite Mexican restaurant. I only ate about 5 bites of the refried beans. My cholesterol has to be about a million with all the shrimp I eat. The real tragedy here though is that I love to cook, and I never do it anymore. I microwave my diet food or go out. One of these days when I have a spare 20 minutes I should make something nice. However it just seems pointless anymore.
I still have a sore throat and a cough. Mercy.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
...Since I am THERE MOST OF THE TIME. I wish I could bring the doggies with their little doggie beds, too. Of course they frown on that in medical facilities. Bah!
So here is my office with the TV-size monitor and yes, I keep it THAT dark. I HATE fluorescent lighting - gives me headaches. Dark is calming and soothing in a crazy and frustrating environment. Shut up about the pizza, salad and root beer to the right - it was free, OK?? I worked Friday night, Saturday for 5 hours and I have to go in tomorrow. UG. At least I'm needed. ;-)
I am feeling better today - just tired with a slight sore throat. I did cough all night long, though, so I am not getting enough rest. If it keeps up, I PROMISE to go to the doctor and get cough medicine.
One more thing. I am very proud of my mother. We were driving today - her at the wheel - and I was giving her crap about her driving.
Me: (holding onto the ceiling of the truck for stability): "Are we late for something??"
Mom: No, this is just how I drive.
Me: Why don't you slow down a bit?
Mom: Why don't you shut the fuck up?
The apple doesn't far fall from the tree. LOL
Thursday, April 15, 2010
So yesterday I couldn't keep any food down and my chest hurt so bad I honestly thought I was having a heart attack and almost went to the emergency room. I left work a little early and everyone was pissed that I drove home. (I'm stubborn). My blood pressure was way up too because I was freaked. Today I'm not having chest pains, but my throat hurts so bad I can barely swallow. Had soup for dinner after I got home at 9 frigging PM from work. You see when I get deathly ill, work is insanely busy and everyone is on vacation. I'm on call tomorrow night and have to go in over the weekend. I am the only one to cover so if I'm conscious, I have to go. Lucky me. Gah.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
So tonight, a lady I work with asked for a ride and in exchange said she would buy me a drink to thank me. I said OKAY! On the way she made a few calls to see if some of our other coworkers wanted to join, but all she said to each one was "meeting at headquarters". I've now learned that a local bar and grill is "headquarters" and many of my coworkers who live downtown apparently have frequent "meetings" there. LOL. This was my first meeting. We were the only two girls, and a few other guys came several minutes later. Now mind you, these are all scientists and technical people, so they drink a lot but talk shop. Before I wanted to stab my eye with a fork, I decided to "liven up" the conversation. I have a few tricks. I made an L with my thumb and index finger, raised it up and said "Did you know that the length of a man's penis can be determined by length from the tip of his thumb to the tip of his index finger?" What ensued next was absolutely hysterical and works EVERY TIME. ALL the men made their "L" at the SAME TIME and intently stared at it. Some started comparing their "L's" and I heard quite a few "That's CRAP!" and "There is NO WAY that is true!". To one of the guys I said "Oh, honey, I'm sorry." ROFLMAO!! Consequently, we had the attention of the entire place as I laughed until tears were coming out of my eyes. I can't help it. This went on for at least 20 minutes, I shit you not. The women at the place were all laughing and putting THEIR "L's" up to their forehead; the signal for "Loser". This is quite entertaining.
A short time later I brought up some trivia that started an hour long conversation carnival. I said "You know, I found out the other day that the definition of Sodomy includes oral sex." This really freaked them out. "WHAT?!?" "NO!" "NO NO NO it DOES NOT!" I told them to look it up. They all got out their iPhones and Blackberries and whatnot and LOOKED THE DEFINITION UP. One guy actually used the voice command to look up the definition on his phone - so yes, he spoke this into his phone IN PUBLIC, and loudly because it was a noisy place, "DEFINITION FOR SODOMY". OMG, I freaking ROLLED. They discovered in fact, that I was right and things were just too much fun after that.
Needless to say, I am now the CEO at headquarters and am required to attend every meeting. ;-) Oh and I didn't have to pay for a thing...
So I went on a rant, then I deleted it, now I will be silly. This is a picture of me with wet hair getting ready for work, and then Lou and Mags - Lou with his green Jedi-eye trying to mindtrick me into feeding him steak instead of kibble.
Nothing special going on. My coworker/office roomate left for Hawaii today. Bitch. I've got kind of cold or flu going on and a really annoying cough. That's it. Bye.
