Tuesday, March 28, 2006

An Amazing Story to Tell

You are all so incredibly sweet to be so concerned about me. In all my life I would have never guessed that complete strangers on the internet could make me feel so good. This past week has been both the worst, and the best, of my life. Because of the human condition, I think we all lose faith in caring, honest and loving people. We become apathetic, complacent and extremely cynical. (or least in my case..) This post is going to be a little different than what you are used to from good 'ol Crazydogmama. I have been forever changed by something that has taken place, and even though I am reluctant to put such personal information out there in cyberspace, this is much too important not to share.

Without all of the awful details, it was about a week ago today that my world came off of its axis. I almost lost everything. My husband and I were splitting up, and with an ever-increasing financial disaster looming over my head, it looked like I was going to lose all the things I had worked so hard for as well, including my house. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I was vomiting about every 30 minutes from the stress and I wanted to die. I couldn't stop crying either, which is not normal for me. I hardly ever cry. I'm on medication that makes me numb most of the time - but in this case, the meds weren't even strong enough. I was in a sort of a 'shock', I guess. I was going to be alone, broke, devasted and stripped of every last piece of pride I had left. I went to work, but couldn't work. I just sat there and stared at my computer screen balling my eyes out. No one seemed to notice, but I was scared that with all of this stress and uncontrollable emotion, that I would lose my job. Why not? Sure, I might as well lose that too.

I didn't tell very many people about what was happening. Not even my family, at first. I wanted to figure things out in my own head before I upset everybody with the mess that was my life. I had no idea what to do, and felt I had no where to turn. I was brought to my knees, and I cried out to God.

I didn't even know where to begin in my prayers. I was so overwhelmed. I begged God for some peace - to stop crying so that I could function. I told Him I was sorry for being an idiot and a sorry excuse for a human being. I told God that I already believed in Him, but that I wished I could feel His love. I prayed this prayer sitting on the floor in the dark in the employee bathroom. When I stopped praying, I felt calm. I started to breathe. Slowly. I cleaned myself up and went to my desk.

I went to an internet site I frequent on occasion that has Christian daily devotionals, Bible Prophecy and a forum for prayer requests. (I know what you are thinking - just stay with me here.) You wouldn't know it from reading my blog, but I am actually a very religious person. I don't go to church, and most preachers and T.V. evangelists make my skin crawl, but I have a strong faith. I actually decided to put a prayer request on this forum. I didn't know if anyone would care or pray for me - or even read it, but I did it anyway. I just typed a simple request that asked for prayer for my marriage and my finances. Nothing specific, nothing special. I emailed it from my work email. That was last Tuesday.

That night, my husband and I decided to talk. He had told me previously that he was moving out and was making the preparations to do so, but he wanted to talk before he left. We talked and cried and talked and cried. We love each other. We wanted to make it work, but we didn't know how - or where to start. We have been together for almost 13 years. Exhausted, we went to bed. I called in sick the next day. My husband decided not to leave.

I had also emailed a friend of mine that I knew from a church I used to go to a long time ago. We hadn't talked in over 3 years, but she was so thrilled to hear from me and was very sad about my situation. She asked if she could pray for me and get me on a prayer list at my old church. She also wanted to see me. I needed as much prayer as I could get right now, so I accepted, and was looking forward to see my dear friend. I don't know why we lost touch, life just takes different turns, and I don't know what made me think of her. I didn't want her to think I was "using" her or only emailing her because I was distraught. She said she didn't care why I was emailing her, only that she was so I glad I did! This woman is the sweetest person in the entire world - the kind of person you could never say anything bad about - the kind of person you want to know.

Friday morning at work I was finally starting to feel a little better. I didn't know how I was going to pay any of the bills, but at least my other half (Jim) was loving me and staying by my side. I was so grateful to God for this. After lunch, I walked past my work mailbox and noticed something in it. It was a hand-labeled card, or letter or something with a return address from the other side of the country where I have never been, and don't know anyone. There was a man's first name on it, but no last name. I don't know anyone with this name. It was made out to my work, with attention to me. I opened it. It was a card that said God loved me, and that God wanted me to know that - and that someone was praying for me. It also said that God had put it on this person's heart to send this to me even though they had never met me and didn't know anything about me. Something also fell out of the card. It was a money order, made out to me. For a very large sum of money.

