Thursday, October 27, 2005

Here's Another One...

So appropriate.

Lethal Ogre from the Underground Isolated Earth

Just Us Monsters Over Here...

I totally stole this idea from Skwigg today, because everybody needs a monster decoder.

Cursed Hitchhiker-Eating Ravager from the Yellow Labyrinth

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Best Invention Since Bacardi

The "Tide To Go" pen. That's right, people. That new little stain remover pen that, in all it's glory, has become a staple for Crazydogmama's purse. Now I can pretend I'm normal and walk around with no food stains on my boobs!! Its so wonderful! I'm worried about my co-workers, though, they won't be able to make fun of me everyday. Well, actually, I'm sure they'll think of something. Its certainly not that difficult.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Wake Me When Its Over

feh. I feel like I crawled to work this morning. I refrained from stopping by my favorite little coffee stand today cuz I've just been too out of control with it. I'm having oatmeal and a protein shake instead. But.....need....caffeine.....ugh. My weekend ending up being way more busy than I thought it was going to be - so I am a total zombie this morning. I didn't get a damn thing done I wanted to get done - AND its leg/back-day today. That means squats, lunges and dead lifts. I'm a little whiny about that, but it needs to be done.

Jim took Billy to a haunted house this weekend, and I so wish I could have been there to see those two scream like girls. (I was having a girl's night out) Anyway, the house apparently had different rooms with different 'movie' type themes. One room was the exorcism of Emily Rose, one room was the little girl from poltergeist touching a T.V., one room was a mad doctor cutting some woman to pieces, one room was from 'The Saw' with two men chained up next to a dead body - and finally there was an actual well that had the girl from the ring crawling out of it. All thru the house people were grabbing at them and some guy was running around with a chainsaw. What fun I missed! :-D

Friday, October 21, 2005


Oh. My. God. Did anyone see the new episode of Southpark last night? I laughed so hard my stomach hurt.

Dude standing on top of his house in the flood:
"Hellooo?" "Anybody?" "We would like to be rescued now, please." "Any day now."

Buuwhaaahaahaa!! Jim and I must have rewound the TiVo like, 50 times. Then, the end. That's when I spewed pepsi out of my nose.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Wilma, Surface, and the Shambles That is My Kitchen
First things first. I read this morning that Hurricane Wilma is not only close to breaking records because we are on "W" in the alphabet already and hurricane season isn't even over yet, but it is actually the strongest hurricane on record now with sustaining winds at 175mph... went from 75mph winds to 175mph winds OVERNIGHT. What do you bet they have to reclassify this at a 'category 6' hurricane soon? Sheesh.

Surface. Why do I like that sappy-ass show? I was so excited when little Nimrod tapped on Miles' bedroom window, then crawled in bed with him. What I wouldn't give to have a little seamonster crawl in bed with me...

And finally, my poor kitchen. Last night, hubby and me decided that we wanted Thanksgiving food. We realize we will be making all of it again in a month, but we wanted it now. So we made it. Every single dish I own is somewhere dirty in the kitchen. On the stove, in the sink (stacked ever-so-carefully, mind you) on the table, EVERYWHERE. Burnt marshmellow dishes. and gravy spills. and little fragments of stuffing. I am not sure when we will be cleaning it up. Maybe never. Maybe we will buy new dishes. It is so utterly disgusting. But it was mighty tasty.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I am just not happy today. We took poor Magadog into the vet last night, and what do you know? She has 'dry eye', and some sort of major infection. $365 later...I'm in a pissy mood. The poor little thing is just having one issue after the other and I'm going bankrupt. I woke up so tired and depressed. Other than the vet trip, I'm not really sure why. I think I need a vacation or something. I haven't spoken to anyone yet today (physically) - its been more like "hello internet, how are you?"

Its dark and dreary outside - usually the kind of day I like, but not today. We aren't even having a Halloween party this year because its on a Monday, and everyone seems busy the weekend before. *sigh* no haunted garage this year. I just wanna go home and sleep. I think maybe I will.

Over and out.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Krusty, Technotronic and My Damn ipod
Aah, Monday morning, time to update my ipod for the work week. I have added the song "Tough" from "Technotronic". Don't laugh now, save it for when I tell you I used to teach aerobics in college and I used this song. For those of you have good musical taste and don't know what the hell I'm talking about, that song is from the "Pump up the Jam" album. Remember that song? Yeah. I'm also fighting with my ipod because itunes isn't doing what it is supposed to do. I have ZERO patience, and my coworkers are staying clear until I figure out wtf. (We all share our music and I'm nervous because I also uploaded an eminem song and AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds")

I'm also taking Mags to the vet AGAIN today. Criminy. That dog is such a problem child. Her little eyeballs are all crusty and goopy. We have been calling her Krusty McEyeballs. No wonder I never have any money.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

The 'Crazydogmama Combo' and Other Abnormalities
I have often wondered if my favorite pizza joint would add my pizza combo to their menu. It IS a small town. The 'Crazydogmama Combo' would include pepperoni, green pepper, jalepeno and pineapple; as-is, no substitutions. (Yes, pineapple, shut UP.) It is just like me - sweet and spicy. Ha! That way, I could just call up and say "Could I get the Crazydogmama Combo delivered please?" It would save so much time. My husband likes regular combos - like pepperoni, sausage, mushroom and olive. YUCK. Borrrrring. The up-side is I always have a whole pizza to myself. :)

With the exception of his bad taste in pizza, my husband is the SHIT. This morning as I was leaving the house, he handed me a CD that he made for me. (Awwww....) The cool thing about it is, the first song on it was "Eve of Destruction" by Barry McGuire. HOW SO VERY APPROPRIATE FOR ME! Other songs included "The Road to Hell" by Chris Rea, "Everybody Knows" by Leonard Cohen and "Song to the Siren" by This Mortal Coil. It is *so sweet* how my husband has embraced my insanity.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

They're coming to get me...
So last night my husband and I are having a ciggarette in the garage when we hear a very low flying helicopter. We didn't think too much of it at first since we live right next to a small airfield, but then we heard it again. We peaked our heads outside and lo and behold, there was a black helicopter hovering and circling our little housing development. Again, and again, and again. We saw other neighbors poke their heads out, too.

