Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Plan

I don't have all the details yet, of course, because it is a new plan. Duh. But I need to get outta here. Out of state. The fact that I came home from vacation and felt the black cloud envelop me almost immediately is a sign that something is very, very wrong. Another duh. I used to think that I loved the rain and the dark and all, but the truth is, it just makes me isolate and hide and sleep all day. There are reasons beyond reasons why I need a big change like this, but I need to shake my world up and get a fresh start. Or I'm going to die. It's as simple as that. Stress, depression, anxiety - they are killers. I'm not "running from my problems", I'm just realizing a need for a big change - something I've always been so afraid of doing (moving out of state away from everything I know).

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Well, I'm tired of that. And really? What's the big deal? I'm not a pussy - so I need to get up off my damn ass - all I need to do is finish up my job.

I'm going to be talking to mom about the house in Cali. I don't know where I'll get with that, but that is where I'm going to start since I love it there. If that doesn't work out, well, I guess I come up with a plan B. I know this is what I'm supposed to do, because it broke my funk, and I'm feeling so much better - even physically! The coughing has slowed down today and I'm eating.

Never really thought I'd EVER be thinking this way - I thought I would live here forever. It is kinda weird, but feels really good. Something to look forward to, something to get my adrenaline pumping - which I love. Why would I have adrenaline? Because it's the unknown. Flying by the seat of my pants. Don't know what to expect.

My therapist likes the idea - went to see her today. I'll keep you posted on how things develop. Lots of planning to do.

Catch ya later, I've got enchiladas and cosmos to devour at Juice's house...


stick shaker said...

dont' forget to tell me when you go! i'm taggin along...if you think you can handle my craziness. :-)

Crazydogmama said...

I will be talking about it everyday until I go, so pretty much unless you are in a coma, you'll know. ;-D

and YES, not only do I luv ya, but any expense sharing would be a big plus in expensive Cali!!!

Um, we're both crazy, due. No worries. But you have to love my doggies, k?

stick shaker said...

well i'm not a dog lover. but i promise not to abuse them. ;-) and i really actually do like dogs, just not when people don't take care of them and they get smelly or go poddy in the house cause people to take them out enough, that kind of thing. :-)

Crazydogmama said...

i take VERY good care of my dogs. so we're good. they do occasionally have accidents, but I'm all over it with sterilization and yelling. :) It is NOT because they don't get taken out.