I couldn't move for a few minutes and I am surprised I didn't pass out. A complete stranger had sent me money. A COMPLETE STRANGER. This was not a donation to the Red Cross, or a hurricane relief fund, or a charity. It was for ME. A nobody. This was a huge amount of money and I started shaking and crying. From the comments inside the card, I deduced that it must be from someone who had read my online prayer request. I felt the Lord all around me. He had answered my prayer - I felt His love. I physically felt it. I cannot explain it. What this person did, goes beyond normal boundaries. Goes beyond human nature. You don't just send some random person on the internet that kind of money. This is divine intervention, and there is no one, no where that will convince me otherwise.

I don't know how long I stood there, but for the first time in my life I knew everything was going to be OK. Somehow. I also knew that some day I would do the same, or more, for someone else. It kinda feels like that "Pay it Forward" movie. Have you seen that? Good flick.

I didn't tell Jim right away. This is something you don't tell someone over the phone. Jim has struggled with his spirituality for a long time now - not knowing exactly what he believes anymore. He has been fighting with the whole "Christianity" thing - the hypocrisy, the fake people, the B.S. I, too, struggle with this stuff. Who doesn't? I called him on the way home and said something like "You are going to think I have lost it, but I want to ask you a really weird question." He was curious. I asked him if there was anything that could happen in this life, a miracle if you will, that would confirm his beliefs - that would "unconfuse" him about his feelings toward God. His response was: "Huh? What? I don't know..." I laughed. I told him to think about it and I would tell him the significance when I got home.

When I got home, Jim was more than a little curious now - he wanted to know what was going on. He said he really couldn't come up with a good answer other than "If Jesus were to come down here right now and say "How is it going, Jim?" I handed him the card with the money order still in it. He looked at me funny, and I said "I have no idea who this is from". He looked at the card and the money order for a long time without saying anything. He finally said "Is this real?". I said "Yup.". He said "Oh My God.", I said "Exactly.".

The reality of this situation still has not sunk in for either one of us. It is surreal. My husband is no longer confused about his spirituality. As it turns out, one of the answers he was thinking of to my question was 'if some stranger gave us a bunch of money'. He didn't want to use that answer though, cuz he said it sounded 'greedy'. He swears that was what he was thinking, though. It blew him away.

This might all sound stupid to you, but it is big for us. Just call me Crazydogmama the Jesus-freak, I don't care. Something important has happened to me and I felt the need to share it.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

I Love You All

I want to thank everyone who left a comment and/or emailed me to see if I was OK. It means a lot! I am in fact, OK. I have had a crapola week, but it is getting better. I am exhausted mentally and physically, but I truly believe all the prayers are working. Most of you are complete strangers to me, but I feel like I know you anyway. Blog-land is great that way. I will be back to my cynical and sarcastic self soon. I may have lost my sense of humor for a couple of days, but no fear - it is still in me. :-D

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

A Little Spring Break

I wanted to let all 4 of you know that I probably won't be blogging for a short time. I am going through something devastating in my life and I have to figure things out. I'll be back when I am feeling a bit more up to par. Email me if you wish. Take care, and don't stop being a Crazydogmama fan! (please...)

Friday, March 17, 2006

St. Patrick's Day morn'

At approximately 7:30am this morning as I'm commuting to work, my husband calls me on my cell phone and asks:

"So, are we getting hammered tonight?"
This was so me this morning.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

My Life with Dogs, Part 2

Now, Maggie. My little Magagirl. Maggie is much simpler than Louie. She is a happy little dog who is quite possibly the sweetest girl ever. She can totally kick Louie's ass, though.

a.k.a. Magadog, Magalope, Mags, Magpie, freak-a-zoid and little shit-fucker.

Maggie was such a cute puppy. She had one ear that flopped over, and one that stood up. She was soooo tiny - and impish. We were worried that Louie was going to steam-roll her with his big clumsy clod-ass, but when we brought her home - she took off after him! She chased him and he would have to jump up on the couch to get away from her. Maggie totally took over from that point on.

Maggie shit everywhere, every day, for the first year of her life. She would shit in her crate (and all over herself) at least twice a day. That damn dog got so many baths. We called her stinky. She also has Seborrhea, a skin condition that makes her fur oily and smelly. (Louie doesn't smell at all.) So, she is always a mess.

