Thursday, July 31, 2008

GRRR...here are my new fancy nails...and I am as I type, also getting fancy toes. Some things in life are good.

THEN, I'm jettin' over to Juice's house for nacho night - also starring Hole and Amy. Good times!

More later, they are starting the foot massage...ooooh how I love those!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

OK, I'm in shock! I have my new stuff and all but one thing fits!

The only thing that was TOO BIG (I love it when I'm smaller than I realized) were the shorts that came with the blue hoodie. No biggie! - and to tell you the truth, the swim dress fits, but I could have actually bought a smaller size. I'm having a heart attack over that! WOOOOO!

Anyway, if you had seen me setting up to take these pictures, you would have died laughing. I hope you appreciate the creativity here, people. LOL. I do realize that you were all on pins and needles waiting for me to update you on this...

Oh, and for all my male readers...sorry for all the girlishness. Can I post something for you guys? Porn? Something about cars? Lingerie?












Got my new eyeballs, and a necklace. No package yet. DAMN IT.

My new glasses came in today and I LOVE them! They aren't too different from my last ones except that they were more expensive and a little darker red - and Christian Dior instead of Lulu Guinness. I can see now! My mom gave me the necklace (bless her heart). I just got off work and am running to grab a bite, then go tanning, then go to target to get some vacation supplies, then to Costco to get an additional memory card for my camera. These are all very important things. I will be in the poor house in approximately 2 weeks, but oh well, what the hell else is new?

They told me my package will arrive today or tomorrow, but I don't know if I believe them. The Post Office that it is sitting at is an hour away - or I would just go get it. (They would be closed by the time I got there.) Only me. This would only happen to me. You know it will arrive 30 seconds before I leave, right? If it is there when I get home, I will be shocked. But happy! I am really frothing at the bit (does anyone say that anymore?) because I don't know if everything will fit, and if I don't have a bathing suit...well...it could get interesting because I am GOING swimming. Period. :) I'm sure I'll be updating you about it sometime later tonight because blogging is addictive and obsessive. I don't know why some of you don't do it. It's fun, really! Even if no one is reading or listening. Is that so different from actual life? Hehe. I'm way more chatty online than in person. If you've ever watched "Dead Like Me" (the former Showtime series) - the main character Georgia (George) is ME personified. Seriously. Deadpan humor, sarcastic, pesimistic, cynical, a smartass and generally not a happy person who likes to cuss occasionally.



I look thrilled, don't I?




Purdy!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Before I do my ACTUAL usual nightly post...

Y'all heard about the nice earthquake in Southern California, right? (or felt it...) Yes indeedy! Just a few miles from where I will be traveling in a few days. Neat, huh? Chino Hills had a 5.4, which is not a huge quake, but in a populated area like LA, you'll rock and roll. Some friends I have there said it was long and pretty jolty - with tons of aftershocks so far. No reports of any major damage or casualties yet. My positive and optimistic outlook thinks it could be a precursory earthquake. I guess I'll find out. They closed down the rides at Disneyland for inspection. This is what really concerns me. I'm going there. and it BETTER be open! Stupid earthquakes.
Good Morning Internet.

I need coffee. Stat. Did my 3 am thing again, but just layed there counting ceiling bumps. It was too cozy and the dogs were snoring. Didn't want to wake the darlings up. Pfft.

I was packing in my head. You know how you lay there and think "OK, I need to remember to bring this and this and that - and OMG, don't forget THAT! Maybe it's just me. My cute new clothes are supposed to arrive sometime today (Yay!) so it will be like Christmas in the Crazydogmama household tonight. I may take pics. I'm praying they all fit - you know how ordering online is risky. I may need to call my therapist after trying on the bathing suit. I have not purchased one in over 10 years. I could be horrified and pass out. Don't expect pics of me in that unless you want to send me a fifth of tequila first. LOL.

I'm taking my video camera - eventhough it is a dinosaur. It's digital, but its big - not cute like the new ones. HEY! Something to add to my Amazon wishlist! Maybe I'll post some video clips if I am properly persuaded. ;-) I love electronic toys!! (Shut up, you know what I mean...)

OK, I have to go to work now so I'm not late. Talk to you tonight.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Wanna buy me stuff?

Do you Luuuuuv moi? Well, even if you like me just a little or have the desire to enlist me as your charity case, I have added my very important Amazon.com wish list button to the right (look under the pic of Lou and Mags and click on it RIGHT NOW.) I have been adding to it recently because I don't have enough stuff. HA. You can view all of the weird stuff I want (I'm very eclectic) and click on BUY. ;-)

That is all for now. Thank you in advance.



I took a nice walk outside today on a break and snapped this very familiar pose of myself. Perhaps some day you will see the other half of my head - or maybe an arm.

Happy Monday. Bah.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

A little better tonight

I think a part of me is sad for this vacation because I will be staying at my grandma's house, and the reality of her death will probably set in when I arrive. There are so many memories there - and my poor grandfather is down the street in a dementia home - which also saddens me. He doesn't remember who I am, and he was such a great grandpa - always playing with me and telling me stories. They were a huge part of my childhood. It also may be the last time I get to spend time at the house/pool because my mom has to sell it eventually. So, that is probably contributing to my funk. I'm trying to think positive; that they would both love the fact that I am enjoying it and want to be there - and that I will have fun. Laguna beach is close by, Disneyland is 20 minutes away, and my favorite Pizza Place "Biagio's" is awaiting my return. :)

I spent all day today grooming the dumb dogs. I am completely exhausted. That really takes it outta me. It took SIX hours - and the hair/mess clean-up is just as bad. I actually have a blister on my thumb from the grooming scissors. UG. It is one more thing to cross off of my "to do list before vacation" though. I went to see the Pet Lodge where poor magadog will have to stay, and I was really impressed with it. It is clean, and the people are super nice. It is a huge, beautiful facility (Paradise Pet Lodge) so I have great confidence they will take good care of her. I worry about these things - these dogs are my kids. :) At this point I don't know who is luckier, Maggie getting to stay at doggie club med - or Louie who gets to get dunked in the pool in Cali. Hehe...

