Sunday, January 31, 2010
I went to church today. A new friend of mine invited me to go with her and her husband to a local community church. Now, for those of you that know me, you know I love the Lord but am not all that thrilled about organized religion. That is still true to some degree, but if the people are real and the place isn't a stadium, I'm willing to give it a chance. And NO, I did not spontaneously combust when I walked through the doors. LOL I am not exactly a shining example of what a "typical" mainstream Christian woman is, I guess. I cuss, I drink occasionally, I watch horror movies, I don't have the whole little cozy family thing going on and I am little sarcastic. Now, I don't expect to be joining the choir or leading Bible study next week, but it was nice. I believe it is what is in your heart that makes your faith what it is, and there is no room for judging others or trying to be someone you are not.
I suppose you could say I have hit a sort of "rock bottom" in my life over the last few years. Things aren't that bad, but they could certainly be a whole lot better. I'm working on that. I thank God for what I have, and ask for help and wisdom when I need it. It isn't God's fault for anything that has happened in my life. It is just life. We make choices, but all in all I believe in a personal relationship with my maker and do not consider Him my personal genie in a bottle.
I felt a little out of place today, but once I got settled, I talked to God. I said, "Where do I go from here? What is the plan?" (I don't like to mince words.) After that I sat in silence, listening to the message. I felt physically alone, but I knew God was right there keeping me together. I could feel it. I feel Him sometimes when I am home, or driving too. He told me that He knows all about me and what I am going through. He said he has never once left me. I asked Him to let me know that it wasn't my own voice telling me those things. The words "trust me" just kept coming to mind. That was it. When I opened my Bible, there were familiar scribblings among the pages. They reminded me of a different time. The pastor was teaching from 1 Corinthians. A good chapter for me right now.
I pretty much ran out as soon as the service was over and didn't talk to anyone because I'm not used to church and haven't been in one for many years. Silly huh?
I came home and my neighbor and I have been trying to figure out my water problem. I'm going to have to get on my knees about this one I think. UG.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I lost it today and acted like an idiot on several levels. Additionally neat. Things just keep getting better and better and its only Wednesday. Perhaps tomorrow I'll be diagnosed with a fatal disease.
Now you know why I haven't posted in a few days. No, I'm not alright, and yes my brain was knocked loose and is apparently malfunctioning.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
We are having a wind/rain storm tonight and I was out loading up the car. (Important week at work next week and need to be close by). As I was loading with the door popped up, a big gust of wind came up and slammed the big door down on my head. Knocked me to the ground. OUCH. Needless to say I have a headache and I also hurt my back. I also feel spacy.
I guess the latest thing on FB is to post retro pics of yourself. I have lots of those on the CDM bloggery here, but Mick had this one that I've never seen before! Too funny. The brunette is my friend Laurie from Highschool. Wonder what ever happened to her.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
I am having one of my loser nights where I am by myself holed up in the house. It isn't that bad actually, I could go out if I wanted - would just have to make some phone calls - but I chose isolation and the internet. I can just be myself right here. I can chat with online friends and blog and create chaos where chaos is needed.
I have some music playing, the dogs are sacked out and here I type. I'm a little bit hungry since I haven't eaten since this morning. My mom took me out for breakfast - so sweet! My "food" arrives on Wednesday, so I'm enjoying the last of crap food.
I caught wind that my ex might be getting remarried. I started thinking if I ever would. I'm open to it, but it would of course have to be the right guy. And what the hell is THAT, the right guy? I am obviously incompetent in this area. He would have to be really nice to me and love me for me for starters. Is that too much to ask? Oh and the obvious things like: no alcoholics or druggies, have a job, no anger issues, blah blah blah. I'm not worried about it right now, I have a full plate. I'm going to hold out for what I *really* want. I'll bide my time on that and just work on me for now. There was this guy once that seemed to fit the bill who made me swoon, but...that's another story.
Anyway, here are some silly pics. I finally got my "True Blood" calendar. Me likes. I know, I'm a freak.
Friday, January 22, 2010
"You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet."
(left on answering machine) "Hello? Hello? It's Sam. Anyone there? Nobody checks this god damned thing. HELLO?! HELLO?! Screw it."
"Tennessee is nice. The first time I vomited was in tennessee, I think."
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I have something I really want to say. But not now. It probably isn't what you are thinking. One of these days, though, I will. You can bet on it.