Maggie is a complete and total SPAZ. She is like a squirrel on crack. She is always running and jumping all over the place. She actually runs circles around Louie and slams him against things. She also jumps OVER Louie all the time. It is quite amusing - especially when Louie attempts to catch her - which of course never happens. It is much like Wily Coyote and the Roadrunner.

Maggie turns around in circles when she is excited. (twirling) She will circle to go outside, she will circle when I am filling her food dish or water bowl and she will circle when I say "let's go bye-bye". When it is treat-time, though, she jumps HIGH up into the air and rams my butt with her head. She will ram your ass too, if you get near the treat jar. The jumping is why we call her Magalope.

Maggie wolfs her food down in, like, 15 seconds. I'm not kidding. Then, immediately afterward, you had BETTER LET HER OUTSIDE QUICK or shit will start flying out her poop-shoot. She gets all panicky if I am out of the room when she is finished - and starts ramming the back door with her head. Perhaps I should get a doggy door.

Maggie loves her toys, and she doesn't destroy them like Louie does. Her favorite toy is a fuzzy purple and black tiger-pig thing we call "Pigger". She carries it everywhere and uses it as a pillow. Humans can touch her toys, but God help Louie if he so much as looks at them. Maggie is down right scary when she is pissed at Louie. She is as quick and fierce as lightning, and Louie just yelps and runs. He is such a vagina.

Maggie loves to cuddle. She will bury herself in you on the couch, the bed - or where ever you are. She wants to be warm - and she will NOT move. Even if you want her to. I could sit on her, and she wouldn't move. She is a fabulous bed partner. She keeps your feet warm. She is always up for love, and is eternally greatful for any and all affection. Maggie has never been aggressive or pissy towards her humans - but she HATES fighting. When Jim and I are in an argument, she barks at us. She wants everything peaceful. Sweet, sweet, sweet little thing she is.

Maggie is an attention-whore. Don't think you can ignore her. Its impossible. She will back up into your hands for a petting - or lick you until you acknowledge her appropriately. Maggie is also FUCKING LOUD. She has this extremely high-pitched squeal-bark thing she does when the doorbell rings. You cannot shut her up - and it is worse than when you set off the house fire alarm. (Having both the alarm going off and Maggie squealing at the same time makes you want to kill yourself.) People are always like "OH MY GOD SHE IS ULTRASONIC". It can be very embarrassing, but she is so darn cute when she is looking up at you wagging her tail, that you soon forget about it.

Maggie is the life of the party on the 4th of July. While Louie is hiding behind the toilet from the fireworks noise, Maggie is in the back yard running around in big wide circles, barking non-stop at the pretty sparkly lights. She is very happy, and very excited. She will ram the door until you let her out, and will stay out there all night long. I have to go pick her up and drag her inside to rest and get a drink of water so she doesn't have a heart attack.

We love our Magadog. Once, when she was really sick and the vet put her on antibiotics for 6 months, I would periodically cry while waiting tables thinking about her.

It is true, I have two dogs of the same breed, but two dogs that are polar opposites. They are both so full of personality that every day is a new adventure. You really never know what is going to happen next. I wouldn't want it any other way. My kids, Louie and Maggie.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

My Life with Dogs, Part I

Besides the latter post, I haven't been dog-blogging lately. Its time. Now that I am home more (not working two jobs), I have really had time to pay attention to the little furry fuckers. It is NOW that I have chosen to attempt to explain them to you in all their quirky glory. Louie will be first - then Maggie on the next post.

a.k.a. Lou, Lou-dog, Lou-Master, Lou-Bear, Bear, Assbag, dumbass, fucker and fuzz-butt.

Louie is an island. He is complex, cynical, highly intelligent, clumsy, adorable, stubborn as hell, moody and funny. I love him so much it hurts.

Louie will pretty much eat anything, and he is totally preoccupied with anything edible. He especially loves to put his face in my dinner plate when I am eating on the coffee table. (Much to my chagrin.) If you accidently leave any food on the coffee table - you can just forget about it. Louie 'checks' the coffee table every morning upon waking. Louie can be on the other side of the yard, or totally asleep in his crate, but if you open the refrigerator, Louie will be on you like a fly on shit. If you make him 'go lay down' and stop begging, he will lay facing you - staring a hole through you with every bite you take. This drives Jim batshit.