So, have I rambled on long enough about enough stuff you don't care about? LOL. I'm tired, but I still need to make dinner (at 8pm) and clean my office. My office is a disaster. It is usually all tidy and organized, but since inheriting all my dad's cookbooks, and a bunch of pictures and whatnot, I just haven't found room for everything - and the office is the catch-all. I may be trying to do too much in one day, but I really need to get it done. There is some stuff I need to find to take on vacation and everything is just chaos.

Well, I better get to it.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Just lock me up and throw away the key.

It is less than a week before I go on a nice vacation, and I'm in a funk. What the hell is wrong with me? I mean, what the fuck?? I'm excited and all that, but all of a sudden I'm all down. I hate it. I think I am completely and utterly hopeless. I don't even know why I'm blogging this.

What is it with 3 am??

Maybe I don't have insomnia, maybe I'm just nocturnal. Like a bat. Almost every single night I wake up at 3 am. There is not a whole lot to do at 3 am. It is soooo quiet here out in the sticks. I usually just lay here in bed and grab the Crackberry, or think - but sometimes I just have to get up. Some say 3 am is the "witching hour" or "dead time" - the time when the dark world is supposed to be at its peak. All the weird stuff that has ever happened to ME, has happened in broad daylight - never at 3 am; although it is auspicious that I wake up at 3 am on the dot every night, don't you think? Hmmm...maybe I'M part of the dark world...hehe.

I've tried counting sheep, but it makes me giggle because my sheep are retarded. Sometimes they try to jump together and run into each other in mid-air, sometimes they are wearing Superman capes and sometimes they trip and fly INTO the fence. I know...just when you thought my blog couldn't get any weirder...

I really hate taking sleeping pills. Even when I'm depressed and want to escape the world, when I wake up it feels like someone hit me over the head with a baseball bat. No good.

Soooo, 3 am. Crazydogmama time. Too bad some of you don't live closer with the same 3 am problem, we could hang out and do stuff! And you know you want to...

Friday, July 25, 2008

When Louie eats, he bashes his little doghead against the cabinets. I thought I would share.
I now have peeps.

Crackberry.com; it exists.

AWESOME

Rough night

I was all excited thinking about vacation and playing on the computer - but then I got a little sleepy and crawled into bed. It was a rough night from then on - and the morning has been a little sucky too. I'm sorry I can't really explain, but I am temporarily what I call "stalled". If that makes any sense. It is going to be a short day for me so perhaps I'll log on later. Thanks for understanding.

“The pain of your past is the preparation for your future. If you ever get that realization, if you ever can lay hold of that revelation, it will change you forever."

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Beach...Sand...Waves....Sun...

Nine more days! Weeeee! I will be here and you WON'T! Hahahahahahaha. Well, maybe you will, I don't know. I'm playin' on the computer tonight so who knows what kind of weird stuff I'll post.







]











































A million billion things to do...

I am going nuts trying to get everything ready for vacation. I forgot how much prep there is when you are going to be gone more than a few days. Errands, errands, errands! and cleaning! and shopping! I will take pics of some of the cute new clothes I got as soon as they arrive. I got some online for a GREAT deal. I got a little black swim dress (soooo cute) for half price (usually 100$) and some cute tank tops and whatnot. I even got a beach bag! Here are the catalog pics - what do you think???



I got this tank in lavender.











Front of swim dress - I got it in all black. (of course)


















I got this color - terrycloth - very comfy for lounging!












Back of swim dress.










I'll post more tonight - I'm pressed for time...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Took a pic of myself driving to work. Neat, huh? I'm reaching here, people...

My hair is still wet. I'm lazy sometimes in the morning.
Nothing like getting a phone call at 5am...

When the phone rings that early, I jump 3 feet in the air. The first thought that enters my head is "OMG, who is dead or in the hospital?"

I rubbed the goo out of my eyes so that I could read the caller ID, and made out the name "Illinois". Illinois? Not Dave Smith or John Doe, but Illinois. I told Illinois to go to hell and to call back at a decent hour. Besides, I'm waiting for a call from Florida.

LOL.

I'm going back to bed. I'll amaze you all later with my wit. Meh.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Tale of the Tuesday Nothing

Nothing of interest has happened today. Nothing good, nothing bad. I worked. I had a burrito and a water at Taco Time for lunch for $1.99. I'm going over to my mom's tonight. I'm really tired. I'm not particularly cranky, but I'm not smiley either. Just nothingness. Boring. I may drink a glass of wine at my mom's - which could possibly stimulate a more exciting blog post later.

Juice: I was thinking. I have seen you naked before, and I do not remember any inverted nipple. Is this new, or did I miss it? I may need confirmation. No, I'm not a lesbian.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Random Randomness copied from Juice

I am supposed to list 6 random things about myself. I don't have anything as exciting as Annie's inverted nipple, but I'll give it a shot...

1. I like to play with my dog's ears. When they lay in my lap, I'm constantly fiddling with their ears. It is fuzzy goodness.

