Friday, November 27, 2009
I walked through Costco today among the decorations, families and busy shoppers. I felt dizzy. I suddenly felt incredibly alone with 100's of people around. I felt small and invisible. I just told myself to breathe. "This too shall pass."
I'm just having faith that everything will be OK. You have to be happy with yourself before your life will start to take a good shape. I like myself - even when I'm a dumbass idiot fool, but sometimes life can beat you down a bit.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Happy Turkey Day to all who celebrate!
WOOF! From Louie and Maggie.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Things I'm thankful for:
1. My mom who is always there for me.
2. All my friends who are always there for me.
3. My job.
4. My retarded dogs who keep me company.
5. God who keeps me going when I don't think I can.
6. Hope. You have to have it.
Things I am not thankful for:
1. The single life. It sucks. There is no 'honey', just friends.
2. Wasting half of my life and giving my all for nothing.
3. I'm going to have to sell my house. Gotta start a new life and I can't do that there.
4. Wearing my heart on my sleeve and always making myself vulnerable.
Well, at least my thankful list is longer than my pathetic list. :-)
Monday, November 23, 2009
Instead, in light of recent confessions of my somewhat new single life, I thought I would leave this with you because many expressed concern (thank you):
When I was anguishing over heartbreak and lonliness, the Lord spoke this to me in His own special way. "You have followed me and done what you believed I said for you to do. You cannot control the actions of others. If they choose to go their own way, I still have wonderful plans for you."
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Instead of answering all the individual emails, I told myself to just suck it up and take a risk by posting it. I've been trying to keep much of private life...well...private, but who gives a shit, right?
YES I am going through a divorce. NO it was not my idea. YES we are still friends, but he is with someone else now. It hurts, I don't know anyone who thinks divorce is fun, but I'm OK. I still, and will always care for him, but I've decided to reinvent my life and move on. I have a lot to give and I'm not worried about the future, in fact I can't wait to see what happens. That is all I am willing to share, please understand.
I got home from my trip safe and sound and am trying to figure out Thanksgiving. I was invited to California and I might just go and drag my mom with me. It would be a dinner with lots of great people and a helluva good time.
I slept for a good 10 hours last night since I only got about a total of 20 while I was on the East Coast last week. I had to go get a GOOD mocha this morning because holy shit NJ has no espresso and if you CAN find a place, it sucks! I went though withdrawal.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
One word for this place: ORGASM. If you like meat, that is - which I do. OMG, they keep bringing you skewers of meat for hours! My drink was some type of traditional Brazilian drink which tasted like a cross between a margarita and mojito with lime instead of mint. WOOO - can knock you on your ass if you aren't careful! The dessert cart, well, even though I ate more meat than my body could handle, I still made room for the best chocolate mousse cake I've ever had. I'm going to need to go buy new clothes for getting home because before this trip is over I'm going to have gained 10 pounds. They also played this fun live drum music which has your butt dancing in your chair. We were there for like, 3 hours.
So tomorrow we are skipping out of work early and hitting the Big Apple for a whirlwind tour. I instantly hit it off with a girl I'm training there, and her and her husband are going to show us all the good stuff/places. I can't wait!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Then there were the old people I sat next to. Get this - they brought their own crackers with OLD, WARM, CRUMBLED BLUE CHEESE. Who brings that kind of stinky ass shit on an airplane?? OMFG it smelled like sweaty vomit feet. I thought bringing your own food was forbidden??
Once we got into the Newark terminal, we got to ride on one of those complimentary little inside cars because I'm telling you right now, I wasn't about to walk 20 miles to the car rental place. I am not exaggerating here, GEEZ! Then we got on the train/monorail thingee where we noticed a left behind sack. Oh crap! Bomb! LOL. I took a picture - see above. I also took a pic of my hotel room bed. Pretty! And comfy!
So yes, the East Coast has welcomed me. I'm too tired to write anymore, but we had a blast at dinner with our local coworkers. Brasilia. I'll talk about it later. Cool experience.
Friday, November 13, 2009
I'm getting my hair done early in the morning. I'm taking a big-girl trip and one must have good hair for that. I also have some new big-girl clothes to take with me. I think I'm all set - now I just have to figure out how to get all my shit in a carry-on bag. YIKES. It has to include my work laptop, all my clothes/toiletries, my hair straightener and my camera. Yeah I know, good luck with that.
Louie is Pouty McPitiful tonight. Mags is her usual self, but Lou is really in tune with me and knows something is up. I'm a little anxious I guess - flying, meeting new people, and some big tasks to accomplish.
Stay tuned - I think this blog will be fairly interesting over the next week.
Should I get an "I heart NY" t-shirt? LOL
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I'm 38 today. I am wearing my new leopard shirt, my obnoxiously big earrings and look stoned even though I'm not. I took a picture of myself this morning to mark the occasion. Birthdays have never been anything special for me. I mean, I've only had ONE birthday party bash in my life. That ONE was my 21st birthday a looooong 17 years ago. The last picture represents the evening. I am the one with my mouth wide open. (Are you even surprised?) Those are some old friends and people I worked with at the time. I was a waitress getting through college and getting ready to start the Police Academy. I was young and naive and an idealist. Now I'm old, wise and cynical as all hell. That day I didn't work. I remember getting up, getting all pretty, calling my boyfriend (I was dating one of the chefs at the restaurant at the time) and then heading out for quite a party! My friends paid for everything - my steak dinner, all my drinks (and there were plenty) and a hotel room at the Embassy Suites. It was so much fun - a time I'll never forget.
