Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Somebody wake me when its over...
Holy crap I'm tired today. I almost fell asleep driving to work this morning. It was so bad that I actually had to slap myself! No kidding! The guy sitting at the stoplight next to me was probably laughing his ass off. I had the window down, the heat off and the radio blarring. It didn't help. I feel like someone has drugged me or something. I don't recall ever feeling this tired. It may be because this is my third double-shift in a row and I'm getting old, but I think my iron levels might be low too. I'm contemplating taking tomorrow off so that I can have a 5-day weekend (I don't usually work on Fridays unless its overtime), but I am so behind that I don't know if it will get approved. Writing in my blog is helping, I know. Anyway, that's the excitement for this week so far. It took two weeks for the makeup I ordered to come, so I have been eyelinerless and liplinerless for 3 days. I have come to the realization that those things are as necessary as air in my life. Being blonde from birth (mostly) - I have pretty light features. When not accented, I look invisible. Almost albino. Its very scary.

Monday, May 24, 2004

Asteroids, Comets and General Conspiracy Theories
Ok, I have to admit something to you all. I love searching for info about disaster predictions, dreams, visions and prophecies. Over the years, I have found a few very amusing sources. I take everything with a grain of salt of course, but I love this stuff as much as Skwigg loves ninja fighting. I've yet to have any visions of my own. Bummer. If I ever do though, you can bet your booty you'll see it right here on this blog! ;-)

My latest obsession is with the 3 comet/asteroid hit that is supposedly imminent. Sources seem to have the June - September 2004 window going on...

My favorite predictor is quite a fellow - it is most likely a big hoax, but it is amusing to read nonetheless.

Is anyone still questioning the "Crazy" in Crazy Dogmama"? hehe

P.S. If this blog disappears suddenly...run!

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Why I don't want (and shouldn't have) kids

Note: I don't hate all kids, I just don't want any. I love my step son - we get along great. He is going to teach me more about web page design. I get asked all the time if I am planning to have kids. When I repy no, I get a ration of crap on how it would be different if it was my own, I need to contribute to society, it would make me less self centered, etc., etc., etc. Contribute to society? Bah! and who wants to be less self centered? That's no fun at all...

When I get home from my 10-16 hour work days, all I want to do is have a drink and fall asleep. I don't make dinner, I don't do laundry, I really don't do anything. I like it that way. (I do give Lou & mags all the belly scratching they want)

If the kid was bad, or if I wanted to go see a movie, I would want to put it in a crate. Society tends to frown on this. Plus, I would need a bigger crate.

I swear a lot.

I don't think babies are cute. I am afraid of them. My first instinct is to pet them. I run and hide (literally) when friends of mine have babies and want me to "see" them.

I spend a lot of time naked when I am at home.

I would have more pictures of the dogs than the kid in my wallet. My step son has just recently come to terms with my dog obsession. It took 12 years.

Its all about me.

I didn't like kids when I WAS a kid. What makes you think I'd like them now?

I am politically incorrect. Could you see me at a PTA meeting?

Kids slow me down at Disneyland.

I don't like cartoons or kiddie movies. (Except South Park)

When I want to take a nap, I TAKE A NAP.

When asked by a kid if they can have chocolate milk, or candy instead of dinner, or Mountain Dew instead of water or milk....I say "sure". I lead by example, and I don't like confrontation.

Giving birth has been compared to kidney stones. I've had kidney stones. That's enough.

EVERY SINGLE MOM I KNOW is absolutely thrilled when they get a day "without the kids". They are downright giddy about it. That really makes me go hmmmmmm...

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

There is something wrong with me.
I just bought a rubber stamp that says: "I kiss my dog on the lips".

Monday, May 17, 2004

Oops.
My husband is going to kill me. I was so in a hurry this morning (and half asleep) that I took Jim's keys instead of mine. Usually it wouldn't be that big of deal since we have duplicate keys on our keyrings, BUT, my set of keys were in my purse. Yep, that's right - I have both sets today. We have never made any extra keys to leave in the house, being the total irresponible idiots that we are. We live about a 1/2 mile from Jim's work, but I'm not sure how thrilled he is going to be about walking. Crap. I am an hour away. I just left a message because he sleeps until 11am. I'll have to give him a backrub or something...

