In other news, it looks like Plan B is gonna go into effect, my mom isn't going to budge on the Cali house. Do you think I'll make a good cowgirl y'all? Yeehaw! I do look rather cool in a cowboy hat. HAHAHAHA. (I know that's a stereotype shut it) They do have awesome storms there to watch - that excites me. Oh and also - pray for the people about to get bashed by Gustav. It sounds like its going to be just terrible.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Scratch that, serenity over, frigging dogs are barking. Idiots. I woke them up, and mama doesn't get up this early, so it must be the boogy man, so time to bark. ARG.
I have no idea what to do today. Maybe I'll just make it a relax day since I've been running chaotic this week. Yeah! That's what I'll do! Nothing! Problem solved.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
I did a little cleaning and FINALLY unpacked my suitcase. LOL. I've been a little unmotivated. Just a tad. I never used to be this way - I used to be on the ball about everything. Guess I just have a fuck it attitude anymore. Oh well.
I'm kinda still in the doghouse for those of you who have been asking.
I'll write more later - gotta straighten up the house for company.
Friday, August 29, 2008
First we have pissed crazydogmama. Why is she pissed? Well, some things are best left unspoken, but the picture cracks me up. I look like I want to knife someone or something. LOL You gotta be able to laugh at yourself eventhough the pissedness (shut it) is serious.
Second is how close I got to park in front of Costco. That is unprecedented for me, and cured the pissedness (shut it) for about 45 seconds.
Third, I bought my first "book on cd" because I haven't had time to read, but I sure do drive a lot. This book "The Shack" came very highly recommended to me by several people.
There you have it. I actually am doing a late dinner tonight and I may take a pic of my scampi. Just so you know.
Anyway, off to get my broken nail fixed, run some errands and fight the start of holiday weekend traffic. Sound like fun? Is anyone doing anything fun this weekend? I'll be cleaning. Yay me.
I'm gonna post later cuz I know I'll be bored. Stay up with me for all the fun!!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
So remember I told you about needing a big change in my life or I will go insane? Here are the ideas. "Plan A" is moving into my grandparent's house in Cali (sort of an early inheritance) instead of selling it, as long as my mom approves, which I don't know if she does yet. This is my first choice because I'd love to keep the home in the family (I grew up there), I love the pool and the area, it's close to Disneyland and the ocean, and of course it's paid for. It needs remodeling, but not having a mortgage would rock my world! I also have friends and some family there I don't know very well and there are a ton of jobs in my industry just down the street. I'm needing a warmer climate, and I'm already used to earthquakes.
If my mom doesn't like that idea, there is now a "Plan B". Florida is out because of hurricanes, and I don't like Nevada or Arizona - they don't have enough job opportunity for me. So after some research that I actually did long ago, San Antonio, Texas could be Plan B. It is too far inland for much hurricane damage, it rarely gets tornados or earthquakes and it is a pretty area with housing I can afford. I was looking online at realtor.com - and for double the house plus a pool, I can get a house there cheaper than the mortgage I am paying up here living in a tiny house in the boonies that doesn't even have a fireplace. The climate is definitely warm, the "River Walk" is cool and they have a Six Flags. There are also many jobs in my industry in the surrounding areas. I've never been to Texas, but I've been told San Antonio is one of the nicest areas if I'm going to live in Texas. There is a con, though. I will be best friends with the Orkin man. ME NO LIKE BUGS. Especially spiders.
So that's it in a nutshell. I want to move, and I hope Plan A works out, but I'm putting together some backup plans.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I wasn't prepared for my wedding anniversary tonight and feel like crap about it. With my grandfather dying yesterday, running around nuts trying to help my mother with funeral arrangements and airline reservations, and work exploding into chaos where I have to be there late and can't even find the time to pee - I spaced it until yesterday and couldn't really do anything worthwhile to prepare. Maybe I'm the worst wife in the world, or maybe I'm losing it, I don't know, but I do feel like caca. Jim got me a really nice gift and I thought I would just postpone things until the weekend, but I think he's upset. I guess I deserve it.
We got into it (over non-related topics), but the lamb dinner may be shot in the ass. I'm having cognac for dinner at the moment.
Fuck. Somebody kill me. I can't do anything right anymore.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
So there I was blubbering at my desk. I'm sure everyone thinks I am an emotional train wreck after the year I've had. No one knows what to say to me anymore.
Of course our seriously critical crunch-time started today at work, so I had to stay. It's probably best I keep busy right now anyway.
I love you Papaw. You were the best grandpa in the world. Rest in Peace.
This morning? Alarm almost makes me fall out of bed, which makes the dogs cough-bark, which makes me scream shut up for 15 minutes while I'm running off of 3 hours sleep on the hunt for a clean pair of underwear. I run out the door with wet hair, starving. Grab a coffee at my fav stand, vibrating my leg wildly in impatience at the car in front of me who is ordering what seems like 50 coffees, while I blog and check my emails on the Crackberry.
Happy Tuesday. :-)
Monday, August 25, 2008
As I'm waiting to see the dentist, I will explain my behavior lately.
