Friday, December 31, 2004

Can you say blog sloth? Yeah, that's me lately. I have just not been in the mood to type or do anything requiring brain power. Not that I use my brain when blogging, mind you. There has not been anything blog-worthy going on anyway. We raked it in at Christmas - and have been lazy peanut-butter-cup-eating grumps ever since. I'm throwing out the cigarettes on Monday, (again) and I'm scared shitless that I will gain weight. I have enough weight, thank you.

For New Years, I'm working at the restaurant. (insert sympathy, here.) While everyone else gets to party, I'm the one serving YOU. Remember that. Remember the next time you go out on a holiday, and you're all dressed up and drinking yourself into a stupor...someone made that drink. Someone is making sure YOU are having a good time. Tip them accordingly. Thank you. Done ranting.

I know I'm in a crappy mood. Its just that my computer crashed, and I have to go back to the other job on Monday (the 10-hour-a-day office job) after having 2 weeks off. Its been great, but the whole going-back thing sucks. One can get very used to doing nothing. Especially me. I'm really good at it.

Happy 2005 to ya all...hope its a great year for you!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

He *really* wants to open a present...

...but I won't let him. Mean Crazydogmama.

Merry Christmas Everybody!

Consider this your Christmas card:

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

For any of you who have been reading my blog for any length of time, will know that this is SO TOTALLY ME ON THE TREADMILL. You will die lauging. I did.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Another thing...
I'm starting to wonder if these people might be on to something, too. You have to remember that we live in a scary, deceitful and evil world.
Conspiracy Fun
So, I was cruising through all the websites I am obsessed with this morning, and I ran across this statement made by Stephen Benning from Watchmen Prophet Assembly:

The US has a new Delta 4 Heavy Lifter Rocket scheduled to blast off from Cape Canaveral on Sunday. This rocket is capable of lifting 13 tons of payload, and is designed to be able to reach the ISS (International Space Station). Meanwhile, NASA is using Russia's Progress 16 cargo rockets to carry food and water to the ISS since the Shuttle was grounded. The Progress can carry only about 3 tons of cargo. So, this new Delta 4 can carry 4 times the cargo.

Now, on another front, the speculation is that if the Progress 16 cannot get to the Space Station as scheduled on December 25, the astronauts on board the ISS are going to have to get on board the attached Soyuz spacecraft and evacuate.

The ZETA's and GLP people (conspiracy theorists) have been going nuts with predictions about Planet X (a big asteroid headed toward earth) and that the ISS is being evacuated because of its near approach.

So far, every comment I had read on the subject was really not making any sense. I could understand that they simply had no way to get the cargo up to the station if the Russian ship couldn't go.

Then, I read tonight about the Delta 4.

What is wrong with this picture?

Well, the Delta 4 heavy lifter is going up WITH NO PAYLOAD, only a dead weight. I have read some of the other questions regarding why the ISS evacuation is being discussed, but when I saw this article about the Delta 4 heavy lifter going up tomorrow, I had no answer. Perhaps someone like Terry Wilson can tell me why NASA could not have used the maiden voyage of the Delta 4 heavy lifter to take food and water up to the ISS? The only answer I have is that they might not want a new ship, with a new design, getting near the ISS. That is the only possibility I can think of. So now, I have to join in and ask:

WHY IS NASA TALKING ABOUT EVACUATING THE ASTRONAUTS FROM THE ISS? WHAT IS GOING ON? What is being released to the public seemingly makes no sense at all!

Things that make you go hmmmmm......

Monday, December 13, 2004

Just pour your coffee...
So, at the coffee machine today someone said to me: "You look tired today." I said:

My vacation is getting closer...
In four days, I will embark on a 17-day MUCH NEEDED vacation. My brain is almost completely fried (and NOT from substances) and I just don't think I can take much more. I have been working 7 days a week for a month now, and I'm starting to hallucinate. I couldn't even get out "24 oz triple iced soy mocha with whip, please" this morning. Thank God they already knew what I wanted. This is serious, folks.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't know what day it was. I knew to go to work, though. Sad.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

What'dya think???

More thanks to Annie on this one...

Holiday Eating Tips:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Ok, I'm feeling festive now.

I'm grumpy as all hell. Who invented Christmas lights? They should be shot. Our tree is shaped all funny and looks bent at the top. Got all the lights on it, and OF COURSE they didn't all work. Took the lights off and put more on. Now, because of a nice little mother-fucking windstorm, half of the lights on my house don't work. Our house looks retarded. How fitting.

Went to get the oil changed in my car. I was expecting to pay about 30$ for the full service. It cost $300 because there were several things wrong with it. Of course. Now the Christmas budget is blown. Nobody is getting shit. Then, after all was fixed on the car, on the way home I RAN OVER A DOG. Yes, that's right folks, Crazydogmama hit and killed a poor defenseless dog. I am horrified and depressed. and a piece on my car is bent. DAMN IT. This will be FOUR animals I have now hit with my car in 3 years. Two deer, two dogs. Just call me the grim reaper.

Are you in the holiday spirit now? Good. I thought so. Meh.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Thanks, Annie

Dear Abby,

My husband is not happy with my mood swings. The other day he bought me a mood ring so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

Bitchy in Sultan