Friday, May 14, 2004

Eyedrops Suck.
Did you ever watch that episode of Friends where Rachel freaks out and gets pinned down on the floor because she can't give herself (or let anyone else give her) eyedrops? That's me, totally. It freaks me out to let anything touch my eyes. I could never wear contacts. It was interesting last night when I was trying to give myself eyedrops for my pink eye. I close my eye JUST as the drop falls. The drop runs down my face like a tear. Damn. I try again. Same thing. I try holding my eye open. I freak out and drop the eye dropper-thingee in the sink, let out a shriek, then start cussing myself out. The dogs bark at me when I shriek. I gotta figure out how to tell the doctor I need another presciption because it takes almost the whole bottle to give myself one dose. I am supposed to do this 4 times a day for a week. Yeah, right. Just take my eye out now - save the hassle.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Pink Eye!!!
That's right, folks! Crazydogmama has Pink Eye! Yucky! I'm quarrantined at the moment while my eye produces goo. At first I thought it was allergies, but then two of my co-workers were sent home with it, so I decided to go to the doctor. Yup, got it. Can't go to the restaurant tonight - (bummer! hehe.) It kinda feels like I have an eyelash stuck in my eye - and when I wake up in the morning, I have eye-crusties from hell. I am supposed to go to a "Passion Party" tomorrow night, but I'm not sure if anyone will want me touching the sex toys. ha!

TV Blues
There is nothing on TV that I want to watch. Sigh. Since Friends has ended, I think I've turned the TV on once. I loathe, LOATHE reality shows. Now, before you start spitting on your computer screen at me, I don't loathe the people that WATCH them, just the shows themselves. They really irritate me for some reason. American Idol, Survivor...all of them. It is just way too frustrating for me to watch. I seem to have the opposite opinion of the general public, so the the whole voting thing just sends me into a fit. I know that Friends is "mainstream"..but it really just crackes me up. I own all the seasons that have been released so far. Pathetic, huh? I guess I'm just stuck with Netflix for now since I'm a movie-junkie. Whatever you do, DON'T rent Elvira's Haunted Hills...really lame. Elvira, Mistriss of the Dark, however, rocked. :) Maybe I should be Elvira this year for Halloween??

Monday, May 10, 2004

Mocha Madness - Riding in Cars with Dogs part II
So, on Mother's Day I decided to take the dogoids with me to my mom's house. (Jim went to his mom's house by himself - we didn't have enough time to do both sets of parents together.) As you know, riding in the car is not the most calm experience with Louie and Maggie. DumbAssDogMama decided that because her head was pounding from a headache, some caffeine was in order - so I stopped at one of those drive-thru espresso stands. Once I put on the emergency break, (this is the queue for the dogs to launch) Louie dives for the window on my side - right across my lap. Pushing the fur away from my face trying to get Louie off of me, I manage to spurt out "Could I get an iced mocha with whip, please?". The girl in the coffee box was holding back laughter, I could tell. Maggie then starts her ear-piercing "oh my GOD a NEW person" squeal. As I am trying to dig money out of my purse, I am yelling at the dogs to sit, get down, shutup, sit and stay - none of which is working. The barista girl hands me my mocha, and I put it in my cup-holder telling the dogs to "stay out of it". She also hands me 2 milkbones. (What a sweetheart) Thinking the dogs are now occupied with the treats, I hand her my money. I TURN AWAY FOR ONE SECOND and BOOM!....there is Louie face-down in my mocha. I scream "NO! NO! NOOOOOO!" That's MAMA'S MOCHA!" Louie raises his fuzzy little head, and reveals his whipp-creamed nose. He has on his little doggie smile and it looks like he is ready to shave. The barista girl is now busting up. I just give up.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Fun Stuff on a Stupid Day

I stole this idea from a site I just found:

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:

"Or try multigrain, oat and bran, rye, or whole wheat breads." This is from my lunch-time purchase of "The South Beach Diet Cookbook". I'm getting sick of my Eating for Life Cookbook. Is it OK to drink a mocha frappuccino while glancing through a diet cookbook?

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?

My other purchase of "Burt's Bees Body Lotion". It smells just like the coconut oil I used to wear to the beach. MMMMMM.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

The news. Boooooring.

4. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is.

2:45pm.

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?

2:49pm. I am at work, whadya expect?

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Machinery. I work at a manufacturing plant.

7. When did you last step outside? what were you doing?

Lunchtime. I went to the bookstore, the bank, got a frappuccino and bought a bra. What do YOU do on your lunch break?

8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at?

I was catching up on my favorite bloggers.

9. What are you wearing?

A rusty orange colored v-neck cotton shirt, black slacks and black leather shoes.

10. Did you dream last night?

Yes, I remembered it when I woke up, but I can't remember now. They have been quite interesting lately - I should write them down.