I'm sorry. What I meant by "I'm done" is not suicide or ceasing blogging. It just meant that my brain has checked out and I'm going numb or crazy or whatever. (Not that that's much better - haha) The bad news will not stop coming in and I'm clinically depressed, so I just vent on my blog. It the only outlet I have. I guess I better watch it, though, huh?
I have never dealt with so much at one time, and I have never been at such a crossroads in my life. If you were to walk a mile in my emotional shoes, you would understand.
Thank you dear readers for your concern and support. Your comments and emails mean a lot and make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Just pray for me, that I can keep it together. I'm tryin'.
And what do I do in the meantime? How do I make it through each day?
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I'm bored and full now and screwed myself for getting any kind of good night's sleep with my all day nap. Crap.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
I noticed my tan was fading and I CAN'T HAVE THAT, so I surrendered to the Sultan Glo Tan. I know. I also made an impulse buy (sunglasses) because on the way I realized I was braless and had no makeup on (hence the pic of me with my hand over my face). After tanning, I went to Vinnacio's coffee, which can't hold a candle to The Coffee Bean in Cali, but it had to do. I've been living on coffee. And that's it. My day. Oh and a pic of my new blue top. Yay.
Friday, August 22, 2008
I am very, very worried about my mom. She is just too overwhelmed. My heart hurts so much right now, for so many reasons. It literally aches. I need my "Plan A" to expedite ASAP so I can try to be happy.
I think I'm going to guzzle the rest of my codeine cough syrup and just pass out for the evening.
God help me.
Crazydogmama in the "OC"? I know, I don't exactly fit the profile there, but I could really shake things up, don't ya think? I could get Juice's T-shirt and wear it out on the town. It says: "OMG STFU." LOL!!!
I think reinventing my life is going to be the best thing EVER! I'm nervous and psyched all at the same time. Hole said she wants to come and live with me and rent a room. How fun!!!! Come on down, girlie! I'm not gonna skinny dip with ya, though. ;-D Unless I have too much Tequila.
I have more of "enchilada night" to share, including a video, so stay tuned.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I don't have all the details yet, of course, because it is a new plan. Duh. But I need to get outta here. Out of state. The fact that I came home from vacation and felt the black cloud envelop me almost immediately is a sign that something is very, very wrong. Another duh. I used to think that I loved the rain and the dark and all, but the truth is, it just makes me isolate and hide and sleep all day. There are reasons beyond reasons why I need a big change like this, but I need to shake my world up and get a fresh start. Or I'm going to die. It's as simple as that. Stress, depression, anxiety - they are killers. I'm not "running from my problems", I'm just realizing a need for a big change - something I've always been so afraid of doing (moving out of state away from everything I know).
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Well, I'm tired of that. And really? What's the big deal? I'm not a pussy - so I need to get up off my damn ass - all I need to do is finish up my job.
I'm going to be talking to mom about the house in Cali. I don't know where I'll get with that, but that is where I'm going to start since I love it there. If that doesn't work out, well, I guess I come up with a plan B. I know this is what I'm supposed to do, because it broke my funk, and I'm feeling so much better - even physically! The coughing has slowed down today and I'm eating.
Never really thought I'd EVER be thinking this way - I thought I would live here forever. It is kinda weird, but feels really good. Something to look forward to, something to get my adrenaline pumping - which I love. Why would I have adrenaline? Because it's the unknown. Flying by the seat of my pants. Don't know what to expect.
My therapist likes the idea - went to see her today. I'll keep you posted on how things develop. Lots of planning to do.
Catch ya later, I've got enchiladas and cosmos to devour at Juice's house...
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Right now I am sitting in a McDonald's parking lot by myself wondering if ordering food will just be a waste of time and money. It was about an hour drive here from where I was, and I spent a large portion of that balling my freaking eyes out. You know, the kind of crying where you are wailing incomprehensible words to no one while snot bubbles are rolling down your face and you know you will have a headache when you are done? Yeah. Scary. I wore myself out and made myself cough more. Smart I am. Sometimes I lose all hope and faith in everything - like what the fuck is the point in ANYTHING? I like NOTHING, I have NOTHING to look forward to, everyone go to hell and leave me alone. I don't wanna work, I don't wanna play, I don't wanna do ANYTHING. Yeah, I'm healthy.
At least I'm not like this EVERY day, right? Juice and Hole: I promise to be better for enchiladas tomorrow OK? And don't worry, I'm WAY past the contagious part of my dying. :)
I haven't eaten for two days, and when I tried to eat - it came back up, I'm hacking up weird shit LOUDLY and I can't sleep because when I lay down it sends me into coughing fits. The codeine cough syrup is great, but I can't take it when driving or working. I have no days off I can take because I used them all. I can't go home and sleep because I have a committment to one of those market research thingees tonight that pays you cash. Gotta go to that, but it is 3 FUCKING hours long. UUUUG. That means I won't be getting home until after 10pm. Sweet.