I have decided to redirect things in my life a bit. I've been entirely too focused on stupid stuff lately and need to get my act together. Body, Mind and Spirit.
Goal number one is to get healthier. I have been using the "Healthy to Go" products in my water instead of getting iced mochas every day. These are packets filled with organic fruits and veges; each equals 6 servings. I don't take vitamins, and the mochas are making my blood sugar too high, so I tried this instead. Got it at Costco. Thank the Lord God in Heaven for Costco! I live there. I have also decided to try Bistro MD 5 days a week to lose weight and balance out my nutrition. It is pricey, but with my life right now it is impossible to work long hours, keep the house clean, take care of the dogs, do the errands AND cook and worry about my nutrition. I just simply don't have time to think about it or prepare for it. So my first week comes next Wednesday. The food looks really good - supposed to be gourmet. They provide the food on "The Biggest Loser", so it can't be THAT bad. I am only doing 5 days a week so that I have room to go out for dinner, etc. NO MORE FROZEN BURRITOS. Or pizza. Or McDonalds. Well, once in awhile. Workouts are going to get more intense too - I've been lazy. I anticipate having more energy, so it shouldn't be a problem.
Second, I need to figure out if I am staying in the house or moving somewhere else. I keep going back and forth. I don't know how I will figure this out, but my goal is to do just that - make a damn decision. I'm not going to rush into a decision, however.
Third, I need a third goal. It will probably be work-related. Gotta think about this one some more.
So there it is. I am underway with goal one. Progress. The last year has been tough, but hopefully all the crap is behind me. I've gone through enough emotion to kill anyone, but here I am! Alive and (sorta) well! Life is so strange. It hasn't turned out at all like I thought it would. Does it ever? I guess if it did, that would be awfully boring.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I may have met someone online, he may be calling me tomorrow, and I may be freaking out! This guy is NOT messing around! I'm safe for the moment, he doesn't live in this state...but he isn't that far away.
I've had butterflies in my tummy all day, I'm all flustered and fidgety and my mom is making fun of me.
He is very kind and handsome, and he seems to like me despite the fact that I am a freak. You never know about the online thing - but oh well, gotta take risks sometimes.
He has a Harley and wants to know if I want to ride in his CAMARO. um..YES PLEASE! ;-)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I tried this energy drink today called Java Monster "Loca Moca". MMMM. Now I'm bouncing off the walls! I gotta do something, go somewhere...aaahhhh.
OK - question. There is this guy at work. He is handsome, sweet and successful. He is not married, but I think he has a girlfriend. He works in a different building than me, but I'm always running into him. Several times now at company meetings and functions, I catch him staring at me, then when I catch his gaze, he very quickly turns his head away very deliberately - very noticeable. In fact, if it wasn't so dramatic, I would think nothing of it, but it keeps happening. He also seems nervous around me. Does this mean anything? I have no clue - but it seems odd.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I used to sit on a fence. I was pushed off, but I choose to never climb back up. I have kicked my fence over forever. I am moving forward; pushing through.
Something happened the other day and my first reaction was anger. I chose to stop it. I am not afraid anymore. I know that whatever happens, I will be fine.
I know what I want and I won't stop until I find it. And no one will stop me, either. My eyes are open. WIDE open. I won't make the same mistakes.
Some time ago I was given a second chance. I didn't see it at first, but I see it now. A new life. A better life. A chance to be who I am supposed to be.
I still need prayer - I still have challenges to deal with, but don't worry about me. Everything will turn out just the way it is supposed to. Sign, sealed and delivered.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Friday, January 08, 2010
I will make this soon and take pics.
1 1/2-2 lbs. flank steak
- 1 Tbsp. minced garlic, (about 6 cloves)
- 1 Tbsp. fresh minced ginger (from one small chunk)
- 3 scallions, (use the white and green parts) finely
- 2 Tbsp. peanut oil
- 3 Tbsp. reduced-sodium soy sauce
- 2 tsp. rice vinegar
Put the flank steak in a flat dish with sides just large enough to hold it in one layer
In a small bowl, whisk together the remaining ingredients and pour them over the steak. Flip the steak a few times to coat it with the sauce. Refrigerate it for at least 30 minutes and up to 24 hours.
Preheat the grill to medium-high, or preheat the broiler.
Transfer the steak to the grill or a broiler pan, reserving any remaining sauce. Grill or broil the meat for 4-6 minutes per side until it is browned on the outside and only slightly pink in the middle.
