Friday, October 24, 2008

I don't know what to do about anything. I can't work anymore today - I'm going home. I'm really sick of drama and chaos. I just want normal. For once in my life I just want normal. No one wants to pay worth a damn right now. I'm hoping for one thing to come through, but I don't know. Maybe I'll just be Bohemian again and wait tables and live in apartment. What do you think? No? Up all night, sleep all day? I told you I was in a crappy mood.

You know what strikes me funny right now? The illusion of control. If you think you have control of ANYTHING, you are fooling yourself. You have free will, but no control. Trust me. Like when you are driving a car. You can exercise your free will to follow the rules of the road, go the speed limit, wear your seat belt, and you "feel" in control of the car. But you could get sideswiped. A meteor could fall on you. A deer could run out in front of you. Then you would lose control...because you NEVER HAD IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. That works with any scenario I can think of. You came to my blog today. You were in control of where you surfed the internet, right? Wrong. You used your free will to come here, a decision you made, but what if there was an EMP and all of a sudden no internet was available? What if I deleted my blog? No control. Just free will to make decisions based on availability and other factors. And why did you come to my blog today? (Just my own curiousity...hehe) You have a weird free will. ;-)

Anyway, off of that rant...

I have decided that free will and decision making can suck sometimes. It would be nice right now to just have someone pointing me in the right direction. Petting my head and feeding me Bon-Bons. So much is at stake for me and I'm just pooped out.

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