Yogagirl says Whooping Cough is going around. Great. That's just great. I should probably go to the doctor, huh? I'm a little stubborn with that. They won't do anything and charge me up the ying yang.
My computer screen is kinda blurry, so if I type something weird, you'll know I'm falling over. Oh and did I mention the dizziness? Yeah. Funsville.
It is DOWNPOURING right now and I just got off work. I have no coat and I'm wearing flip flops.
All the mom's out there, I'm sure, will be reaming me a new one shortly. And Yogagirl, too, who is a dogmom.
Crazydogmama signing out from the grave...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
I haven't eaten all day and I'm STARVING - and my friends have informed me I'm going back to the gym Wednesday, sick or not. UG. I actually lost 2 lbs on vacation if you can believe that!
100 degrees Sat - and raining and 60 degrees today. Neat.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I ACTUALLY caught some strikes with the crappy crackberry camera! I am very excited about it, although now that I think about it, holding a metal device up in the air during an electrical storm is probably a bit on the insane side. Oh well, I don't care. Look how cool!
Wanna hear me cough? I knew you did. I recorded it so you would believe me on how insane it is. You can hear me 8 blocks down. Sorry there is no picture. Guys, try to control yourselves, this is SUPER sexy. You will want me immediately.
Maybe I'll have something more interesting to talk about later.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I took an ice cold shower, slathered myself in my new jasmine body lotion and then sat in the sun for a little while trying to enjoy the last of my days off. I've been listening to Glenn Miller (swing music) and Louie Armstrong for a nice mellow, calming atmosphere. (If I'm not acting 12, I'm acting 80 - hehe) Now I just need a dance partner!
I'm going to light my candles when it gets dark and just chill out. I need to order those chili pepper lights and tiki torches!
My tan is looking awesome! I'm so thrilled! I want to make everyone jealous at work. :-) I also have some Aveda "points" to cash in so I can get my hair foiled with a gift certificate. Nothing like being super blonde and tan! Hahahaha.
It is strange being home. I wanna go back. Maybe I'll move there.
Now what am I gonna blog about? It's back to my.....life. Sigh.
There is something I need to understand about Oregon. Why are you forbidden to pump your own gas?
There are also hardly any gas stations open at 1 am which started to stress us out. THEN, I needed to go to the restroom and the person WOULD NOT COME OUT. I am not kidding about this. I stood there for 15 minutes while watching a small Asian boy run around in circles holding his crotch. I heard someone cough in there, so I know it wasn't empty. I left. Hope to God there is a rest stop close by.
Friday, August 15, 2008
I'm getting punchy. These are my favorite names of towns, roads, etc. so far...
Weed (of course)
Chowchilla (wtf is a chowchilla?)
Hilt (say HILT!!! like you are yuking up and it's funny. Maybe it is just me?)
Louie Road (cuz of Lou-dog!)
Easy Street (I would like to live there)
I also took a picture of my tongue so that I could say I was licking you, but it was too blurry. Sorry to disappoint, but just know that I am licking you in spirit.
This is what straight through road trips do to me. It is similar to tequila.
Well color me surprised! It's supposed to be 97 degrees at my house tomorrow. I'll have no pool, though, so I'll have to skinny dip under the hose. :-/
I just took NyQuil, and NOT the non-drowsy kind, so I will be in a coma for a few hours. Nighty night, we'll talk soon - or at least I will be...
I'm feeling ok; hopped up on coffee and cold meds.
Oh, and I finally broke a nail shoving crap in my suitcase. LOL. AAARG!!!!
You know me, I'll be blogging all day long to keep busy, so hopefully it will entertain you. I am going back 12 posts or so to try and answer all your comments - I've been slacking. :-)
Love to you all for putting up with me.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
I have these wishes and dreams that don't seem possible. Some things I just CAN'T stop thinking about, no matter how hard I try. When you lie in bed at night, what do you think about? I think about the same thing(s) every night.
But...you never know, I didn't think a 2 week vacation was possible either, then I had all these people help me. I just don't know which direction to go sometimes.
My job will end eventually, probably soon (it's a start-up company with the goal to be sold), then what? A whole new life? - I don't know. I don't know anything, do I?
I'm hot, time to take a dip.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I was waiting in the car entertaining myself. Hehe. I straightened my hair again, so I am posting like it or not. It is amazing how much more time you have to spend on your hair, etc. when you aren't having to race off to work. I could get used to this! I also took some sunset pics last night while I was kicking back on the patio. I should have used the good camera cuz it was so pretty.
Besides today, I only have one more day of vacation before we have to start driving back. :( I wanted to thank mom #1 and mom #2 for making this vacation possible for us! I have no good words to describe the appreciation. I just hope I can make it up to you some day. Big hugs and kisses!
We are on our way to my mom's friend Cathy's house for dinner and hilarious conversation. Cathy is a way cool lady who just cracks me UP. She works at Disneyland, and got us some AWESOME perks. I owe you big too, Cathy!!! XOXO
I am going to my coffee bean place either tonight or tomorrow because they have free WiFi and I can't upload that video I promised on the Crackberry for some reason. So stay tuned...