Out of Control and Over the Edge
Not me this time; the dogs. Well, actually, me too now that I think about it. Louie may have slept his last night in my bed. Sunday night at about 1am, we all curled up (the dogs and I - Jim was still watching T.V.) in the bed. Cozy-cozy. Maggie at the foot of the bed, and Louie on my left next to my belly. We slowly drifted off into zzzz land....
A short while later, I had to roll over because my arm was going numb. I butt-bumped Louie. Startled the shit out of him. He growled at me for such a rude awakening. Maggie attacked him for growling at me. (She's VERY protective, and hates violence.) Louie attacked her back, for once. and peed. ON.MY.BED....AGAIN. He didn't just dribble either, he really let that bladder goooo. I popped up out of bed and shoved the dogs over the edge of the bed. I was *so* mad. The dogs knew it, too, because they didn't know whether to shit or go blind at this point.
It then occurred to me that I would have to clean this mess up quietly without telling Jim. Why, you ask? Because he was not a big supporter of the dogs sleeping on the bed in the first place, AND, it just so happens that Louie peed on Jim's side of the bed. Oops..shhh...don't tell Daddy. My hopes were that Jim would fall asleep in his recliner tonight, as he so frequently does. Oooh....pleeez...God....I will get so in trouble. I feel 10 years old all over again.
I have to somehow get the Nature's Miracle and a towel without Jim noticing. Tip-toe, tip-toe. Got it. Dogs still hiding in the corner. Good. After I realized that I grabbed one of Jim's golf towels, I panicked. I cannot use a golf towel to clean up dog pee if I want to live. Now what do I do? That was the only towel in the cupboard. All others are in laundry room on the other side of the house. Craaap. The only thing left to do (all the while the pee is soaking into my bed) is use my own clothes. Some old t-shirts - yeah, that'll work.
Now that I have 4 t-shirts that reek of Nature's Miracle and dog urine, what do I do with them? Didn't think of that. I must have stood in the bedroom holding those t-shirts for 10 minutes trying to think of something. Uh-oh. Hear....foot...steps....QUICK! Threw t-shirts, jumped into still-wet-bed. (ick!!) Jim walks in.
Jim: "What the hell are you doing?"
Me: "Oh, the dogs were fighting."
Jim to dogs: "Get in your crates!" (Dogs run to their crates in the office.)
Jim: "What are you doing with the Nature's Miracle?" (He saw it sitting on the vanity table)
Me: "Uuhhh, cleaning up pee?"
Jim: "They peed on the floor too??" (getting angry)
Me: "Uhhhhhhhhhhh....uh-huh." (big liar-head)
Shaking his head, Jim leaves the room. WOOHOO! I did it!! I get up and wipe off my soggy ass, put a bunch of old clothes on top of pee-spot and climb back in. Its not so bad. I'll just tell him in the morning when he is half asleep. Yeah, I'll do that.
Couldn't sleep. Gee, I wonder why? Got up and had a cigarette. Talked to Jim for awhile like nothing has happened. Decide to go back to bed. Jim says he is going to bed too and follows me down the hallway. Uh-oh. Think! Think! Can't think of anything. Get into bed. Jim changes his clothes and gets ready to crawl in bed. I can't do it. I tell him.
I'll let him calm down before I explain myself.