Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Bad Sushi
I declare now: I will never EVER eat sushi again. EVER. I am now recovering from what can only be called food poisoning from hell. Monday afternoon I injested spicy tuna rolls. Monday Evening and all of Tuesday I hurled EVERYWHERE. I have bruises on my knees from kneeling over the porcelain. I thought my eyeballs were going to pop OUT OF MY HEAD on several puking occasions. I am still afraid of solid foods. I am still sweating. I am still shaking. (I am having my own private earthquakes.) I have never been that sick in my whole life. It hurt BAD. I will not need an ab workout for a week or so. If I even SMELL seafood, I will hurl.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Patience?
Yeah, I don't have that. I have a story, instead. I have been pondering lately about some new ideas on how to get my dogs to listen to (and not totally ignore) me. So I bought some squirt guns. When I say "No!" or "Stop it!", or whatever....and they DON'T do it....squirt em'! Pretty soon they should be little angels, right? Well, as good as an idea that was, I did not take into consideration the personality of Louie. For the record, I have to say that it works great on Maggie. Ok, now to the story.

Louie is a spiteful little fucker who uses his great intelligence to send me right over the edge.

Squirt-gun training, day 1. Louie is eating something foreign in the yard.

Me: "No!!" "No, Louie!"
Louie: continues to eat foreign object without even looking up.
Me: Squirt, squirt....
Louie: Jumps 5 feet in the air.
Me: giggle.
Louie: glare.
Louie: goes back to eating foreign object.
Me: "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Squirt, SQUIRT, SQUIRT.
Louie: spins around to look at me again and walks away with tail between legs.
Me: I win. :)

Squirt-gun training, day 2. Louie is barking for no reason whatsofuckingever.

Louie: woooof....wooof....woofwoofwoof!
Me: "Shut UP!"
Louie: woooof...wooof...woofwoofwoof!
Me: SQUIRT. "I said knock it off!"
Louie: runs.
Louie: Pisses. Spitefully. on carpet.
Me: "OH YOU LITTLE MOTHERF......." running with squirt gun in hand cussing so much and so loud that husband is wondering if he should call my therapist.
Louie: running more. wagging tail.
Me: running and squirting the squirt-gun at Louie, at the furniture, at the walls, still cussing. (its a great visual, is it not?)

Squirt-gun training, day 3. The miligrams on my Lexapro are getting a boost.
Quote of the day:

"I can't stand people who think they are better than everyone else - especially when I know I am far superior."

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Ouch.
Got the shots. One in each arm. Now they are sore. Think I'll go home. That sucked butt.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Uno Job-O
That's right folks....ONLY ONE JOB NOW for Crazydogmama! Last Friday was my last day at the restaurant. It feels very strange to have weekends to myself. I've worked at least 2 jobs since 1998. Whew. That was a long haul. I feel like I've retired or something. :)

Happy Father's Day to all you Fathers out there. I am feeling very blessed at the moment. I just had a barbecued tenderloin with shrimp and now I'm sitting on my back porch typing on my blog watching a beautiful sunset. My heart goes out to all the soldiers right now. Keep them in your prayers.

The view from where I'm sitting:


Friday, June 17, 2005

Tsunami!

No, wait, just kidding. Oops. I was causally driving my new SUV to work on Wednesday morning (butt-warmer ON, yes) when I heard this: "There has been a Tsunami warning issued for Oregon, Northern CA and parts of the Washington coast due to a 7.4 earthquake." Ummmm...holy crap. They just said it so calmly and matter-of-factly - similar to when they say "and it will be sunny and warm again today". NICE. Granted, it turned out to be no big deal, but still...

Looks like good 'ol Cali is shakin' again. Another earthquake (6.9) today - and Chile just had a 7.9. I think we are all getting a little complacent - about weather, about earthquakes, about the war in Iraq...there are things (unusual things) happenning all around us every day. and we are just thinking "and its going to be another sunny day today".

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Shots...and not the alcoholic kind.
I have to get SHOTS for work. Something about Blood Bourne Pathogen Training and Hep B and Tetnus SHOTs...blah blah blah SHOTS. WITH NEEDLES. SHIT. Crazydogmama no like SHOTS. I shuffle papers for fuck's sake...why do I need SHOTS? Apparently I'm a big 'ol wussy.

Monday, June 06, 2005

knock, knock, knock.....helloooo?

Is there anyone home? Sorry for the lack of updates as of late. Can you say BUSY? I knew you could. Everything in my life is changing. New job, new hair, new vehicle. I already told you about the new job - which is still THE SHIT. I love it. I got a brand new computer with a flat screen monitor, they fixed my farting chair, and we had "Sangria Friday", which was cool. I also got my hair cut and colored - AND....I bought an SUV! It is a black Saturn Vue, and its fully loaded. Leather seats, a butt warmer, sun roof, power everything...you name it. I am giddy with glee, I tell you. I'm wondering when all the wonderfulness is going to go away. Oh, and, on top of that - we are supposed to have a wicked thunder storm today! Weeeeeee!