Lou is really sick. He vomited on the way to the vet and pooped blood all over the vet's floor. They don't know what is wrong and are keeping him for observation. The bill is exponentially climbing and I don't know what they will do when I tell them I can't pay it all today. I'm fucked. In so many ways. I want to cry and I can't because I'm at work - and I am insanely busy, of course. Then there is this: The one thing in the world I want (and need) most seems far away and out of my reach. I had therapy today and now that I've been seeing her for awhile and she knows me well, she is telling me about some tough choices/actions I have to take in my life if I want to get better, or be happy, that are really hard for me. We seemed to have kicked the "I can't lose weight" problem, so I guess she knows what she is doing. I'm sorry Annie, I can't make nacho night - I'm a mess. Next week? I'm so sorry and thank you for the invite - it means a lot. If Louie dies or stays sick - I'm going to lose it. I'm just not strong anymore. To top everything off I just got into an argument with Jim. Nice. This is all just too fucking much.