2. I HAVE to sleep on my stomach. All sprawled out. I do not delicately lay on my side like a lady should, no, not me.

3. I like the movie Legally Blonde. (Shut it) The reason I like it is because I love how she is nice to EVERYONE and everyone likes her, or ends up liking her. I want to be like that.

4. I cannot name all the Presidents and I don't care. I could learn it quickly because I have a photographic memory, but I don't wanna. History was my least favorite subject in school - but I am constantly reading current events.

5. I hate wearing turtle necks, I feel like I am going to choke.

6. I get irritated beyond belief if someone turns off or changes a song before it completely finishes.

The Countdown and other stuff

TWELVE days, people, TWELVE days until I am on vacation! Pray a meteor doesn’t hit or something before I go - I feel like I’ve been crawling around in the desert and now I’m getting close to the oasis; dehydrated and moaning. Dang, I won’t know how to act on vacation.

Question for Juice (or anyone who might know): How do you post pics on Blogger with your blackberry? If I take pics with my phone, I can access them, and it says “uploading pic”, but it never actually does. FRUSTRATING. I may just have to wait to post pics until I get back. I don’t have that kind of patience. If anyone has the magic, let me know.

About this morning’s post…

Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror – I don’t recognize my own face. It is really strange. How I see myself without the mirror is different than the actual reflection. I like my head picture better. I’ve changed a lot in the last 10 years – physically, mentally and emotionally. You could say it is natural maturation, but it’s more than that. It is more like a complete metamorphosis – or at least it feels like it. Everything I said I wouldn’t let happen, happened – even down to having a “desk job”. I remember telling myself I would never sit at a damn desk all day! HA. I also said I would never get fat, I would never get married young…blah, blah, blah. It goes to show you, you just CANNOT predict these things. But now that I’m here….what?
Anyway, I’m going all over the place with this post. I need to collect my thoughts and re-group.
Real quick post, then more later when I'm awake

Do you ever look in the mirror and say "What happened to you?". If you don't, consider yourself very, very lucky. I am thankful for my life, don't get me wrong, but nothing has really turned out the way I thought it would. There are good things in my life, and there are bad, but mostly I'm asking myself, how did I get here?

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Stick a fork in me, cuz I'm done

No more garage sale. All done. Made some good mula - but I can't sit and swat flies anymore. People are just strange - some of the things they say while shopping in a garage sale crack me up. Here are the the ever-so-exciting pics. A lovely pic of my crap, and a pic of Lou yelling at me to feed him. FYI - no more ghost activity as of yet.

<

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Um....

I heard someone call my name. No one was there. Then, the bathroom light came on. BY ITSELF.

I think I need to stop watching "A Haunting" every week, and/or get some sleep. Or get my Bible out. Either I'm going completely insane or some crazy shit just happened. Shut up. I know what you're thinking. I can hear from here.

If anything else freaky happens, I'm moving. End of story.
I'm freakin' exhausted

Garage sales are lots of work. I sat a lot, but I had to be chatty, and that to me is exhausting. All my neighbors decide to come over and camp out and talk my ear off - and honestly, I'm not much for small talk. I'm way too intense for small talk. I do it to be nice - but I don't really enjoy it. I'm so tired I can't even nap. I tried, but I just layed there with my eyeballs open. Now I'm hungry.

All my pics are boring. Strangers don't seem to appreciate their picture taken. Go figure. :) I did take some nice pics the other day, but I'm too tired to upload them right now. Gotta do this all over tomorrow. Hope I do as well as I did today - I made some bank!
First weirdo of the day...

He drove his car by, screeched to a halt, RAN over to the recliner for sale, pushed on the arm rests twice and RAN back to his car and drove away.

WTF?? He was too quick in his little flip flops to get a picture of, sorry Hole. I was way too mesmerized by the whole thing. LOL!!!
First post of many today

So I have to tell you about dinner last night. I'll shorten the story because I don't feel like typing that much, but here goes. My mom was there and is crazy like me, and loud because she needs a hearing aid. (I'm not allowed to post pics of her, I promised, but I'm gonna talk about her and she can't do anything about it - ha!) The first thing that happened was I was feeling cheeky - and that usually presents a story. We were at the Sultan Bakery - and you go up to the counter and order dinner, then sit down and wait for them to bring it to you. (Real fancy-like, hehe) I was in line behind a guy by himself, about my age - maybe older. He ordered a big platter meal and two cokes. Because of the two cokes, the cashier thought we were together and said "Together on the ticket?" I piped up with "Oh no, we're not together." - then the cheekiness kicked in and I put my hand on his shoulder and said "Unless you want to be." He looked at me, smiled and then turned 4 sheets of red and stuttered. (I love it when men do that. LOL) He said "Oh...um...that would be great...but my wife would probably get mad." I giggled and told him I was just messing with him and that my husband would be pissy about it too. He laughed. (Shut up, I can't help it.)

OK, then I went and sat down after having my fun. The coversation over dinner was...well...funny. And since the guy from the counter decided to sit right next to us, he heard every word. (great....) He even interjected into the conversation several times. He had a good sense of humor, and you have to remember this is a small town and everyone talks to everyone.