11. When did you last laugh?

When my husband called me on my lunch break. I was at the drive-thru at the bank, and I had just put on my new Burt's Bees hand lotion. I was making a deposit. I told my husband to hold on while I sent it through. The teller was chatty and asked me if I had just been tanning because she could smell coconuts. I exclaimed "Oh my God - you can smell my hand lotion through those tube thingees??? She busted up laughing and so did my husband. She said "No, I can smell it on your checks." My husband said to me: "I love you. You make me laugh." I realized what a bonehead I sounded like and started laughing and couldn't stop.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

A clock. A calendar. An inspirational picture. My office sucks.

13. Seen anything weird lately?

I see something weird about every 10 minutes. The last thing I saw was someone washing a plastic fork in the kitchen sink. ???? Aren't you supposed to throw those things away?

14. Last movie you saw?

10.5. Lame. But I do love disaster movies. Can't wait for "The Day After Tomorrow".

15. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?

A completely restored black 1967 RS SS Camaro. No, actually, FIRST I'd probably buy some Ibuprofen from the bump I got on my head from falling over from shock.

16. Tell me something about you that I don't know.

I can barf on queue. Talented, aren't I?

17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

That question makes my brain hurt. I don't freakin' know.

18. Do you like to dance?

Yes, but not in public. I like to dance naked in front of the dogs. They seem to enjoy it.

19. George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?

I don't 100% agree with everything he has done, but generally, I am a supporter. It is a good thing I am not President because I would have just nuked Iraq. I went to an AC/DC concert back in 91' - and they were selling "Fuck Iraq" t-shirts. I should have bought one.

20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

A total accident. I would name her either Ellie (short for Elsie which was my grandma's name) or Riley.

21. [Same question for a boy]

Wyatt. That was my maiden name.

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Yes. But I like America, so I wouldn't stay there long.
Twilight Zone Tower of Terror!
oooohhhhhh...I need to go on that new ride! I haven't been to the Disneyland Resort since Christmas of 2001. That is WAY.TOO.LONG. for me!!! I am a complete Disneyland junkie. I am waiting for the new Space Mountain to open up in 2005 before I book a trip. That is my favorite ride, and it would just be too sad to go if I couldn't make that my first (and last) ride. Its tradition..and you don't monkey with tradition. Still, though, I want to go bad. I feel like just getting in the car...and going. I hate being an adult. All this responsibility shit sucks.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Wet Dog Contest

Heehee...Maggie loves to play in the lake, but she flips out during bath time. Jim has to do it because I can't keep her still. This past bathtime event was too funny for words. While Maggie was thrashing around in the bathtub, Louie, who if you recall hides behind the toilet when I say "bath", jumped INTO the bathtub to rescue Maggie! Now THAT'S love!! I am not going to talk about the fact that Louie had already received his grooming beforehand, and so got completely messed up doing that. Ahh, the joys of being a dogmama.

Look at that tongue! Is that the doggie equivalent of flipping me off?

Sunday, May 02, 2004

Bees and Neighbors
It is quite difficult to find the motivation to blog when things are so completely uneventful. There are days when I could write a novel about the drama that is my life, then there are days when all I have to say is feh. This is one of those days. The most exciting thing about this weekend so far is that I had my last scrapbooking workshop for awhile. We had pizza and mudslides (mmmm) and got drunk on the mudslides. We got nothing accomplished - it was basically just a bunch of women sitting around drinking and bitching with pictures laid out in front of them. The dogs have been romping in the grass with all the sunny weather, but we have a major wasp problem this year, so mostly I run in and out of the house making sure the dogs don't get stung. There is much yelling: "Stop eating grass, there could be a bee in there!! Stop rolling, there might be a bee under you!! Get away from the bees!!" I guess you could say I'm a little overprotective. :) I, myself, am terrified of bees. I am very allergic to them, and of course have never purchased a bee kit. My husband calls me "Dances with Bees".

Speaking of yelling, I just thought of something funny. My beloved neighbors (huh.) have decided to build a gigantic monstrosity in their backyard, probably specifically to annoy me. It is this big cedar swingset/playset for their little beasts. I found out that the wife (who I refer to as Skeletor because she looks just like him. Can you say ugly skinny?) is thinking of starting a daycare at her home. Apparently, God hates me. Can you imagine Crazy Dogmama living next to a frigging daycare? Help me now. Anyways, the other day Skeletor and some other stupid woman had 5 kids back there playing and I, of course, was yelling at the dogs to watch out for bees. I said something like "Get your fuzzy little asses in here!!" Two kids started crying, and the other three looked at me like they were "Godsend" children. The two adults glared. I hope they all get stung. Here is a picture of the damn thing: