I am having a nervous breakdown. No joke. I have been trying to stay upbeat, but the truth is I am not well. For the longest time now I have managed to keep it together and move forward despite what came at me, but the last few weeks have kicked the shit out of me. I can't go into detail but I'm worried about my job, I am worried about my health and I can't do this anymore. The pressure is intense and I don't know which will come first, me collapsing, getting fired or just giving up. I can only take so much. I am losing my cool and now I'm starting not to care. I've never done that - NEVER. Dangerous territory. I think I'm just burnt out and tired. There doesn't seem to be any break; the crap doesn't let up. I have been beat up one too many times. I asked for help today, but there is no help. I can't seem to muster up any faith this time. What the hell happened to me?
I was supposed to go out tonight with my friends and instead I came back to the hotel because I can't breathe. Literally. I just crawled into bed and stared into space. I am systematically losing everything; including my mind.