In a small saucepan, bring any remaining marinade to a low boil for 2 minutes, and transfer it to a serving bowl.
Slice the meat on the diagonal (try to go against the grain of the steak so it won't be tough) and serve it immediately with the sauce on the side, or refrigerate it for up to 3 days before serving.
Flavor Booster: Add ¼ tsp. Asian chili sauce or crushed red pepper flakes to the marinade.
I walked down to a park in Seattle and sat on a bench. It was raining and grey out. I had my iPod on playing "Mad World". I watched as people walked by, but could only hear the sounds of the song. I wish I had my camera. The faces...oh the faces on people went perfectly with the song. It is a sad song, a dark song, a beautiful song. I am going to buy the sheet music and learn it on the piano.
Read the words carefully. Listen. Tell me how it makes you feel.
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Their tears are filling up their glasses
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me
I have a problem. I don't know what to do about it. Sitting...pondering...listening. It helps.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
AND a new follower! SEE? Begging works. Actually, I got TWO comments - thanks to Lea too. Lea - I will definitely post some food pics and recipes, but I need to actually COOK something first. Since I've been a single for awhile now it is just no fun to cook for one. I don't like leftovers. Y'all gotta come over so I have a reason to get greasy in the kitchen! I did some cooking over the holidays for my mom and some friends, but other than that I've been living on frozen burritos. UG. I might make some real Mexican food tonight - but I'm not thinking it will be photo-worthy. I do have a recipe I will share for some Mongolian Flank Steak that I might make this weekend. I guess I will just continue to write about my ever-changing life, I'm getting less and less "private" if you haven't noticed. Nothing too exciting right now, though. I guess the most interesting thing I've got at the moment is that I'm going to get my tattoo changed. I'm not thinking going through life with "Jim" written on my ankle is going to do me any good. Not looking forward to THAT pain! The stupid shit you do when you're young...sigh.
Monday, January 04, 2010
I know you are out there. I ask questions and...nothing. YOU SUCK! I have to beg and plead and threaten to shut down the blog to get you to post a damn comment. I should take all my archives and put them on Facebook where people actually interact! But then most of you wouldn't be able to get in. I leave comments everywhere - or at least try to. Yes, I write partly for me - but come ON. Am I that frigging boring? Don't answer that.
Maybe I should go controversial. Lude pics? (um..no) WHAT, then? Maybe you are all keyboard challenged. About a year ago I had a statistic thingee that told me over 80,000 people had been to this blog over the last 5 years. That is 16K a year, 1333 a month, and approximately 45 people a day. Now, I'm definitely not a power blogger with those stats, but you would think someone would have something to say. Maybe I scared everyone away. That wouldn't shock me.
Are you shy? I don't bite. Well, I don't bite hard anyway. ;-)
What do you want to read? Do you want to know what is going on in my head? Probably not. Pictures? Of what? Should I cause a ruckus? I want to change things up a bit, but have no idea what to do. HELP!
I'm gonna get out there and stir up some trouble on other blogs...
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Time to get back to reality. Actually, vacation is always nice, but I need some routine back. Today has been weird. I've been online most of the day, except for my FOUR HOUR nap. (Now I will be up all night) I did my budget for January, paid some bills, did some chatting on Facebook (I'm such a flirt!), organized some of my digital pics floating around on the computer and read some of my favorite bloggers. The dogs were curled up at my feet for most of it; the little cutie pies! I did a load of laundry and got the dishes done, but that was about it. I'm tired of cleaning, let me tell you! I did get a lot done over vacation - the house is actually starting to look decent. I am going to order some new office furniture tomorrow and start the redecorating in that room! My mom and I have had such fun shopping and discussing the redocoration plans. She is so great. I'm lucky to have such a cool mom.
I also have great friends! Had two girlie friends over Saturday night and it was sooo good to see them! I am told I am going to a casino with them next Saturday night - that should be a hoot! Crazydogmama at the slots, look out! LOL
I think I'll go watch some TV now - see if I get sleepy. Off to work in the morning.
"The effect by which one accidentally stumbles upon something fortunate, especially while looking for something unrelated."
This word popped into my head today. Don't know why. Some people think of serendipity as "fate" or "destiny", but I like the definition above. Accidentally stumbling upon something fortunate. I love that. It isn't corny or unrealistic, but a concept that you can get your mind around. Have you ever experienced it?
What are your thoughts?