Now, you must understand, the conspiracy theorist in me was totally going bananas at this point.

I couldn't find anything about it coming off the internet wire, and Jim wouldn't let me call anyone to find out what it was. We figured there wasn't a looney on the loose because the helicopter wasn't shining any lights around or anything. I still have no idea what the hell....and it is BUGGING. THE. SHIT. OUT. OF. ME.

There is probably some rational explanation, but those are always famous last words, right?

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

New Phrases for Crazydogmama
Upon reading Diablo's new post, I have discovered some rather distasteful phrases THAT. I. LOVE. and here they are:

"...a vile whore who'd emerged from Satan's colon.."

"...big sweater muffins..." (referring here to big titties)

ROFLMAO!!!! Bigtime!!! What a talented writer she is. I could never come up with such colorful speech on my own. :)
Bark-Fest 2005
At approximately 5am this morning, all hell broke loose. Maggie sleeps with me every night - all cuddled up next to my butt, and the first time my alarm goes off - she barely lifts her head because she knows I will be hitting the snooze about 16 more times before I haul my ass out of bed. Louie was banned from the bed a few months ago because he likes to pee and act like a jerk if you so much as get a toe near him when he is sleeping. Well, the idiot that I am, decided to slowly give Louie back his bedroom privilages because I missed his furry little butt. It was working out OK until this morning.

For some reason, when my alarm went off the first time, Louie completely lost his mind. He jumped straight up, barked his head off, and when I rolled over to bash the snooze button he leaped off the bed and started barking LOUDER, which in turn sent Maggie into a tizzy. I screamed for them to shut up about 400 times to no avail. It was like they were barking at each other to shut up. They WOULD NOT STOP. 20 minutes went by and they were still barking as if someone was in the house trying to kill us. (Although they probably wouldn't bark for THAT.) I gave up and put the covers over my head. I forgot about my husband who had fallen asleep in his recliner in the front room.

All of a sudden my bedroom door FLEW open and the wrath of Jim began. First, he yelled at the dogs and sent them to their crates. When daddy speaks, everyone listens. I actually wanted to go into a crate. THEN, he yelled at me and wanted to know why I was letting them bark. Peeking my head out from under the warm covers, I managed a very innocent "I tried but they wouldn't stop". I knew it was lame. Jim retorted with "WHY DIDN'T YOU GET YOUR LAZY ASS UP AND PUT THEM IN THEIR CRATES?" Silence. Then I said "cuz it is too cold". I could feel his eyes on me boring through me like laser beams. "Sorry."

I'm thinking maybe I'll make him a nice dinner tonight so that he won't divorce me or barbecue the dogs. :)

Monday, October 10, 2005

Believe me yet?
Sumatra earthquake, Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Rita, Pakistan earthquake, bird flu epidemic preparation, the "Ramadan Offensive" terrorist threat. (Ramadan is Oct 4th through Nov. 2) I don't know about you, but when I was growing up - the news just wasn't this scary, ya know?

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I'm all Upset.
I just checked my "who links to me" statistics and a bunch of you who used to link me are not anymore and I'm all upset and wondering why. Now, the optimistic side of me is thinking that some people must have a bandwidth problem - or whatever you call it - and they have to minimize their links and its not personal. However, the realistic and very cynical side of me is thinking: "They hate me, I use the word "motherfucker" too often, I'm boring, I scare people with the earthquake rambles and I have to quit this blogging thing because it is upsetting my self esteem."

Ok, maybe that is the psychopathic, need-to-take-your-meds-now side of me, but still.

WTF, people? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? I have been flipping you all off via my computer screen all day. So there.

The weird thing is, I have received no hate-mail recently and my stats for # of visits is on the increase. Maybe I'm overreacting. Nah. I never do that.

Hey, do me a favor. Link to so that I can report to my therapist that all is well.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Why I am all pissy and cranky today
1. The doggie urine-cleaner I bought yesterday for 8 bucks exploded in my new SUV.
2. I was charged for 2 cases of diet coke at Costco instead on 1 (losing another 8 bucks), and there is not a FUCKING THING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.
3. My hair is all twirly and out of control.
4. I spilled olive oil on my shirt and can't get it out, and I'm walking around the office today looking like I'm lactating.
5. Its only Wednesday.
6. I'm not sick, but I am choking on my snot nonetheless.
7. I'm sweating even though it is 50 degrees out today.
8. My socks don't match.
9. My pants are too long.
10. I'm broke until the 14th.

Monday, October 03, 2005

I forgot about Earl!
That new show "My Name is Earl" rocks too...
New reasons to lay on the couch:
"Surface", "Invasion", "Supernatural", "Threshold" and "The Ghostwhisperer". Crazydogmama is in DVR heaven. I *really* like Surface and Invasion. You see, this is a big deal because I rarely watch regular T.V. Usually you find me on the internet with my eyes glazed-over or sleeping. I HATE, let me repeat H-A-T-E reality shows; although I've been known to watch "The Biggest Loser" on occasion. I tend to fast forward through most of the competion stuff and whining, though. I just don't give a shit if they get to talk to their family or if they are having a mental breakdown. Suzy downing the 48 milkshakes was cool, however - I totally wanted to hi-five her.