Louie likes to ignore me on purpose because he knows how much it pisses me off. I like to lay on the couch and watch T.V. - and I like to have my furries lay with me to keep me warm. I will call him and call him and call him. It is though I do not exist. Sometimes I have to FORCE HIM to lay with me and he will commence immediately to looking as though someone has licked all of the red off of his candy. (This is what I call "Yoda Ears".) Once I give up and let him go, he will either lay beside the couch or wander down the hallway into his crate - sulking. If I get up, however, he follows me everywhere and will invariably plunk down beside me wherever I end up - even if it is on the toilet. I never pee alone.

When I take a shower, Louie plops his two front paws on top of the tub, moves the shower curtain back with his nose and watches me. He will lick my legs if I let him. He is a total perv.

Louie is extremely vocal. Louie play-growls like he is possessed. He barks for no reason. When he wants your attention, he will sway from side to side on his front paws while sitting, then whine and 'talk' to you. He SOUNDS like a pitbull, but he runs from spiders. In the morning, if he believes you have slept long enough, he will bark in your face and "dig" your blankets off of you.

Do not disturb Louie when he is sleeping or eating. He has a total hissy-fit.

Louie gets VERY excited around new people. He loves people, especially kids. Watch out, though, cuz he head-butts in all of his excitement. When I come home from work, Louie licks my face and jumps on me for about a half an hour. THEN, he will ignore me.

If you do anything to upset Louie, he will spite-piss right in front of you. (Like, every time I give him a bath.) Louie pees like a bitch - he never lifts his leg. He also looks really funny when he poops - its like he can barely balance. Then, when he is finished pooping, he "pumps" his tail to get every last dingleberry out.

Louie will play with Maggie, but he is slow and klutsy - and can't take a corner to save his life due to the fact that his back legs are too long. Its pitiful. He also tries to hump Maggie all the live-long day, but she won't have it. He gets all frustrated and barks at her.

Louie is a homo-phobe. When you stick a thermometer up his butt, he SCREAMS IN HORROR. He also wails and carries on to no end when I clip his nails. I'm sure the neighbors think I'm skinning him alive when he makes these noises.

Louie will disembowel any toy given to him just outside of 30 seconds.

Louie likes to steal my underwear and hide it in his crate.

Louie likes to find good smells in the yard, and roll on them. These smells frequently are: insects, frogs, cat shit, vomit and old, rotting grass.

Louie is constantly running into things - flower pots, kitchen cabinets, the coffee table legs, me, the fence, etc. He is not blind, nor does he have cataracts. He just doesn't pay attention - and he trips over himself.

When I am crying, he licks my tears.

If you go to pet him on the head, it will ALWAYS end up as a belly-scratch. He will totally manipulate you.

He "huffs" and "sighs" just like a human.

When he is scared, he "hugs" you. Either that, or he hides behind the toilet.

He freaks out over flies.

and last, but not least, he smiles. (See head image of him on my banner)
Welcome to My World...

TOTO: The Other Side of the Story (by Michele Stadnik)
So, "The Wizard of Oz" is your favorite movie, you just LOVE Toto, and have always wanted a dog just like him? A dog who's small, cute, lovable, and doesn't shed all over your couch? You've done your research and learned that Cairn Terriers are (take your pick):

Good with children
Loving family dogs
Adaptable to living in small apartments as well as large homes

Well, YES and NO.

