Thursday, March 16, 2006

My Life with Dogs, Part 2

Now, Maggie. My little Magagirl. Maggie is much simpler than Louie. She is a happy little dog who is quite possibly the sweetest girl ever. She can totally kick Louie's ass, though.

Maggie
a.k.a. Magadog, Magalope, Mags, Magpie, freak-a-zoid and little shit-fucker.

Maggie was such a cute puppy. She had one ear that flopped over, and one that stood up. She was soooo tiny - and impish. We were worried that Louie was going to steam-roll her with his big clumsy clod-ass, but when we brought her home - she took off after him! She chased him and he would have to jump up on the couch to get away from her. Maggie totally took over from that point on.

Maggie shit everywhere, every day, for the first year of her life. She would shit in her crate (and all over herself) at least twice a day. That damn dog got so many baths. We called her stinky. She also has Seborrhea, a skin condition that makes her fur oily and smelly. (Louie doesn't smell at all.) So, she is always a mess.

Maggie is a complete and total SPAZ. She is like a squirrel on crack. She is always running and jumping all over the place. She actually runs circles around Louie and slams him against things. She also jumps OVER Louie all the time. It is quite amusing - especially when Louie attempts to catch her - which of course never happens. It is much like Wily Coyote and the Roadrunner.

Maggie turns around in circles when she is excited. (twirling) She will circle to go outside, she will circle when I am filling her food dish or water bowl and she will circle when I say "let's go bye-bye". When it is treat-time, though, she jumps HIGH up into the air and rams my butt with her head. She will ram your ass too, if you get near the treat jar. The jumping is why we call her Magalope.

Maggie wolfs her food down in, like, 15 seconds. I'm not kidding. Then, immediately afterward, you had BETTER LET HER OUTSIDE QUICK or shit will start flying out her poop-shoot. She gets all panicky if I am out of the room when she is finished - and starts ramming the back door with her head. Perhaps I should get a doggy door.

Maggie loves her toys, and she doesn't destroy them like Louie does. Her favorite toy is a fuzzy purple and black tiger-pig thing we call "Pigger". She carries it everywhere and uses it as a pillow. Humans can touch her toys, but God help Louie if he so much as looks at them. Maggie is down right scary when she is pissed at Louie. She is as quick and fierce as lightning, and Louie just yelps and runs. He is such a vagina.

Maggie loves to cuddle. She will bury herself in you on the couch, the bed - or where ever you are. She wants to be warm - and she will NOT move. Even if you want her to. I could sit on her, and she wouldn't move. She is a fabulous bed partner. She keeps your feet warm. She is always up for love, and is eternally greatful for any and all affection. Maggie has never been aggressive or pissy towards her humans - but she HATES fighting. When Jim and I are in an argument, she barks at us. She wants everything peaceful. Sweet, sweet, sweet little thing she is.

Maggie is an attention-whore. Don't think you can ignore her. Its impossible. She will back up into your hands for a petting - or lick you until you acknowledge her appropriately. Maggie is also FUCKING LOUD. She has this extremely high-pitched squeal-bark thing she does when the doorbell rings. You cannot shut her up - and it is worse than when you set off the house fire alarm. (Having both the alarm going off and Maggie squealing at the same time makes you want to kill yourself.) People are always like "OH MY GOD SHE IS ULTRASONIC". It can be very embarrassing, but she is so darn cute when she is looking up at you wagging her tail, that you soon forget about it.

Maggie is the life of the party on the 4th of July. While Louie is hiding behind the toilet from the fireworks noise, Maggie is in the back yard running around in big wide circles, barking non-stop at the pretty sparkly lights. She is very happy, and very excited. She will ram the door until you let her out, and will stay out there all night long. I have to go pick her up and drag her inside to rest and get a drink of water so she doesn't have a heart attack.

We love our Magadog. Once, when she was really sick and the vet put her on antibiotics for 6 months, I would periodically cry while waiting tables thinking about her.

It is true, I have two dogs of the same breed, but two dogs that are polar opposites. They are both so full of personality that every day is a new adventure. You really never know what is going to happen next. I wouldn't want it any other way. My kids, Louie and Maggie.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am LOVING these posts. Oh my God, you crack me up :~)

otter