Sunday, November 30, 2008

I'm feeling alone and anxious right now. What are y'all doing on this fine Sunday night? Talk to me.

Paintings and guns.

I bought a painting print from a friend online and had it matted and framed. I think it turned out really good...

And just making sure I'm protected and ready for home defense. A girl can't be too careful these days with all the crazies out there and what's going on in the world. Not to mention how far out I live. Gotta have a clean and well maintained weapon.

FYI: I'm probably not the house you wanna break into - or the girl you want to mug. ;-) You see, my definition of "gun control" is using both hands.

I start my new job tomorrow. Here are all the thoughts/emotions I am having about it:

1. I'm nervous.
2. I don't wanna. I've decided working is BS.
3. I have to prove myself all over again and quite frankly I'm tired.
4. I hope all the people are cool, I am less patient in my old age.
5. I wonder if I'm up for any more challenges.
6. I'm feeling shy and introverted right now.
7. I'm still wondering about my future and how long it will be before things change even more. I feel it coming - I'm still in sort of a limbo stage.
8. I miss some of my old co-worker friends and fear I won't have as much daily freedom.
9. I know it will be lonely for awhile until I make new friends - which is hard when you are feeling tired and introverted.
10. Shit, I have to go back to work.

I should be feeling excited and blessed and that there are all these new opportunities - but it's not happening at the moment. Maybe it will change.

My mom's friend Cathy perfectly defined when a woman says she's FINE:

Fucked up
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

So, I guess I'm fine. ;-)

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Good signs...

BEER: helping ugly people get laid since the 1800's

Now that food has replaced sex in my life I can't even get into my own pants.

LOL

Guess who's going out for dinner? *wink*
The newest saga with the dog bed. So last night as I was preparing for bed and Louie got in his little bed and PISSED ON IT. Then he went under my vanity table and curled up and went to sleep. Awesome. He wouldn't go back in it of course because it was wet with piss. He was marking it obviously, so Maggie wouldn't get in it, but will he ever use it again? Because I can't take it back now!!! ARG! Damn dogs.

Does this happen to anyone else, or just me? I am sooo not the dog whisperer. I'm more like the dog screamer.

Friday, November 28, 2008

I have been one lazy Crazydogmama today. Me and the puppies have been curled up on the couch watching movies. I watched "Hancock" with Wil Smith. It got bad reviews, but I liked it. I'm a Wil Smith fan. Men in Black rules! LOL I just saw the preview to "Seven Pounds" and it looks REALLY good. I will be going to the theatre to see that one. It looks like a tear jerker, so I won't be wearing any mascara or eyeliner to the movie. I cry at fricking everything lately, I swear. Don't know what that is about. What a sappy wuss I've turned out to be. :)

I got a new bed set (badly needed!) as an early Christmas gift. It's RED! (I know, big surprise.) When my mom and I were out shopping I decided to get it and she helped. It is bea-u-tif-ul! and comfy too! I'll take a pic of it once I clean up my bedroom. Good God it is a mess! With all the traveling and job craziness, I have slacked off on cleaning. Which drives me nuts, but one thing at a time. I want to paint in there too, and I got some new bathroom fixtures because my house is falling apart. Whether I stay or go, these are good improvements.

The story of the dog bed.

I buy a 35 fucking dollar dog bed and the first night I have it, the damn dog won't go near it. I try to coax him in it, and he whines and puts his ears back like I'm beating him. Then, I try to pick him up and put him in it and he screams bloody murder, wiggles and jumps out of arms. OK fine. I wake up 2 hours later, and he's laying NEXT TO IT. Yup, my retarded dog.

But then, when I woke up this morning, he was curled up in a little ball in it. He just needed to do it in his OWN TIME.

How cute is that???

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Had a nice quiet Thanksgiving with family. Full. Tired. Only cried once. My tummy was a little upset so I didn't really eat much. Gonna watch a movie now I think.

My posts are getting lamer and lamer. I'll try to think of something more exciting a little later, K?

FYI: I am all bummed because "TRUE BLOOD" had it's season finale last Sunday and I have to wait until NEXT SUMMER for the next season! I HATE the way they do seasons now - it sucks!! However, in January, Jack's back!! ("24") and also "LOST". So that helps. :-)
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who celebrates it.

I miss you, Dad. A lot.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I'm freezing. I'm laying in bed, and I'm freezing. How is that possible when you are all bundled up?

Look at that gorgeous sunset! Time to crack open the cognac!

I could sooooooo get used to not working - I'm looooving this! Going naked tanning now with my triple bronzer lotion to WARM UP! I think I would run out of money quickly, though...

Since Lou can't sleep on the bed anymore, I got him this ADORABLE little cheetah bed!!

And my mom and I went to lunch and I had hot cider, soup and sandwich at this quaint little house-restaurant. MMMMMM

I am festive today! Green shirt, red sweater coat. It is a balmy 33 degrees. I have a new pose, did you notice? I need a hobby...gah.

Gonna do a little shopping today - although my list of people to shop for is dwindling. But I'm not talking about that. Festive, damnit!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Me and the pups playin'. As you can see it is difficult to play with dogs and take your own pics. They just don't understand posing! LOL

New pink sweater, new pink earrings (from Disneyland!)
One of the worst nights of my life

I have been writhing in pain for the last 10 or so hours with the worst migraine I have EVER had. It made me sick, I couldn't see and I wanted to DIE. It still feels like someone hit me in the head with a baseball bat, although I feel better. There is no relief when you have a migraine, it is just constant pain. It SUCKS. The only pain more severe that I've experienced is kidney stones. If the hospital that is covered under my insurance wasn't an hour and a half away, I would have gone to emergency. Seriously. Ug.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Contemplation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool, for love, for your dream
For the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
If you have been opened by life's betrayals
Or have become shriveled and closed
From fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own
Without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own
If you can dance with wildness
And let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
Without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic
To remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true
I want to know if you can
Disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty
Even when it is not pretty, every day.
And if you can source your own life from its presence
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine
And still stand at the edge of the lake
And shout to the silver of the full moon, "YES".