Monday, April 12, 2010
To my two commentors, I say this:
You both are extremely kind and I am honored to have you as readers! Thank you for your thoughts. It is true, I am in the middle of a healing process. I only deleted your comments because they wouldn't make sense now - not because I didn't like them.
To everyone that read it and did not comment:
I hope I didn't freak you out or piss you off. ;-)
To everyone that did not read it and is now confused:
I wrote a post at 1:30 in the morning and aired too much of my own dirty laundry. I wanted to vent (about myself - no other people were mentioned) and be honest about the "real me" when I needed to first consider how it might come across. It seems from comments that people appreciate my honesty, but I think I freaked my mom out. LOL
It felt good to spew all that onto the table, but for the sake of safety and privacy I decided to pull it for now. Good therapy for myself, though.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
I had my nice date, then spent time with my mom on Sunday, but now it's back to the same old crap. My empty little life. I still have the "what now?" questions - those certainly don't go away in a day. Neither do the dirty dishes, the laundry or the yard work. I'm looking out at my way-overgrown grass and I REALLY don't feel like dealing with it. I think I might give up cable to hire a gardener. Well...maybe not. LOL I think without the computer and the TV, I would just sit here and stare at the wall. How sad.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
If you are not excited, feeling blah and expecting nothing...you will have a fabulous date! So as you can see I was less than thrilled and all pissy last night. I woke up this morning trying to be positive, however, and got myself dressed and all purdied-up - nice, but not too nice. The drive across the mountains was GORGEOUS. The sun was shining and despite the storm, there was no snow on the road. We met in a park in Leavenworth around noon. I figured I would just shake his hand, but instead he delivered me a big, genuine hug and told me it was great to finally meet me in person. He was more handsome than his profile picture and he gained some big points with his compliments to me. We walked and talked for a bit, then decided to go to lunch. It turned into a 3 hour lunch! Not only is he kind and very intelligent - he is fascinating! A firefighter, an EMT, part of search and rescue, a skier, a rockclimber...a very interesting man! There was never one moment of uncomfortable silence and I've never had such great conversation. When the bill came I didn't know what to do, I reached for my purse and shyly told him that I had no idea what the dating "rules" were these days and was perfectly willing to contribute my share. He laughed and said he had no idea what he was doing either (he is divorced after a long marriage also) and said "..but I do know I am paying for lunch." Very sweet. After lunch we shopped for a bit; I was on a mission to find a particular "sauce dip". He was very cute in helping me on the hunt. I told him I would spare him the hunt for a cute pair of earrings! LOL We decided to sit and have some coffee (which he also insisted on paying for) and we talked for another 2 hours. I kept saying I had to go, but we kept getting into a new conversation. Finally I looked down at my phone and it was getting late and I HAD to go. I said that we would talk all night if I didn't go now! He smiled and agreed. He walked me to my car and we said our goodbyes. He was a perfect gentleman. He opened doors for me and never made me feel like I was being "sized up". Such a pleasant surprise! I believe we will see each other again.
Friday, April 09, 2010
...and I've known myself a long time! LOL
You'd think I'd be all excited for my date tomorrow, but I'm like...meh. I was excited, but I think my subconscious knows it is probably futile. He is such a nice guy, but I'm just so damn picky. I'm sure it will be fun, but I have zero expectations of anything anymore. I laugh to myself thinking I'm going to go from being "Crazydogmama" to "the Old Crazydoglady" that the children in the neighborhood are afraid of. HA. I'm starting to not really care about the dating thing anymore. It's stupid. It's like trying to convince people you are "worthy" or something. Screw that. I'm too old to put on aires, play games or be on my best behavior. Maybe I'm just in a crap mood, I don't know. I'm even sick of talking to people online. NY guy said "Where did you go?? I haven't talked to you in two days!". I guess I'm feeling like what's the fucking point? There have only really been two people I was truly interested in; one wasn't real (and I don't mean my ex), and the other is a pipe dream. There is fantasy, and then there is reality. Reality ain't so great. And then of course there are the guys I'm not the least bit interested in that won't leave me alone. Figures.
Okay, maybe I'm a little grouchy, but seriously...what now? Work. Sleep. Eat. Yippee. I'm getting my life together and all - you know, working on myself, that sort of thing, but I keep saying to myself what next? Got a career, check. Losing weight, check. Getting my financial situation in control (slowly), check. Interact with my friends on a regular basis, check. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do, but it doesn't seem satisfying. I dream of finding love, but another person doesn't make you happy, YOU have to make YOU happy first. I know that. But what is happy? What is content? Something is missing. It always has been.