After we left and got into the car, this is the conversation my mother and I had:

Mom: That guy was flirting with you.
Me: No he wasn't, I embarrassed him at the counter.
Mom: So? He was flirting with you.
Me: He is married mom, and knows I am too, he wasn't flirting, I just broke the ice and you and I were acting like maniacs.
Mom: (laughing) That doesn't change the fact that he was flirting with you.
Me: OMG, mom, will you stop with that? It's SULTAN, everybody talks.
Mom: No they don't - he couldn't take his eyes off of you.
Me: (shaking my head) I spilled Au Jus sauce all down the front of me, of course he was looking at me, I'm a freak.
Mom: That's not the reason he was looking at you. Did you notice he was finished with his dinner long before us and still sat there?
Me: We're not talking about this anymore.
Mom: Oh look, here he comes!
Me: MOTHER...
Mom: (laughing)

Friday, July 18, 2008

Mood: Stable.

For now. I have been having major anxiety about some stuff this week, and today is the first day I feel OK. I've hurled my dinner the last 4 nights in a row because of it, and it is just ridiculous. (I'm not bulimic, I'm not pregnant, I don't have the flu - it's anxiety) So, I'm STARVING...but a little afraid to eat. I'm going to try a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and see how I do with that.

I got off work early today - YAY! I have a super exciting weekend planned of making money by selling my stuff, but hey, sitting around playing on the internet doesn't actually sound that bad. Maybe I'll take some pictures of the weirdos that come by. Hehe... We get some doozies around here, let me tell you.

I have a ton of stuff to do, so I gotta run. Ta-Ta.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Not on my game these days, apparently

Have you been on Crazydogmama’s rollercoaster of life lately? That would go something like this: “I’m happy and excited and life is going to be great!” – Monday. “Life sucks so bad, someone gut me and let me bleed to death.” – Tuesday. “Fuck everything.” – Wednesday. “Things are OK – shaping up.” – Thursday. “I’m crazy and angry and depressed and stressed out.” – Friday. “No one loves me.” – Saturday. “I took my meds on time today and meds are awesome.” – Sunday.

Some say I’m negative and cynical and need to try to be happier. You THINK? DUH. Who is happy? I mean REALLY, REALLY happy? With no ups and downs – just ups? NO ONE. Me? I am just able (and do) admit that things aren't going the way I want them to. Not that I expect everything to go my way. We are all searching for something. I have my own search. Now, there are some who are happier than others, just like some are richer than others, but I’m not all that uncommon, really. I may sound pissy for 6 months in a row, I may not. You just never know with me right now. So just bare with me and when something cool happens, I’ll let you know. I will also let you know when everything is falling apart, which has essentially been the last year for me. Some big stuff has happened, yes, but I also keep having these little setbacks and disappointments that are frustrating and depressing.

It takes a special kind of person to bond with me and understand me - I don't expect to be the most popular blogger by any means. They have to be a tough-skinned, passionate, intense and honest person. They also have to have a good sense of dark, sarcastic humor. There are very few of those kinds of people out there, I’ve found. I think I’m worth it, though. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for those I love.

HOWEVER…

Don’t piss me off.

Other things going on? I got my eyes dilated today, which is always a treat. So if this post makes no sense, or is typed funny – you’ll know why. I have hyperopia (farsightedness). I had to get new glasses because I am way blinder now. They are similar to my old ones, but nevertheless will permit a new photo op when they come in. They are more burgundy than red-red. I can tell you are thrilled. I always think it is funny when they have you write out a check after dilation. I CAN’T SEE, PEOPLE!

Also, the roof of my mouth hurts. Doritos?
3 AM Fun!

I just woke up from one of my bizarre dreams that ends with a sound that resembles a sonic boom. Weird, huh? I know the sound is only in my head, because if it was an actual sound, the dogs would flip out. It startles the hell out of me, though, and I wake up like I'm on fire.

Anyway, I'm laying here in bed with my friend the Crackberry. I know I probably won't fall back asleep, but I don't want to get up out of the warmness. This is my new solution. Don't you wish you were me? HA. So, here I am thinking about all my friends in internet land who are probably fast asleep with Crazydogmama far from their minds. hehe. Anybody up? If you are, email me, cuz this sucks.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, Baby


This day could not have gotten any longer. It has been a day - let's just go with that. I have on long-sleeved hot clothes on a summer day. I don't know why. I can't get the above mentioned song out of my head - SOMEONE KILL ME. I need to get ready for my garage sale this weekend and I don't know where to start. Which reminds me, I'm looking forward to sitting in a chair all weekend watching weirdos sift through my crap. This will certainly justify the Crackberry purchase, if anything else.


I have blogger's-block, I think. I just can't seem to think of anything to write about. I have actually thought that maybe I would finish writing a story I started back in college. (I was really into creative writing back then.) I could copy what I've already written, and add to it, one chapter at a time on my blog. What do you think? Sound interesting to you? Would you want to read it?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

More info about me - because I know you love it. My friend Cindy sent this over email

WHAT TIME DID YOU GET UP THIS MORNING? 5 am

DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? Diamonds, but I wouldn’t throw a man out of bed who gave me pearls, either. :-)

WHAT DO YOU USUALLY HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? Coffee on week days, eggs benedict, homemade waffles or omelets on Weekends.

WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Lyn

WHAT FOOD DO YOU DISLIKE? Creamed corn, meatloaf and canned peas. YUCK.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CD? Can’t pick just one

FAVORITE SANDWICH? Roast beef on French bread with horseradish

WHAT CHARACTERISTIC DO YOU DESPISE? Arrogance

FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING? My vintage Texas Chainsaw Massacre T-Shirt

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM? Lavender and Sage

FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING? DKNY

WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE? Who cares. As long as I am retired.

WHAT WAS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY? 21st. HOLY CRAP.

FAVORITE IDEA/CONCEPT? “Pay it Forward”

WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE? Depends – usually a 7 to a 7 ½ depending on maker

ANY NEW AND EXCITING NEWS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE? Not yet.

WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE? Race car driver. (Shut up)

HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Quiet. Lonely. Pondering.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY? Jr. Mints or Reses Peanut Butter Cups

WHAT IS A DAY ON THE CALENDAR YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO? My two week vacation in August

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Memphis Style Ribs with some kick-ass bbq sauce

DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Nah, but I have wishes.

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Black

HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? HOT

FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Dr. Pepper

SIBLINGS? None.

FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? It used to be Christmas.

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? Atari

SUMMER or WINTER? Fall

HUGS OR KISSES? Depends on who it is. hehe..

COFFEE OR TEA? Coffee

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate. But I won’t say no to vanilla.

WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? Monsters. And an ironing board.

WHO IS THE FRIEND THAT YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? Michaela

WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Dwelled on dumb stuff and went to bed early.

FAVORITE SMELL? I love the smell of gasoline. (I know) And fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.

SALTY OR SWEET? Depends.

HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? 8

HOW MANY YEARS AT YOUR CURRENT JOB? 3+

IN HOW MANY TOWNS HAVE YOU LIVED? 5

DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS EASILY? Acquaintances – easily. Real friends – no. I have trust issues.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Anxiety Disorder

Believe me when I tell you, you don't want one. I really thought I was the last person that would ever get one - mainly because very little really scares me. Well, it's not really about fear in that sense - it is about keeping too much emotion inside and not letting yourself deal with it. Everyone "stresses" - about money, relationships, etc., but when you are in a constant state of stress with no relief and no outlet for it, you develop the lovely "anxiety disorder". I would always just shove everything aside and tell myself I would "deal with it later". I had to maintain my cool - and I had responsibilities to tend to. However "later" never really came, and then when big things started happening all at once - I kind of shut down in a sense. Even though I can still function - work, etc., I finally had to face some ugly realities about how much your body (and mind) can take. I'm not nuts or emotionally unstable or anything like that, but I'm having to learn to decompress. I can't fix everything. I'm not responsible for other people's behavior. It is OK to tell people how you really feel. It is OK to think about your own needs once in awhile.

Having an anxiety attack (for me) is not usually dramatic. In fact, you may not have any clue I'm having one. There have been times of "freaking out", but mostly I just start to feel overwhelmed like I have get away from everyone and everything. It makes me physically ill sometimes, but it cleverly disguises itself as a headache or nausea.

My therapist has had me doing EEG Biofeedback - which is a cool neuro therapy that sends signals to the the brain to calm down. (It's not shock therapy - LOL) My brain essentially, has been "overstimulated" - but I am happy to report that the technique is working and I'm chilling out! I also take medication, but I really hate pills and my goal is to get the root of my problems and not just bandaid them.

It is a really interesting and drug-free way to deal with anxiety, so I wrote about this today to help anyone out there who might want an alternative way to approach their stress. I will answer any questions you may have about it - feel free to ask.
OOPS

So I thought I was being a good girl yesterday by sitting underneath the umbrella table in the shade. I wasn't in the mood to bask in the sun, and it was way too hot anyway. Unfortunately, though, I'm retarded. The sun moves throughout the day (here's where my education comes in) and as it did that, a patch of sunlight would hit my arm or leg periodically. I didn't think much of it. Until this morning. I look like an Italian tablecloth. The top of my left foot is burnt, but not my right. The back of my neck and shoulders are burnt, but not my chest. (Had my hair up.) My right arm is burnt, but not my left - and I'm also "trouting". Trouting is where the top of your forearm is tan (or burnt in my case), and when you turn it over, white as can be. Like a trout. (The fish, you know? Their backs are dark, their bellies are white.) Trouting. Yes. So, in the words of Napoleon Dynamite, "IDIOT!, GOSH!"

Sunday, July 13, 2008

This is the best I can come up with today

Cuz I'm that damn exciting. I'm in a sucky mood (what's new) and I'm hot and bored. Loudog laying in the shade, and Magadog eating icecubes. Whoop-dee-doo.




Friday, July 11, 2008

Making Preparations

So the vacation is a go! I am feeling blessed! Thank you GOD! You heard my plea! I can't even tell you how much I need to get away from my life right now. To just chill and relax. I've already made reservations for Maggie (poor Magadog!) to stay at the Paradise Pet Lodge because she just can't handle traveling. I have to take Louie with me because I can't afford to board both dogs - and he doesn't freak out like Maggie does. I will be throwing him into the pool with me, though, hehe! I feel bad leaving one behind, but I have no choice. It is a really nice little kennel, though.

Now I just need to get all my work done, train somebody for when I'm gone and get a few tank tops and summer things. I will take lots and lots of pictures and blog via Crackberry. For once, I will have something different to blog about. It will be a nice change, huh?

I can't wait to lay on the beach and go body surfing! Among some other fun things...

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Oh yes, #4

#4 was that my blog was flagged for "objectionable content" today. BWAHAHAHA! I feel like a bad girl - like I'm running a blog brothel or something. heehee. I'm thinking it is due to my colorful language on occasion. Not suitable for children. I, period, am not suitable for children. Just so you know. Although it's weird, when I am around children, they swarm around me like flies. They love me. I have no idea why. I went to see a friend not too long ago and her little girl was pulling me all over the place showing me her toys, wanting me to braid her hair..etc. Now, I'm not a big fan of kids, but I'm a total and complete push over. I get suckered into playing with all the kids while the adults have fun. I'll be sitting in the middle of them crawling all over me and I'll have this look on my face like "HELP ME PLEASE".

Went to dinner with my mom tonight - just got home. We were going through 1000's of pictures that she brought back with her from my grandma's house. OMG. I was naked ALL THE TIME as a child. Seriously, they could not keep clothes on me until I was like, 12. I had pure white blonde hair and a very tan little body. I won't post those, but there are a few not-so-naked pics that had me rolling on the floor. I'll have to do some scanning. You guys will die.
A couple things and mailbag

#1 - I don't do fast food that often, but I found something really yummy. Wendy's spicy chicken go-wraps. MMMM.

#2 - Yes, I am wearing underwear today. I only go commando once in awhile.

#3 - Yes, I actually keep my Crackberry in my bra on occasion. I have big boobies and I can fit lots of stuff in there when I'm not carrying a purse. Sometimes people look at me funny when my boobie rings or vibrates and I reach in there and pull out the Crackberry.

#4 - I can't remember what #4 was supposed to be. It will come to me.

Well, What Do You Know??

I got a blogger award. It's from the very funny and very sweet JUICE.

...and get THIS...I am in a GOOD mood today!! WRITE.IT.DOWN. What is going on you say? Well, vacation may be back on!! Wooooooooo! Sometimes complaining DOES work! Haha. I'm going to have a big garage sale and sell everything so I have $$ for vacay. Really, the only things I need to survive are: Crackberry, Laptop, Camera, my vehicle. I love my SUV - make fun of me if you want - its comfy and big and has leather seats and it has a butt warmer and a sun roof. 'Nuff said. Anyway, I will put off wanting to die until the end of August. :-)

Here is where I will (hopefully) be staying for free. It's a real hell hole. HA.











Wednesday, July 09, 2008

One Word MEME from BOA

Where is your cell phone? bra
Where is your significant other? unknown
Your hair? up
Your mother? skinny
Your father? Heaven
Your favorite thing? crackberry
Your dream last night? trouble
Your favorite drink? mocha
Your dream/goal? happiness
The room you're in? cube
Your hobby? photography
Your fear? God
Where do you want to be in 5 years? unknown
Where were you last night? home
What you're not? normal
Muffins? Sweater (what? You’ve never heard of sweater muffins? LOL)
One of your wishlist items? vacation
Where you grew up? Redmond
Last thing you did? internet
What are you wearing? Blue
Your TV? overused
Your pets? ornery
Your computer? laptop
Your life? rollercoaster
Your mood? sad
Missing someone? yes
Your car? Saturn
Something your not wearing? underwear
Favorite store? Amazon
Your summer? disappointing
Like someone? yes
Your favorite color? purple
When is the last time you laughed? Tuesday
Last time you cried? Monday

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

I have some wisdom today

#1 - Do not ever go the gym angry. Your body will HATE you the next day. I cannot move and its giving me a headache. Ow.

#2 - If you have misplaced some items and want to find them, here's what you do. Get in your car and drive about 80 miles an hour, then for no reason at all, slam on your brakes. Everything you've lost will come rolling out from underneath the seats. I found my mascara, a book and my water bottle.

I had the day from hell yesterday and was in a REALLY bad mood. Those are really fun. I'm still not in a good way, but I read two nice blog entries today and I was inspired. I'm trying to just keep plugging away - even if there feels like no reason to. I don't know why everything has to be so hard. I feel like I'm being put to some kind of test or something. Really, that's what it feels like. That is the perfect way to describe it. I can't remember what movie it is, but I think it was Charlie Sheen (of all people) who was doing it - maybe Platoon? Anyway - the scene is where he is kneeling and leaning back with his legs underneath him and he has his arms stretched out back behind him with his head tilted toward the sky. He is wailing and screaming - the kind of wailing where the very depth of your soul is crying out. That's what I've been feeling like. The kind of angst where your whole body is reacting. Where you've just had all you can take of everything. You know the saying that "God won't give you more than you can handle"? God must think I can handle a lot, let me tell you. But, I do have a roof over my head, food to eat, a good job and my health (for now). So I'm blessed more than some. It is easy to feel sorry for yourself, but really, what a waste of time.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Don't get too attached to your money

Financial chaos is ensuing. The stock market is continuing to tank and so is the dollar. Mark my words. I have no money, so I'm not all in a tizzy over it - but the world is coming unglued everywhere. I'm not even going to bother to post articles. Just turn on the 'censored' news - it's even on there. War with Iran coming? Probably.

I'm all positive and cheery today. Just an FYI.
It's a wonderful life.

Remember that wonderful, much needed 2 week vacation in the land of sun and fun I was looking forward to the first two weeks in August? The vacation I was hyped about because I haven't been out of the Seattle area since 2001? The one where I got two weeks off in A ROW which is something I haven't done in 10 years?? Yeah, it's not going to happen. I don't know why I'm surprised. I still have the time off, but there is no point in taking it, because it is all I've got and I don't want to waste it sitting on my big fat ass doing nothing. I may take a week and clean my home office. Awesome.

That is all I'm going to say about it. Don't ask - cuz I FEEL like driving off a motherfucking cliff right now. I do not care about my cussing. I just don't care.

Yup. In a good mood.
Monday Blues

I'm even listening to the blues. Ever heard of Candy Dulfer? ("Lily was Here" is really good.) No one my age has. I'm sure all my friends will be making fun of my eclectic taste in music at any moment, but nevertheless that's what I'm listening to this morning. A little jazz and some blues. I listen to music that goes with my mood. It could be AC/DC, it could be Country, it could be jazz or it could be the Blues. Whatever I'm feeling - I like everything. I'm also listening to "When the Lights go out" by the The Black Keys. It's sexy music to me. Go figure. When I put together my photography site, I think I will use the Black Keys song as the background music - most of my photography has a "dark" element to it, so it would fit.

Listen if you want:

Lily was here
When the Lights go out

Sunday, July 06, 2008

I got (a little bit) of lead out.

I kicked myself in the butt and decided to beautify my herb garden. It needed A LOT of help. I have been neglecting it. I am by no means a gardner - AT ALL. In fact, I am quite the black thumb. However, God as my witness, I'm trying to get better. I do love to cook with fresh herbs, and I inherited my dad's herbs, so I want to preserve them. I completely replanted my bowl in the stand with cilantro and dill, and also replanted/resoiled some parsely and chives. I just cut back and pruned the rest. I even scrubed all of the pots and cedar planters! I killed the little tree that I got when my dad died, but my mom gave me hers, and I have actually kept it alive! And it's GROWING! So anyway, it took me a few hours, and I destroyed my french manicure, but I got some great before and after shots. I'm proud of myself! I also took a picture of my new bamboo plant. Love it!







White trash herb mess.














Eww.















A tad overgrown.












Look how pretty!








New parsely and chives. I cut off some of the rosemary to eat tomorrow on a steak rub! Yum!




I've literally been in bed ALL day

There is something wrong with me. Who does that? I got up to pee. Let the dogs out. But then I just go right back to bed. I just don't want to deal with anyone or anything. I'm not hungry. I still have a mess to clean up from Friday. Don't wanna. Which isn't like me - I can't stand a mess. I'm forcing myself to get up right now. I'm forcing myself to blog. I had nightmares - so it wasn't restful sleep. I guess I should be thankful I got some sleep instead of the insomnia craziness.

OK, that's all I've got in me.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

I feel like caca

I went and helped a friend today - and she is in bad shape like many of the rest of us. I just don't know what is happening - everywhere I turn, someone is going through hell. I got two more emails from friends in "dark places". I am feeling dark myself. I think I took too many anxiety pills yesterday. Someone could have blown up the house and I wouldn't have cared. Being numb is NOT good, though. However, sometimes feeling hopeless is just too much. I came home and collapsed - and I haven't even eaten. The friend I went and helped is feeling very overwhelmed, and I am feeling much the same way with all that is in front of me. The sad leading the sad is worse than the blind leading the blind...LOL.

It is weird when you are in a funk - no matter how many people you have around you, you still feel alone. I know some of you guys out there are feeling that right now. Intense aloneness.

I have no wisdom at the moment.
Sleeping Beauties. I'm so evil. Teehee.
































It's over, and I survived, except I have 4 teenagers crashed out in my living room for the night.

They are watching my horror movies and eating my potato chips. It's kind of funny, you have to step over bodies no matter which way you go. (My house is a whopping 1100 square feet.) Here are a bunch of pics from the day. The dogs were more entertaining than the fireworks. You'll see why.








Lou loves balloons.





















Yipee!















Hey! That's my balloon!














Denin, my neighbor. Chillin'.















Loudog: "Dude, you're doing it wrong."











Loudog: "See you're missing this piece right here. "







OOH..AWW














My stepson and his homies.

Friday, July 04, 2008

KABOOM.

My loving stepson just set off an M80 behind me without my knowledge. I almost dropped my crackberry. NOT FUNNY.
Settin' Up. Where's my Klonopin? This is my Mother in Law helping.





Festive. You will be able to find my house.




















Hidden.









Even my beer is celebrating.
Happy 4th of July to all who celebrate - and happy regular day to all the rest.

I should be straightening up the house right now, but I'm not. Sometimes I don't understand myself. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane with a smile on my face? Sure! Wrestle a dangerous criminal to the ground and arrest him? Bring it! Stand outside jumping up and down with glee during an intense lightning and thunder storm with metal all around me? Fun! Chase a dine-and-dasher out of a restaurant parking lot and tackle him in my apron? Awesome! Have family and some people I don't know well over for a bbq on Independence Day? Take an extra anxiety pill and hide in my office blogging.

I'm a whack job. Pure and simple. I make no sense. Death? No problem! Family and friends? HELP. Hehe.

I'm sure you'll hear from me periodically throughout the day. I'll be the one in the corner taking pictures and playing with the Crackberry. Social. Yeah.

I do like blowing stuff up, though - and my neighborhood is always WWIII.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Testing 123...come in Houston. Blogging via Loveberry...
BEHOLD THE CRACKBERRY / LOVEBERRY!

Yes, I cannot decide if "Crackberry" is appropriate since I am addicted to it already, or if I should call it the "Loveberry" cuz I loooooove it sooooo much! I am one step closer to a complete and fulfilling life. Ha. There are just a couple more things I need...ok nevermind.

Anyway, my boss told me to "get the hell outta here" at 1:30 today to start the holiday weekend early (he is so awesome) - so I promptly left since all I was doing anyway was reading my Loveberry manual and doing setup. (I did SOME work, OK? Hardly anyone was there today...) I now am proficient! I went to get a pedicure and while she was dolling up my footses, I was checking email and surfing my favorite blogs - all the while sitting in a massage chair. 45 minutes of Heaven, people.

Yeah, I'm one of THOSE people now. The ones you get annoyed with because all they do is sit there completely entranced in their own private technological world - ignoring everyone around them. I'm sure I will get yelled at soon. I am here to say I UNDERSTAND now. Don't you judge me!

