After my minor meltdown the other day, I experienced what I call 'dead calm'. Everything that had been haunting me and puzzling me, came into focus. My emotions stopped, and my brain started. Everything was suddenly (eerily) crystal clear to me. I have been "calm, cool and collected" ever since. Even at this moment. What seemed so impossible to me before, doesn't seem so complicated now. I don't know why. Perhaps I'm using the left half of my brain more?
I don't go to therapy much anymore, but I did go today, and she said some things to me that made me feel pretty good. She told me that despite all the difficulties and tragedy that I have been through in such a short period of time, that I have progressed in mental "maturity" at a staggering rate. My thinking is different. She said she has never had a client that tackled their challenges so forcefully and successfully, so quickly. My brain waves were the most calm and stable today since I started therapy (EEG Biofeedback), which means I am finally operating without debilitating anxiety and fear. I was extremely calm, logical and rational (I know, I know, you don't believe it.). I was actually articulating my thought process well. I still have some "life navigating" to do (don't we all), but it is controlled and thought-out now, rather than a jumble of ideas rattling around going nowhere.
She could have just been pumping sunshine up my ass to boost my esteem, but truly, for the first time, maybe EVER, I feel like I'm finally moving forward in my life with a lot more confidence, and a lot less crazy. And I'm not taking any crap. Look out world.
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