Monday, June 29, 2009

I can tell it's going to be a sleepless night. It's back. My good 'ol friend insomnia. It happens when I think too much. (Not drink, THINK) Being brain dead is much easier on the 40 winks. Fuck.

You know what? I don't care that I cuss. I like it. I get it out. I guess I'll just have to deal with it. I know it isn't lady-like. I know it isn't eloquent. It -seems- hypocritical to my faith, but I do it anyway. I don't hide it. It offends some people. It makes others laugh. It makes me sound uneducated, even though I am quite well educated. OH FUCKING WELL. Anyone keeping tabs on me? I do not use it to hurt people; my heart is not malicious. I don't do it at inappropriate times - I'm not stupid. I use it to express the intense feelings I don't know what to do with. I use it for humor. I use it to keep the phonies away.

Maybe I use it to keep people away. What are you doing here? Why do you read? Who are you?

Are you new? Is this a frequent stop? Tell me. I've got time.

5 comments:

Kim said...

I have isomnia too, whether I drink or don't drink too much:) I seem to wake up around 1:00am every night and think and toss and turn never getting a good night's sleep, I have no idea why. I curse too, I don't give a fuck. I don't go out of my way to do it it just seems natural. It's just the way I talk. But like you I control it, I know when it's appropriate to use it, I never curse around my family, it kind of just turns off when I am around them, otherwise every other word out of my mouth is the "F" word. Why am I here, why do I read? Not sure, I feel like we are kind of alike, maybe that is why I stick around, I might no post much but I am always reading :)

Kim said...

I meant unlike you I control my cursing :) But what the fuck right? I just can't bear to curse in front of my mom even though I am going to be 40 this year, what a looser I am. I still feel like a kid around her. I am glad you are happy with your job, it sounds like real steady work which is cool and you are keeping super busy, I just survived a round of layoffs this month so I am super grateful to be working still. Have you decided on ceramic or hardwood yet? I am still looking aroung myself. I hope your trip to the NJ/NY area goes well you will have a good time up there, I miss it :( OK I babbled enough on this post.

Cheryl said...

Kim, you fucking ROCK! ;-D My mom cusses more than I do and it is so damn funny. I come by it honestly. You and I need to have some margaritas in NY some time. We'd make good sisters.

Cheryl said...

Oh and I'm going with ceramic as soon as I can shit some money.

Kim said...

I wish I was still up there to meet up with you. I am working some serious O/T this summer to save up for either hardwood or ceramic, I am leaning towards the ceramic only because of the cost, it seems a lot cheaper. Then I was thinking maybe half hardwood half ceramic to break it up. I have no friggin clue but I am sick of all the cat hair. I am not a good decorator and have a hard time picturing what things are going to look like, that is why all the walls in our house are still white also :)