Sunday, January 31, 2010

You may fall over when you read this.

I went to church today. A new friend of mine invited me to go with her and her husband to a local community church. Now, for those of you that know me, you know I love the Lord but am not all that thrilled about organized religion. That is still true to some degree, but if the people are real and the place isn't a stadium, I'm willing to give it a chance. And NO, I did not spontaneously combust when I walked through the doors. LOL I am not exactly a shining example of what a "typical" mainstream Christian woman is, I guess. I cuss, I drink occasionally, I watch horror movies, I don't have the whole little cozy family thing going on and I am little sarcastic. Now, I don't expect to be joining the choir or leading Bible study next week, but it was nice. I believe it is what is in your heart that makes your faith what it is, and there is no room for judging others or trying to be someone you are not.

I suppose you could say I have hit a sort of "rock bottom" in my life over the last few years. Things aren't that bad, but they could certainly be a whole lot better. I'm working on that. I thank God for what I have, and ask for help and wisdom when I need it. It isn't God's fault for anything that has happened in my life. It is just life. We make choices, but all in all I believe in a personal relationship with my maker and do not consider Him my personal genie in a bottle.

I felt a little out of place today, but once I got settled, I talked to God. I said, "Where do I go from here? What is the plan?" (I don't like to mince words.) After that I sat in silence, listening to the message. I felt physically alone, but I knew God was right there keeping me together. I could feel it. I feel Him sometimes when I am home, or driving too. He told me that He knows all about me and what I am going through. He said he has never once left me. I asked Him to let me know that it wasn't my own voice telling me those things. The words "trust me" just kept coming to mind. That was it. When I opened my Bible, there were familiar scribblings among the pages. They reminded me of a different time. The pastor was teaching from 1 Corinthians. A good chapter for me right now.

I pretty much ran out as soon as the service was over and didn't talk to anyone because I'm not used to church and haven't been in one for many years. Silly huh?

I came home and my neighbor and I have been trying to figure out my water problem. I'm going to have to get on my knees about this one I think. UG.


midnightbunny said...

I feel like you do with organized religion in a way ... awkward with it sometimes ... not really knowing where I fit into it ... but like your experience, I think sometimes we just end up where we need to be at the time when we need it most. :)

Anonymous said...

I am glad that you have faith in God. I was worried about you there for a couple days when you were so low. All you need is a shred of faith.

Cheryl said...

Yeah, I'm up and down. A real neurotic mess. LOL Somehow or another it will all work out. Thanks for caring.