Probably NO ONE ever told you that Cairns will almost INVARIABLY:
Chase squirrels
Chase bunnies
Chase bugs
Chase bikes
Chase paper fluttering down the street
Chase anything that moves
Chase things that aren't moving, just to GET them moving so they'll have something to chase
Bark at cars
Bark at bikes
Bark at birds
Bark at trikes
Bark at trucks
Bark at the phone
Bark at fireworks
Bark at thunder
Bark at the doorbell
Bark at the doorbell on TV
Bark to hear themselves bark
Bark just to get your goat -- or your attention
Or both
Bark sometimes just cause it feels so damned GREAT
Dig up that mouse hole
Dig up your tulips
Dig up your roses
Dig up your lawn
Dig under your fence
Dig under your shed
Dig up your linoleum
Dig up your carpeting
Nip at people's feet if you haven't redirected their intense prey drive
Nip at your hands too, if not trained properly
Try to control their universe and everything in it -- INCLUDING YOU
Will succeed at this unless YOU intervene. And even then, they'll try again. And again. And again and again and again and again.
Lunge at other dogs on leash
Lunge at people, unless trained not to
Lunge cause it feels good and they're in a hurry to get where they're going, and you're the only thing holding them back from experiencing the next exciting adventure around the corner or around the world.
Bolt out any open door in the blink of an eye
And won't return until they're good and ready.
Sometimes not even then
Refuse to come -- unless they want to
Refuse to sit -- unless they want to
Refuse to stay -- unless they're bored silly, and if so, that's the BEST time to move around to stir up the action anyway
Refuse to stop barking -- unless there's something in it for them...like a fabulous treat
Refuse to do what you want at the PRECISE moment that it's most important that they do...like when you're trying to show off how obedient and well-trained they are (which is, of course, a grand delusion on your part).
Nor, it seems, has anyone told you:
A Cairn can never, ever, ever be trusted off-leash, EVER.
Not even for a second. Regardless of how well-trained you have deluded yourself into believing he is
That all the dogs you've had before and have trained so well don't matter...if they weren't Cairns.
Because Cairns are different.
Very different
That they're generally NOT the best breed for a home with small children.
That one bears repeating: Cairns are generally NOT the best breed for a home with small children.
That Cairns WILL shed a little (or a lot) if you don't groom them properly.
That they're relatively resistant to housebreaking (don't expect them to be housebroken in a week, or even a month)!
And even when you think they're housebroken, if they've got something else on their agenda at the moment, they're likely to conveniently "forget."
That they are affectionate -- on their terms, not yours.
That they are stubborn and hardheaded, not to mention incredibly independent
That obedience training is a necessity, not a luxury. And that it's just the FIRST step in the process.
That you should read the previous sentence again, and forget everything you think you know. If you haven't owned a Cairn, it doesn't apply.
That they were bred to hunt and kill, and their intense prey drive can NEVER be trained out of them. Toto may not have KILLED those flying monkeys, but that's only because Toto KNEW they were fakes. Otherwise, they'd have been dead, not merely outwitted.
What they SHOULD have told you is:
They're wonderful for THE RIGHT OWNER
They're sweet -- WHEN THEY WANT TO BE
They're good with GOOD, WELL-BEHAVED CHILDREN WHO HAVE GOOD, RESPONSIBLE PARENTS. And if they haven't had a bad experience previously with ill-behaved kids. Otherwise, it's a recipe for disaster.
They're strong
They're hearty
They're brave
They're relentless
They're devious
They're insightful
They're indomitable
They're energetic beyond description
They're intelligent beyond belief
They're the BEST dog you'll ever own
BUT...they just may be the WORST dog you can imagine.


Oh, and by the way, Toto was actually a GIRL!

Monday, March 13, 2006

As if you really care...

The Hills Have Eyes 2006 was awesome. Fun, fun, fun!! Lots of messed up shit in that flick! It will never be the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but it will be a DVD that I buy! I can't wait for the uncut version. Hehe. If you have a squeamish stomach at all - don't go see it. If you are demented and cuckoo like me, don't wait another minute! Go now!

I took my stepson to see it (by HIS request, don't judge me...) and his comment was "that was messed". After the movie, when we were all standing by the car, this older woman (in her 50's or 60's) was all giddy and running (shuffling) through the parking lot in a pair of neon green flip-flops. She ended up running right towards us and getting into this Alfa Romeo waiting for her with her husband in it. She yells at us "Did you like the Hills movie?" (She had a foreign accent - Mexican I think.) She was laughing and jumping up and down. She exclaimed that she loved it so much - the gore and the blood and all of it was "so neat". It is so nice to know I am not the only wacko woman in the world. We talked to her for awhile - totally amused. I told my step son that if he wants to date - that his date has to go through "one night of horror films with me". If she screams and wimps out - he is not allowed to date her. If she has a good time, thumbs up! He said to me "You aren't kidding, are you?" LOL.

In other news, there is no other news. Not that I will tell the internet, anyway.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Holy Crap, He's 14!

My step son just had a birthday. He is only two years away from the whole driving thing. Help us all.