It doesn't interest me
To know where you live or how much money you have
I want to know if you can get up
After the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone
And do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
In the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

~Oriah Mountain Dreamer



I copied this from Yogagirl's blog because it made me weepy. It is beautiful. I read these words to myself and there are also others out there whom I think should take these words to heart. I know of someone who it might speak to. Life is so very precious and I've learned that I have wasted entirely too much of it.

OK, I'm feeling less sad and pathetic. I went for another vet visit today and Louie was better. They think he may have just tweaked his back. I still can't let him jump, but the bloodwork did not indicate a more serious condition. THANK YOU GOD. I have to have my Lou-Bear healthy. Too many bad things have happened in the last year for my poor little heart to take anymore right now.

It is weird not working. Last week just felt like vacation, but now I feel anxious. I start my new job next week - and that will be weird too. Lots of change. I feel unusually wiped out today, and I don't really know what to do with myself. I'm kind of wandering around the house. Maybe I'll take a bubble bath and listen to music or something.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I'm sad today. I don't want to get out of bed.

The vet told me Louie has "placing deficits" in his hindquarters and he can no longer "jump" or go up and down stairs. He can no longer be in the bed because of the height, and that it could be the start of a serious condition.

I can't take anymore heartache. I just can't.

Lou-dog just wants to go to bed.
I want to do bad things with you...

If you want to know what I'm doing at 3 am...I'm listening to this...and singing along.

What do YOU want to do at 3 am??

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Crazydogmama's Famous Sandwich:

Fresh warm French bread loaf, deli style roasted chipotle sauce, Inglehoffer creamy horseradish, Alouette garlic and herb havarti cheese spread, green pepper, Greek pepperoncini's, tomato, prime deli roast beef, peppered salami, balsamic vinegar, extra virgin olive oil, pepper jack cheese, black ground pepper and (lettuce, red onion, Emeril's Original Essence - not pictured).
This huge sandwich is great for pot lucks, picnics (with red wine!) or you can slice it up and voila! Several meals! - which is what I did tonight.

For dessert? The best spiked egg nog on the planet! It has rum, brandy and blended whiskey already in it! Then brew yourself a nice cup of "Coffee Bean Holiday Blend". I got a new single-cup making coffee pot today, too. Love it!

Bon Appetit!

Back to sweater weather...brrrrrrr! I made it home in one piece about 4 am this morning half dead. I collapsed until 10:30 am and now I'm on the way to the grocery store. Oh happy day.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Gorgeous view of Mt. Shasta!

Now let me tell you about the late afternoon fiascos. First, I took over driving about 2 and promptly spilled my pepsi all over my mom's truck. I was the antichrist for awhile as she screamed bloody murder at me. Then, I bought some chipotle peanuts at the gas station and since you can't eat peanuts out of the little bag when you're driving (too difficult), my mom thought it would be a good idea to pour them into the dog's dish. THANKS MA. Those went flying everywhere as well. At that point we were laughing so hard we were crying. Note to self: Do not rub your eyes when you've been eating hot, salty peanuts. OW.

Then we almost died. Doing about 70 mph over the Siskiyou Mountain Summit, a deer pops out in front of me. I swear I'm cursed with that. That would be the 5th one....BUT, I didn't hit it! Thank God no one was in the right lane and the deer stopped suddenly, or we would have bit it. Cliffs on both sides. Bu-bye.

But no, we're still here, albeit a little shaken up. It's all in the reflexes, baby.

OMG if y'all could see us now...

My mom put in the "Footloose" CD and we are rockin' out singing and car dancing. "Everybody cut, everbody cut, everybody cut FOOTLOOSE!!!"

Now we are "Holding out for a hero"... LOL

Fires. Smoke, not fog.
Packing up to leave. :(

My mother is running around like a maniac and it's somewhat entertaining to watch her run back and forth. I'm not really a morning person. I'm very calmly having a cup of Joe.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

OMG are you laughing your ass off yet at my attempt at sun modeling?!? Call Barbizon, stat! LOL!!! I was a tad bored. I thought you might especially like my "Cousin It" look where my hair is totally covering my face. I almost spit my drink out through my nose when I saw those. It's fun to be silly.

I know these are virtually the same pics I always take, but sue me, I'm having fun in the sun and the pool. ;-). It is just so pretty and serene in the back yard. I was also letting the sun soak in on my face this morning on the balcony pictured. Great way to wake up. I did my stargazing from there again last night, too. It was clear, which is amazing considering the smog and the fires. I even wished upon a star! LOL. Doubt if it will come true. Hey, that reminds me, I got the coolest fortune in a fortune cookie EVER not too long ago. It said "In the midst of chaos, you will find love waiting for you.". Isn't that sweet? I never get cool fortunes like THAT, they are always stupid. Not that I believe in that silly crap...hehe.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I'm a little melancholy tonight. Only one more day here then hell drive. My interview went good, I think, it was just a screening to see if I was even qualified. I'm qualified (I hope) and they are supposed to be setting up another phone interview. I guess it is a rigorous process and they are being ultra picky. If it's meant to be, it will be. My motto these days. Meh.

I saw this store the other day The 'Chocolate Forest'. What a cool name. When I die, I would like to visit the Chocolate Forest, and I don't mean the store.