One more thing. I have to tell you about Dave the Verizon Wireless guy. Dave is the awesomest customer service rep that I've ever talked to. EVER. I know Dave now. He is a friend. Usually I want to cancel service when I talk to customer service, but now that I know Dave is out there, I have hope again. First and foremost, he was cheerful and friendly and funny. THEN, even though I was not eligible for any kind of discount - he did it ANYWAY because he said his best friend (who has brain cancer) lives about 1 mile from me, and Dave wants to take care of all residents of this town. (Dave is local - how often does THAT happen??) So I made out like a bandit. All the while he was setting up my Crackberry order and answering each and every one of my gabillion questions, we chatted about our lives. We even both lost a parent this year and were talking about that! Dave sounded about 22, but he said he was a very immature 43 year old. I can appreciate that, because as you are all aware, I act 12. After about an hour, Jim asked me who the hell I was talking to. I said "Dave". He said "Who?" "Dave. The best Verizon Wireless guy on the planet!" Jim rolled his eyes.

After I hung up, I cursed at myself because I forgot to give Dave my blog URL. Damnit! Jim said "There is someone out there who doesn't go to your blog?" Pashaw! I WISH there was only one!

Not a good pic because the phone screen has interference and won't cooperate with my camera.

Wild night

The weather has gone nuts. Completely insane. ALL NIGHT LONG - and still isn't finished this morning. You are probably sick of hearing about it, but seriously, this is the best storm I've ever seen. When I got home last night, the lightning was so intense - it was going off every 3 seconds (I counted) in these big, twisted masses of bolts. EVERYWHERE. There would be 4 or 5 bolts going every which way, lighting up the entire sky and blinding me. Being a crazy, fearless, weirdo, I stood outside for hours watching it. It ended up right over the top of us complete with cracking thunder, wind and heavy rain. The dogs were freakin'. I seriously thought we were going to get a tornado or something - it was that intense. I've never seen lightning like that, and so often, for so long. Needless to say I was too excited to get much sleep - and I couldn't charge up my Crackberry because I didn't want to fry it. We actually lost power briefly.

I have a headache this morning, probably because of the barometric pressure changes, so I'm not happy about that, but it was worth it.

I've got the whole night to myself tonight - so I'm thinking about pampering myself. Pedicure, Manicure, nice dinner for myself and maybe a glass of wine while I get proficient at the Crackberry. I will probably be blogging a lot, cuz, you know I have to practice posting with it. My life is not all that exciting, so you may get bored, but I'll try to be creative, K?

Hey Juice and Hole - I know our plans tonight tanked, but let me know if you have time for a pedicure or something. That could be social and fun. I know something came up for you guys, I'm just sayin' in case.

Lightning over Seattle:

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

My heart is broken.

Two of my dear friends are in a bad way. Their last blog posts have me tearing up. I wear my heart on my sleeve and if someone I care about is upset, I don't know what to do. The last thing people want is someone patting them on the back saying it's going to be OK, because I know from experience you just want to punch people who do that in the face. When you are in a way like that, things are NOT OK and you don't feel like they will EVER be, and you just want to be left alone. I can barely get through each day myself. I know what it feels like to not care whether you live or die and that life is pointless. Sometimes I don't think I will EVER be happy. EVER. I do understand, but I am still so very sad. Hey you guys - and you know who you are - just know I'm thinking about you, OK? I'll leave you alone, but I'm here if you need me. For anything.
Crazy like the South

I have lived in the Pacific Northwest since I was about 6 years old, and the weather up here is so vastly different from what it used to be. Tonight, it was like living in the South. My mom and I went to dinner and it was nice and sunny and bright - about 80 or so degrees. We went inside and as soon as we sat down, it got black and the thunder boomed and it started hailing, then flash flood raining. It was nuts. Then, as quickly as it started, it just stopped. When we left it was sunny and bright again, but I lost my breath when I stepped outside. The humidity was AWFUL. Steam was rising up everywhere and my car windows were all fogged up. We went over to do some shopping at Target (we're big spenders) and it did the same thing. It sounded like the roof was going to come off with how loud the thunder was. When we left the store, it was doing the flash flood raining again so we stood under the store front and waited. Sweat was POURING off of my head into my eyes and ears. So sexy. My hair also frizzed into oblivion, which made me really happy. Anyway, I know that is normal for many of you, but not for us. We don't know how to act. I love storms, so I was all excited. (Except for the humidity - you can have that shit.)

I just got home and my Crackberry came, so I have to go read the manual now and play with my new toy.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

This was given to me today

Don't know why, but I thought I would share. You may think it is stupid, but I like it.

The challenge of your life is before you. You have learned well from your failures and from some difficult circumstances. Now you will march forward with integrity of heart and steel for a backbone. Fear will no longer be an issue. Only set your eyes straight ahead without turning to the left or to the right. Gather up all of your courage and lock it into your mind like your crown jewel. A waterfall of boldness will flow over you and this waterfall will continue to flow as long as you keep your strong faith. I will mix with this a strong anointing of Godly wisdom so that you will not only know but you will also understand things as never before. Now, arise and shine.
Computer no working. Internet no working. Crazydogmama no working.




I really need a life.










Our server was down for the first two hours at work, and no one could do anything. Living in this techno world can sometimes be frightening. My "Crackberry" is supposed to be arriving today, so now I will REALLY have no life. But Crazydogmama will have a new toy! As Skwigg says..."the precious".