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Scroll down to "Top Tracks", pick #1, then click on the video to listen. Oh, what a great song. It makes me happy and perfectly describes how I'm feeling - even the melody. Enjoy. Do you like it? Think of me when you listen to it.
Okay, this post is going to seem kinda vain or something, but seriously, stuff like this does NOT normally happen to me and I have to share because it was so funny and it made me feel good. If I record the little things, then when I'm feeling bad about myself, I can always come back and read stuff like this and feel better.
So I'm sitting at a stop light on the way home today. To my left, a truck was stopped at the adjacent light directly facing me. I was thinking about something that suddenly made me smile, and I happened to glance over at the truck while I was smiling. Inside the cab were two very nice looking guys. Somehow the driver's eyes and mine met, and when they did he smiled back and kinda waved. I was taken aback and smiled bigger and waved also. (I did not know him.) His light changed and he was making a right away from me - but as he was turning, he kept looking at me and almost slammed into oncoming traffic! He overcorrected quickly and there was no accident (thank God!), but I busted up in laughter. I've never almost caused an accident before!!! LOL!!! I'm definitely not "all that", but just the fact that I caught a man's attention like that just made my whole day. There's hope for me yet!
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
So my stepson calls me today. This is not unusual, in fact we've gotten very close since my divorce, but he called while I was at work (instead of texting) so I was concerned when I couldn't answer. I discreetly texted him back quickly to make sure everything was ok. Usually he calls to tell me he got a part in a play, or wants to go out for dinner, or something like that - but this is what he called about today:
"Me and BJ found a muffler. Can we sell it?"
LOL!!! Crazy kid. Then he wanted to know if they could come raid my fridge. Have you ever had ravenous teenage boys raid your fridge? Yeah.
Right now I'm catching up on "Modern Family" and eating Velveeta right out of the box. THAT can't be good. Shit.
One more thing. It is supposed to snow 2 feet in the mountains the next few days and be extremely stormy. I have a date on Saturday that requires me to drive right through it. Neat. Murphy's Law. It hasn't snowed all fucking winter.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Sunday, April 04, 2010
OK, well, Happy Easter to everyone first of all. Over at my mom's for the weekend with the pups.
Just got a text from my friend Cathy who works at Disneyland - she said there has been a series of quakes in Cali today, the most recent a 7.2 out of Baja (Mexi-Cali). I guess it lasted 20 or 30 seconds and was a "rolling" quake - which is unusual for California - they usually have "jolting" quakes. Everyone is saying it was big and major all the way up to the LA area. I tried calling my new friend Danny in Rancho Cucamonga, but I can't get a hold of him. (He is the one I am going to Disneyland with in June.) As most of you know I study earthquakes, but have not had the time recently to keep up. With the one in Chile and now this, guess it wasn't a good time for a break! Sheesh! Hope everyone is OK. I don't know if I've ever said why I am so interested in earthquakes, but back when I was in college a good friend of our family, Johnny, who used to babysit me when we lived in California, was killed in the big Northridge quake. He was underneath the freeway when it collapsed. I remember watching it on TV and then the call came in from my mom telling me what happened - I was working at the time.
Anyway, my mom and I are starting a new Easter tradition this year being that it is just the two of us - no ham, no lamb, but steak and lobster baby! Maybe I'll take a picture later.
Stay safe if you are in Southern California.
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Exactly two years ago today, my life changed forever. It wasn’t one of those kinds of events like the birth of child, or a wedding or anything like that, but it was very significant for me. You see, it was an ordinary day. A typical day where I was all comfy-cozy hiding inside myself. Hiding there trying to survive the best I could. Then, suddenly and without warning, someone came along and opened my door and let me out...never to return to that dark and lonely place where I was dying. I don’t think they have any idea what they did – or perhaps they even thought they did me harm. But the truth is, if they hadn’t come along and let me out, I would never have survived some of the events that were to come my way the next two years. Nothing that has happened to me was a direct result of their rescue, but because of them, I was able to see things a little differently, and most importantly, I thought of myself differently during extremely difficult times. It’s funny how you don’t see life-changing events coming, and may not even see them when they are happening, but when you look back, you see a lot. So, today, I want to thank them. If you are out there in cyberspace somewhere “KS” – thank you. You saved me. I hope you are well. A part of me is doing well – because of you. Bet you didn’t know.
Friday, April 02, 2010