Today? Got up for work, got as pretty as I could, sat in traffic, and at 1:15 I have a doctor's appt. My honey is buying the fixin's, but I'm cooking us dinner. Gotta have my cajun prawns. And that's it. Last year I just cried on my birthday. A few people have wished me a Happy Birthday, and I have received some nice gifts, but all in all nothing really that exciting. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything (ok maybe a little), I thought I would just write about the jubilee that will [not] be. I guess the good news is that I kind of look the same in the face. I have a few crow's feet blooming and some creases around the mouth, but I have the same hair, less the bangs - and it's a little shorter. The body...NOT the same. I'm a hurtin' unit in that department. Oh well. Such is life. It's my own damn fault. Although now that I look at the pic closely, I was a little pudgy then - not quite at my best. I would still KILL to have that little pudge. *sigh* It was the beginning of the end...hahahahahahaha!
OK, enough of that shit. Happy Birthday to me! It is Crazydogmamapalooza today! You all better be nice to me. ;-)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
GEEEEZ! All you Facebook people have gone bonkers! I had about 400 messages and things to accept and apparently you can get to level 12 in "Mafia Wars" without even knowing how to play! LOL! I don't check my profile very often - perhaps I should. Then, as I am madly accepting Mafia gifts and whatnot, about 10 of my contacts are trying to chat with me at the same time. It was utter chaos...
I need a drink and a cigarette to recover from y'all....hehe.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I'm running around like a headless chicken trying to get ready for my trip. All the while, my dogs are eating weird mushrooms in the backyard and then puking them back up on the carpet, then getting into the leftover Halloween candy, then finding new places to pee and new ways to piss me off. Its like they KNOW I'm leaving. Now Louie is pouting in the corner. I've never seen such a pitiful face. If you could only see his face in the picture.
Monday, November 09, 2009
*This is a very feminine post about farting and belching. If those things offend you, please keep reading.
So I have all of this hamburger meat in my freezer that I have to eat up. I thought, how about Sloppy Joe's? I haven't had a Sloppy Joe for like, 20 years. (I pride myself on NOT eating things out of cans.) BUT, I broke down my pride and used a can of Manwich sauce. BAD.IDEA. I have been constantly belching and farting for a straight 24 hours. I am NOT kidding. It is BAD. I can't even stand myself. I kept myself awake all night. I am thanking God that my officemate called in sick. It WON'T stop!! I am a normal person in this department normally, but crap on a cracker, I could've propelled myself to work this morning without starting the car! Beano does not work. Antacids do not work. I really need this to stop now. Thank you.
Aren't you glad you read my blog?
Saturday, November 07, 2009
First, I'm listening to my iPod again, of course, and you know that song "The Reason" by Hoobastank? The lyrics are actually quite powerful in my opinion.
Tell me what you think. I'm interested in your thoughts.
Second, I just purchased the blue and black striped scarf and the white hat. I thought they'd be cute for the winter. Like them?
Thanks in advance! ~ big kisses!
Friday, November 06, 2009
Happy girl I am! And it is not even my birthday yet!!
The house is wreck since putting the fireplace in - everything I own is scattered everywhere. It makes me nervous. I don't know why. Things are not clean or organized or neat and it makes me all twitchy. I don't seem to be in an all-out quick hurry to clean it though...
On my iPod, I have a VERY eclectic blend of music. Currently I'm rockin' out to "Mama Said Knock You Out". LOL I don't get into Rap generally, but I LOVE that song. I like Boxing too - probably why I like the song. Hey - rock with me...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7l250E5uM4
I know ALL the words and sing it out loud. With moves. It makes me feel all macho. It also raises a few eyebrows. hehe...
Dude! LL Cool J has some guns - damn!
"Mama Said Knock You Out"
Thursday, November 05, 2009
My ass is being sent to New Jersey/New York for a week to work. I booked my flight and Hotel and will arrive at Newark Airport on the 15th. Several things:
1. I am excited because I have never been to the East Coast and I will get to see (a little bit of) New York. The Mfg. plant is in Jersey where most of my time will be spent, but I will be DAMNED if I am not going to travel to NY when it is only 20 minutes away.
2. The only seats left on the airplane were middle seats. GOD.HELP.ME. (and the people next to me)
3. My boss is going with me and I told her that "All work and no play makes Cheryl a pissed off girl". (If you have ever read/seen "The Shining", you know what I mean here.) I said I wanted to see ONE thing in NY and have dinner. Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, whatever...but I HAVE TO see one thing. I may have to shop, too, but I'm not going to push it. :-)
4. Many photos will be taken, even if they are of my feet.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
I actually have lots to talk about, but my tummy is upset and I need to rest for awhile. I'll ramble a little later.
Just let me know you're out there once in awhile, K? I almost shut down the bloggery a couple of times because I started to ask myself why...why do I do this? I still ask myself that, but it is kind of cool to know people do read me. It is motivating!
Thanks again for speaking up and I'll keep up the freak show!
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Monday, November 02, 2009
1. I don't always take my makeup off before going to bed.
2. I love to pop zits. Anyone's.
3. I love the smell of gasoline.
4. I have a hard time finishing books. I start one, then start another one, and so on and so on.
5. I used to be a neat freak, and suddenly I'm a slob and I don't care.
6. I have never thought that Brad Pitt was good looking. At all.
7. I get obsessive about certain things and I drive myself crazy.
8. I spend a shitload of money on expensive shampoo/conditioner.
9. I am very uncomfortable on airplanes and I'm wondering how much Valium I'm gonna have to take on the way to the East Coast. I'm not afraid it will crash - it is the small seat with too many people around.
10. I can't close a Ziplock bag to save my life.