Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Dazed and Confused

I do not feel like working today. Not that I ever do really, but it does keep me from staying in bed 24/7. I did not want to get out of bed so bad today that I almost started crying. Pathetic, no? But I got up. Here I am. I was actually awake at 3:30 am this morning, just laying there. I should never be left alone with my thoughts. LOL. I couldn't go back to sleep, but I wasn't about to get up. Sometimes I'll get up and go online or get some water or something, but not this time. Just layed there. Thinking.

Do you ever wonder what your life will be like in a year? 5 years? I keep a journal (other than this blog) and occasionally I try to guess. I'm not good at it. Life has a mind of its own. I had a very interesting session with my therapist yesterday. (She earns every penny with me.) Please don't judge me, its kind of embarrassing to admit that kind of thing. I started seeing her (she is this really adorable 60 year old woman) after my dad died. I just got really sick of having anxiety attacks and insomnia and depression and feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I didn't want advice on life really, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't losing it. She has assured me I'm normal. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? HAHA. I'm not going to tell you what we talked about, because hey, that may be a little too much info for the World Wide Web, but I will tell you that she really makes me think. Think in a way I've never thought before. You know, "out of the box". We even discuss religion - which is cool. She is training me to see things a little differently. I can be a little stubborn. Don't fall over with shock.

Anyway, I'm just rambling here, and I'm not sure why exactly. Sometimes the whole blogging thing seems weird. Why do I tell the world so much about myself? Why does anyone blog? Writing is a great therapy, and a good way to share with friends and family, but I think there has got to be more to it than that, because blogging is so popular. Maybe its the human condition - we all want to be heard. No matter how many people you have in your life, married or not married, no matter if you are happy or sad or crazy - we want to feel connected. Some people write blogs, some people just read them, but all the same - here we are.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't feel embarrassed about seeing a therapist. Most people do. People who judge you because of that can fuck off. I wish I was seeing one now. I need it. :)

- BOA

Crazydogmama said...

well, you rock BOA!

Ann(ie) said...

I agree with BOA as usual. We are all just screwed up works in progress.....a therapist can help so much with day to day life. But, it does have to be a fit. And it totally sounds like you found a fit!!

I wrote a long comment to this post yesterday and I think blogger ate it. :( But, I am just impressed you're not in a corner shaking and drinking and flipping off the world after the year you've had. Blogging is an awesome outlet to vent and we're always here to listen. And drink with you. 8)

Crazydogmama said...

I am in a corner shaking and drinking and flipping off the world....

stick shaker said...

well you already know i see a therapist...and i really do like her a lot. she understands me and doesn't push me to do things cause she knows it overwhelms me. she says i'll do what i need to do when i'm ready. it helps keep me centered. :-) so rock in with your therapist girl!

stick shaker said...

not only "rock in" with your therapist, but rock on... ;-) hehe

and i spelled overwhelmes wrong, sue me. ;-)

Crazydogmama said...

you are such a sweetheart - you all are. I love you guys.

Freaks unite! LOL

stick shaker said...

i think we should get a pic of all of us like one hand in the air towards the middle touching you know...and label it freaks unite...lmao...hehe