Saturday, January 24, 2009

You know what is amusing to me? When people underestimate me. When people do not know what I am capable of. When all they see is some blonde girl who likes to laugh at silly things and cuss up a storm. It has happened a lot in my life because people only know what I WANT them to know. Even right now. I would say there are approximately...zero people who know everything about me. Some know me pretty well, but I'd be willing to bet I could shock the shit out of almost anyone. Sometimes it is not a good thing, really. It is not something to brag about.

Sometimes at work it happens. I'll solve some problem some Harvard idiot who is mean to people has been working on for years. You should see the look on their faces. It is super entertaining. I am not the smartest person who ever lived by a long shot, but I have my moments. :-) Life gets the best of me sometimes, though, just like everyone else. I battle with stupid depression and anxiety, and that skews my judgement occasionally.

I have had an interesting life. Much more interesting than what you read here. I have also seen and been through some incredibly horrific things. Things I don't talk about. And never will. With anyone. I made a conscious choice awhile ago to change who I used to be. I haven't always been the kind of person God would be proud of. (I'm still not, really) I have done some really crappy things and I have been really mean in certain circumstances in the past. I went to therapy to solve my anger issues, and I think I have. Which is good for some people. Really good. Being angry and bitter and vengeful just makes you miserable inside - and you end up having so many regrets. I, for one, want to be the kind of person people WANT to know. Want to be with. Being kind and generous and compassionate brings more happiness than millions of dollars. Let me tell you. When you can go to bed at night with a clear conscience, it is the best feeling in the world. No, I'm not perfect. FAR from it. I disappoint myself every day. BUT, I'm trying. I'm trying to be a better person. I do love God - some of you know that. I will let HIM do the judging. However, for anyone who wishes me or those I care about harm, tread lightly.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't mess with you, girl, I wouldn't want to see you snap! Why would would anyone WANT to mess with you anyway? You seem really cool.

Cheryl said...

Thanks, I think. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Veritas vos liberabit

-D

Cheryl said...

Indeed it will. Thanks D.